Acorns 2 Oaks

Dear Stephen

2012-01-25T15:57:00.006-05:00

I am so excited to write you this letter. I dream of the day when you can write back to me. You have grown so much in the past 2 months. We've always known a lot about you, Stevie. We've known how you like cows and trucks and trains. We've known by watching you and spending time with you. Now, it is even more exciting to get to know our boy ...because now, we are hearing from you! We are for the first time getting a glimpse of some of those thoughts going on inside you. We are learning your favorite songs in Sunday School are the "cluck" song (Days of the Week with cluck sounds) and the "J" song ...or you sort of say "A" (J.E.S.U.S. song). A couple of weeks ago was the first time you have responded to our questions with more than a "yes" or "no" or "ok." Grandma asked you about singing in Sunday School, and you told us "cluck." Then one night before bed, I asked you what you did with Daddy downstairs (while I was on the phone). You shared about "trains" how they "bump" and "bump in the house" (a little game you play with Daddy). We're so proud of you. We didn't even know you could say "house." You laughed and laughed to us on Daddy's lap because we were FINALLY undertanding you. It was a moment I hope never to forget. Our first conversation.

I can't tell you how thankful I am to the Lord to see your bright eyes and hear word after new word bubbling out of your sweet mouth. A light switch has been turned on within you the past couple of months (the day we started those probiotics). We still have our challenges and struggles, but Stevie, you are working hard and doing so well. We have a God who hears and answers our prayers.

A couple of weeks ago, you were having a difficult week and so was I. Your behavior is often affected with the struggles you have verbally and within. When days are hard for you, they are hard on me. There's just so much in you that wants to come out, and I know that. In church during the worship singing that week, I was struck that we are going to learn together how to persevere and praise God through these unique trials. Your Dad and I have had some heavy challenges in our marriage, but God has always been faithful. We have been praying for your communication and development, and sometimes I admit, I could only pray with tears because I didn't know the words to say. You know what, Stevie? God heard those tears as prayers. Jesus intercedes for us when we don't have the words or don't know how to ask God for help. So, if God hears my tears, He most certainly hears yours! He most certainly knows every thought you have and every word you want to say but can't. When we don't understand you, Stevie, God does. When you feel alone, He is always there. Oh, He's a great and loving God, Stephen. He knows everything about you, and how often I rest in that. I rest in knowing our loving Creator, the One who knit you together in my womb, is for us and not against us, and has overcome the world. Oh, how I claim those truths of Who He is, for you and for me.

As we walk through these challenges, I pray that God meets you in such an intimate way in your little heart and mind, and I can't wait to hear all about it when you've grown. May your strength, perseverance, and confidence come through Him. He's already working in you, Stevie, as a 2 year old boy. He's answering our prayers and is deeply involved and invested in your young life. I cannot wait to see what more He does in you and through you. You are a gift, my Stephen, a gift of immeasurable value. Remember, your name means crowned gift of God. James 1:12 is on your name board, "Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him." So, as we hit the bumps in the road, let's remember how far he's brought us. Let's build an altar of thankfulness for Who He is, what He's done, and what He is yet to do. And then, with His help and grace, we will keep pressing on.

Love always and forever through the sunshine and the rain,
Mom

Shopping with little ones

2012-01-07T11:17:00.003-05:00

Shopping with little ones...maybe I could write a series.

It was a family ordeal last week when we went shopping together at Target. It is our go-to place for diapers, wipes, and formula. When Matt is graciously shopping with us, Stevie doesn't ride in the cart. When I'm on my own (which is often the case), both kiddos are in the cart.

Anyway, we got what we needed and were headed on our way to check out. Stevie is always super thrilled to be walking and exploring rather than being contained in a shopping cart. He likes to touch everything he sees. Yes, we are at that stage.

We were walking through the little (but bigger than my boy) boys section where the socks and undies are hanging on the wall. Stevie seemed to admire the Batman underwear and sock set though he has no idea who Batman is. However, something else quickly took his attention. One of the small metal loopy rods that hang articles on the walls was on the floor. "What a treasure," Stevie must've thought, as he picked it up ...and then proceeded to use it to pick his nose. Oy. "You need to put that down, and we do not pick our nose...with ...anything!"

So, if you find yourself walking through the aisles of Target and you see one of those metal rods, you probably better not touch it. Or, if you're in search of one, ask for their special extra long metal nose picker. Maybe Stevie needs a little more time in the shopping cart.

Lydia's 1st Christmas

2011-12-28T11:41:00.017-05:00

I thought I'd share some of our Christmas pictures while a squirmy 8 month old tries to type her own message on here:

Yes, it was Lydia's 1st Christmas which makes things extra exciting. Our kids together are the dynamic duo (if you haven't already noticed in the pictures) and to remember this year, I decided to put some of their shared moments to song.

Lydia's 12 Days of Christmas:

On the 12th day of Christmas my Big Bro gave to me

12 goodnight kisses
11 Thomas re-runs
10 tickling fingers
9 mismatched socks
8 early wake-ups
7 bonked heads
6 swigs of apple juice
5 cups of puffs

4 pulled out hair bows

3 racecar sleepers (hand-me-downs of course)
2 candy pez
and a wrapped chocolate kiss fished-out by mom

We had a wonderful Christmas. It was probably one of my favorite ones so far as a little family. It was simple, and we all enjoyed dressing up for Church Christmas morning (Stevie and Daddy in matching shirts and almost matching ties). Lydia gave us the biggest reaction to her gifts, which surprised us, haha. Stevie sure got into the giving part a little too much...with the candy, juice, and puffs. Whenever I hear, "Here a go" (horray for another sentence!), I need to go see what's being given away. "We share our toys not our food and cups." Apparently, Stevie was more into the Pez dispenser than the candy itself, so I guess it was an "easy" giveaway. They are becoming more interactive (which is definitely a wonderful thing) and it's so much fun to see.

Stevie's Christmas Miracle

2011-12-22T07:39:00.004-05:00

Over the past 2 weeks, we have seen some amazing changes in our boy. We don't really know what's going on in his little body that are causing some delays, but I do have my hunches. We have started him on probiotics and vitamins. We started 2 weeks ago. His changes began 2 weeks ago as well. Coincidence or not, Stevie is improving, and we are thanking the Lord.

His mood is so much happier and playful. The brightness in his eyes and face seems to have "come back." (I hadn't talked about this with anyone but Matt and my mom, but I had noticed in his pictures that they just weren't capturing my boy the way I see him. It worried me, it made my heart ache. His smile and eyes were back for our family Christmas pictures. I can't tell you how I cried with Matt over those pictures. That's my boy in there.) He's trying to talk to us. He still speaks in his own language as he used to, but he is saying so much more in "English." I have my little list of his words from before beginning Early Intervention, and now his updated list of his vocabulary. He has said more words these past 2 weeks than he has his whole life. I waited almost 2 1/2 years to hear him say, "Mom" (which has become "Mommy"). Matt waited even longer to hear "Daddy." I know some parents of children are still waiting...years and years, and that pulls on my heart deeply. Typically, he would call my name and then jabber in his language. He had some words like, train, plane, truck. Single words, expressive words (wow!), and "Mommy" were what made up his "English." He said, "Where are you?" for the first time when he was 17 months old, and he never went past that, and lost it too. He now, at 30 months, has some short phrases/sentences again. "I want help" (this helps him so much), "Where'd go?" "Here we go!" Yeah, he likes to "go." Signing...for just a few words....and his jargon are more his thing.

Two days ago, Stevie helped me bake cookies. He loves the dumping and mixing of ingredients. I think he ate his weight in chocolate chips, but he had a great time. The cookies came out of the oven, I set them on the counter to cool, and he said it. He said, "Mommy, I want ookie." I could've cried. Never before had he put my name in front of an English sentence. Never before had he desired a need or want with a full sentence. And, I think he's only said "cookie" once before then. He only wants to sign it. You better believe that boy got a cookie even though it was almost lunch time!

Yesterday, we had a rough day at Kids Gym, and I asked him if he wanted to go. "I want go." Do you want to go home? "I want go home." For us, this is huge. This is amazing. He has started telling me, "I need change." He has never cared about a messy diaper in the past, and now he's telling me with words! He's also able to say, "drink", "juice", "milk", "snack", "lunch"....and so much more. At speech last week, I was telling his therapist about the changes we were noticing. I was praying he would show her. He often shows us better than his hour with her. That week, he said more words and had no tantrums with her. No throwing himself on the floor when the challenges were too much or he was unsure of what she wanted...or being unable to communicate his wants. There were three times the expectations or challenges were a bit much for him. Instead of throwing himself down on the floor, he reached up to Sophie with arms out for a hug. I observed from the other room with tears. This is my boy.

We still have our struggles and challenges. We aren't out of the woods yet. We finally had his OT evaluation, and he will be getting those services. We have other appointments yet. But, Stevie is improving, and we pray it continues.

Probably my most cherished moment (well, maybe it's tied with the cookie sentence) has occurred twice. I enjoy a good 7th Heaven episode, haha, and Stevie cues in to the theme song. He's always liked music. Sometimes he'll bob his head to it. Well, I'm sure you've all heard the theme song. Two different times now over the past 2 days, he has sung one word. "Go." "Where will you go when the world won't treat you right? The answer is home. That's the one place that you'll find 7th heaven." He has never sung before. Matt and I stared at each other with jaws dropped. He has the sweetest voice, holding that little note. "Wow, good singing Stevie. Mommy loves to hear your voice." And, I think that song is sort of just right for him these days. And go figure, he likes the word "go." The other time he sang it was the same word "go" or it was the "home." I can't remember because they sound similar and have the same long note.

His little voice singing. His sentences telling me his wants and needs. His bright smiling face. Prayers being answered. My boy is my Christmas miracle.

Table Time

2011-12-08T09:00:00.002-05:00

I mentioned in an earlier post I've been doing what we call, "Table Time" with Stevie most weekday mornings. It's usually during Lydia's morning nap. Here is a list of things we've been doing. I take out his little art caddy I got in those dollar bins at Target, and inside are 2 or 3 "options" (unless it's a baking project, water time, or oats and trucks...he only needs that "one" option). He can do one of them or all of them...his choice.

*Oats in a pan with construction trucks, cups, spoons, etc. He would do this one every day if I let him! (I definitely use this one on days I want to try to get something accomplished!)

*Coloring books/pages, crayons, and markers.

*Bingo Markers and paper or coloring pages for "dot" art. Stevie likes this one, but it's messy. The dot markers aren't as easy to wash off him.

*Magnetic letters and a tin.

*Tonka mini cars and trucks and a road play mat.

*Can with pipe cleaners. (He does have a tear line on his face...sometimes, he gets frustrated, but this kind of activity is really up his alley.)

*Pom-pom container with holes.
Several of these ideas came from this blog...she has SUPER ideas!

*Animal cards and oatmeal container with slit to put the cards in and take them out.

*Water tub and water toys, cups, etc.

*Play doh and accessories.

*Crafts: Crayola's website has some good ones. We often are making trucks and trains...go figure. This fall, we made a finger leaf tree (and I did this with my 1 year old Sunday School class too, so cute!): http://sbcreatively.blogspot.com/2010/10/handprint-fall-colors-tree.html Today I have a little painting project to do, so I'm giving him a wooden ornament (left over from ones we did in Children's Church last year) to paint while I paint.

*Oh, yes, he has a pocket chart! I love it. It's a very small one...from once again, the Target bins at the beginning of the school year. He has a verse on there (we hope to change up once he's able to memorize and share), pictures of his family members and names, and usually Thomas trains to move around. Now, he has a nativity scene he helped make. He mostly did the gluing because glue sticks are his thing. Of course, he decided he still needed a Thomas train up...so Percy or whoever is behind the stable.

*Baking...he helps with brownies or cookies, and then I often give him another little bowl of some flour to play in with measuring cups and spoons.

*Magnetic pen and balls (This was like a dollar from the Christmas Tree Shops...a favorite store!)

*Curlers...not to put in his hair, hehe. He can take the sponges on and off the plastic holder...eventually, he can do more of the snapping closed too.

*When there are 2 or 3 options in the bin, there is usually one of the activities listed above and then often a coloring page, a book, or some matchbox cars reserved for Table Time. This way, we don't go through the "fun" activities or "different" activities as quickly and there are several days before repeating. We also start with snack, which takes care of that, and adds a little more time.

I'm sure there are others, so I'll do a post again in the future with new things. If you have a toddler, go ahead and try some of these. They really have been wonderful in our house. We now have a cupboard in the kitchen reserved for Table Time activities. Stevie gets a little time with me or on his own that is a bit more structured, and when he's busy working on his own, I can get some dishes done.

"All of Me"

2011-11-04T11:44:00.009-04:00

I'm not really sure how to start this post. I'm trying to tread lightly in some ways but still record my honest heart. We are going through some "new" areas with our dear Stevie. Since around the time before Lydia was born, he has shown more and more sensory "issues" I'll call them. Please forgive my vagueness for the time being. Like I said, I want to tread a bit lightly for now. So, add the sensory issues to his severe speech delay, and add that to some "low-tone" we've seen in him and are now just discovering that it has a name, we have had a lot to muddle through, think about, research, and pray about. While looking more into these things, I could not believe the connections of many of his symptoms. It was extremely eye-opening. I am not by any means quick to use terms for labeling. I don't want to jump to conclusions or diagnoses. However, I do not want to ignore things which may lead to regret later on. Stevie is a happy, expressive, lovable, caring, and fun little boy. He has the most cheerful belly laugh I've ever heard, and his eyes are full of life. He has been in Speech Therapy for a couple of months, and sort of oddly enough, his sensory issues have become more pronounced and reared their heads in other ways since beginning. Upon his original evaluation, they noted some of those issues, but I was told they were not "getting in the way," and all that he needed was Speech. As of late, we are seeing the opposite to be true.
To be completely honest, this is a road not without fears. I keep holding onto his his engaging eyes and trying to hear that laugh as often as I can...because I love them, and I confess, part of me worries that they may fade. I worry his expressiveness and interaction may fade before my very eyes and be lost in a world his own. How often I have heard the stories of having a happy "normal" baby born, and as time went on, the child regressed. I do not want the difficulties he's having to grow further in the way of his development. I am so thankful for his Speech Therapist, as she's sort of walking us through this, helping as an outside perspective, and working hard for us. He is making some progress in the speech sessions (and in our regular days), which is so thrilling...it's just little bits of slow progress, but thrilling nonetheless. I sit in the other room while he's with his Speech Teacher, and the little positive things I hear and see, literally bring me tears of thankfulness and encouragement. Sometimes, he'll catch my eye in pure delight from a moment of his own progress, and we'll smile together. You see, I love my little boy with all my heart. I want him to live a full, happy, normal (I guess whatever that means) life. I believe every loving parent desires the same, right? No one wants their child to have any more challenges in life than are already there. I think the child would certainly appreciate that as well.
So, at this time, we are seeking as many services as we can for our little guy, such as possibly OT and PT and a visit to the Developmental Pediatrician on top of Speech Therapy. All of this takes a little time as it's a process full of evaluations and set-ups. This may just be the boost he needs or the more intensive help that will mean a hopefully better life later on. We're trying to find that balance in our minds and emotions. I had never even heard this song by Matt Hammitt before last week (well, I think I may have heard it, but it wasn't until last week that I really paid attention), and boy, has it just been my heart as we love on our little boy and work with him.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ARIe3PUgu84

I have so much to be thankful for, and I am so thankful... for my healthy children and a loving husband who is home and with us. This is not meant to sound extreme and certainly not insensitive- others are going through far greater challenges and trials, just as this song is actually written about. But for me, sometimes the unknowns can be intimidating and scary for sure, but I am so thankful I am in direct connection with the loving Creator of my son, and I know He is not finished with any of us yet. I will do all I can for his and his sister's (and any other children He sees fit to give us) growth and development. Father, hold our hands and our hearts and don't let them go... and may I pour all I have into my family.

Webcam Fun

2011-10-28T14:54:00.010-04:00

Matt was working on homework the other night on the floor of our living room. In his school bag, was his "tool box" for the lab, and there were a pair of safety glasses in it. Stevie wants to be a part of EVERYTHING Matt does. Matt gave him the tool box to investigate, and he wanted to wear the glasses.

So...we had fun with the webcam while he tried them on.

Umm, the boy is getting a cold I think.

Caught in the Act!

Extraordinary Laundry Days

2011-10-17T10:21:00.006-04:00

Our washer and dryer are not presently working, so laundry has been on my mind even more than usual. One of my favorite household chores is doing the laundry (which is probably a good thing considering my last post's frequent occurrence). I oddly enjoy sorting the loads, and Stevie used to like swimming in the piles of dirty laundry as I sorted. Thankfully, that phase seems to have passed. It was cute and fun...but obviously gross. Now, he happily tosses items in the washer as I start a load, and I'm happy to announce, they are usually items from the appropriate pile (instead of the clothes I just took out of the dryer). I feel a sense of accomplishment as loads are completed and the Mt. Everest of pants, shirts, onesies, and towels disappear, but it doesn't take long before a new pile is formed and waiting. And, hanging clothes on the line at my own house, just makes me feel so grown up...probably like a little girl wearing her mom's high heeled shoes ("teacher shoes") through the kitchen and basking in the uneven clip claps on the hard floor. If you never did that, you missed out!

The task of laundry has changed for me. I was once an unenthusiastic young girl folding her brothers' holey underwear and mismatched socks, and then a college student rushing to get her load in (and remembering to switch it) before every other student in the dorm decides it's laundry day. Later, I became a new bride smiling with pride as I folded my groom's work and play clothes: the khaki pants and polo shirts, the jeans and t-shirts, the camis and uniforms ...and yes, some holey underwear and mismatched socks. One day we will arrive at the stage in life where those are a distant memory, right?

Now, I tend to the piles of dirty laundry produced by a young family of four. I once dreamed of being in this place...being in this place of doing my own family's laundry. It is no longer a menial task but something I look forward to and enjoy. As I try to erase the dirt and food stains, I am reminded of our week. It's as if each article of worn clothing has a story to share of the fun we had and the messes made. I love to fold the fresh clean clothes while they are still warm. There is something so sweet about the smell of baby detergent and the folding of baby and little guy clothes, and yes, even the big guy's clothes. Some of the messes wash completely away and some remain as stains. With each wash, the clothes are a little more worn, a little more loved. My little ones are growing so quickly! Newborn clothes are stored away and exchanged for bigger ones. One chapter ends and a new one begins. As I fold the sleeves and pant legs, I think of the family member who will fill them. What treasures I have! And, what a perfect moment it is to pray for them. I pray that they will remember the wonderful times we've shared together in the adventures of the day. I pray that we will learn from the difficult moments and be washed clean with His mercy and grace for a fresh start and a new day. I pray that we will all grow in wisdom, in stature, and in favor with God and man. I pray that each day we will live purposefully. And, I pray that I am just the woman for the job of being the helper to my husband and the nurturer of our children. It is the desire of my heart to welcome the Creator of our days and our lives to fill our days with abundant life. These are ordinary days we're living. Matt is working hard at school and his job, and I am home with our 2 year old little boy and (almost) 6 month old little girl. Even though our days are quite ordinary, they are wonderful and beautiful. With each grass stain that is made and with each shirt that is folded, may our hearts be learning and growing and praising our heavenly Father as he transforms, in the way only He can, these ordinary days into extraordinary ones!

And the little girl wore white

2011-10-12T13:04:00.005-04:00

for an hour.

Our camera is temporarily (hopefully) broken, so webcam pictures will have to do these days:

The Front:

Yes, her shirt says, "Cutest Little Sister"....not "Cleanest Little Sister."

The Back:

And this was before it traveled up to her neck.

While cleaning her up, Big Brother sized up the situation: "Whoa, wow! Oh no!"

*Why are my posts about such things? I guess because these are the days we're living! More posts unrelated to poop to come!

Twas the Night Before

2011-09-27T16:12:00.006-04:00

...my colonoscopy ...and let me tell you, creatures were stirring!

I debated writing about such a thing to the world, but then I decided, why not? Sometimes I deal with circumstances by trying to find the "humor" in them. If you don't want to know about it, hold your breath, close your eyes, and plug your ears... or you know, don't read. I know you're going to be disappointed, but no, I did not post the photos I was presented with afterwords, and believe it or not, I didn't on facebook either.

Hi, my name is Becky, I'm 27, and I had a colonoscopy last week (and no, spellcheck, I'm not trying to write "kaleidoscope"). It's been a crazy several months, and I guess I could say I'm ready for some normalcy around here, but then again, what is normal? I hope this doesn't come across as too off-color, but, I'm just talking about the human body. Remember the book, "Everybody Poops"? Kinda like that. Anyway, here's my story:

I was having some symptoms that my dear husband made me go to the Dr. about. There was blood in places it shouldn't be. Clear enough? I submitted to Matt (hoping he would change his mind?) and went. I hadn't even been to the office since before I had kids. A rectal exam wasn't exactly what I was looking forward to that day. All I can say is, I sure am glad I've had children...labor and delivery (as well as delivery repairs and other issues I've had) sort of keeps the modesty feelings in check. While I tried to distract myself and "relax" (ha!) in that odd position, I thought, it sure would be nice to someday go to the Dr's office and be able to keep my pants on (and is it too much to add keep their hands out as well?)! Anyway, I was sent on to a GI Dr. I cancelled the office appointment with him...knowing a colonoscopy was imminent...and there's no need to pay out of my pocket (or rear) any more than I have to. So, I might as well just get it over with.

To be completely honest, I was terrified of the whole prep process. They aren't joking when they want to flush you out! I counted and was up to almost 20 runs to the bathroom (with no "warning") before I went to bed around 9pm. The bathroom trips started around 6pm...do that math! I'm glad I was, a hem, caught up on laundry! I camped out upstairs (since our only bathroom is there), and I'm sure it sounded like the running of the bulls below me as I ran to the bathroom each time. Thankfully, Matt went out for some precious sensitive baby wipes for me. By the time of my procedure, I had gone 30 times. I kept my sense of humor through the night before, and at that point, I was still feeling physically fine. Sure beat being sick with the runs.

However, the next morning, I felt completely different. As I tried to drink my final doses, my body shook with exhaustion (I lost 4lbs overnight), and my stomach finally revolted. I "threw up" 7 or 8 times...who knows, probably more. Because I was not allowed to eat anything both days, there was nothing in my stomach but that Gatorade and miralax...and acid, and my body dug to the depths of my being to throw something, anything up. I cried while my body tried to rid itself once and for all of that nastiness, and in between retching, asked Matt to call the Dr. I was dearly hoping for the permission to stop, but of course, I was told take a little break, let my stomach settle, and...you know it, keep drinking. (I have a hard time with that one size fits all medical mentality. I'm not a 350 lb man, but I had to drink the same amount.) I was green that morning, literally....and pathetic. I packed "spares" in my purse and kept a garbage can in the van for emergencies on the trip to the hospital...seriously, people, it was *that* bad, and what are you gonna do?

We arrived at 1pm. I kept looking for the hidden cameras from this point on...because I'm sure someone somewhere was watching and laughing, as patients heading to "Endoscopy" walked stiff-legged. We had to go to the 3rd floor and wind our way around the hospital. Couldn't make it the first floor huh? The whole time I was praying I wouldn't have to "go," especially as the elevator bounced when we reached the 3rd floor. I had a black fleece conveniently tied around my waist ...because I'm a planner. We made it, and I checked in. I was told to take a seat with the others in the waiting area. The waiting area was packed with people clearly not as anxious as I was (or as young). We sat for not even one minute. I looked around and asked Matt where the bathroom was (you know, so I could make my mad dash when needed). We saw the sign pointing DOWN THE HALL! (I can hear the snickers from whoever is watching this on camera.) That was it, I was not sitting to wait for my name. I was going to be proactive and stand in the hallway, half way between the receptionist and the hallway that led to the bathroom. Everyone else was calm, cool, collected...and seated, and I was sweating bullets,standing in the hallway, muttering, "It's ok to be ridiculous, I'm never going to see these people again." The first person was called with the intercom. Hmm, wonder why they announce your name over a speaker? Because you could be a mile away in the bathroom, that's why! A half an hour later, my name was called. I stepped up, was asked to confirm that I was there to see Dr. so and so for a co-lo-nos-copy! Shout it from the rooftops won't ya? I'm not sure the physical therapy students joking around in the hallway heard that clearly enough!

And again, I waited. That was when I noticed prep and recovery room #2 was in the back, behind the reception area through a door (like normal...for privacy) and...where was #1? #1 was in the hallway where we were standing. Apparently #1 was an afterthought. And, I had to crack the joke about how of course they made room #2 first for such a procedure...it was on the mind, and I was nervous. Matt laughed with me? at me? the whole time. Either way, I reminded him, "Someday, this will be you!"

They called me back (to the prep room #1 that lacks privacy of course), and had me change into a gown. It was a room full of beds and the little curtains. The nurse showed me where to put my belongings under the bed and closed the curtain. I changed into my lovely gown keeping it untied in the back per instructions, bent over, and laughed...and laughed. My poor, weak body still had a little laughter left. Of course they ask you to put your belongings under the bed after changing into the gown and the curtains around the bed crowd you and only hang as low as mid calf! There was no way to prevent this bare bottom of mine from hanging out below the curtain. I stopped trying to hold my gown in place as I squatted and bent to put my clothes under the bed. If this was the way it was gonna be, fine then! I wondered how many bare bottoms they must see everyday just from putting belongings away. And cue hidden cameras to curtain area #1, span wide!

After the iv was in, they wheeled me into the room to have it done. I got my nose oxygen put in (technical term of course)...just to feel a bit more ridiculous. At this point, the short male nurse looking through my papers behind my bed says, "Oh, I know where you live! My fiance lives right around the corner from you on North St." Umm, awkward!! (I mean, how do you respond to this in such a situation?) I reel my hooked up body and head around the back of my lifted hospital bed with that thing filling my nose and said...just as awkwardly, "Oh. Really?" I turned back around thinking, "Why don't you stop by some time, but it's not like you'll recognize me by my FACE!" The Dr wanted me to fill him in once more about why I was there. and then he gave a pause and look like I probably didn't need this. Nice. After this, the other nurse told me to roll on my side. I looked at her and looked at the door...the open door, which was directly behind where my behind would be. "You going to close the door?" She smiled and said, "Don't worry, I'll be sure you're covered up." So reassuring considering my rear is the entry point for your 6 foot long camera. So that's where that hidden camera was! A few moments later I was out and don't remember anything except saying "oww" a few times in my "sleep" and feeling like my stomach was being pushed on. I have no idea if they ever closed the door.

When I woke up (sorta), Matt was by my side, and I was told I was just fine and was shown the pictures of my insides.

So, I'm thankful I'm healthy, and the actual thing wasn't so bad. And hey, at least I don't have to endure that for another lifetime hopefully (23 years ish?).

Precious Lydia

2011-09-22T17:14:00.004-04:00

Precious Lydia,

You will be 5 months old tomorrow! It is surely time I sit down and write a letter to my precious little girl. I still can't believe I have a little girl! I thought I might have several boys before a girl may join our family, and here you are! Lydia was a name I hoped to use one day...to have a little Lyddie.

Your smile absolutely brightens my day and certainly brightens each moment I am able to see it. Your curly grin goes right up to your eyes which join that smile in complete sweetness. Sometimes, you wrinkle your nose and that sweet face offers a cheesey grin...so similar to the way your Daddy makes his goofy smile to you kids. Boy oh boy (or girl oh girl) do you look like your Daddy! You certainly are Daddy's girl too!

You seem to be a bit of a snuggler, and oh do I soak that up! (Daddy too) You have on rare occasion joined us in the wee hours of the morning in bed...trying to give your brother an opportunity to get sleep. You roll into me and snuggle in, and of course, I can't sleep a wink! Sometimes you curl up when I'm holding you with your arms tucked in and sticking your little bottom out to find that perfect cozy spot and sort of hum to try to go to sleep.

You've been sleeping about 10 1/2- 11 hours at night for awhile now. You may sleep longer if you had your own room, but nevertheless, you have the fun of sharing a room with your big brother. In the morning, I hear Stevie jabbering and you cooing. He likes to peek over your crib in the morning and greet you! You give him a big smile because you know he's there even though your eyes are still trying to adjust to the light.

Right now your favorite things are your feet and just being a part of the group. You seem to like me or Daddy to sing you to sleep for naps. You're getting good with your hands, putting the pacifier in and out of your mouth (sometimes successfully the right way and sometimes not) as well as other toys. You have your first cold right now. Despite the buggery nose, you're still pretty cheerful.

I am so thankful to see that smile and hear that sweet giggle come from your belly. You often like to do a belly, clear your throat sort of "ha" laugh to get our attention and to get us to pick you up. After those long months of colicky crying, I savor each bout of cheerfulness you show now. Stevie lights up and smiles when you smile, giggle, and talk too. He loves to rub your little head and say, "Nice. Nice." You two sure are a pair in the backseat of the van or in your cribs in your room. It's either joyful or unhappy noises from the both of you. When you cry, your tender hearted big brother is usually sharing your tears. If he's not sharing your tears, he says, "It's ok. It's ok." to you. I hope and pray you will continue to be a close team, playing together, lifting each other up and encouraging each other through the harder times, and rejoicing together in the good times.

I love you so much Lydia Faith. Your name means beautiful and of noble kind, and of course, faithful. You are a princess of the most high King, and you are fearfully and wonderfully made, a true beauty! May your beauty and faith grow as you grow in wisdom, in stature, and in favor with God and man. Your name verses share our prayer for your life: "But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light" (1 Peter 2:9). "Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity" (1 Timothy 4:12). I'm confident God has amazing plans for your life, Lydia. I'm so glad He chose to put you in our family, so that we can be a part of your growing and a part of the plans He has for you. So my Lydia, hold onto your sweetness and smile, grow in your faith, and realize your precious worth in the eyes of your Creator and in the eyes of your family.

Love always and with a kiss,
Mom

Scuff, Scuff, Scuff

2011-09-09T08:51:00.004-04:00

...is what I heard behind me the other day, and I knew this is what I'd see:

Ordering our Days

2011-09-06T14:13:00.005-04:00

I did not want to title this post "updates" like so many of my previous ones. Every time (ok, the few times), I pop in here, it's been a long time since my last post. I'm finding it very difficult to either have time to blog, energy to blog, or I have a ginormous case of writer's block. Our days are so incredibly busy, so I'm sure there are things to share, but nevertheless, my days end without a new post.

To be completely honest, part of me has been feeling swallowed up by my days. We are finally getting into a rhythm I think...the rhythm of our family of 4 on "normal" days or weeks. This Spring and Summer was one activity after another since Lydia was born, and I guess I need some down time...or quiet time. We went to Michigan for our family reunion, we had VBS, we had our church basketball camp, and weekends out of town most of the summer for additional extended family time, etc. I guess it's just life...always changing.

First of all, our house needs work! I need time to clean it top to bottom. Really clean and organize. It's just very difficult to do right now. Stevie occupies himself quite well...until I attempt to get something done and another mess is made by his 2 year old hands. :) Lydia often speaks up when I'm trying to get things done too. I've learned I have 30.2 seconds to throw a diaper away, wash a bottle, and use the bathroom myself. And, I only have 2 children.

So, I suppose I'll share some of the changes going on here...that are helping me not feel so swallowed by my days.

Lydia is growing up! She has nearly gotten over the colicky-ness she had! Umm, that's a big reason there wasn't much blogging going on! After 4 months, I've figured out chocolate is a doosey for her. (Oreos, cookies, chocolate ice cream,and chocolate animal crackers in particular...) And all the crying left this Mama in search of chocolate! What a terrible cycle we were stuck in until I figured it out. We thought it may be milk so I cut out quite a bit from my diet, but it didn't help every time. And sometimes, we were all out stumped by the cause (apparently part of the definition of colic). At 3 months, she was a lot better, and at 4 months...sooo much better and happier. She is so much less gassy, and her diapers smell more normal, haha.

Lydia's also getting about half formula now (regular formula...another reason we don't believe milk to have been the issue) and half me. After so many sacrifices, I had to finally just let what happens, happen. I'm not a crazy breastfeeding lady. I just want to give my kids the health benefits of nursing for at least 6 months, and my body is dead-set against keeping up with my kids. The herbs really helped, but we hit that terrible hot week/s in July while we were camping in Michigan and it was over. I drank and drank water, took my herbs, and pumped for a half hour to barely get an oz. What broke this camel's back, was coming home to find our freezer door was left unsealed...and the contents were thawed, some refrozen...including the tears, sweat, and work of 11 bags of milk stored (a little less by that point because she was eating more). I pumped and pumped and tried feeding her all day during growth spurts. I was even getting up at night to pump while she slept (and yes, that is absolutely insane). I've also had other nursing issues I'm not going to get into here. So, if there are other mothers who have gone through the same, I understand!

Anyway, now she gets "only" a bottle at dinner time, and I don't even pump! The feeling of this...well, it's enough to topple me over with joy! I can "fix" dinner (with intermittent interruptions) and give her a bottle without pumping after! It's really the break I need. So, on the nice weather days, I lace up my shoes, give Matt the bottle and our sweet little girl, and I head out for a run! 15 minutes (haha, for now...boy does having babies change this body) of rejuvenation! I love my kids dearly, and those 15 minutes away, renews me and energizes me. Yup, even if it's only 15 minutes. Then I come in and Matt usually takes his turn to go for a run or bike ride and take Stevie, which he loves! It's a win, win, win. I really treasure the time I have with Matt when he gets home from work, so I used to drag my feet about going out for a run (and you know, not go!). Then I realized how little time I'm actually away and how much better I feel, and well, I'm hooked. (On most days...so far..., I'm back to being hooked. ;) )

Another thing I've done is...ok, don't laugh... I've signed up for chore lists that come in a daily email. I actually look forward to seeing what things are on the list each day. You see, when I make my own to-do list, I write everything that needs to be done and am discouraged if I don't finish it...let alone get past the first 2 things. The email focuses on one "room" in the house per day and gives 9 "options". The goal is to complete 3. I love it. You pick 3 and that's your goal...completing any tasks beyond that is also very encouraging for this gal! (So, it doesn't always take much for me.) I have a manageable goal each day for this season of my life! If you're interested, I'll share the site.

I have also implemented "Table Time" for Stevie each day around 10am. (The teacher in me can't stay away for too long.) The first week or so has gone pretty well. He sits in his booster seat at the table with a snack first. Then he has a little art caddy (thank you Target dollar bins!) that contains a few items for him to do or play with each day. I try to coordinate this with Lydia's morning nap (that also seems to last 30.2 seconds, haha, where does the time go?). Stevie gets some extra attention and special time from me while I set him up. Some of the things in his box (only 2 or 3 each day) are different books, magnetic ABC's and a tin to stick them to, construction trucks and quick oats, play-doh, coloring books and markers/crayons, a white board, little cars, etc. (I'll probably do a whole post about this with pictures.) This table time serves a few purposes. I really felt like Stevie needed some extra special time now that he's a big brother especially. With Lydia being so needy since her arrival, I want to be sure he knows how special he is too. So, he gets a little extra attention and time away from his sister... and also away from his beloved Bob and Larry and the t.v.! He gets to play with some different things than usual, and after he's set playing, I'm a little more free to throw a load of laundry in or get something done. I also figure it's not bad for him to have some organized sitting time too. We encourage him to sit with us during church with his church bag most Sundays, but we also let him play in the nursery when he needs to get extra wiggles out. Another perk of this time is knowing where he is and what kind of mess he's making. ;) So far, he's really liked it.

I guess overall, I've been really encouraged with more structure to our day, and Matt and I are working on our goals for our family days for now and in the future. I am still definitely open to fun "extras" and ditching the schedule every now and then, but I think this just helps us run better. I'll take any tips from other moms...especially moms of more children (who may or may not be laughing about my getting the swing of 2 kids).

Big Brother

2011-07-20T07:22:00.018-04:00

Dear Stephen,

How did you grow into my 2 year old boy right before my eyes? Yesterday, you were playing in the little pool at Grandma and Grandpa's house, and I was telling Grandma how you have grown so tall and stretched out. You're no longer my baby Stevie. You're my little boy Stevie.

You have been quite the big brother to your new little sister too. When Lydia was born, that was the first time we spent nights away from each other. And really, that was the first time we spent days away from each other too. You don't nap well other places, so I was worried it was going to be a rough weekend while we were at the hospital. You surprised us though...and thrilled us. You still didn't nap super well, but you did sleep quite well at night in a new place at Grandma and Grandpa's. Grandpa said you woke up and fussed a bit the first night. He told you to lay down and go to sleep. You did! When you visited us in the hospital, you were a bit unsure of the place. (I think you get that from your Dad...hehe) You really didn't want to stay long. It was a bit bittersweet for me. I missed you and wanted to be with you, but I was so relieved you were always ready to leave with Grandpa and Grandma with barely a wave goodbye! I know, they are so much fun! You always have such a great time with them. You didn't have many thoughts about your baby sister when you saw her the first time. You let out a few "words", touched her for a second, and then turned your attention to the umbrella stroller Grandma brought you in.

We gave you a book of different trucks, boats, trains, planes, etc. You sat up with me on the bed and looked at the book. That was exciting until you noticed the iv in my arm and tried to pull it out...while I was looking at your book. You also wanted to press the buttons on that monitor too! Yup, we think you're a toddler boy!

You came again the next day, Easter Sunday. I think you were even more less than thrilled to be there that day. You and Daddy took a "man walk" together. Hand in hand, you walked to the freezer to get some special ice cream. Daddy said you talked the whole way (in your own language of course). You shared that chocolate goodness together back at the room.

The day we came home from the hospital, we went to Grandma and Grandpa's to pick you up. You, Nathanael, and Rachael were waiting for us outside with balloons! (And oh you love balloons.)

You were wearing your beloved green boots!

You certainly have a way of always making me smile...and chuckle, you cutie!

On our ride home, you didn't give your sister much of a glance. (Now that I'm thinking of it, you did give her one glance. Sort of, "Who are you?" And that was it.) And that first week or so, that was how it was. You just accepted her.

As the days passed though, you wanted to get more involved. And if she cried, you wailed along with her. Thinking the pacifier would cure any cries, you would try to help by giving her one. If one worked, for sure 2 would work better.

The pacifiers were also pretty funny to stick on your fingers. And, I'll be sure to share this with your future wife: You were interested in the whole nursing deal with this baby sister of yours. You would often lift up your shirt and inspect what was under there. (You did this a lot through the day...even at church.) I thought for sure you were going to try to nurse her one day. Didn't happen. You were also very interested in the pump, and any time I would pump, you wanted to sit on my lap and play with the dials. I didn't encourage that. (I can hear you now, all grown...gross, maybe, but as a toddler, quite hysterical) You would take spare parts that were drying on the counter and put them under your shirt...making us both laugh out loud!

You often go over to your sister and give me a panic because you appear to be trying to pick her up. However, those are your loving hugs. You like to sit next to her on the floor and touch her feet and her hands. Those are so funny to you. In your own way, I'm quite convinced you say, "Lyddie." When we first brought her home and she would cry and you would become so concerned, we would say, "Tell her, 'it's ok, Lyddie.'" Now, when she cries (and you don't), you melt my heart and say, "It's ok. It's ok." And she just loves you. She lights up when she sees you, and you love it when I say, "Stevie, she's looking at you! She's saying, 'Hi, big brother!'" Lydia is going to learn from you, Stevie. We hope she picks up on your joy and reflects it too.

At Lydia's first Dr's appointment, just a couple of days old, you stood right by her carseat with one hand on the handle, gently rocking her. You watched as others walked by with pride and a protective spirit. You never let go of her seat. Dad and I were so proud of you. We hope you continue to love your sister, that you two grow in friendship, and that you will continue to seek to protect her (even though we think she'll be a tough cookie hanging around you). You might not be the baby of the family and an only child anymore, but you will always be my only Stephen, my little Stevie and my big Stevie (and I'm sure, eventually, Steve.) You're becoming quite the little man already, and what a privilege and responsibility it is for me to be a part of that growing and training process. I'm so thankful to have these little boy years with you...even moreso now that I see glimpses of who you'll be when you're grown. I love you so much, Stevie.

Love always,
Mom

This little girl

2011-07-20T06:24:00.003-04:00

...I think looks like her Daddy (others tell me differently).

...is a girl of many names, Lydia, Lyddie, little Lyds, Baby Girl, Bids...

...is not much of talker...yet, anyway. She just gives a couple of coos and sighs here and there.

...has been sleeping consistenly for the past week and a half 9 hrs to 11 1/2 (Whoa baby! Except last night, of course, was less than that average.)

...is going through a growth spurt!

...still has some unhappy days with some happy ones mixed in.

...spits out the spit up stuck in her mouth. I would do the same, little girl.

...takes a pacifier but not always.

...has some smile! Sometimes, it's quite the cheeser!

...thinks her brother is quite entertaining.

...is quite patient with her brother's "help" with her. (The swing does quite well on it's own. Thank you, Stevie.)

...should have been born with a crash helmet and pads for her brother's "help" and "love."

...has me smiling whenever I say, "little girl"

...will be 3 months old on Saturday!

...is dearly loved!!!

Sleep and Stumpers

2011-07-12T11:27:00.003-04:00

I wish I had more time to write (because I don't...here's a long post of thoughts smushed togeher). My days are just busy and filled to the max with my 2 kiddos. I have so many memories I want to record and remember of these days with a 2 year old and 2 month old. And, I will admit, there are times I'm hoping some days go quicker. Some things are evening out or getting better.

Lydia had been sleeping about 6 or 7 hours at night when we switched her to her big brother's room at exactly 2 months. Boy, did we backtrack a little bit, haha. We had a few long nights, and after one, I looked at Matt and said, "Let's place bets. How long do you think it will take for her to get back to her old sleeping habits she had while in our room?" I figured we may as well have fun with it, and whoever won would receive their prize and we'd be getting more sleep! What a win, win! Well, don't you know, it only took a couple (a few?) more nights, and she was back to sleeping like she had been. So, all in all, maybe a week. That's not so bad. I guessed 3 weeks (really hoping for shorter...but didn't want to be too disappointed or something if it took that long, haha) and Matt had guessed 2 weeks. He was closest, so he wants TGIFriday's takeout. It's definitely a win, win all around!! I know I wanted tips before we started the transition, so in case you're wondering, here's pretty much what we did:
Most of the advice given me was to put one down before the other. It sounded good, but just didn't really fit our routine, but if it works for you, wonderful! I'm sure when they are older, they will need different bedtimes anyway. We give Lydia her bath first, pj's, and then I begin nursing her (my babies are long nursers) in the rocker in their room. Stevie and Daddy are meanwhile wrestling or playing and getting all that extra energy out (while I jokingly remind Daddy we're trying to wind him down before bed!...But really, he does fine.) Then Matt gets Stevie in the tub/shower, pj's, milk and story or 2, prayers, kisses from me, and he gets put in bed with lights out. At this point I'm hopefully wrapping up on side 2 with Lyds. Stevie usually watches or plays with his stuffed cow or hams it up or...if we're lucky he'll snuggle in (but he never falls asleep till I leave). I will share more about his bedtime antics another time hopefully. Then, I put Lydia down when she's done. If she's awake, I turn the aquarium on (that no longer bubbles from rough big brother). They both ooh and ahh over it...and then when it's over, we begin our routine of settling them with her pacifier, etc. a couple times...sometimes only once...sometimes not at all! If she's asleep when put down, well, they do just fine. At first I tried to really zoom in when Lydia would wake up at night to eat. I realized Stevie wakes up no matter what, haha, so I try to get up and go in a little more safely ...aka, more awake, haha. I change her quickly, feed her, and put her back down...if it's still dark. Stevie tends to think that if it's light out, it's time to be up for the day. In those times, I just take Lydia right out of the room to feed her and hope Stevie will go back to sleep. Sometimes, he does. I'm hoping in time, he will get used to those noises and just sleep through it. For nap, Stevie has the room all to himself for now. Because his night sleep is interrupted, I want to be sure he's getting good naps...when he's able to with a quiet sister.

The 2nd night of our transition, I really began to love the idea of the kids being together in the same room. Our house pretty much requires it for now, and we knew this would be coming...and I also fiured that in time, the kids would come to love it. I just didn't realize how much I would love it. We have our family time in their room right before bed! We're all there, winding down, reading/hearing stories, and doing bed time prayers and kisses. I think this will be the perfect time for our family devotions too! It is just such a special time, and our kids are totally used to it already.

Now, Lydia has been sleeping 8 hours on average, gone a couple 9'ers, 1 10, and get this, 10 1/2 last night!! She even slept longer than her brother (who used to be a solid 11-12 hr sleeper, but since his sister has arrived, has been woken much earlier, haha.) This Mama is thankful! I'm a better mom with decent rest, so I'm thankful this is going much better!

Now the stumper: My sweet little girl often has miserable days. I am quite convinced it's some sort of tummy trouble and often gassiness, some colic? She is starting to have some better days mixed in, but we are stumped on the rough days...and we've tried a lot. Stevie didn't have these issues, so it's new for us. And, I'm being honest here, it is so tiring. Add on top of that how Stevie doesn't like his sister crying, and he cries right along with her while she screams...our house has some loud days. (And he thinks the pacifier will cure her...so when she doesn't take it or spits it out, well...) I just keep in mind that it won't last forever, and I hear 3 months is a magical time for fussy babies...and that's just around the corner! And she's calling "my name"...gotta go!

Mama's Milk Mart

2011-06-30T10:13:00.003-04:00

Open 24/7.

That's the way I felt around here...and still do to a certain extent, since a little girl came home to our house!

Lydia had jaundice and it got worse after we came home from the hospital, so we I was feeding and pumping and feeding and pumping to try to wash it out of her and avoid another stay at the hospital. I have to say, there were a couple of days I was so worried about her. She just was so lethargic, moreso than just the newborn sleepiness. I was terrified. When we went to get her blood level tested again, she slept through the entire heel prick. The lady said she'd never seen that before. I was worried, and praying all night long for her because she just barely ate, she had no energy. Thankfully, within a couple of days of extra feedings through bottles, she turned around and became a different baby girl.

While I was recovering from delivery, we took down our baby gate to the kitchen. (It's not a swing gate...just a cheapo wooden one, and I didn't really want to have to hop over it.) Stevie was thrilled with the opportunity to get his own cup from the fridge...and peruse whatever else looked good in there too. However, he was also carrying the gallon jug of milk out to me (because of course I was probably nursing) when his cup was empty. That turned into trying to open the jug himself....and trying to pour the jug himself. And well, I had some gallons of milk to clean up off of the floor, off of him, and off of his trucks he tried to play with in it. After a few rounds of this, I decided I made a quick recovery, and we needed the gate back up! Stevie is generally even more interested in milk these days, and I wonder if it's because he sees his sister with bottles of milk sometimes. He's gone through a half gallon of milk just on the weekends.

Like with Stevie, I had a dip in my supply again around 6 weeks, just in time for a growth spurt. I was back to pumping around the clock and visited a natural foods store for some herbs to boost me back up. (They are really helping too! I wish I had done this when I was nursing Stevie.) It was a family affair, so Matt and I loaded up the kids and went to the store. That was an experience! I'd never been there before, but I knew what I was looking for. We pulled into the parking lot and the walls were painted these bright colors to look like farm fields and sunflower fields. I thought it looked a little cheesey, and I turned to Matt, "Are there really going to be walking vegetables in there?" (referring to their commercials)Well, there were aisles and aisles of supplements in what seemed to me no particular order, and thankfully, no walking vegetables. Stevie enjoyed pointing to several containers (thankfully, he wasn't plucking all the bottles off the shelves) and jabbering about them. As I was looking, a guy came over and asked what I was looking for. I turned to him, and he was this young (young as in, around my and Matt's age) muscle man guy. I told him what I was looking for, and I guess judging the book by the cover, totally expected him to need assistance finding it. (No offense to the guy at all, but I figured his expertise would be in the "body building" supplements. My husband who has a nursing wife isn't familiar with what I was looking for.) Boy was I wrong! He acted completely familiar with it! He brought me right to it and told me it was in this form and this form...but you might not want this one because it contains alcohol, and this is another section for "lactation support." I almost laughed out loud at his knowledge, and when we rounded the corner, I did! Matt did too! So, if you need a good natural foods store, I know one where the employees really know their stuff!

Lydia's Birth Day

2011-05-17T09:05:00.009-04:00

This is the super long version of Lydia's birth story. I guess I'm making up for lost time on here! I just don't want to forget anything!

On Friday the 22nd, I noticed my braxton hicks becoming more uncomfortable, but I pretty much just brushed them off. I ignored them because I tend to cramp and have them quite frequently near the end of my pregnancy. Looking back though, I'm sure things were kicking into gear. I had an appointment that afternoon and being Good Friday, Matt was off from work, so he was able to come and we brought Stevie along to see the Dr. again. My Dr. gave Stevie a little crocheted bunny magnet (I'm guessing for Easter) and did the usual checks on me. She called the baby a "she" again this visit, "She's a little wiggle worm"...and I was still left wondering if it was a "slip" or was that just what she was calling the baby this visit? Anyway, during my "check" she asked if I had any dilation prior to this 38 week visit. I was immediately disappointed by this question thinking I must have backtracked somehow and closed up. At 36 weeks, I had been a centimeter and 75%. I declined a check at 37 weeks. My disappointment quickly turned around when she said I was an easy 3 and 95%! I was so excited and said, "I don't even care if this baby takes another 3 weeks! It's just so nice knowing I've got some work out of the way before it's really begun!" Then my Dr. said something about seeing if I make it through the night or that week. Well, been there done that. Last time she said that with Stevie, and he didn't come for another month!

Even though I dismissed the Dr.'s comment about possibly not making it through the night, it really made the possibility real to Matt and I that the baby could come at any time. With baby #2, I was much more distracted...afterall, baby #1 and other life responsibilities were taking up a lot of time and attention. As we got to my final month, however, I just had this feeling this baby was going to come early...and I wouldn't be ready! With Stevie, we tried everything to try to put me into labor. With Lydia, we tried everything NOT to, haha. So, ask Matt, the final month was spent with me in a stressed panic mode. It drove him nuts...but it probably drove me nuts even more. I had so much to do to get ready for the baby...and I knew I wasn't going to get it all done. Once her name hat (and the hat we ordered had she been a boy) arrived when I was 37 weeks, I relaxed a bit. We decided that was going to be how we announced her gender and name at the hospital...so the baby couldn't come before the hats did! Anyway, after that final appointment, I called my mom, and we went out for dinner at good old Micky D's. My mom told me to eat something good because it might be awhile before I ate again...joking about me going into labor that night. But, excitement about the coming baby and those uncomfortable, frequent braxton hicks kept me from really enjoying my meal.

I don't remember anything else that happened after the meal that night until...

I must've been contracting during the night but trying to sleep through them...again not thinking much of them. At 4:45am however, I realized I was pretty regular and feeling a bit in my bottom, so maybe I better pay more attention and time them. At that point, they were 5 minutes apart. By 5am, I was pretty certain they were doing something...umm, didn't take me very long to figure it out, haha, so I turned the light on to finish tossing some things in the hospital bag. Matt woke up, but immune to my weird ways, didn't think anything of me doing that at 5am. So, I snapped him out of that state by telling him he may not be playing his long awaited 1st paintball game of the season that afternoon! He says he still didn't really believe it till he saw me stopping during some contractions. I didn't really believe it myself. I kept saying, "It's so early!" (because Stevie was 1-2 weeks late). I really hoped for delivery day to be May 1st (my Dr. was on call then, it was a few days early), so April 23rd just felt ridiculous....and while I packed, I repeated over and over, "so if this is real, she's a girl! She's going to be one prompt little girl!" I was hoping my water would break, so I would be sure...but it never did. We got some more things ready, I took a shower...and noticed a little pink (helping me feel like it really was time), and I called the Dr. by 5:45am...contractions were still about 5 minutes apart like clock work and I was told to come in. Yup, I was going to anyway! My mom and dad came to our house to take care of Stevie (who of course slept in like a champ till 8:30am...on an exciting day we weren't home for!) and we were off. Both Matt and I were so excited. I walked quickly to the van through the dark rain, completely convinced in those steps that we were about to have a baby girl. On our way to the hospital, I called my aunt who's a midwife out of state. She asked how long my contractions were...and I wasn't timing that, so again, I was nervous it wasn't real...but then they'd hit again, and I KNEW it was! I also had a feeling she was coming quickly. The half hour drive to the hospital was feeling like forever, and the whole morning I was telling our baby..."You have to wait till the shift change! You cannot come before 8am!!" (The Dr. on call that evening was large with large hands. So, I wanted to avoid a delivery and "checks" with "Big Man Hands")

We arrived at the hospital around 6:45 I think. I was checked at 4cm and 100%. The nurse looked at me, and asked, "What do you want to do?"
"Umm, huh?"
"What do you want to do? Do you want to leave and go home?"
I was more than confused and had to wait to wrap my mind around the question till a contraction was over. For real? Go home? I was having some good contractions at this point...no way! And my labor with Stevie wasn't all that long. I guess they couldn't read me well to know the intensity of my contractions? They kept acting like it wasn't real labor since my water hadn't broken. It was very weird and very frustrating. So, we were stuck in triage. Matt and I walked around to try to get things moving along even more, and I needed to stop and hold onto him for the good ones. They started coming on top of each other while I walked. I decided to head back to the bed in triage to relax a bit. Poor Matt. I kept asking him (more like drilling him), "When am I going to a room? What are they doing? What's that noise, it's driving me nuts! Tell them I want to go to a room!!" The nurse was busy on the computer and on the phone...I heard her talking about how I delivered a 9 lber. That was the talk of triage, but apparently they weren't as focused on THIS delivery, haha. I was very irritated....afterall, I was in labor. Finally, at 7:45ish (it seemed like a lot longer) the resident came by to check me again. I just wanted to go up to a room to deal with these contractions how I wanted...and relax a little about being "settled in." As she checked me, a look of complete shock swept over her face. "Do you have a high tolerance for pain?"
"Why?"....Well, because I was a 6 but could be stretched to an 8 with bulging bags (a term that sounds so lovely)! I was finally able to get the wheel chair (you know, after we waited awhile for that) and head up to a room!

By the time they got me up there, monitored me and baby for awhile and got my iv in (again more blow-outs...but Matt did superbly! hehe), I didn't have time to use the tub, which is where I wanted to be. The Dr. on call came by at 9, called me "calm as a cucumber" (ha!). (I guess I need to kick and scream to be taken seriously, haha.) I was a 9.5, they broke my water and left...leaving me to wait for the irresistable urge to push. During this time, I had back labor...so Matt was able to rub my back while I sat on the exercise ball. Man, that doesn't give you a break between contractions! (I didn't have this with Stevie, and Matt didn't get to "do" anything for me that labor.) I started thinking an epidural would really sound good at this point. After an hour, I still didn't feel like my uterus was going to push on it's own (and it didn't with Stevie either) but I wanted to get it going, so the resident came in. I gave a few pushes. She and the on call Dr. already started getting the gowns on...I couldn't believe it...I actually asked, "So, you really don't think this will take me 2 1/2 hours?" haha I started pushing sometime after 10, I don't know the exact time. I pushed for less than a half an hour this time (soo much better), but boy, that is where the pain meds would be totally worth it. Lydia Faith was born at 10:29am!!

Honestly, I don't know how this is, but she hurt more than Stevie as she entered the world! Her little self! I think it was because the Dr really tried to protect me from major tearing (thank you Dr!!)....and she had me breathe when she was crowning and do some half pushes. That's when I got SUPER vocal, cool as a cucumber flew out the window....grunting, blowing like a horse, and generally making awful loud noises. I remember wondering what the people in the hallway thought. That hurt so bad. They also mentioned her head came out transverse. The resident had guessed her to be about 7 1/2 lbs, but when she saw her "huge" head coming (which wasn't so huge), she thought she was way off...until she noticed her head was coming sideways.

And then.....she was here! SHE was here! For most of the pregnancy I was convinced she was a boy until that morning I went into labor. Matt leaned into my face with a soft but elated whisper voice and confirmed what we both already knew, "It's a girl!" I looked down at her, overjoyed, and the first thing I noticed was the white creamy vernix (which my mom has said I was the only one of the 4 to have) and, "She's soo tiny! She's so tiny!" She was such a skinny thing! The Dr. (who was a riot...her English wasn't always very clear) looked at me and said, "Tiny?"
"Uh huh!"...Ok, so maybe she's average size but compared to Stevie, what a peanut! Then she peed, haha, and I immediately felt badly as I looked down at her tiny little self as she cried thinking, "Ohh, one day you will have to do this." I don't ever want her to feel such pain, but oh the joy! I held her for a long while as she sucked her middle fingers, and then they asked us to guess her weight as they put her on the scale, and I had no idea. 7lbs 9oz! She was born so quickly she had the perfect little head and face...no cone head or marks! :)

I called my mom who was busy with Stevie and getting the Easter meal together (sorry about that, Mom) and told her the baby was here. She was shocked she was born so quickly, and said she couldn't wait to know the details till she came. So, I told her she had a granddaughter! She cried and was so excited...she had been wanting her girl to have a girl I know.

Then my aunt called to give me last minute advice for the labor and delivery, haha. Welp, didn't need that!

Then my cousin, Chrissy, called to see if I had been sent home or not! Definitely not! haha

We were so thrilled! The Dr. kept telling me how weird I was...her word...I think because of how quickly and smoothly it went...and apparently how "calm" I was, surprising them all. The nurse told me I should go into business birthing babies. Ha. She was cute. And at that moment, the last thing in the world I wanted to do was experience that ring of fire again. As I held our little girl, I leaned over to Matt, "So, your little girl already has you missing paintball games!" He told me over and over again how much she was worth it! What a man! What a Daddy! It was quite hilarious as people called him asking about paintball that afternoon and him saying, "Well, my wife and I just had a baby this morning so..." I could've listened to that all day...and I did! She even came with plenty of time for him to make it though if he had really wanted to.

We had the most wonderful time together, Matt and I, with Lydia. It was like a weekend away, haha. We joked that having a baby is what it takes to get a weekend away. Stevie had a great time with Grandma and Grandpa, and we were so thankful he did well away from us (and that I did too...we had never spent a night away from each other...or that much time apart during the day either). He was always ready to leave with them (gladly, haha) when they left the hospital. My recovery has gone amazingly well this time around...a true answer to prayer. I can't even believe it, after such a rough go the first time. I am all for another smaller baby again the next time! Though, we calculated, had Lydia been born a week late, she easily could've been just as big as Stevie too!

Lydia was originally due (by the old fashioned method of calculating) April 23rd! So, see she was a prompt girl! Though her changed due date was May 5th, so she came almost 2 weeks early! We love you so much, Lyddie!!

It's a Girl!!

2011-05-12T11:08:00.000-04:00

Yes, I've been a bit busy around here with our little girl coming almost 2 weeks early! It's been so long since I've been on here, blogger didn't want to let me in.

We'd like to introduce you to our daughter, Lydia Faith.

She arrived April 23 (the day before Easter...my parents guessed she'd be an Easter baby) at 10:29 am. She was 7 lbs 9 oz and 21 1/2 inches long. I will be posting her birth story as soon as I can...including how they almost sent me home, and she was born a mere 3 hours later!

I am still so surprised (but at the same time not) that she's here already! And, I'm still surprised she's a she! More on that later! For now, I need to get back to my 2 kids! :)

"Ceese"

2011-04-10T16:18:00.002-04:00

Stevie is starting to gain a bigger vocabulary much to our delight. The word building has been a bit of a slow go and frustrations (and temper tantrums, ugh) resulted from him not being able to communicate.

We finally got the word "please" down a few weeks ago. "Ceese." (Which sounds very similiar, umm almost identical, to his version of "keys.") I need to get that on camera because it's so sweet. The boy loves 3-2-1 Penguins, and he'll grab a video tape (yes, I said a video tape) and carry it over to me indicating he'd like to watch it. (Is any other mom ready for summer weather? He would watch these videos all day if he could.) If he hasn't said "Ceese" I remind him..."You would like to watch this, please?" He reached a stubborn stage quickly and would refuse to say please. So, no video, which resulted in an unhappy boy. I would try and try to get him to say it...I know he knows! Well, then he started saying it again, and we'd get all excited and yell, "Yay! You said 'please'!" give him high 5's, and just live it up, and pop the video in with great enthusiasm. He loved it.

And so the other day, Stevie brought over his beloved video tape wanting to watch. I waited for the magic word. Silence. So, I said, "Please?" Stevie's response: "Yay!!" and clapping and joyful dances, congratulating his mother on a job well done.

Sigh. One day, he'll get it.

Post Overload?

2011-04-02T09:41:00.003-04:00

You may or may not have noticed a lot of posts have been published all of the sudden recently. I have this habit of starting posts, and then they sit as drafts unpublished. Sometimes, they are waiting to be finished, and often, they are just waiting for me to hit that publish button. I don't know what it is. I guess I just wonder why anyone would want to read most of them. And some of my posts are just pretty personal, and I'm hesitant to let that out. But, then I need to remember this blog is more for me than anyone else. I need to record these moments. I want to remember these times...the good and the bad and how far we've come. I could just keep a journal, but I think I'd be even worse at finishing entries. So, I keep this public...and if others are encouraged or get a chuckle out of my life, well, that's some good icing on the cake I guess. So, I'm a real girl, a real wife, and a real mom...learning as I go. If you're still sharing the journey with me, thank you! Oh, and if you're wondering, I'm now 35 weeks pregnant with #2! I'm in nesting mode and a little frazzled. I'll try to be back soon!

Boyness in the House

2011-03-25T15:36:00.005-04:00

A glimpse of what's been happening in this house of boys (at least for now)...pretty much what you'd rather not know.

Confession time to my husband:
Confession #1: Stevie grabbed your toothbrush this morning....and used it. (The boy loves toothbrushes.)

Confession #2: Umm, I was glad he didn't use mine.

Awful? Matt laughed...he didn't really care...as I suspected. I don't like sharing straws with my husband. I'm not even thrilled with 2 straws in the same cup. (I have more issues I could go on about.) Boys (yes, I'm generalizing here...good or bad) just aren't as grossed out by things as girls (or me anyway). Let's continue with this theme.

My warrior boy discovered a new toy today and was running around the upstairs with it...briefly (aka, just until Mommy saw and let out a "Nooo!"). He was happy as could be with the... plunger! He was so close to sticking his face right in it too. (He likes to try to peek through things.) Gross!! This large, pregnant mama raced over to him pretty quickly! We'll find new things to "slay the dragons" with.

I still have to sometimes keep Stevie's hands away when I'm trying to change him....he just has an itchy bottom I guess! When he walks from his room to the bathroom for his shower (we don't have a bath tub...poor kid), he will hold my hand or dad's (to keep him focused on the destination without a diaper on), and his other hand is usually scratching his bare behind. He chats the whole way. Maybe it's a thing only a mom can find funny and cute.

He pulled an empty container out of the bathroom garbage, and I quickly exchanged it for a container not in the garbage. He was completely content with this...and when he was done, he threw that container away too. Unfortunately, it wasn't to be thrown away. I guess he thought that was where I got his new "toy." No, mommy does not get toys for you from the garbage! (Ok, ok, sometimes we find a cool toy on the side of the road...or your basketball hoop in a recycling bin, but that's different!)

When I sweep our floors, I have to be quick. He loves watching me sweep, and if he spies a cheerio in the pile, it looks tasty. Yes, I have to be quick. I will get you a fresh snack, Stevie!

I've already mentioned how he likes to swim in a pile of dirty laundry, and if he sees one of his blankets in the pile...it's love time. Ahh!

Of course he likes to play outside in dirt, mud, and snow...especially with sticks. That's not so bad. And, I'm thankful he really likes his showers! :)

Isaiah 25:1

2011-03-10T08:28:00.003-05:00

"LORD, you are my God;
I will exalt you and praise your name,
for in perfect faithfulness
you have done wonderful things,
things planned long ago." Isaiah 25:1

The past several months have been "sprinkled" (some times it seems like dumped) with some trials and difficult times. I shared several on here in previous posts. It was like we were still catching up, trying to tread water since Matt's layoff this summer. We were so thankful when he was hired on by a new company. He was actually hired the day his benefits at his last company ran out. Coincidence? I don't think so. Unfortunately, Matt's new paycheck was not what it had been before and no benefits were provided until he had worked there a certain amount of time. Paying for family health insurance out of pocket was a heavy burden. It was a significant amount more than we could actually afford every month. You can imagine (or maybe you also are in that boat!) the stress of that. We were just trying to "make it" until the benefits rolled in at his work. When the time came, we realized the plan offered at work was no cheaper, so we stuck with what we had. The stress in my gut grew deeper. Well, let me tell you: Miraculously, we were provided for during that time...even though we were so short ourselves. Little blessings along the way and things we don't even know about I'm sure, somehow filled in the gap. Yes, God filled in that gap in ways He can only do. This weekend, things just seemed to smack us though. We felt very attacked through the weekend and into Monday. We are dealing with some diapering "issues" still with Stevie that needed attention ASAP, we had slid into a guardrail on the slippery snow, and we had been in process of switching to a different health care plan to try to make it more affordable for MONTHS! Then Sunday night, our sump pump bit the dust, Matt (going back to school) received his first graded assignment back (and he's almost done with the class in 2 weeks...it would be nice to know how he's doing before then), and it was not good. Our basement is filling with water, and it's too late to get a sump pump on a Sunday night. Matt tried using something else with no success. However, in that process, he stumbled upon another pump in the basement. (We don't spend much time down there, haha, because it's an old, old cellar of an 1800's house...we've been here since June.) He hooked it up, and well, we know why it wasn't the one installed because it only works when it wants to. For days, Matt (or I had to when he as at work and class) had to go down and jiggle it to kick on...over and over and over. Not my favorite thing to do in the least....stomping through the standing water in the basement in Matt's big boots! After Stevie's Dr's appointment (waiting in the waiting room for over an hour and a half and dealing with more insurance issues...and still trying to deal with his diapering issues after we got home), I was spent. I cried the whole way home. By the time I pulled into the driveway, I said, "God, I know you're bigger than all of this. I NEED You to help. I NEED You to do...this."

A few weeks earlier, when we were looking at our budget in stress, I was telling Matt that I loved him. I loved him way more than any money he brought in, and I appreciated his faithful provision for our family. It's our choice that I stay home, and I will not complain about how much we have or don't have. We needed to do our best and let God fill in the rest because only He can. I said, "Sometimes I think He likes to show us a glimpse of How big He is and how amazing He is when we are so short." So in those moments in the car parked in our driveway, I was faithfully putting all these things in His hands. Like this verse: "But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me." 2 Corinthians 12:9.

Well, we are still waiting for more of an answer in Stevie's diapering department, but never in my wildest dreams would I have expected Him to show His power to us so quickly. The next day, Matt called from work saying he got a raise!! This was so significant that it will meet our financial needs and maybe even a bit more! (Yup, when Matt called me...I cried. I called my mom...and cried. She was confused, "This is a good thing isn't it?" haha.) We are blessed I tell ya! Yes, there is a God. And my God, is a big God who deeply cares and is personally involved in our day to day lives. It is so very humbling to mean that much to Him, and to see His hand at work in our lives. And, how sweet it is to receive such blessing right in the thick of trials. It is so important to me to give praise where it is due...to our great God, and to record these things as further evidence of His greatness and love so I don't forget and can teach them to my children.

2011-02-28T08:17:00.003-05:00

Saturday could've been better. We received unfortunate news in the mail on our way out that night...that Matt's G.I. Bill pay for going back to school will be half of what we expected due to new legislation. (Shall I say, "typical.") That was a super bummer. I don't think Matt will be taking more than half time in credits again any time soon because it just isn't worth it financially or stress-wise on the family. As we're running our errands (including a family grocery trip so I don't have to do it on my own every time as a huge pregnant lady with a cute little boy...I cannot tell you how much I love that Matt will come with us in this stage of the game), Matt discovers he doesn't have his wallet. Thankfully, it was not missing (phew!)...just in the car.

Just when I didn't even realize I needed it, while laughing through the store with my 2 favorite men...and waddling severely from a good dinner, waiting for over a half an hour in line, I paid for our groceries, and the woman behind us leans into me and softly says, "I just have to tell you this: You have the cutest baby belly I have ever seen. Congratulations! And your little boy, he's a cutie too!" I'm telling you folks, you want to make a pregnant woman's day, you tell her something positive about the way she looks. (Forget the comments about the hugeness. That doesn't really help.) That lady made my night. She was a complete stranger. She didn't have to say anything out of obligation like those close to you do (or feel like they do, haha).

We head out into the snowy night, and true to form, lost control of the car and hit a guard rail. It could've been way worse....we didn't hit it hard at all, and the damage is really minimal, and of course, most importantly we're all fine.

But oy! 2 steps back and $2 (give or take) short!

And Then There Were 2

2011-02-28T07:56:00.004-05:00

No, the baby is not here yet. But just like that, there are now 2 cribs in our nursery. We had contemplated moving Stevie to a "big boy bed," but we decided he loves his crib, and do we really want to rock the boat if we don't have to? Nope. So, we invested in a new crib that we actually moved Stevie into because it's convertible. His previous crib was not (a wonderful hand-me-down for which I cannot complain), so that is now for the new baby. I was sort of hoping to get matching colors in the cribs since they are in the same room, but I could not turn down a good 4 in 1 crib for $88 brand new (plus I had a $10 gift card) just because of the color...I like deals!

Stevie has smoothly adjusted. I'm...getting there. I had no idea how emotional I would be (inwardly, people) as Matt set up the new crib with his little man's help. All of the sudden I felt like, "Oh no! We didn't take a picture of the way it used to be when this was just Stevie's room!" It's all changing. My boy is no longer in the only crib he's ever known. I tried to stuff it a bit and just enjoy the time for what it was. I got a few pictures of Stevie helping put the crib together (the boy has crazy fine motor skills...he was putting pieces in the screw holes ever so seriously and clapping for himself every once in awhile). It was the most precious thing to see my boys working together...and looking SO much alike (in the same positions, working on similar pieces).

But, it's hard to keep stuffing those thoughts and feelings forever. I am so ready for this new addition, so excited for the baby to be here. (And yes, even though I'm feeling relatively good for this stage of the game...almost 31 weeks... I do relish the thought of not having to make 3 pt turns in bed just to roll over!) I guess I just have a difficult time seeing my boy grow up is all. I know, I know, it's only just begun. I don't want to lose the special relationship we have...I don't want jealousy to grow in him as I have to tend to the baby. I want them to grow to become great friends. My mom has told me it was the most challenging for her going from 1 to 2 kids, but after 2, I guess the routine was well established and much easier. It will certainly be an adjustment for us all, but I'm hoping and praying it is as smooth as his transition to a different crib.

2011-02-09T13:53:00.003-05:00

Last night was one of those "Some days" that are difficult. Stevie was crying a lot. We go through these bouts of all day crying every once and awhile. Sometimes he's overtired, sometimes he's frustrated he cannot communicate his desires to me (he still has a very limited vocabulary), and sometimes I just have no idea. It makes me feel awful though. It literally triggers something in my gut on such days (and newborn days too when he cried and cried and we just weren't getting it). I want so badly to understand what he needs. I also want so badly to be teaching him that he doesn't always get what he wants and to deal with that appropriately. I want so badly for him to know I love him. And in those days, I can get discouraged. They are often days Matt is gone all day and isn't even able to see Stevie. I think a part of that may contribute to Stevie's unrest...he misses his Daddy. But overall, our days have gotten so much better than they were a few months ago (that left me in tears a lot of nights). He really is for the most part a happy little guy. If you've ever heard him laugh, well, you know, he laughs a lot!! So anyway, in general last night was one of "those" nights.

I was busy doing a lot of laundry. We have uneven floors (old house), and apparently I'm not the best washing machine loader because our machine likes to shake and jump at least half of the time. I try to adjust the laundry, and my attempts are often not accompanied by my desired results, so I confess, sometimes I just grin and bear the noise until it's over. Well, unbeknownst to me, during that loud ruckus of my final load, the brand new unopened bottle of detergent that sat on top of the machine fell, shattering the plastic cap into what seemed like a hundred pieces, dumping the entire bottle of detergent on our hardwood floors. We still had about 45 minutes or something until Stevie's bedtime, so I decided I was going to make some hot chocolate to enjoy and relax with. My little pal followed me to the kitchen and got distracted like usual as I was preparing my "treat." I was just about to take my cup to the couch when I noticed Stevie playing in our laundry area. He was playing in a puddle. I gasped loudly because my first thought was the washing machine leaked all over the floor. Then I realized he was a sticky, gooey mess and I saw the bottle. It was at this moment, I was ready to call it a night and just cry. (Ok, so I'm pregnant too...so maybe that contributed to my emotions.) I set my hot cocoa back on the counter and start my endeavor of cleaning up the floor. I waited on cleaning Stevie up because he would likely be back to "help." I didn't even know where to begin because there was SO much detergent. I wiped as much up as I could on my hands and knees (my belly probably wiped some up too) while Stevie rolled in my paper towel roll as he unraveled it. (I didn't want to use bath towels because who knows how much detergent that would put in the washer and cause another issue.) Then I got out an extra mop sponge and tried to rinse and ring, wipe, rinse and ring...with intermittent times of chasing Stevie around to get my sponge back. (The boy loves all things cleaning.) I cleaned it up (as much as I was going to at that point), and sat down to my cooled cocoa. I internally grieved over that wasted bottle of concentrated laundry detergent though. I used a coupon to save a dollar, but I still spent like $5 or whatever. I thought about the other ways I could've blown $5, and really there are a lot of ways since starting that Dave Ramsey class. As a pregnant lady (who am I kidding, as ME), my thoughts immediately went to, "I could've bought THIS much chocolate..." or whatever else sounded good to eat at the time...oh yeah, and you know, I could've put it towards those student loans. (I think I really should record the "funny" stories of how our good intentioned plans are being sabotaged...what seems like daily.) As a stay at home mom, it's sometimes hard on me that I'm not contributing financially when we could so use it, and when my efforts of trying to save money go down the tubes like in this instance, I get so discouraged. Stevie climbed up next to me for a few spoonfuls of the not so hot cocoa, and then it was pretty much time for bed for him. As I rocked him, I was thankful for that little boy playing in the detergent puddle because if I hadn't caught him doing that, the detergent could've sat making it so much harder to get cleaned up. I was also thankful the detergent was free and clear...so no blue stains to worry about.

We survived the day, and really by most people's standards that would've been a piece of cake compared to what they're enduring. Perspective, Becky, perspective.

Then a day like today comes. One of those "other days." My little boy snuggled up on the couch with me while we (he) watched "Boo." He just pretty recently started sitting with me since he came down with that strep throat/scarlet fever a few weeks ago. He has never been a cuddly guy, but I'm hoping that's changing! He ended up falling asleep with me!! People, this has never happened. I can't recall him doing such a thing since he was a newborn! I felt badly, but I told him I needed to change his diaper because he would be totally exploded if I didn't. So, I laid him down and changed him...he slept through it. He has never done that even when he was newborn. What has happened to my boy?! I sooo badly wanted to cuddle up with him and just nap on the couch together, but we have plans tonight, and I still needed to shower (grr). So, I picked him up, he wrapped his little sleepy arms around me, and I carried him to his crib. As I laid him down, his eyes still closed, he gave me the most precious smile. These are the moments I want to hold onto forever...and in those moments, there is nothing else that matters. I may not have $5, and I may be out of laundry detergent, but I have it all...all that really matters!

Days

2011-02-09T13:43:00.002-05:00

Some days I want to pull my hair out.

Some days I want to cry because all I'm hearing is crying.

Some days I just want to crawl back in bed until it's over.

But then...

Some days I don't ever want to end.

Some days are full of laughter and smiles.

Some days are simple and yet seemingly perfect and smooth.

But...

Everyday, I'm thankful.

Everyday, I'm thankful for the opportunity to spend with my son (and soon to be here baby #2).

Everyday, I try to soak up some moment even on the hairiest of days to sit and smile and to cherish this time that is so quickly passing.

Everyday, I am blessed and humbled to be a mom.

You are my Sunshine

2011-02-03T20:58:00.004-05:00

I was a bit of an emotional mess tonight. Matt and I have been helping to answer a young couple's questions and sharing our story with them to help them on their own journey. I was listening to some marriage and relationship advice from my favorite authors on youtube, and that led to wedding songs...and that led to father/daughter songs...and that led to mother/son songs. Oh. dear.

Little Stevie was sitting with me, and I could not hold back the tears at one particular choice. I was thinking about my little boy all grown into this handsome, amazing man of God on his wedding day...and how it's already going so fast. I didn't say I wasn't going overboard! So, then I heard the song...and I lost it. "You are my Sunshine" was a song chosen (with a cute story behind it) for one grown boy and his mom. After "Jesus Loves Me," that was the first song I sang to Stevie in the hospital. It was a memory I want to hold forever. It often helped to calm him when I sang it. I still sing him the song and often replace "Sunshine" with Stevie or Stephen. Obviously, it's a well known song and people sing it all the time to their kids, but it's just a special one for us.

So, here I was, in a puddle of tears thinking I will probably lose it anyway on your wedding day, Stephen, but if you include this song somehow, well...you get the idea. Waterproof mascara will be a must. I know I will remember you fondly as this little boy I have in my arms today, and I want to hold onto you while I can. I can't wait to meet the man you'll become, but I treasure each day you are my little boy. You are my crowned and shining gift from God, and you really do bring sunshine to my every day. I love you more than you can know!

Do You Know How Much You're Loved?

2011-01-17T14:13:00.005-05:00

So, today has not been going very smoothly for me, but for you, Stevie? You have been so content today. I am so thankful for you.

The other day, as Daddy was getting you up in the morning, he was singing this crazy song about you that he was making up as he went. It was something about you being his boy. It was silly. The thing that stuck out to me though, not even being in the room, was how much your Daddy loves you. This moment in time stood still as I stood in the next room and just listened to him and to you. Your Dad loves you so much he isn't afraid to be silly with you and sing like an opera man to make you smile. And so I wonder, do you know how much your Daddy loves you? Do you know how much your Mommy loves you? I felt in that moment, that yes, you enjoyed the song, but did you know, did you really know, as I do and Daddy does, the depth of our love for you...even in a silly song. You are just so little to understand it.

Later that day, Daddy was coming down the stairs, and we were playing in the living room. As he descended, he was singing that song again, "Oh, Stevie boy!" As soon as you heard him, a little smile curled across your lips and you walked quickly to the stairs to meet him. Do you know how special it is to be his little boy?

It's just another one of those instances where I see a little more of our God's love for us. We are so small and lack so much understanding. I bet there are times when God looks at us in love and says, "If only you could fully grasp how much I love you." We think we do, and at times, we have what seems like a pretty good idea of His great love, but oh how much more we have yet to learn and experience. And Stevie, you are helping me learn more about His love for us everyday, and we pray that through us, you are also learning more about His love for you each day.

I love you so much, Stephen! Love always, Mom

Swimming in January

2011-01-07T16:52:00.003-05:00

We just signed up for a 3 month membership to the fitness center where I went to college. Tonight, we are planning to take our family of 3 (well, 4) swimming. I announced this on facebook, and the thoughts just started swirling. I thought I'd dump them here instead. You may laugh with me or at me...I'm giving full permission.

First of all, I have a significant baby bump for 23 weeks. My weight gain is also pretty much tied with my number of weeks. How's that for honesty? I had a Dr.'s appointment yesterday with another Dr. than my actual one, and he told me baby was not quite the size of Shamu yet...but apparently getting there. (Yes, he called my baby Shamu...he also referred to Goliath. He heard Stevie's size, I'm measuring ahead already, and well, he heard about Matt's birth weight and head size). Yup, he told me I'm bound to have bigger babies. Anyway, so of course going to the pool tonight, I'm thinking about Shamu.

I'm also thinking of Matt's mean jokes to me while pregnant with Stevie. (My brother Pete is usually right along with him, making jokes about my ever expanding size!) I had asked Matt 2 years ago if there was anything he wanted me to do to help him at the gas station, and he quickly told me I could sit on top of the car to keep it from blowing over! Thanks, Matt. So, now, I'm waiting for his jokes about me and Shamu entering the water...I'm sure ever so gracefully. Hopefully, there will still be water left in the pool after we jump in! I can hear his comments now... remember how he used to call, "Timberrr!!" when I'd get in bed at night when I was pregnant with Stevie? He's so sensitive. He'll probably be making whale calls or something. But really, he makes me laugh harder than most.

Another thought that's crossing my mind tonight...thinking of the picture we'll be. I had to get Stevie a bigger pair of swim trunks today. Thankfully, they were a pair from last year and only $3 at Wallyworld. They are just a little silly looking. They are navy blue with an American flag in the shape of the U.S. on one pant leg. I'm patriotic, but these are a bit silly to me. They appear to be a bit big too. Hey, $3 right? So then I thought, "Hey, if they still have some old swim trunks, maybe they have some water shoes for the locker room floor?" I found one last pair that would barely fit Stevie, but would work if the price was right. $8. No way! So, I settled on these adorable Nerf flip flops that are 1 size too big, and who knows if he'll be able to keep them on his feet. We'll test them out tonight! But hey, they are nice quality, and were....$3!

So, Stevie will be sporting his new swim trunks and flip flops tonight (and swim diapers that I'm hoping still fit!), and I'll be sporting the baby bump, and Matt...he's along for the ride...and the help! No, I'm not planning on bringing the camera along for this adventure. I'll let you use your imagination.

I'm sure it will take us forever to actually get in the pool, and we'll probably only spend 10 minutes in it. Hopefully, Stevie enjoys it!

A Reflection of 4 Years Ago Today...and Maybe More

2010-12-16T13:07:00.003-05:00

I know I've written about our wedding day before and how we've met, but I honestly don't remember how much I've written. I'm sorry if I'm repetitive...afterall, it has been awhile since I've consistently blogged. I blame it on the dead laptop. I'm just not on here much anymore, especially when I have to sit in a metal folding chair! Anyway...

4 years ago today, I married Matt. The ceremony began at 2 (and pretty well on time if I remember correctly)...that's only an hour from typing this. I look outside and remember how it was 50 something degrees that day and sunny. Today, it's cold with snow covering the ground. I was so disappointed to not have snow on our wedding day. Afterall, who gets married in December hoping for 50 degree weather? At least the weather was nice for those who traveled.

As a little girl, I dreamed of a summer wedding, possibly outdoors, with daisies in my bouquet and beautiful yellows and blues. My "wedding dream" hadn't changed that much as I grew older but timing certainly did. I met Matt in the May of 2005. It was a quick meeting after church, you know the story how I was terrified he thought we were being set up because I thought we were (totally not my style), so I stood by my parents after church. I did not want to be cornered alone by some "cupid" waiting to introduce us. My mom went on and on about my "accomplishments," and I sort of added a little more reality to those with my own thoughts. Anyway, after that brief meeting, he left back for Hawaii. I began summer courses, and there were rumors certain letters from a certain man may be headed my way...my dad wouldn't say from who...and well, that man had no idea about such letters. Another story for another time I guess. From what I hear, Matt thought about calling me a lot but never got up the courage until September that year. Boy did he muster up some courage he thought he lacked...you see I was still living at home, and he left a message on my parents' answering machine for me. (That was one possibility he said he hadn't played out in his head...haha.) From that phone call, our mostly online relationship began (haha...some phone calling too) since he was way out in Hawaii. Sidenote: That is one of the things I admire so much about Matt. I'm not sure I can fit it into one adjective about him, but from the very beginning, he was so upfront with me and my parents and so honest. His intentions were pure and right, and he just had this respectful boldness that showed his serious intentions towards me. I even sort of challenged him on that upfrontness in my own way....and he passed with flying colors. (On our first date we ended up swinging by my parents' house for a bit. I don't know many guys who would be gung-ho about that!) Fast forward to December 14th that year, the day he came home. We started our "courtship" soon thereafter. Talk of marriage didn't take long for us...as it was discussed in early spring. He was ready to get married that summer. I was not. It just felt too soon. But, as you now know, I had likened the idea of a summer wedding, so do we wait till the next summer? That felt like light years away for a young couple in love. I know, I know...most of our generation in this world would be saying that's still pretty soon. What was a girl to do? Well, I surprised Matt, and for some reason this was over the phone, but I felt like he needed to know as soon as I did, and I told him, "I think I'll be ready earlier than next summer. What do you think about December?" I would have a break between courses (I was getting my Master's), and he also would have a break from his classes as he was going back to school as well. Plus, I love Christmas time! In May 2006, we were engaged and set the date of December 16th, 2006. Looking back now, it was perfect timing (and God coordinated the matching dates). It wasn't "too soon," and only the Lord knew then that Matt would be recalled to the military in March and leaving in October. How disappointed and even more stressed I would've been had we not been married yet when he received his orders. That also would've meant less time to spend together as husband and wife before he left.

An outdoor wedding and daisies wouldn't really fit our December day, so we began to build excitement for deep reds and of course, blues (as in Matt's dress blues). I fell in love with a dress that I thought fit well with the wintery feel and would look so nice with Matt's blues. My bouquet of red and white roses would be perfect for the "unity meaning" and go back with history as we began our courtship like the olden days with a bouquet of red roses...and also back in the day, the wedding day bouquet was to be red and white. The timing of a December wedding was blossoming into a perfect and unique idea to me.

Our rehearsal and set up day, however, was a nightmare for me. Matt was gone all day, unintentionally, and I struggled with carrying out our wedding prepartions without him by my side. Among other circumstances, poinsettias filled the church...what to do with those...I can't stand those flowers of death. I still will be forever regretful of my bridesmaid dresses (a wedding is not the best time to try to continue with frugality when it comes to what your friends will wear...do not buy online! lesson over). The flower girl dress also turned out differently than I'd hoped. I am disappointed we forgot to blow out the taper candles after lighting the unity candle (which I was afraid would happen...and if you watch the tape, you can see Matt stole my hands away before we could! haha)...does that mean we're still attached to our parents forever? haha "Leave and cleave," my friends, blow out the candles! (lesson 2 over...though I love my parents dearly) And of course we didn't know to unroll the aisle runner in practice so it would be ready to unroll smoothly the day of (because really, who wants to roll it back up after it's been unrolled?). Well, yeah, it only took 15 minutes for my oldest 2 brothers to get it down the aisle with assistance from those in the seats. (lesson 3 over) I also wasn't as careful as I should have been (a distracted bride? no, that never happens) when lifting my gown to go up the steps, and put some tears in the borrowed poofy slip underneath. I felt terrible...and still do. (lesson 4 over) The dress will enivitably be a bit tight...that's the way they seem to make those things...but maybe we should've left the straps (which I loved, "capsleeves" actually) a little looser. They were attached with snaps so if at the last minute I didn't want them, wa-la! Well, almost every time I hugged someone after the wedding, one would pop off! Seriously, hug the bride and part of her dress comes apart?! Thankfully, it was a quick and easy fix, but I had people telling me "that" was supposed to happen later...thanks, blush. (lesson 5 over) And of course there were other mishaps (like cold food, and on and on), but despite all the things that sort of went wrong (it certainly could've been a lot worse), nothing got my panties in a bunch that day. I could've cared less. I noticed most (probably not all, haha), and really smiled or laughed at them as silly memories of our day. Nothing was going to get in the way of me marrying the one I've waited all my life for.

And the good memories...oh the good memories. The way my groom looked at me while walking down the aisle, seriously folks, we should've been in a movie or something. This handsome, strong man in his uniform, had a tender smile and tears running down his cheeks. I believe that was about the first time I had seen him cry. That, I will never forget. The music was beautiful and just what we wanted, the ceremony was way long (sorry to families), but it included every aspect we wanted. Of course, the wedding ended with our kiss...our first kiss. Yup, it was a little awkward having our first one in front of a whole crowd, but most people didn't know it was our first (until after the fact), so that helped me feel better. I still don't regret it though. Matt has it all...every kiss, every hand-hold, every date...it was all saved for him! And that honest, patient man: he respected my wishes (as crazy as they sounded to him at first) and waited till then to kiss me too! We didn't have any dancing at the reception. That was my personal choice, not Matt's. I told him we'd dance later, and we did (he chose the song "Ok" by Chris Rice which became oh so fitting for that first year and beyond). I just always felt uncomfortable watching the bride and groom dance...like it's personal and intimate. I don't watch people make-out, why should I watch this? And I am no dancer...so I didn't want people watching me! I never said I wasn't weird. Even though we didn't have dancing, we did have music. (Most of it was not what we selected...but I'm talking about the good memories now, haha.) My dad brought out that giant project he had been working on, the rocking horse. Matt carried me to the horse for a final ride. As a little girl (possibly dreaming of summer and daisies), I would ride my spring horse with all my might while my dad played the guitar and sang. And so we did (though I rode a bit gentler on that big thing in that big dress) one more time.

Each piece, is just part of our story! The silly and the wonderful...it is all ours. It was a dream come true in so many more regards than the flowers or the setting. I married the man God led to me in His timing, the one I love with all my heart, and to us, it was the most beautiful ceremony and day we could have imagined...and a perfect start for our life together.

Dear Stephen

2010-11-29T13:42:00.006-05:00

Dear Stephen,

It's been awhile since I've written one of your letters. You've been up to a lot lately. At 17 months, you zoom all over the house. You officially took steps at 15 months on your own and took off at 16 months. You pretty much never crawled again after you figured out that was so much better. You still like to play with the broom and dustpan, and we're working on you bringing the dustpan to the pile when I need it. It often doesn't work, and while I go fetch the pan, you manage to dance in my dirt pile and eat the cheerio that was sitting in the middle. Yeah, you don't really care about gross-ness. When I'm behind with the laundry, I often dump the baskets on the dining room floor (because we don't have a laundry room) to sort. While doing a load, I have found you swimming in the piles of dirty clothes...and doing your version of what looks like a snow angel. Yeah, that's gross. We're working on the word, "yucky" and "dirty." You've got the word, "Eww!" down perfectly...but it's just because you like the word and think it's funny.

When we're outside, sticks are the greatest. They would probably be the greatest inside too, but we keep them outside. I guess I didn't need to get those Christmas gifts I already got for you! (Which you discovered, but only grabbed a gift that's for your cousin and carried it around the house.) You love being outside to play, swing, or go for walks. You loved watching us rake the leaves, and boy did we have a lot of leave raking to do. "Wow! Whoa!" was heard down the street as the leaves flew in the air. You liked to try yourself with a stick in the leaf pile...and every time, you'd yell something...very loudly, and sometimes you'd go up to the clothesline pole and give it a good whack with that stick to get your point across. You are a total boy.

Leaf pick-up is sadly coming to an end, so our mornings are no longer spent at the window watching the big trucks suck the leaves up. But, have no fear, snow plows will be coming! I tried to take you out for our first sticking snowfall. You wanted to play so badly but those snow boots and huge snow suit (yeah, and the mittens), made it super frustrating. Maybe next year, winter will be easier.

You did so well during Thanksgiving as we spent time with your dad's family. You were great the 3 hours down, you did ok with the crowds you didn't know, ate a ton of food, and survived the 3 hours back home. We stopped in for leftovers at my parents', and your first sentence was formed! Grandma was bringing Grandpa's deer meat down to the freezer in the basement. You watched and waited for her at the doorway. You made noises when you couldn't see her anymore, so I said, "Say: Grandma, where are you?" Don't you know, you said, "Where are you?" More like, "Wheyahyou?" The reaction you received egged you on to say it over and over again, making our night. Today, while I took a moment to use the bathroom, you came around the hallway not knowing where I went and said, "Wheyahyou?" You melt my heart Stephen Matthew!

We set up our tree a week ago during your nap time. For the first few days, you wouldn't go near it. I think you thought it was alive or something. After those first days, you'd give a branch a nudge with the toy in your hand, watching ever so carefully to see what it would do back to you. You got a little more aggressive within another day and would whack the branch and take a step back. I think you have discovered it's not going to get you. You have found the ornaments to be super interesting. They are things you are to be "gentle" with. I know you're curious, but we are gentle and we leave the ornaments on the tree. I found evidence of little fingers being more curious than allowed. Ornaments are upside down on a tree branch....or my favorite, I saw, from the next room, you threw a ball ornament back in the tree because you didn't know how to hang it back on, or you figured that was how we got them on there. (Our ball ornaments are plastic.) I definitely had to muffle my laughter from that one. It was just so innocent and boy-ish. You love those ball ornaments the most...and the little red bells around the tree.

You sure are growing up. You no longer put your head over my shoulder after bed time bottle. You just want to sit on my lap...because you really just want to go to bed. None of this snuggle business. Now, your legs hang down past my knees in the rocking chair (yes, that means you are huge). It was sad for me because you were never a cuddler...that was the closest we got. You have just started to come over and sit on my lap every once and awhile while we play on the floor. I love those moments. Earlier on in my pregnancy with your little brother or sister, I being overly tired, would end up falling asleep on the couch. You'd come over and toss a toy at me or get in my face and start talking! You always woke me up within a minute of dosing off. That began our game of patting the couch. I would pat the couch to ask you to sit with me...you know, so I could relax and snuggle with you and not have to chase you around for a few minutes. You had no idea what I was looking for and would rather not sit, so you'd look so cute at me and just pat the couch back. Now, random times, you come over and pat the couch next to me...so I will pat it...and you will pat it again. But, you'll sit with Grandma G. and you'll even fall asleep on her lap. Umm, where is this when you're tired with us? :)

You are just so busy, and thankfully, my energy is starting to come back a bit. I am still so thankful to be able to spend my days with you. You're my partner at the grocery store (even if you're wearing clothes with food on it, I forget the wipes, and then you get free cookie all over your face), you're my partner at the post office (even if you got your finger stuck in the trash swing door from swinging it the first time I let you walk and stand next to me), you're my partner at story hour (even if we went to the wrong class our first time and you picked your nose through the whole thing), you're my partner on the swing (even if I have to put you in your own swing because Mama's stomach doesn't tolerate the swing together thing anymore due to nauseousness and a growing belly), and you're my partner at play time (even if I end up dosing off), and snack time (even if a few of the crackers have fallen on the floor). I'm still learning as your mom, and I know you're still learning as my son. I love you so much, Stephen. And, I'm so thankful to be right here with you.

Love,
Mom

I'm still here...

2010-11-11T12:43:00.002-05:00

Well, I guess I'm around...just haven't been blogging. It's my 199th post in case you were wondering.

Where have I been?

*Raking, raking, raking. I love big old trees. They don't love me back apparently. I have raked more the past few weeks than I probably have my entire life. The trees are ginormous and looked oh so nice when we moved in to this here house. Mm hmm. I'm supposed to be out there now in fact. I decided to say hello instead....then I'll make my way...

*Not blogging. In fact, I haven't even been able to read and catch up as often as usual on my favorites. I can't even find some of my favorites any more. My laptop died. (I saved my favorites under my "favorites," you know?) I should have a ceremony for that thing. It got me through a lot. It was the one I was given and used through Matt's entire ordeal that first year of marriage (aka his recall and deployment). It was not always loved though...because it crashed after loading his homecoming pictures from a friend's camera. I only still have them because I posted some on here and facebook. Friends, do you know how to get the original quality and size out of them? I would be forever grateful if we could rectify that. Anyway, it let me talk with and see my husband from afar. I began my blog on that old (yeah, 3 years old?) laptop. It gave me an outlet to spill some thoughts and emotion. I was able to keep in contact with some awesome cousins with it. I dragged it with me wherever I went so I wouldn't be tied down at home. Poor Bethany's sleep overs, I slept with my cell phone next to my ear and my laptop practically nailed to my sleeping bag. You military wives know what I mean. It held onto the memories of expecting Stevie and the pictures of his birth...and since. Thankfully, I think I have most of the pictures on our old desktop. I better back those up. It became a dating tool for Matt and I post-Stevie's arrival. After Stevie goes off to dreamland, we would often snuggle up and watch a show online. Afterall, we went to bed shortly after, and all the shows come on tv after we go to bed. Oldies.

We had shared some memories that old laptop and I. I'm thankful for the time we had it. (Just don't ask how many laptops have died or been damaged by us...just during that year.)

*I've mostly just been busy with the Stevie man and taken a break from a lot of computer-y stuff. I've also been falling asleep...boy I need to pass this tired stage. Baby's been moving! More on that another time. I have stories to share...because I always forget to write them. Like the time I zipped Stevie up in his sleeper for bed, and Matt started laughing at the huge bulge protruding out of his leg. Apparently, the lotion...yeah, the big Aveeno lotion container, somehow jumped in his pantleg before he was all zipped up. I had no clue until Matt's laughter snapped me out of pregnancy brain (not sure that really works though). It didn't bother Stevie a bit, but I did take it out...and laugh. What did you say? You've been missing such stupid--I mean silly--stories? I'll be back.

But first, I must go rake.

Life Around Here

2010-10-26T14:28:00.003-04:00

My days don't always go as planned. I was going to get lots of outdoor work done. I was going to rake the deep layer of leaves in our front yard. Well, I got some done, but my rake is falling apart...and Stevie had enough of stick time I guess. Then I was going to do some scrubbing of our siding. I have no idea what's stuck to it or what's growing there, but it needs to be off. It started raining. So, here I sit, eating a waffle and blogging instead.

Stevie loves it when he says "Ow" and we repeat him. He's not hurt. He just likes the word. Where did he learn it? Umm, Full House. We rented season 1, and DJ was singing to her favorite artist (remember she skips school in that one? ...yeah, I used to really love that show). Anyway, she ended with a screamed, "Ow!" He repeated it right after and has thought it's hilarious ever since.

We still take walks to the post office. I manage to pinch my finger/s in the stroller snap...a lot. Ugh. I got this really nasty blood blister that turned black. Nice, huh? Well, I'm sharing that because I thought this was funny: Stevie and I were sharing some sort of dessert, can't remember what, and he kept picking at my finger to get the "chocolate" off. He won't let any go to waste. Boy after my own heart.

Speaking of sharing, I never really liked sharing my Reese's peanut butter cups. But with Stevie, it isn't hard at all. Amazing how things change, huh?

I did a little diaper bag fall cleaning and took the swim diaper out. It may or may not have been used as a hot pad for a plate since it was conveniently on the table.

Matt and I were watching something the other night, and he was eating a piece of pie. (We like dessert around here, ok?) I watched him out of the corner of my eye and then demanded to know why he was blowing on his chocolate pie which obviously was not hot. He was adamant that he wasn't blowing on the pie on his fork. We both rolled with laughter as I realized and remembered he had a bit of a cold and was breathing out of his mouth...apparently, he was breathing heavily. I never said we weren't weird.

We went to the zoo last weekend. It was the first fun family outing we've had in a really long time. Stevie loves dogs, so we figured other animals would be exciting for him as well. Well, I wouldn't say he was entirely amused, but we still had a good time. He seemed to like the monkeys best since they were the most active, but the big stuff...the elephants, the polar bears, we were only able to see their butts. I didn't go wild about that either. I think they know we're paying money to see them. Rude. It was the zooboo thing. So, Stevie was dressed as Superman and got some candy and a little stuffed monkey. He wasn't too interested in the whole candy receiving process either. I'll cut him some slack. He's 16 months old...and we switched him to 1 nap a day that week. He was soo ready to fall asleep the whole time. He was good, just tired. Oh well. After his nap, he was all about digging into his bag to see what was in it. He also learned if he bit some of the wrapper he'd get to the chocolate. Yeah, we need to watch that. You should see this boy's smile when he eats an M&M. I have to tape it. His first taste, he's unsure because it's different. After a couple of chews, this smile starts spreading across his face till his eyes light up and his eyebrows raise. Then he looks at me ever so sweetly for another.

Apparently, I have a lot of food thoughts today. My cravings went wild last night, and really the most I've had so far this time around. I kept telling Matt as he was trying to go to sleep that I wanted mashed potatoes and gravy, french fries with ketchup, so and so's green beans...on and on.

My birthday's coming up. My request is dinner at Boston Market. (I like how I can get a million sides, and they're so good. Their mac and cheese...) I also wanted a vaporizer for the cold I had for a month. I got the vaporizer early and my cold has finally gone! It doesn't always take much to please this girl!

Little man is cruising around the house...on 2 feet! We are so excited! It's been a long time coming. He used to think crawling got him where he wanted to go quickly, now he's traded that in. A few days after taking lots of steps he already attempted to run. Hilarious. It was sort of a gallop of a few steps and then a fall. He's a trooper though. He got right back up to do it again.

The sun is out again, and Stevie should be up from his nap soon. Maybe I needed the rest today.

You're Worth It

2010-10-13T11:38:00.002-04:00

I'm going to be honest here, I'm not the most happy pregnant person you'll ever meet. I feel guilty about it. How I wish I could be one of those moms who savor every moment of pregnancy. I feel super yucky. I feel totally out of control, nauseous, crazy, uncomfortable...among other things. Yesterday, I spent a good chunk of time head first in the toilet bowl.

I get so excited to see that positive on the stick. I love my babies. I want my babies. I can't wait to meet my babies. However, once the yuckiness sets in, I can't really even think about it. It happened with Stevie, and I just needed to get over the hump of this stage of pregnancy, and then the excitement will kick back in....just until the huge stage and when the due date passes...hehe.

Pregnancy is hard. But, it's true. I forgot. Well, I sort of forgot. After Stevie was born, it didn't take long for that desire to kick in again...that desire to have another baby. Then, I remembered. I joke with Matt (though half serious) that this is the last time! I said that with Stevie too..."you know, you just might be an only child!" Going through the morning sickness, the mind and speech crazies, the HUGENESS (Stevie likes the word "huge" ...go figure), waiting and waiting for labor to kick in, pushing and pushing for 2 1/2 hours, to birth that 9 lb 1 oz baby, having a terrible time in the healing department including infections and ultimately, surgery. Sounds lovely, right?

But, you know what? I look at my little boy and cannot imagine one day without him. I hardly ever even leave him with a sitter. When I'm away, I miss him. I love my boy ...I love him HUGE (right, Stevie?). The moment he was born, I heaved with the rest of my energy (I think I only had one pillow behind me....next time, when I push, I'm making sure I have a little something to prop me up! Flat on my back may not have been the most effective.) to see our boy....that big, curly headed boy. Immediate love. No matter how bad I'm feeling right now, he can still motivate me to get off the couch and play on the floor with him for a bit. I'm beyond thankful to have been given the opportunity to be Stevie's mom.

So, baby, even now, you are so worth it! We're in this thing together, and I think it's pretty special to have your big brother as a reminder and a glimpse of the treasure you are and will be on the outside in this family too! Boy or girl, curly haired or straight, big or small, we look forward to who you are and who God makes you to be. No matter how this goes until we meet, you're worth it all! I. love. you. baby. #. 2.

(P.S. Sorry about the whole "baby #2" thing...referring to you as a number. We'll work on a better nickname.)

It hapened again

2010-10-08T16:45:00.000-04:00

A few posts ago, I mentioned I was nervous I might have another episode and end up in the ER again. Well, I had another episode 2 weeks ago, but I was thankfully able to skip the trip to the hospital. I was checking something online, and I felt the pins and needles in my chin/jaw area. I tried to ignore it. Then I felt it on my nose. I thought maybe if I laid down, nothing else would happen. Sounds reasonable, right? So, I laid on the couch. On my trip there, I told Matt I was having some numbness, and it spread to my right hand...through the fingers and then up my arm. Here we go again! Same side and everything. A short while later, I tried to tell Matt how I was feeling...and I messed up one word. I warned Matt that "it" was beginning. My speech was way worse than it was with my episode with Stevie...which doesn't seem to be very possible, but I also think I tried to limit my speech then because it really required too much work. I decided I needed to call my dr about it...but of course took a shower first just in case I was told to go to the hospital. Because I'm like that. By the time I got out of the shower, it was difficult for me to dial the dr's number....and the nurse, the poor nurse on the end of the line was so patient and kind. It's the strangest thing to have half of your vocabulary but to be missing the other half. I started by telling her that I have some of the same symptoms as my first pregnancy. She was probably real thrilled to waste her time with this...."sure, honey, nausea, fatigue?" But, she didn't say that. She just said, "such as..." That's where I was blank. All I could say was, "Umm, umm, I'm sorry (a little slurred)...I can't..." Matt had to mouth words to me. Headache, numbness, pins and needles, arm....those words were out the window of my brain. I had quizzed Matt beforehand on words. "What's the word?" The one I remember most clearly was trying to remember was "headache." The closest I got to it was "haireed." I should've handed the phone to Matt at this point, but at least she got an idea of what I was going through! I can't remember half of the English language, but I could clearly think, "This lady is going to think I'm on drugs!"

Because this was pretty much identical to the last time, I was able to stay home and rest. Another trip to the neurologist is in order soon. Fun. Speaking of that, Matt was asking about me going in...and I was like, all they're going to do is have me touch my finger to my nose over and over again (what they did last time)...and so I modeled it sarcastically...and my finger involuntarily went to my cheek instead of my nose. Nice. Exactly what they're looking for. Check me in, now. Matt told me I said some pretty crazy things to him...but I had no idea because I thought I was saying the right words. A short time later, the actual migraine kicked in.

If I'm pregnant again, I just plan on staying home for the entire 8th week of pregnancy. Apparently, that's my hormonal craziness peak...one of them anyway. They are still calling them complex migraines due to hormones. I was hoping the 2nd time around my body would have a better idea of how to handle them, but I guess not. I'm just really glad I haven't been out anywhere when it's happened.

So, that's my adventure of late...and now I'm just battling a cold...but my speech is a whole lot better!

Does it Ever Drive You Crazy?

2010-10-01T11:50:00.002-04:00

It drives me bonkers when I can't think of a word I'm looking for...or have vague memories of things of years past and want to know what it is. I'm not making sense yet?

Well, this is dumb I know, but for years, I have been trying to think of a breakfast cereal. I have this memory of bringing the puzzle (I think it was) to preschool from my cereal box. On the puzzle, was the cereal character. I've been dying to know what cereal it was. The character was this yellow thing with a big nose. It was a he. The only thing I could compare him to was a combination of some sort of Teddy Ruxpin character. Remember him? haha Yeah, I still don't know how to pronounce his name correctly apparently. I had to look it up for the spelling.

So, I looked up breakfast cereals of the 80's once and for all this morning to satisfy my irritating curiousity. Does anyone remember Crispy Critters? Feel free to click on the link and scroll down about 3/4 of the page to find the yellow critter. I think that just might be it! I don't remember the cereal at all. It was probably either bad or expensive because I think we only got it once, haha.

Having figured out that long time wonderment, a little stressed is released. :) Does it ever drive you nuts....and you have to figure out what you're forgetting?

And just like that...

2010-09-28T15:07:00.003-04:00

Matt has a job. that will provide for our needs. just in time.

Yup. He cares for us.

"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?..." Matthew 6:25-26

Blessings

2010-09-20T10:51:00.002-04:00

*Just when I thought I would go insane and cry (mmhmm) if I felt any worse, my late afternoons and evenings have been so much better in the nausea department (if I eat a TON of hearty foods earlier in the day). Saturday, I was feeling so good, I was able to make a "good" meal for my family...and do it joyfully. (Sundays we have big family meals...so we're still working on left-overs. :) )

*This Sunday, I started teaching a 1 year old Sunday School class with Stevie and another little boy. I was feeling awful before it began, and my wonderful husband gave me just the snack I needed, and the class went wonderfully! Totally exceeded my expectations! The lesson, including "coloring page", took all of like 5 minutes, but I was so encouraged for the first week with such active, little learners!

*Matt still does not have a job, and I really needed to get Stevie some more fall/winter clothes. Lo and behold a few shirts and pants that he wore last spring still fit! He was so chunky, he needed the big sizes rolled up! Now, he's slimmed down a bit and can still wear some! I received some hand-me-down clothes for Stevie yesterday too...including 3 sleepers and shirts he really needed!! He only has 1 sleeper at the moment that fits him well, and he wears it every night! Total blessing to have a few more! They are exactly what we've been praying for. God knows just what we need!

*I was able to get Stevie a box of overnite diapers for $12! I was also able to get another good cloth diaper for cheap. We are now able to go at least 2 days of cloth...which makes things a lot easier for laundry!

*I was given "left-over" prenatal vitamins from a family member...so I should be good on those for awhile!

*We were given a double box of my favorite cereal, a giant container of snacks for Stevie, and a huge jar of salsa for Matt...just so we know we're thought of...and for some groceries.

*My husband is seriously the best. He cares for me so much (and it's not always easy when I'm not feeling 100%). He always takes care of the "nasty" jobs that need to be done here too. Whether it's fixing the toilet or killing things...he's my hero!

*My 1st appointment, and I think ultrasound, is this Friday, and it looks as though Matt will be able to be there. Our insurance lasts through the end of this month, so I'm thankful it will be covered...just in the nick of time.

*Stevie took 3 steps for Daddy yesterday!!! I missed them, but I saw his first step last Thursday! We're very excited!

Sometimes the waiting is hard and confusing, but I wanted to stop and count some of the recent blessings God has given us. We've been through challenges before...Matt's deployment, desiring children, in need of jobs, etc. He has always provided for our needs, as well as given us additional blessings along the way. I want to be sure I keep aware of those blessings for my own heart and share the ways God has provided with my children. I want them to grow up sure of the love of God for them. He certainly is a loving, providing, trustworthy God. In my own humanness, I need that reminder as well. Reflecting on some of those blessings...that are so much more than coincidence, is one of those ways I'm reminded of His greatness.

Random Thoughts

2010-09-10T10:48:00.003-04:00

Well, I'm feeling it. I forget that I'm pregnant, but I don't forget feeling sick. It doesn't help that the weather has been feeling more Fall-like. I'm on almost the same schedule pregnancy-wise as with Stevie, and I felt terrible through the Fall...my favorite season. Last Fall, the weather reminded me of my nausea...and the waves just keep coming back now. At the moment, I'm trying to ease it with Cheddar and Sour Cream chips. I may regret typing that out...for I know that sounds ridiculous to eat when feeling like you're going to chuck it back up. But, I tried. I tried so hard these past couple of weeks to not eat as much. With Stevie, I gained 13 pounds my first trimester. Yeah. The reason: the only thing that helped my nausea was to eat. I know, ridiculous. Then it would come back 10 minutes after a snack, and I'd have to start all over. So, this round, I thought, maybe I need to not eat so much. Well, I tried. The nausea got worse the longer I tried to stretch it. So, here I sit, eating. And, I've never had super great hormones...soo, I never really had the cravings to eat a ton during "that time." Well, I suppose my body makes up for it when I'm pregnant. Not only does it make my stomach feel less sick, I am needing food...I'm basically ravenous. I'm pretty sure I'm on my way to another big baby. And some people like to think it's twins. Both my mom and I had dreams it was. Heavens to Betsy if I have to carry 20 lb twins! Matt says he'd love twins. The other day he mentioned it, and Stevie had gotten into everything imagineable, and made messes of everything. His sippy cup of milk was all over the floor (my mind was who knows where, and I forgot to put the rubber stopper in it to keep it from spilling), he had dumped a new package of snacks all over the floor, and he was just generally keeping me super busy. I was able to laugh through that day, but I was like, really, you think twins would be fun? ;) Back to the hormones, I'm a little nervous. I just want to get over the first trimester hump to breathe a sigh of relief. It took me longer than that to get rid of my nausea with Stevie, but hopefully, I won't go through another episode and spend the day in the ER. I'm a little nervous it might happen again. That was really scary...and so was the decision making.

I'm not going to go furntiture browsing again too soon. We spontaneously decided to go to one place to look at couches/loveseats. We have my parents' old ones that are almost as old as me. :) Well, I was a bit moody (so was Stevie), I was not feeling the greatest, and the salesman had me look through every fabric sample imagineable. I'm totally not interested in new furniture any time soon...you know, unless it's free....and doesn't smell weird...I can't take the smells right now!

I got a few baby girl clothes from a garage sale last weekend. We aren't planning on finding out the gender again, so I need to be prepared if it's a girl. And, oh how I love finding those garage sales that sell baby and children's clothes for 25 cents a piece!

Stevie went with Matt to the auto parts store this morning. So cute. I should've taken a picture. Stevie gets heart broken if one of us leaves or goes outside without him. So, I asked Matt if he would take him. They were both very excited. After his nap, I'll take him outside to watch Daddy work on (Stevie's uncle's) car for a little while.

We went to Wegmans last night. It's like a little date for Stevie and I whenever we go. I usually only get a few things from there, but instead of rushing, we take our time. Stevie gets his free kid cookie. That, I need a picture of too. He chomps away as he watches all the people. He always manages to get chocolate chips all over his face, and I always manage to forget the wipes. Then we stop by the train. Oh boy, he would watch that for hours! Do I have a little boy or what?

Tonight, I'm going on a little date with Matt. Stevie's going to have dinner with Grandma and Grandpa. We haven't been on a date in a really long time. I honestly don't remember our last date. Yikes. But, we already have another planned in 2 weeks.

Some Changes Around Here

2010-09-02T16:01:00.005-04:00

And, I like them. :)

Stevie seems to be aware of some things that just make me smile...and be in awe. Earlier this week, for the first time since he was pretty much a newborn, he sat with me. I'm talking, he sat with me on the couch for a good 15-20 minutes or more. This does NOT happen. Though he is still not walking (but seriously, any day), he is a zoomer. He doesn't sit still much any more. Right before he sat with me, he was running his little walker toy around the house...then it was his train. I thought it was so special to sit with my boy and enjoy some Wheel of Fortune together.

He also started doing this thing where he lifts up my shirt. I have no idea how that started. Is it an age thing? I remember my nephew around that age doing this when I was newly pregnant with Stevie, but I think he was trying to tickle me. Well, whether this is the real case or not, I like to think he knew something before I did. I like to think he was trying to get a glimpse of his little brother or little sister in there.

Yup, baby #2 is on his or her way to the family. That's why I liked the quote in my previous post for a "couple of reasons." I know, I've used that quote everywhere, but I just love it so much. It truly speaks my heart. Anyway, I just found out last Tuesday, on my parents' anniversary. I'm still very early pregnant. I can't hold out 12 weeks or so before spilling the beans!

I was really surprised to see that plus! (I like to have the tests with the plus...because I'm weird and figure I'd rather it be "positive" than a negative positive...umm, yeah, makes total sense.) I had been having a bit of nauseousness and hot flashes the weekend earlier that have left me wondering, but all that didn't start for a couple weeks into my pregnancy with Stevie so I was pushing that wonderment away. The morning I tested, I was up early, like 5:30. I had to go to the bathroom. I wanted to test the day before because of my potential symptoms, but thought that it was a bit ridiculous, so I said I'd wait till the next day. While the test was working, I was totally shaking....exactly like when I got that plus for Stevie. I waited a second while the line went across. Then I saw the plus!! I was shocked! Don't get me wrong, we were hoping for a 2nd baby any time, but I just didn't think this would be it...I went off my herbs that help regulate my hormones, I started running again which messes my body up, and we were a bit stressed with Matt having lost his job. I was thinking it'd be highly unlikely. But, this Sunday at church, we sang a song that the beginning of this journey has been so close to my heart, "Mighty to Save"...which is the meaning of our boy's name if this is a boy. (We're pretty sure we already have the boy and girl name picked!) I suppose that leads me to think this is another boy because of that but who knows. Anyway, back to the stick. I couldn't believe it. I, unfortunately kept saying, "Holy cow, holy cow"...over and over. It's a phrase I used a lot as a kid and prefer not to use now. I was just so shocked. Then I realized what I was saying and was like, I mean, "Wow!"

I stumbled into our dark room and tried to find the flashlight in the closet. I couldn't find it and tripped over a screwdriver instead. I got in bed and said, "Hey, Matt"...then got out of bed because I didn't have a flashlight to beam the stick, so I turned on the light, got back into bed. Excited and crazy, much? I wanted to say it in a memorable ...surprising...way, but I was just wayy too excited to get too creative. I just said to Matt, "How would you like to be Daddy to 2?" He popped up like a shot! "Are you serious?? No way!" I showed him the plus! We laughed, I teared up, we laughed some more...and chatted about boy or girl. We were both SO excited, but I'm a little more nervous having an idea of pregnancy already. We talked about Stevie being a big brother, and we gave thanks to the Lord for this blessing! I looked at Stevie a few months ago, when I wasn't sure if I was expecting...and Stevie just didn't look ready to be the big brother. The day before the positive, he had this mature look...he looked older, and I thought, "Whoa, I think he's ready."

Can you believe how big this boy is? He'll be 15 months on Saturday! And a big brother sometime late April/early May!!

For some reason we tend to have pictures of Stevie in the morning while he still has his ...morning look, haha.

Ready or not, we are so excited to meet the newest member of our family!!

Some say it better than I could

2010-08-24T07:01:00.003-04:00

I love this quote...for a couple of reasons:

Here is a little mouth to kiss; here are two more feet to make music with their pattering about my nursery. Here is a soul to train for God, and the body in which it dwells is worth all it will cost, since it is abode of a kingly tenant. I may see less of friends, but I have gained one dearer than them all. Yes, my precious baby, you are welcome to your mother’s heart, welcome to her time, her strength, her health, to her most tender cares, to her life-long prayers! Oh how rich I am, how truly, how wondrously blest!

Elizabeth Prentiss

Who's a Smartipants?

2010-08-17T10:47:00.002-04:00

We're still cloth diapering over here. Previously, I was trying to do about half and half...half cloth and half disposable. I wanted to save some money, but I also didn't want to be doing too much extra laundry. It was working out nicely. I bought one box of 70 diapers (we get Up and Ups) to last us each month. I'm bothered that they've increased their diapers by about $6 though. When they first started that brand or whatever was $8.99...now they're $14.99. I try to use coupons when I can, so I can usually get them for a dollar or 2 cheaper. Anyway, evenstill, $14.99 a month isn't so bad for diapers. However, to be completely honest, we spend more than that because I use Huggies overnites ...1 per night...so a box lasts about 2 months. I guess it comes out closer to $25/month in diapers then.

With Matt laid off right now, I'm doing a lot more cloth. What a wonderful thing it is to have the cloth option so money can be used in other places. We use the Flips, which I still really like. I just wish I could get the stink completely out of the inserts. They're better after using some bleach. Maybe I need to bleach them again. I had also been using some Proraps with the Flip inserts. I love those covers! The velcro gets a bit annoying (sticking to things) at times, but those covers are all business! And, they're so cheap. We had been given some hand-me-down ones, but the biggest we had was medium. I'm going to try to pick up a large one with my swagbucks.

I decided to invest in a 3 pack of Smartipants, since I was relying pretty much on my 6 Flips, and they arrived this week. I'm really excited to try them. They are a 1 size system similar to the Flips. The main difference is they are pocket diapers, so I can't reuse the cover. They feel like they are made with very similar materials. I haven't used pocket diapers yet, but because the insert comes out in the wash all by itself...I'm willing to try them. They are snap diapers as well, and what's cool is, the flaps can overlap if you have a skinny baby. Not that I know anything about that...hehe. At first glance, they look like they'll do just fine. I'm just a little disappointed the colors are so pastel, and well, quite girly. I bought the boy pack, but the blue is really a light purple. Oh well. I'll let you know how those go.

I also ordered 3 additional homemade covers, one large, and 2 XL. I still have those big prefolds...so I'm hoping I can use the bigger covers with those. Those prefolds made Stevie's butt very large, haha, and he would leak out of the diapers because they were just too big for the covers I have. I splurged on these covers because they were 3 for $15 (it was a remnant sale)...and free shipping. I figured I couldn't beat that! If Stevie is too small for the XL, I'll save them. I really think at some point he'll outgrow the onesize diapers and covers...even though they grow with your baby, and these could be a good option at that point.

Dear Stephen

2010-08-13T11:05:00.003-04:00

Your baby days are just slipping away. Because you're not quite walking yet (but you are getting so close), I'm able to hold onto some of that baby-ness a little longer. I'm going to miss those loud thumps of your big hands and legs as you crawl over these hardwoods. You really do resemble a bear or dinosaur when you crawl...in a cute, strong way. You've grown so much you don't fit as comfortably on me anymore when I put you over my shoulder in the rocking chair at bed time. I still cherish that you snuggle right in...though with a bit more adjustment due to your tall body. One night a couple of weeks ago, you laid your head on my shoulder, we rocked, and you started doing your kiss sound (lips and tongue smack). I delayed your bed time that night as we "kissed" back and forth for several minutes. You melt my heart little boy! And that curly head of yours, I could just kiss up all the time.

I just went in to turn down your nap music and peeked in on you. I love how you snuggle your beloved lion during naps. You almost always have one arm around him as you snooze on your belly. You've even snuggled that penguin a time or two. I'm finding them tossed out of your crib less and less. They are becoming more like buddies rather than toys.

You are quickly moving on to new things. A month ago, "tricks" were all the rage. You had seen Grandpa do his ball trick (where he pretends to throw a ball in front of him, but he really tosses it behind his back) at your birthday party. You laughed and laughed. A couple of weeks later, I realized just how much you understood. You picked up your ball and put it behind your head...laughing and laughing, looking at me. Sometimes you'll do it with 2 balls one in each hand. Other times, you'll put that one ball behind your head and switch hands. When Grandpa's around, we can be sure ball tricks will happen. Yes, you just might have a career with the Harlem Globetrotters some day!

You just never cease to crack me up. You enjoy playing with the brooms in the dining room. You've started this new thing I call "swimming." You lay flat on your stomach on the floor with your hands out front. Then you push yourself across the entire room backwards with your hands. I'm thankful that we don't have to have the fancy toys to entertain you! I'm sure once you get those words together you'll be a chatter box! You jabber all day long, and it makes your dad and I giggle when you ask questions. You talk and end your "sentence" with clear question inflection. Daddy and I are starting to run again, and you come with us in the jogging stroller. You think it's the best. Daddy usually pushes, and sometimes I'll run up next to you. You melt my heart again as you give me a grand smile and say, "Hiii!" and jabber on. You started pointing a month or so ago, but you point with pincer fingers, your thumb and index finger pinched together. So now, you often talk about what you're pointing to.

Your coordination is amazing me these days. You can put your little car on the ramp bump perfectly. You put your farm animals in the silo even though it requires some maneuvering and changing of positions to make them fit. You love to turn the pages in the books when we read. Sometimes, since you're still gaining the skills, you get frustrated. We're working on patience and good attitudes. And sometimes, we just need a break from hard work!

Bubbles are the new thing in our house. I'm going to end up cross eyed and out of breath with all the bubble blowing I do around here. You like me to blow bubbles over and over. Then you find something new to play with for a second...just until you notice I've stopped with the bubbles, and then you want me to start all over. I guess that awareness starts early (like when my dad would fall asleep with a game on tv and I'd change the channel...he'd immediately be awake and want it back). During one of those moments, we created a new "Minute to Win It" challenge. I try to get the bubbles to go through your little basketball hoop. I love how we have so much fun together.

Everyday is a new adventure. I try to make it "relaxed" fun...basically not planned fun. We've been discovering butterflies and toads and caterpillars in our yard. We enjoy toys, we enjoy cleaning (usually), we enjoy reading, we enjoy God's creation, and most of all, we enjoy each other. I'm so thankful I'm able to spend these days with you, Stevie. It's a dream come true. I love you so much!

Love and a kiss,
Mom

Reunion 2010

2010-08-06T16:36:00.013-04:00

Just a few pictures of our time. None of them were taken by me because we forgot our camera! You can tell in some of them that Stevie wasn't quite up to his best yet. Hopefully, next year, he'll be his healthy and happy self all week. (And of course, Stevie hasn't been sick in months...so it had to be that week.)

Chrissy's photography of Stevie and Noah in his wagon pulled by Bethany:

Then my dad got a couple of Stevie playing in our tent:

My Grandma with just some of her great grandchildren:

Some of my cousins (yup, all 1st cousins) and their spouses:

This was Stevie and Noah last year:

We're back

2010-08-05T15:48:00.003-04:00

We've been away on a family vacation for our family reunion, and this week is VBS at church. It's been a busy couple of weeks, and I'll fill you in on a few things.

A few days before we left on "vacation," Matt was laid off. I'm only putting this on here to ask for your prayer. It honestly makes me nervous having just moved into our home, and we are a 1-income family. But, we know that God works for the good of those who love Him. We just don't know what He has next for us yet.

We've all been thrown for a loop a bit...it's been nice having Matt around so much more, but at the same time it's not always relaxed. We have some worries, and he's busy applying to and looking for jobs. He's really working hard.

The reunion was fun as always, and I was able to enjoy it more not just having had a baby 3 weeks earlier. My dad is one of 10 kids. 8 made it...and their kids...and their kids. Anytime we're able to be with my cousins is a blast. Stevie exceeded my expectations while we were there. I was nervous about the car ride because his previous history riding in cars has been less than stellar. He started crying and screaming any time we'd go somewhere more than 5 minutes away, and especially if it was anywhere near nap time. He did really well for the 9/10 hours out and 9/10 hours back. There were a few times of crying but nothing outrageous. He really needs to start walking though because he couldn't stretch out during our stretch breaks. He doesn't like to crawl in the grass...and so...he was pretty much held outside the car. He even did ok coming back into the car if snacks or meals were visible. The 9 or 10 hours were way better than 14 1/2 last year...trying to nurse and all that deal in the car and on a butt area that just wasn't going to heal...among some other nasty complications. Yeah, too much information. We also stayed in a tent the entire week...Saturday to Saturday. I was honestly nervous about that too, haha. Stevie doesn't nap well unless he is home. That's all there is to it. He cries and cries at my parents', and if he doesn't get naps, well, it's not pretty. He adjusted wonderfully. He had his own room in our tent with his pack and play. There were only a couple of times the whole trip he cried when we put him down, and it was literally only for seconds. His naps and nights were shorter than usual...which showed by the end of the week, but all in all, I vote him camper of the week. I commented to Matt a few days into our trip that because he was doing so well and adjusting beautifully, I was able to really enjoy our time there to the fullest. Then Wednesday came. Wednesday night, Stevie had the highest fever of his little life, about 103 something (102.7 under arm). Nothing was helping that little boy feel better that night. But thankfully, the fever only lasted the night (which he slept through), and he seemed to be ok by morning...just a little tired and cranky with a smaller appetite the next couple of days. One of my little cousins looked like she had fifths disease...so Stevie may or may not have gotten that. He only had what might have been a rash for part of an afternoon...and I think, since it didn't last all day, it was probably just from his Daddy wrestling him and leaving him with "scruff scratches" from not shaving. Who knows? I was just so thankful his fever went down, and he was pretty much back to normal. He conked out the moment we pulled out of the campgrounds. He's happy to be home...and I'm doubly happy and thankful Matt has been available to take him home early from VBS to try to get some morning naps in. He definitely fits the category of a "scheduled" boy...a well rested boy = a happy boy...the opposite also applies.

Anyway, that's where I was...and where I wish I still was.

Kindergarten Stevie

2010-07-24T05:28:00.004-04:00

I had a dream last night, Stevie was at his first day of kindergarten. While he was there, I was at the doctors...apparently pregnant. Anyway, I peeked in on him. All of the kids were working on letters on laminated pages. They could trace the letters and then write their own next to them on the lines with a dry erase marker or something. My little Stevie (who is super large for his age) looked like the littlest in the class. He was not much bigger than he is now. He was just working along without a care in the world (I'm sure his little legs were just swinging under his seat as he happily worked), and that's when I realized I hadn't taught him his letters yet! He made all these squiggly lines and tried to do the outline of the letter A. I was panicked (umm, and horrified) due to my lack of teaching letters to him. He was not. He started tracing the little bicycle picture when I came to pick him up. He proudly told this mama, "I'm going to stop now. This is a good stopping point!" I picked up my boy with brown curls and blue eyes and gave him a big hug and kiss.

That's when I woke up laughing hysterically and crying. Him telling me he was going to stop because he'd made it to a "good stopping point" was extremely funny to me. The fact that he was a kindergartener was too much though. My baby boy is growing up way too quickly, and I'm certainly not ready for it.

So, my Stevie, won't you stop growing older? This is a good stopping point. This age right now is my favorite so far. But, I'm sure your kindergarten age will be my favorite too. I'll just work on getting you a bit more prepared for that special day!

Well, I wouldn't do that

2010-07-19T10:17:00.005-04:00

I was too late posting for Not Me! Monday last week, so I saved it for this week, and she's not doing it...so umm, can I still do it?

I certainly would not allow (er, put) my child to eat on the living room floor.

I especially would not allow my child to eat spaghetti on the living room floor. I would have to be nuts. I certainly also would not post these pictures only on my blog instead of other places to avoid ridicule from others about poor eating habits and spaghetti sauce flung about.

I may or may not say this will only be allowed for the first child...and possibly the tenth...since at that point, I really won't care! While going to prepare Stevie's drink, I certainly would not have heard muffled cheering and music, to come back in and find he had pulled his little basketball hoop over (yup, from in his chair...I underestimate his wing span apparently) and was dunking spaghetti. And, look at my boy's hair! I may not neglect to tame it after naps just because it looks so cute and makes me laugh.

During a quick trip to Target, I did not chuckle out loud when a pregnant woman and her husband were walking down the baby aisles having disagreements over what would be "best," and the husband, frustrated, very audibly said, "I wish I never had sex then!" I'm sure he'll feel better about all this when that sweet baby arrives. She'll probably be happier too. I would not be considering writing separate posts about "The things I hear at Target" (or ya know, some other better name) because I've heard a few more interesting exclamations during shopping trips since.

Speaking of Target, I certainly don't get more excited than my little boy when we go down the frozen food aisles. And, we certainly would not extend our shopping experience to go down those aisles...when we really don't need to. We (or maybe I...Stevie's just starting to catch on) don't zoom down at rapid speed just to watch the lights turn on. What better fun could we have on a blistering hot and humid day in blissful air conditioning? We also would not get bummed when someone has already gone before us, thus ruining the fun of seeing the lights turn on just for us.

In the heat this week, there is no way, I would crank the oven up to bake some cookies. Since I was already making a batch, I figured I would drop some off at the neighbors as a thank you for the ones they gave us when we moved in. I packed Stevie's belongings up to leave, started the car to cool it off before we got in, hiked down the road...Stevie in an umbrella stroller, me pushing with cookies in hand fearing for the cookies lives as they jiggled uncontrollably. I did not wish I had just driven up the street to deliver them safely. We did not get "all" the way there, to find no one home. In fact, they were on vacation. I decided to ring the doorbell a few times anyway because I was not about to have walked "all" the way there for nothing. I gave up, and we jiggled the cookies back home. We were dripping and getting eaten alive by mosquitos when we got back to our door step. Great... I had not locked the house door already, figuring we would be on our way after delivering the cookies. I jiggled Stevie over to the car, turned it off, jiggled back to the front door, through the front porch, dug for my key in my pocket, went to put the key in the knob, and did not watch in utter frustration as the door just creaked open, mockingly, because it hadn't been shut all the way!

All of this would not have happened the week after being hit with bird poop! And Stevie's swing would not be covered in bird poop at the moment either. The birds out here would not be driving me nuts. And that would not be how I end because I've been on here long enough.

A Walk Down Memory Lane

2010-07-14T10:47:00.002-04:00

Yup, I'm going to do this. I often write posts of "memories" from that dreaded year of Matt's deployment. You may be sick of them. But, I just have to make sure I remember.

I was just on "that social networking site" and came across a friend's picture album. She's in San Diego right now. One of her pictures was of Point Loma Nazarene University. A gush of memories and emotion flooded back. Matt had been recalled to the Marines. We found this out 3 months into our marriage. Thankfully (but also unfortunately), we were given about 6 months to prepare. We thought that we would move together whereever he'd be stationed, just as happens when in active duty. We had 3 possibilities (Hawaii, North Carolina?, and California). He ended up getting the one I preferred the least...we knew people in Hawaii because that's where he was stationed before, and North Carolina was so much closer to home. California... was just not what we wanted. (In the end, I think we both "enjoyed" it being there.) Well, because being recalled is "temporary," we found out at the last minute that his orders only included him. In a nut shell, I wasn't really allowed to be with him... even though he'd be put on a regular base with regular active duty who lived with their families. We had to scramble to come up with any way we could spend some time together before he shipped out on deployment. Like I said, we were newlyweds, and we were not rolling in dough. Because of his orders, we had to pay for ...everything. I couldn't even stay on base with him (to save money on hotel) because he was put in the barracks with all the single guys. (We cut that corner on my first weekend visit. I did stay in his room with him. We could not afford beyond the plane ticket...and just prayed. But, you didn't hear that rule breaking from me.)

Anyway, we had to pay for flights, food, hotel, rental car (they didn't move his car out...once again because this was considered "temporary"), etc. Matt wasn't to deploy for over 2 months after he got to San Diego, and I wanted to be with him while possible. I called all the military service numbers I had any idea to call (as prepared as I was by the military...cough, cough) to try to figure something out. I called asking for names and locations of any hotels that provide military discounts and was told to look them up online...individually, myself. I spent more time investigating, but even military discounts (which seemed to be rare and not in the right locations) were not going to cut it. I was stumped. There was no way I could visit my husband after that weekend in November due to financial limitations. I was devastated.

When I was about at the lowest during this time, the blessings began to pour in. A dear family we've known for years went through a similar time when they were young newlyweds, and they called thinking about me. They ended up providing us with the blessing of some funds. We were also able to connect with a couple living out there who my parents and landlord knew. They were able to hook us up with a wonderful church. Grappling for reasonable accomodations, I decided, why not call the campus where the church is and see if there is any way we can stay there? It would still be a little drive for Matt to get back to base each day, but we needed a rental car anyway, and it was worth it to us just to be together.

So, I called Point Loma. I believe I ended up talking with a student, possibly alumni (but she was young). I explained our situation and hoped for the best. I don't remember exactly what she said except that they had an alumni house with rooms, but it was only reserved for alumni. She asked if I could hold while she talked with someone about making an exception. I'm telling you, this girl was an angel. And, I don't usually use that word to describe a person. She just kept saying, "I want to help. Let me see what I can do." By the end of the call, I had found out they would make the exception for us and we could be provided a room for 5 nights. They were really sorry, but that's all they could give us because it was booked full after that time with alumni vacationers. We then spent the remainder of our time together at the on base hotel. The amount we were able to "save" staying at the house was nothing short of a miracle. If I remember right, the charge for staying there was like $30 a night. This is in San Diego...and I was looking at the high hotel costs. I cried over the phone. After a billion phone calls looking for some kind of help...any kind of help, this dear girl went above and beyond for us. I wish I remembered her name to send her a note. This is the girl you want representing your Christian college! Anyway, this $30/night wasn't for some sleasy motel. It was like a little inn. It was homey and simple but had air conditioning, cable tv, and internet...which was just what I needed to occupy some time while Matt was working. We had one bathroom to share between all of the rooms, but there was only 1 other couple there one night. No biggie at all. The campus was really pretty, but for some reason, we never took a full tour. I think we were busy going to beaches and out on dates around the area when Matt came home from work. Even the church had big windows with a beautiful view. And, the people there were so kind. Most importantly, I was able to spend those days and nights leading up to my husband's deployment with him. It was truly a gift I am forever grateful for. Point Loma Nazarene University will always hold a special place in my heart! If one of my children go "far away" to college, I wouldn't mind if that one was chosen. It would be really special to visit there again.

Stevie Sweeps

2010-07-09T09:43:00.003-04:00

Some of Stevie's hobbies are sweeping, swiffering, and mopping. I don't know what it is about those long-handled things, but he's in love. And, where there's a will, there's a way. This is where I store such things:

Our laundry room is just a converted closet in a somewhat narrow hallway. He pulls the broom or swiffer or mop out...the end hits the wall across the hallway...and he somehow manages to manuever it around (he's apparently good with angles) to get it out in the open in the dining room. Here, he is sweeping in the dining room. I caught him in the act today.

I'm just hoping he'll enjoy doing these things when he's older! He'll be a great helper with all of these hardwood floors!

What a Week!

2010-07-02T11:02:00.002-04:00

This week has been really busy.

*Matt's still taking his class, and it's been hard on us all but mostly on Matt. It's not so easy to have class from 6-9:30 3 week nights, and then have to be up between 3:30 and 4:30 in the morning for work...and try to squeeze in homework, have family time, eat, sleep...oh, and that little move we did. Tonight, he needs to get fitted for a tux for his friend's wedding that is ...well, really soon. I hope he doesn't "get in trouble" for being so late. He just hasn't had a moment to breathe. Seriously, my man needs a vacation. Thankfully, he's done with class next week. Wahoo! Or something.

*I tried surprising Matt at work one day during his lunch. Because he's an "early worker," his lunch is early. I had to forgo Stevie's morning nap in order to make this happen. Things just weren't going right that morning. I tried to print a picture Matt had never seen yet of him and Stevie on Father's Day, and we had run out of colored ink. I called my parents to see if I could swing by there first and use their printer. They also had run out of colored ink. I stopped in the gas station to pick up his favorite candy bar, and was blocked in by a gas truck filling up the tanks. I took a wrong turn and thought I'd be lost forever. The clock ticked on. Then I got myself headed in the right direction and thought I passed his work somehow (which baffled me) because the numbers started going the other direction. I called Matt. He still had a few minutes of lunch left, which was miraculous. He was really surprised, and we were relieved to have made it. Stevie had the multi-colored funky looking picture and candy bar in his lap for Daddy. Well, we tried. And, the rest of the day...we knew Stevie hadn't gotten his nap in. :)

*I finished my chore schedule. Since we moved, my last one needed revamping. There's something within me that really likes organization to a "t"...but it just doesn't always come out.

*I was pooped on walking Stevie to the post office a couple days ago. At least it wasn't on Stevie. Oh, yes, it was bird poop. It was pretty gross. At least it landed on my arm. I used some weeds from the yard of the crime scene to wipe it off. I hope the owners don't mind. I need to bring baby wipes from now on apparently, some hand sanitizer...and maybe an umbrella. But, then I might have to throw salt over my shoulder if I bring the umbrella....or something like that...if I believed in that stuff. I think we'll stick to the other side of the street where I haven't gotten pooped on. You try something new, and that's what happens.

*On a wonderfully, positive note: I became an aunt again yesterday! I have 8 nieces and nephews on my side and one nephew (with another baby coming soon) on Matt's side. I was once again invited by Pete and Laurel to the delivery. (Remember 2 years ago? My mom volunteered to get the balloons this year. Thanks, Mom. It's harder to swamp jump with Stevie in my arms.) Why I didn't go into nursing...I don't know. Yes, I do. I would probably only like to be a labor and delivery nurse, and there's all the training and clinicals in the other areas I wouldn't enjoy as much. That's probably why I didn't. Anyway, I made it literally in the nick of time. Laurel had started pushing, and Luke had already been barreling his way out. I mean it...he barrelled! (She was recorded as checking in (umm, checking in to the hospital) at 3:25 and he was born at 3:36. 11 minutes. Barrelled. Faster than a speeding bullet, he is. And Laurel, well, she's my hero! (Next time, she may need to spend her last month at the hospital...so she doesn't have her baby on the kitchen floor like my other sister in law. I'll have to ask if quick deliveries are a blessing or not!) I wasn't prepared quite yet with the camera out, considering how late I got there...so I missed getting those first few pictures. But, that's ok. He's a cutie and healthy 7 pound baby, and Laurel's doing well! I was privileged to be there the last few moments. There is nothing more miraculous than the birth of a baby. Nothing. To me at least. Seriously, gets me all choked up. I cried after he was born (though still a little flustered and shocked since I just got there)...and after Annabeth was born too. Let's face it, a good "Baby Story" on tv (ohh, and the adoption stories) can make me cry too! You can ask Matt about that. He laughs. When he's a mom, he'll understand. But anyway, being there for the experience, there really isn't anything more special. I can't wait to have another baby!

*I've been helping the grandparents out with the grandbabies during the week (I'm usually helping at least one day a week), especially with Annabeth while her parents were busy delivering her baby brother. I asked her this morning about Luke. (Don't you love his name...Luke Daniel?). She told me, "Matt held him." (Referring to our cousin Matt, Megan's husband...not my Matt...he hasn't seen him yet.) And, "I held him at the post office." I said, "Ohh, you mean the hospital. You held him at the hospital." "Yeah, the hops-pital. (Something, something) post office." "Ok." Then she went on to yell for the dog and "whistle" (her 2 year old version of the whistle, which is adorable and hilarious all in one).

*Now, we'll move into a busy holiday weekend with baby visits, tux fittings, a few errands, homework for Matt, homework for Matt, and more homework, and a trip to Camp on Sunday...possibly Monday too. Oh, I remember Pete got pooped on by a bird at camp a long time ago. I suppose that's another story. Oh, and that time the superintendent's son and I tried to help Pete, literally, escape from children's church at camp. I suppose that's another story too. I miss going to camp, but at least we're able to go for a day or two.

another lesson learned

2010-06-25T22:12:00.000-04:00

Stevie is a great teacher, at least an eye opener. I've learned so much already being a mom. Mostly, I learn more and more about God's love for us through Stevie, how God loves us as His children, and what an absolute blessing that is.

This is a long one...

Stevie is hitting that age... He is hitting that age where he'd like to be more independent and do things when he wants to and how he wants to. I could never be like that. Ahem. When his desires are interrupted or squelched altogether, he is now throwing fits. This most often occurs at the changing table (he must be a boy not to care about having a messy diaper), but it also occurs at other times. The other day, I was stopped in my tracks right in the middle of one of his fits. Stevie had been heading in some direction, on some mission, and I swooped him up before he got where he wanted to go. I don't remember what his mission appeared to be, but I honestly don't think (remember) it was something he wasn't allowed to do or a place he wasn't allowed to go. I just had other plans. So, I scooped him up, and the fit ensued. Right in that moment, as I held him tight so he would not slam himself on our hardwood floors, I realized...

I realized how Stevie is like me (and yes, probably you too). There are times that I have strong desires, but I'm halted. It's as if I'm being picked up away from them, and I don't always like it. I suppose there are even times I may throw an adult version of the "fit."

Back to Stevie. He doesn't know what I have planned for him. He doesn't know what is about to happen soon or why I picked him up. There are a variety of reasons I swoop in, sometimes because of danger and other times to meet a need (food, diaper change, etc.), and even other times, I just have something better up my sleeve for him. I know Stevie. He had a desire, but I knew that did not compare to what I had planned for him.

While he threw his fit (a short one), I began to prepare him to go outside. He still didn't know why I was preparing him, but he calmed down and surrendered to me. I put his hat and sweatshirt on. When we were ready, we went outside for a walk and some swinging time. These are some of Stevie's favorite things in the whole world. I knew that. I knew they were better than getting into one of the unpacked boxes or whatever he was planning to do.

So, what exactly was the part that hit me the most? I know my boy. I love my boy. I want what is best for him, and I know what that is...even if he doesn't know it himself. I really do care about him. I care so much that I'll even give him something better than he can think of or see right now. First, he needs to stop and be prepared. Sometimes, when I'm going through life or rough patches, I can have human blinders. I can lose sight that maybe there is something to come of this, maybe there is better. God really is watching me, caring for me, preparing me. He really does know me and what is best.

A beautiful example of this is the home we are living in. We looked at several houses. We put a couple of offers in that were declined. One house, I really, really liked. Others, just didn't seem to fit our needs. We came to one, the one right before this one (well, 2 houses before it) that we were considering. This house needed a lot of work, honestly, more work than I wanted to have to deal with. It was tiny, really tiny, and it had a couple of other issues. We looked at it a 2nd time with both sets of parents. My parents were less than thrilled about it. I was a bit discouraged. I knew they just wanted to see us in the home of our dreams, but I wanted to be realistic...and them to be realistic for us too. Afterwords, I ended up sending an email to my dad, explaining a whole myriad of considerations surrounding purchasing a house or not and the timing...and a brief overview of our capabilities. Matt and I decided to wait on moving forward with that house. In the meantime, we found 2 more houses to look at. The first one, was a definite "not for us house." It was certainly liveable, but the kitchen had a hmm, 16 inch entry way? Seriously. I said to Matt, if I'm ever pregnant again, I will not be able to get in the kitchen, and then off of the kitchen was the laundry room. It was a really odd house. Anyway, I was a bit discouraged...not overly so, just sort of, "man, is there anything we can afford that will suit our needs and be pleasant?" We had one more to see that day. I remember clearly our realtor saying, "Maybe the next one's the one."

Well, as soon as we walked in the door, we knew. We knew it was the house God had planned for us all along. And you know what I just love? There are things about this house that were "dream home" qualities for me. I knew we didn't have tons to work with financially, and I knew I would need to be content wherever we moved...to joyfully make our home wherever/whatever our house was. God dreamed bigger for me, and gave me even more than what I desired or hoped for. He gave me an old house with beautiful hardwood floors (I love hardwood floors), white trim, woodwork, and crown molding throughout (which is gorgeous), super tall ceilings that my men need and would comfortably move about with, and a remodeled kitchen. Let me pause with that...a remodeled kitchen. The other houses we looked at, I just decided that one day, we would try to fix up the kitchens. I didn't like many of them, but even though they were old and tiny, I could deal with several of them. When we walked into this house to the kitchen, it was like God was saying, "How about this?" with a twinkle in His eye. Our jaws dropped. This was the 2nd or 3rd room in the house that we saw...hadn't even gone upstairs yet or around the corner of the first floor, and we knew, we just knew this home had been set aside for us. More things beyond our hopes came to our attention. The town is working on creating a trail right next to our house. One of my frustrations was having no place to run and walk with Stevie. We would drive to a canal path...and when we did, Stevie would inevitably fall asleep, ruining his naptimes. This house is also near a park and has streets with sidewalks...so we have our pick! What a blessing this would be! Another fun piece of info: I found the house posted for the first time online just that day. We were the first ones to see it. We were the only ones to see it. Interior pictures hadn't even been posted until after our offer was accepted.

My dad had written an email back to me in response to mine to him before we were led to our house. He told me to continue to keep our eyes open and to pray. His last words to me before, "Love, Dad" were, "If you find a hidden treasure in the field of a place, bury it quickly and buy the field!" Well, here was our hidden treasure, for our eyes only. After walking through it, we went back to the office to put our offer in. After we moved in, one of our neighbors jokingly said, "We don't have any town gossip to tell you, just that we heard this house sold in like 3 hours!" And remember all those "road blocks" I wrote about vaguely in our process? So far, they seemed to have melted away.

This may be my longest post ever. I'm frustrated my writing is not flowing well lately, but I wanted to get these thoughts down anyway. So, here's my conclusion: I have heard similar analogies before about children's actions and adult actions, but experiencing it through my child hit home more personally. I really hope the next time I feel like I'm scooped up from where I think I should go, I can rest in God's arms and surrender myself and trust to Him...instead of throwing a ridiculous fit. He really does love me. He really does know me. There are times He even has bigger dreams and plans for me and our family than I may even have myself. We have so many examples to prove how He has shown us that...and our house is a wonderful gift from Him.

How 'bout Some Birthday Pictures?

2010-06-17T11:49:00.008-04:00

Some little boy had a birthday!

We took a few pictures at our apartment before some moving later that evening. Stevie had tired eyes for the pictures (he was probably up all night excited about his birthday), but he's still as cute as can be!

The next day was his party at the new house. It was a little nuts. There wasn't any furniture but the folding table and some folding chairs! It worked out nicely though. Here's the cake. The picture is a little tilted because I had to hold the camera above my head...we didn't have the chairs there yet for me to climb on to take the picture.

I actually had a lot of fun making the cake. However, once I made the crum coat and it looked hideous, I was nervous. I was even more nervous as I had to transport that ugly, florescent pink, crumb coated cake from the apartment to the new house with a load of stuff to be moved. Ha. It made it though! In the end, I was pleased with the way it turned out, being my first cake. I had grander plans of making more cupcake animals (duplicates of what I already had), but I had to call it quits somewhere for time and sanity sake. So, we had cupcakes with plain white frosting too. I figured that was better anyway since most people probably didn't want marshmallows and coconut all over their cupcakes. I know I didn't.

Stevie enjoyed his first cupcake too!

All in all, it was a great day, and we really enjoyed being able to celebrate in our new house. Without furniture, we fit, haha, and the kids and uncles were able to run around and play outside.

I know what I said

2010-06-17T11:27:00.002-04:00

I have said it before: that I'm more of a country girl. I am.

Except...

I cannot stand snakes! I also don't like coyotes (my dog was killed by a coyote when I was young...so I haven't been a fan since).

There was a snake under our recycling bin this morning. It took me by surprise. I gasped and sort of hopped back...then quickly ran inside the door a few steps away. I'm hoping it doesn't slither inside that back porch door to seek it's recycling bin home I removed. Oh man, maybe I should've left it outside! Our back porch door is an old, old door without a seal around the bottom. Yes, I'm ridiculous. I'm pretty sure I've mentioned that before too. (I'm just a little bit frazzled anyway lately.) Yes, it was only a little brown snake. However, "only" never belongs in a sentence with a snake. I was reading online to get close enough to take a picture of it. First of all, I don't always have my camera on me, and second of all, I'm not going to hang around and be close enough to kiss the thing to take a picture of it...just so I can know it's a snake! So, this is another post in which no pictures are contained.

My brother also said be on the watch for snapping turtles. My poor boy is not going to see his backyard until Daddy gets home. Well, ok, so that's a bit of an exaggeration. We'll go outside, but I need to bring a shovel! (Haven't I mentioned this before?...I'm losing it.) And Matt, well, he needs to take care of the recycling and garbage from now on!

2010-06-15T11:26:00.003-04:00

I'm still here! I may be swallowed by boxes and newspaper and have to do lists up the wazoo, but I'm here. No, I don't know what the wazoo is, and no, I don't know how to spell it, but I do know I'm not usually a fan of the wazoo.

Anyway, I had intended on doing a Not Me! Monday post, and well, our internet, phone, and tv went out last night. We got it connected yesterday, and well, they decided to wait and disconnect the previous owners' last night...which was actually ours at this point...so our service went out...leading to many a frustration. So, has been our story lately. I also forgot all the fun stuff I was going to share! I'm a bit overloaded...

I'm flailing around trying to get things accomplished...yet enjoy this lovely process at the same time, and it works sometimes and other times, not so much. Matt's at class a million nights a week (yup, a million), making this a longer process. However, he surprised me by taking the day off work yesterday! It was such a great surprise, and he actually pulled it off! He even got up at his usual 4...whatever...I'm not usually coherent to know what time it is, ate breakfast, came back to bed...I watched the clock...waiting for his alarm to go off to leave. Yes, he often gets a little nap before he leaves for work. It's what he likes to do rather than waking up later. I don't know why he does it, but I kind of like it. When I finally said, "you should probably get going" and he told me he wasn't going to work. I didn't believe him. I had to see if he was still wearing his pajamas to see if he was telling me the truth, haha. I was so excited...this being 5:30am, I said I wanted to watch a fun tv show or something with him. Umm, we just ended up falling asleep at some point instead. Anyway, later I found out the real reason he stayed home. It was because the phone/internet guy was coming...and you know, Matt's my mighty protector. I like that. I told him I had some pretty good Jack Bauer moves to use if needed, and he was aware of that. He just wanted to be sure I had back up. So, what did we do with our half day together (he still had class)? We were able to get our yard work done and go to the post office. We went to the post office 3 times yesterday. We can't have a mail box out here...or, I guess we could, but no mail would be delivered to it, so we need a good old PO box. Apparently, we live too close to the post office (I noticed we are at the very end of that limit...because there are mailboxes just down the street, nice.) Man, I wish I knew this before we got the house because it's a pain, haha. We take walks to it (I'm certainly getting in some degree of shape), but come winter, we may be getting our mail once a week. Anyway, we didn't have enough forms of ID for the 1st time we swung by. Then we filled out the paperwork at home and went back in...and forgot the paperwork. So, we indeed went to the post office 3 times to get that in order. Like I said, so goes our days.

Speaking of yard work...we had to do the old raking deal because it had been so long since it'd been mowed. We still don't have a mower of our own quite yet (working on it), so, I foresee that as a common chore to add to our list for awhile. Our yard isn't huge, but, umm, for a 1st timer, it's big enough. Wild flower garden here we come! Raking's not so bad, I just feel like I have SO many things I need to get done, and we still have a couple loads of stuff at the apartment. We need to be out of there by Sunday. It's really hard to do this stuff on my own with our little guy. His nap times are my more productive times (or my blogging times...but you didn't hear that from me), but I obviously can't leave to go move more of our stuff then. Stevie has been a "helper" unpacking for us (you know, pulling things out all over the rooms)....and sweeping...and swiffering. The boy loves those things, and I let him. Anyway...all that was a huge side note from our yard work. I hear mowers going outside. The sound of mowers is stressing me out. Our neighbors really, really, really like to mow their lawns. And, there is a wave effect. If one neighbor is out, you better believe the next neighbors follow. It's like a competition....or maybe it's just what they really love doing. We've been here 11 days and neighbors have mowed 3 times, possibly 4? Is this how often you all mow? I'm feeling so far behind, and we are losing the mowing competition. It's certainly not one I aspire to win because...it's silly...right? However, I don't want to be one of "those" neighbors who don't keep up. So, this is stressing me out a bit. I'm not made to live by close neighbors. I'm a country girl...

Pictures are coming. I'm guessing people don't really read these long posts but look for the pictures of a cute little boy. Right now, batteries are drained, so I can't transfer the pictures to my computer yet. I think the laundry just finished. Off to hang it on the line. Yup, I'm hoping the neighbors are ok with that. I'll spare them the underwear! Stiff underwear and socks really aren't that great anyway.

To not end on a negative note: I found a cute storage box/bench/toy box on craiglist. I'm very excited about it! At the moment it's light purple though, haha. I'm still debating what color to make it. It's in our living room beneath our windows to hold toys and to be used as an additional seating area...and to just sit there because it's cute!

Random thoughts

2010-06-10T10:48:00.005-04:00

So, we're here (mostly anyway...we still have some more at the apartment) in the new to us house. It was new to somebody in 1885 or whatever. It's old, but I like a lot of old things. Right now, I'm doing laundry in our new to us washer and dryer! It really is a dream come true. I'm not a fan of laundry mats (except it only takes 1 load worth for all laundry to be done) and being dependent on others' schedules while sharing laundry was difficult too. Now, I can just throw a load in whenever I want. Maybe it's time for me to dream bigger, but I'm very happy right now. The only bummer is it's a Thin Twin....one of those stacked units, and the capacity is small, but it's perfect for the cloth diapers. I sort of get my head stuck in it checking to make sure there aren't loose socks in the washer to transfer to the dryer, but, oh well. Our laundry room is a closet area. The previous owners had fancy shmancy front loaders stacked up in it. We're not quite there yet. For now, I am loving our own machine, and having it on the 1st floor! Dream come true, I tell ya!

I'm debating whether to post pictures on here...after they're taken of course. I've been busy with other things. Oh yes, a birthday party post is to come. For now, I'll share a few things about the house. It has beautiful hardwood floors throughout. I fell in love with them the moment we walked through the home the first time. The ceilings are so high, which is wonderful because we have big boys in our house. Yes, Stevie is 32 1/2 inches, as of his 1 year appointment. The little paper they give us shows us he's >97th percentile. I guess they don't go higher than 97% on the chart? On an incredibly ridiculous note, our toilet is really tall. (I think giants lived in this house in 1885...or...maybe when the toilet was installed.) Umm, great for these big boys I guess. I'm a little worried about the whole potty training experience though with a tall toilet. I'm also worried about the potty training experience with the only potty being up a very narrow windy stairs...to the very tall toilet. It's a good thing we have a washing machine...and those hardwood floors...err not?! I'm debating whether or not to buy a potty seat or just get one of those little seats that go over the toilet with the handle bars, haha. No, I'm not planning to potty train Stevie yet, but crazy as this may be, I'm thinking of trying to have him use the toilet for his BM's. He will love that I'm putting this on here when he's 16, but sometimes, he won't go until I change him...as in, while I change him. I think it's too hard to push while sitting on the floor...if you know what I mean. I'm sure it will be better once he's walking too. Speaking of these floors and his movement (no, the other movement), it's taking some adjustment of skills for Stevie to crawl around here. It's a bit slippery! Mental note to self: I need to buy more socks with grip on them from Old Navy. Yes, Old Navy has wonderful baby socks. They fit him well (better than any other kind we've tried), and the sizes are right on the bottom...genius! No more digging through mismatched sized socks!

Umm, back to the house. I love natural woodwork...and usually in natural wood color, but this house is full of white woodwork, trim, and crown molding...and I'm in love. I also like the paint colors that are already here, which is great. We did paint our bedroom though...yes, Matt did it the morning of Stevie's party. That was so crazy. Anyway, we both really like the color, but it's a little more periwinkle than I hoped for. It's a soft but bright blue (does that make any sense?). We have never painted our own room before this! In our last apartment, it was pepto bismol pink! Puke! (My apologies if you like that color.) And, the bedroom carpet was also pink. We were allowed to paint and change things...but knowing it was temporary and would cost us money, we decided to just grin and bear it. So, you can imagine this is very exciting! Our living room is a warm yellow, our kitchen a sage green, and our dining room, a cheery? red. The dining room is my least favorite color at the moment. I prefer a more country red...I feel it's a little pinkish, but it will do for now. There are several old windows with stain glass. I'm not exactly in love with them (to put it nicely), but they're also not high on my priority list to change. If only money did grow on these trees... I want my curtains first! I figure, maybe I can just cover them up with curtains for now since they are up high on the windows!

The stairs. Well, this is one reason why we're not entirely moved in yet. As I said, the house was built a long time ago. The stairs are narrow with a 90 degree turn...and the stairs are completely enclosed. Our queen box spring is never going to see our bedroom. Matt and my dad are drawing up plans to build separate ones. For now, we are sleeping on our mattress on the floor, which was bent in half to make it up the stairs. One dresser will also never see the upstairs. It may need a new home.

The backyard is still a favorite. We have the swing set and so much room to play! Well, it was a favorite. My brother came over (they happen to live a mile away) with his boy, and the boys were on the swings. He told me to be checking for snapping turtles after rain days, since we're by some water and we have reedy growth on our side yard. Umm, no thank you. I'm going to have binoculars in the bathroom window to check things out before Stevie and I go out. Matt's going to have to equip me with some defensive gear too. Maybe we'll just go for walks after rainy days and leave the swing set time for after Daddy gets home. Yes, walks! I've been able to take Stevie for walks some mornings and afternoons already! What a blessing! There are sidewalks and soon to be a trail right outside our street! Before, we lived on a street way too busy to go for walks outside our driveway. Last night, we went on a celebratory date. The 3 of us walked down to the gas station in town to get a treat...candy bars, haha. It was too cold for ice cream! We'll do that when it's warmer! Of course, it started to sprinkle on our way home, so we had to walk and eat quickly. I've never really desired to live so close to the main part of a town or village (I like the country), but it's working out nicely.

We're figuring out the quirks of the home. Stevie is doing well adjusting to the loud creaks of the floors and stairs, and we're working on making the doors close...because right now, they don't. We figured this out about the bathroom door during Stevie's party. Oops. I may need to make a little sign for the bathroom like the elementary classroom bathrooms to signify it's availability.

This house is really more than we could've dreamed. There are certainly areas that need work (and a little animal de-smelling that we didn't notice till after the sellers moved out), but like I announced to Matt after our 1st walk through: This house has 3 prong outlets! (a "luxury" not found in many of the houses we looked at)...and certainly a lot of charm! It's really nice to have a place to call our own and a place to raise our family. We're really thankful for the way the Lord has blessed us. And of course, we're happy to be home!

Full Circle

2010-06-08T17:19:00.005-04:00

Remember this post and this one? I need to grab my box of tissues again...

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On Stevie's 1st Birthday, we moved into our first house! More to share about the celebration, but for now, that picture will do just fine.

Random thoughts

2010-05-28T07:51:00.006-04:00

...because I don't like to use MckMama's "Stream of Consciousness"...for whatever reason.

We've been busy. Hence, the lack of posts lately. I put in hours upon hours into Stevie's 1st year photo book. It's amazing because I spent so many hours, and it will definitely not look like I spent hours. I need a photo book program that allows me to arrange the page layouts instead of providing the given options. Those are nice but limiting. I had a coupon for a free one, so that was nice...until I put 16 more pages in it than what was free, but I only had to pay for the additional pages (and shipping and tax). So, it all worked out. It's ordered, and I hope it arrives for his birthday.

Stevie's 1st birthday is 1 week from today. Wowzers. It's definitely bittersweet. More sweet than bitter, but I just miss my little baby. We're going to have a family party for him. Ohh, the party.

Can I let loose on some frustrations? I want to enjoy preparing for his little party, but there is a big road block. We are in the process of moving...buying a house, whatever. The closing date is still not set...even though we are past our "tentative date." That is a little frustrating. I understand it happens, but the timing of it all right now is not so hot. We were supposed to be moved in to the new place by Stevie's birthday party. Because of all this uncertainty, I had to send out his invitations saying our new address and underneath a little asterisk with my parents' address in case we are not there yet...which previously thought, would be a little ridiculous not to be there yet. I'm tired of this and have so detached myself from any excitement that I'm not sure how worth it this deal is going to be. Hopefully, I change my mind if this deal does go through. Don't get me wrong...it's a beautiful house and there were many things I looked forward to about it. It's just that we have been gracious through the whole process...but things are getting out of hand (as I see it in my inexperienced eyes), possibly because we have been so gracious? So...I know. I need to not let this get in the way of trying to celebrate a wonderful first birthday! It's time to suck it up cupcake, right? He won't care where it is or if his invitations have white out all over them.

So, Stevie's party. It's farm "themed" because Stevie still loves cow things. He likes the plates, napkins, invitations, personalized placemat (ha!), and greets them with a huge smile and "Hi!" Yes, there's a cow on them. They are very cute, but not as cute as my boy. A-hhh, I'm feeling better already from the previous paragraph. I am going to attempt to make a barn cake. Pictures may or may not be posted of that attempt. Ahem. I'm no Betty Crocker. My cooking show as a young girl (Cooking Witb B...no, Witb is not my typo...but my brother's on camera, and it stuck) consisted of play doh and water ...and toy cookware...and a giant apron, my mother's old high heels, some singing and whistling, laughing and bloopers. I don't know if I'm going to do a trial cake. I was planning to, but then we got this hot weather, and well, I didn't feel like cranking that oven up. Now, we're so close, there's no way our family will eat all that cake just to eat another one next week. Umm, I don't even really like cake. I'm sure Stevie will enjoy it no matter how it looks. Are there any bakers out there? When is the best time to bake the cake and cupcakes? I'm thinking of doing the cupcakes the day before, but the cake? How do I work this? The idea is the cake will be out of the pan when all is said and done, something never attempted by B...(no, I will not share the beautifully perfect picture example on the Betty Crocker or whatever website to help show what I mean...because once you see my version, it might make Betty feel badly about hers or something) so I want to keep it fresh. Hey, I already admitted I'm no Betty Crocker ...or Martha Stewart. (Random thought within the random thought: I just realized I said Betty Crocker a lot so I added Martha to the mix.) If it turns out terribly, well...there's always ice cream cake...and that I do love. Thank you for the back up, Carvel!

Oh, speaking of Martha, I have been working hard on another project. I just had to have a family name sign a couple of months ago. When things were moving along with the house, I wanted one even more...for our first home. So, I looked and looked online for what I wanted. I didn't find one that quite fit my desires (or price range), so I'm making it. It's certainly not perfect. When it's done, I'll share a picture...hopefully, of it hanging somewhere on some wall. This was a more enjoyable project than the wool balls. I'm still finalizing the verse I want on the bottom. Guess what the colors are? Those who know me personally and know my decorative colors of choice...yup, red, white, and blue. I'm a primitive/Americana...and patriotic... girl at heart. Wow, this is getting long...soo, on the red, white, and blue note, Happy Memorial Day! I always have difficulty saying "happy" Memorial Day. I am thankful for our freedom, but happy doesn't seem to fit when honoring those who have given their all for our freedom. So, I'm going to have a Thankful Memorial Day!

Us Moms Really Think on our Toes

2010-05-21T21:47:00.001-04:00

....or whatever that saying is. So, here's the deal. I was tired the other night. Stevie was a little too, but he was a bit on the hyper side. He, like usual lately, was wanting to get into everything, and I was ready to stop chasing him around for the evening. It may not look like he was everywhere just before this (the camera sometimes has that effect)...but oh, he was.

What else was there to do than this? -Put a cup on my head while I relaxed, so Stevie would stick around...and share some laughs too. Some days, I may look like I'm losing my mind. No, we're just having fun. Ignore me, and enjoy my boy! I especially like how Stevie is tired and laughing so hard he's toppling over.

The Proposal

2010-05-20T10:58:00.006-04:00

Matt proposed to me 4 years ago today. Unfortunately, it wasn't a big surprise for me. It's my own fault that I often ruin his surprises. Apparently, I have a hefty intuition, or something. He was supposed to meet me at a certain time that day to take me out. I think the place or thing we were doing was supposed to be a surprise...clue 1. We had been talking about engagement for awhile at this point. (Yes, we met in May 05 when he was on leave, started talking in September 05 long distance, he came home from the military the 1st time in December 05, and we were engaged by May 06...married December 06.) I told him I had a surprise for him too.

Well, he was late coming to pick me up, and I remember him being really late (though, who knows how late he really was). I remember debating whether to call him or not. He said he had some errands to run in the morning...clue 2, how many errands does a guy have? After "awhile," I decided to call. He said he was hung up at the mall, he'd be there as soon as he could. Clue 3, he doesn't "mall" shop. Clue #4, we had gotten my finger sized at the mall a month or 2 earlier because I don't wear jewelry and had NO idea what size my finger was. I was also able to look through the inventory, haha. (Matt purchased the ring a few days before the proposal and needed it resized. That was the hang up at the mall. Apparently my fingers are small. I needed a size 4 and the ring they had was a 7 or something, but we decided on 4 1/4 because I was worried if my hands swelled, like in pregnancy or whatever, they would get stuck. Yes, this girl thinks like that.)

So, when he finally arrived, we went to the surprise I had for him first. Matt likes cars and well, stereotypically all things boy, so I had wanted to take him to this go-cart racing place. It ended up being a little silly because we were the only ones there. So, he drove around while I took a few pictures. Then he took me to a park we frequently went to for picnics, walks, and runs. Clue 5: He brought his coat up with him. Matt hardly ever wears a coat and to just "bring it" in his hand was weird.

Prior to our engagement, we had a discussion about the proposal, and Matt had asked me if there was anything I wanted. One thing I said was I didn't want a bunch of people around....mostly because I could picture him doing it like in the middle of church or something. Well, he took that very literally. He took me to a picnic table along the water (umm, we didn't have anything to eat with us, so Clue 6), and we sat down...and he put his arm around my shoulders and dug and dug and dug into my shoulder. Deep tissue massage people. I tried to pretend like I didn't notice him looking over my shoulder every 2 seconds to check the status of "people present." I honestly have no idea how long we sat there, awkwardly. My man waited until there wasn't a person in sight for miles. Finally, I don't remember exactly what he said (I think it was, "I have something for you." He pulled out the box for me to open, and then, "Will you marry me?"), but it was fast and short. (Later, he mentioned he had this whole thing he wanted to tell me, but forgot it all in the moment, haha.) I said "Yes," and then I think that's when he told me he loved me. I could have it reversed. Like I said, it was fast, haha. We waited until our proposal/engagement to say we loved each other. Then he put the ring on my finger.

I think the only other thing I had mentioned in our "engagement discussion" was that I thought it would be really neat if we then washed each other's feet (for a life of service...and remember that dream?), and I gave him this special blue washcloth someone had embroidered for me in college with my name on it for whenever he chose the special event. Beyond those things, I wanted everything else up to him.

You know where this is headed right? Well, Matt remembered the ring, and the "no on-lookers rule" (yes, he got that one to a T, way above and beyond what I meant), and the washcloth. That's it. So, after the proposal, he pulled out the washcloth (yes, his coat pocket was huge with a ring box and squished up washcloth. Clue whatever number we were on) Ok, so it doesn't get any better than this: We had no soap, and no water, just the washcloth. So...we went down to the nasty canal water, dipped our feet in...laughing hysterically that we were "washing" each other's feet in this way...and over the fact that I was practically falling in because there is no good "entrance" to the canal water from the path. The water level was quite low at the time. Oh man, and did we ever stink!? Then, we had nothing to "dry" our lovely smelling feet with. Thankfully, I was wearing flip flops at the time which made it easy for me. Matt on the other hand, just threw his socks back on his wet feet and tied up his shoes. Yuck!

After all this, our stinky selves went to Lugia's (our favorite ice cream place where they have huge servings...the man knows my heart). Then we went back to my parents' house to announce our news. But of course, they already knew.

At the beginning of our relationship in December...once Matt had my "ok" that yes, I was really interested, etc., Matt asked my Dad to court me. My Dad was prepared for this discussion. He was sitting in the rocker in the kitchen, cleaning his gun! True story, folks. The next time Matt "talked" with my Dad (of course they talked a lot throughout our relationship, but you know what I mean), was to ask his permission to marry me. My parents live on a little farm, and my Dad had been out doing some work outside, so he was wearing shorts and farm boots. A little different ambience than the last discussion...So, from what I know, my Dad gave his permission and blessing.

Anyway, shortly after our engagement (or maybe it was after we started courting, either way), this Rodney Atkins song came out. Maybe I'll call in to the radio station today! It was written about us. Ok, it wasn't really written about us...but is seriously our story! Then, this song played the day Matt left when he was recalled to the Marines. It also played on my way to pick him up from the airport. It's a special one for us. Just in case you haven't heard it, well, here it is:

Yes, Matt, I would say "Yes" again! I'm so glad I did!

Yeah, I Remember May 9th

2010-05-13T14:18:00.007-04:00

May 9th last year, that is.

I was reminiscing with Matt and my sister-in-law about the date May 9th. My due date for Stevie was May 22nd and was then changed to May 28th (though, seriously, umm, May 22nd would've given my little bun enough time in there...and my midwife Aunt always went by that earlier one for me and was a little upset that they "changed" it...anyway...). I had an appointment with my OB the first week in May and had "increased" to between 2-3 cm and was 80% effaced (may have been 75%, but I believe that was at the first "checked" appointment). Anyway, the Dr. was really excited (I love her...she is always excited). It was good improvement from the last week, and she thought for sure I would not make it to the next weekly appointment (even though cervical dilation means nothing at this stage of the game). We had looked at the calendar and saw that May 9th my Dr. was on call and it was to be a full moon. (You've heard of that, right?...Statistically, more women go into labor during full moons.) May 9th is also Matt's brother's birthday. Perfect timing! Well, May 9th came and went...and if I knew then what I know now, I probably would have ___you fill in the blank____.

A FULL MONTH went by before Stevie made his arrival. What little lovelies can I laugh about now...since he didn't arrive for another month? Well, there are many!

-For one, I drove around with an all-purpose baby pad on my seat...in case my water broke. In church, I carried that partner in crime water bottle (to spill "accidentally") for the same reason. (Hey, I had some teenagers point and laugh and say, "Wouldn't it be funny if her water broke?" "Yeah, especially if it got all over your shoes!" No, I didn't say that. I just waddled away.)
-I had some lower back aches in addition to the braxton hicks I'd had for months.
-I see that huge watermelon on it's side in my belly in pictures and feel the stretching just thinking about it. I just saw some pictures of a girl who at 39 weeks pregnant looked like my belly after Thanksgiving dinner. (Maybe that would account for a 3 lb difference in the size of our babies). What can I say? I ate my double cheeseburgers and enjoyed my milkshakes too. I was called "fat lady" by the time April rolled around, asked if I was carrying twins....and if I was sure that I wasn't. Matt didn't call, "Timberrr!" for nothin' when I'd get into bed!
-The grocery store looks had begun far before then. I never did understand what was so interesting...it really was like I was the first pregnant person the world had seen.
-I couldn't walk nearing 8 months and called it "Cowboy syndrome" until I learned it's actually "saddle sore." Stevie put so much pressure on my lower self, it felt like I had pulled muscles in my groin. And yet...we carried on.
-Matt hit a deer on the way to work and we had the whole car switching fiasco...of carseat base and hospital bag, etc. from rental car back to newly fixed car.
-We passed by what was supposed to be a joyous May 9th. Entered into May 10th (Mother's Day...that would've been fun too), 11th, 12th, 13th, etc....the contractions continued but no baby.
-Fast forward to May 30th. 21 days. 21 days later, I pulled that awful ligament in my back getting up for one of those thousand trips to the bathroom at night. That hurt so. bad. I've had some injuries, but that was bad, probably also because I had a 40 pound watermelon pulling me down from the other side. I was so afraid I might be having back labor on top of it (weird, I know, but one of my mom's labor pains began in her shoulder blades!). My husband went to fight off the bad guys (umm the other paint ball guys!!) while I laid on my old high school bed at my parents' with ice and heat, and groaned. I thought I was going to die. haha. My mom loves to tell the true story of how I laid on my side and my back touched one end of the bed and the tip of my belly touched the other edge. I was that huge!
-Right after this lovely day, I started getting those itchy red bumps all over my belly...thinking it was Matt's gift to me of poison ivy after playing paintball. Nope, just PUPPS! Couldn't get much more miserable.
-Fast forward to June 3rd. Still having back pain and the itch is intensifying...and I'm stretched beyond what I think is possible. I went in for my non stress test and ultrasound. Because, wait for it, I still didn't have Stevie yet. The grouchy ultrasound lady tells me the baby is 9 lbs 8 oz. I'm ready to burst into tears. She sends me on my "merry" way to go home (except for non stress test first) and wait for induction on June 6th. I go back out to the waiting room, tell my dad, and explain ultrasounds can be up to a lb off. You could tell he was feelin' for his little (well, once was) girl! He looked nervous for me. I tried to remain upbeat and figured, well, what was I gonna do? I got called back for a non stress test, while Dad did some calling of his own...my mom, and said that the baby was 11 lbs. She then called my sister in law...and on and on it went. Maybe they set up a prayer chain, I don't know. I had my test. Stevie was still very active (both technicians/nurses couldn't believe how active he was being the size he was and how far along we were). Yet, she kept telling me I or he...whatever...was failing. Over and over, she told me that. At the end, she took it to the Dr. He thought it was "great" and sent me home on my merry way to wait for my induction on the 6th. Could you cut a girl a break? Do you know what 3 more days does to a hormonal, emotional girl pregnant with a 1st grader?...I was thinking he would be 11 pounds by then! They must've had some confidence in me. Well, that prayer chain worked. I think this day was officially the end of my rope.
-That night, at 11:30, my water broke. Halleluiah! It had taken me a month (since early May) to go from 2-3 cm to a whopping 2-3cm when I checked in to the hospital! haha I was still the same, but at least I was 100% effaced. Still don't understand how you can be 100% and still have some dilation to go...but whatever. (But the residents also told me I was having a 7 lb baby...so what do they know? Just kidding, I liked them a lot and think they were very smart to tell me smaller!)
-I ended up having a wonderful labor and delivery (I say that tongue in cheek...you know, as wonderful as that sort of pain and stuff can be). But, we won't talk about the explosion of the PUPPS all over my body the day we left the hospital (this is not my picture...warning, it's bad, ...but it was me!), my 4 month recovery, and my surgery. Ahem.

-So, on June 4th, my beautiful baby boy finally made his much welcomed appearance in the world, 9 lbs 1 oz, 21.5 inches (sooo thankful for the 7 oz difference).

At least May 9th is someone's birthday...hehe. Really, I do laugh about these things...now...and I've heard of women going over a month overdue and having much larger babies than I. Bless. their. hearts. So, really, what have I to say?

But, June 4th was perfect. June 4th, I will always remember! And you know what? He was worth it all!

I'm so glad You were born!

2010-05-10T16:06:00.004-04:00

Cotton Babies is hosting a $100 giveaway! I ordered my recent diapers from them and have been very pleased with their company. I'm entering this giveaway and thought others would like to hear about it too! They just ask you to leave a comment explaining why you are so glad a child in your life was born! Here's the link!

Stephen Letters

2010-05-09T07:55:00.001-04:00

Dear Stephen,

Maybe you wonder why I write you all these letters. Maybe these will never be important to you, but just in case, I'll keep writing anyway. And, here are some reasons why...

I like to record memories. I have not been so good at keeping track in your baby book though. Maybe it's because the milestones are randomly thrown down on the same page just leaving a line for the date, and I'd rather write more. There is so much more to your life than typical milestones and dates. They are wonderful. They show how you're growing. But, I want you to know more about the kind of Mom I am to you while you're little, and give you a glimpse of your personality and life as a little boy.

Mostly, I really really want you to know how much I love you. I tell you that, but sometimes I'm a better written communicator than spoken communicator. My writing is one way I show you how much I really love you.

Morbid as this may be...I have a fear. When you were 10 weeks old, I had to have surgery. I'd never had surgery before. I dreaded it. I had never left you...ever...until that day. That was so hard. We dropped you off at Grandma's, and I had put you in your swing. I kissed your head with tears in my eyes and told you I loved you. I was scared to have surgery. Chances were slim, but there is always a chance (weird anesthesia somethings or whatever)...I was fearful that if I did not come home from that surgery, you would never know me, remember me, or...really know how much I love you. Like I said, morbid, I know. It's even hard for me to write. This just isn't commonly talked about with some reasonable reason. It's a reality though. I am struck with the thought every now and then when I pass an accident or hear of tragedies on the news. Life on earth can be short. If for whatever reason I am not here, I want you to be sure of my love for you and your siblings forever. (Hmm, makes me think of the wonderful gift God's Word is. We have the Holy Spirt and God's love letters to us to share more about His love for us while we don't have the opportunity to experience a physical Jesus.)

You see, my entire life I wanted to be a mom. As a little girl, I surrounded myself with dolls and imaginary older children I was mom too. I often had anywhere from 7-10 or more children...all named. We'd spend days together, and even take trips to the store on my car bed. Silly little girl...dreaming of that time in the future. Now, you are here. I couldn't have dreamed of a cuter, happier, more loveable first child. I choose to be home with you. I may not go to work, but you are my job, you are my joy, and my passion lies in Christ's love overflowing through me to your little heart. How old are you now, reading this? Did you know that? Did you see that? Did you feel that? Has He overflowed your heart?

I write you letters so that you will have records of those milestones, records of those silly memories and the cherished times, but most of all, so you will understand and maybe know my love for you a little bit more. Of course, I still feel like I'm not able to put it in words, but this will have to do for now.

As you grow, this is still so strong on my heart: "A Mother's Prayer" by Rachel Aldous

With love and a kiss,
Mom

Dear Stephen

2010-05-07T10:33:00.003-04:00

Dear Stephen,

You have been experiencing the "outside world" now for 11 months. I really think this is my favorite age of yours so far. You are such a joy! In many ways it is more difficult though. You are becoming more bold, you are exploring so much more, you are getting into many more things you shouldn't be, and you are expressing your will more. We hope and pray that boldness will shape into fearless God following. We hope your curiousity continues but you seek out things that are good, and true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent, and praiseworthy. And, we also pray that as you grow your desires will yield and be molded by God's desires.

You are often a very happy boy. I certainly would not trade that! You still wake up cheerful, with your hair curling around your head, lips forming a rested grin, and your chubby little hands rub the sleepiness out of your eyes. Once the sleepiness is rubbed away, your energy often comes out in full force. You race-crawl to one end of the crib to the other and pull up to your knees on the crib bar. You nuzzle into your burp cloth (your nap blanket) and blankets...or pull the blankets down from the end of the crib and laugh. Speaking of nuzzling, you still favor your cow stuffed animal, and every time you go to him, you smush you face into him or give him a huge hug! Then you sort of wrestle him on the floor. It's extremely cute. Last night, you saw your beloved cow in your pack and play, and you cried because you could not get to him to let him out to play. Don't worry, Mommy came to the rescue.

Another milestone is checked off the list! Yesterday, you pulled yourself up to your feet for the first time! I find it amazing that when you learn something new, it just seems to click. You do it over and over again like you have been doing it forever. I think I counted at least 6 times yesterday...and you first pulled up sometime in the afternoon. You've also been sitting back on your knees sometimes. Pretty cool, little man!

You are probably most content any time you are outside. We could spend all day in the stroller walking if you had the opportunity. As we walk up and down the driveway, you like to watch the tree leaves and branches sway in the trees, the neighbors' dogs and cats, and especially the cars and trucks that go zooming by on our busy street. I am really looking forward to having a more suitable place to go for walks with you! Last weekend, you did alright mall walking too! Daddy strolled you down the halls of the car show while Mommy did a little wedding shopping. Then I took the stroller because Daddy's too tall for it to be very comfortable. This little orange umbrella stroller is not the finest of all strollers, but it was a hand me down we didn't need to pay anything for (we're very thankful for that), and it does the job. But, when Mommy pushes it, sometimes the wheels go a little funny. You find it hilarious every time the wheels suddenly get stuck and swerve you one direction to the other. I would imagine it is similar to a jerky roller coaster for you....but you couldn't be happier as you whip around and your hair blows back.

Food. You still like any food you are given. Sometimes you shy away from the green veggies, but once they hit your tongue, you remember how good they are. You have had fruits and veggies (jarred food and what we eat), crackers, breads, cereals (baby and regular), Puffs, graham crackers, a few goldfish, some meat (real, not jarred) and meals....and some of an oatmeal cookie at Grandma and Grandpa's. Mommy caved and let you have some of her cookie because it was a "healthy" cookie. Grandma still doesn't believe that's the only dessert you've had! :) Boy, did you enjoy that! We're gearing you up slowly for that birthday cupcake...which is coming in 1 month...so it will taste that much better!! Cheerios are still suitable snacks for you too. They are yummy, but more than that, they are super fun to shoot out your mouth. You have perfected the Cheerio shoot in the past couple of months. You blow them out and watch them fly (they do ever so much better than your Puffs)...then look down at the floor over your high chair to see where they landed. I need to get that on tape sometime.

Our days are getting busier, but I need to write these things down before I forget them! I love these days. I love our time together! Most of all, I love you!

With love and a kiss,
Mom

Wool Dryer Balls for Sale

2010-04-29T05:40:00.000-04:00

1 wool ball - $100
2 wool balls- $250
3 or more wool balls- $4795.50

Ok, just kidding, but, really...

While waiting to use the diapers, I also undertook making my own wool dryer balls...because I'm insane....I mean, I was trying to save some money. I looked them up online and thought I could make them myself for cheaper. Here's directions if you'd like. I was surprised the wool yarn was $8.99 at Joann Fabrics, but I used a 40% off coupon for the first one and a 50% off coupon for the 2nd (another day). I made 6 balls (recommendation is to use at least 3, maximum 6), and I have a little bit of yarn left over.

The first one wasn't so bad. I felt energized. I was like, hmm, maybe I could make some and put them on etsy too (I've seen them there) for a little cheaper. After that first ball, I decided I was nuts to make more, and if I did, I'd sell them for $100 a ball, haha. Stevie wanted to help and was pulling the yarn while I rolled...and sometimes too hard so the ball flew out of my hands and unrolled. He thought it was funny. Anyway, I went a bit crazy, but 6 are done. Well, they are almost done. I admit they are varied in size a bit, but didn't think that matters all that much. They have to be washed a couple of times in the process to felt them. I meant to put them in for their final wash with the diapers, and I forgot. I took a few days rest half way through, and I was less crazy by the end... and a bit quicker. Maybe I will sell them for $50 a peice now. :)

So, hopefully I can put those balls to use soon (once I have some laundry to do). I thought they were going to be sort of light, but they really are kind of hard...I just hope it won't clunk too much in the dryer. We'll see they work! And if you're seriously interested in purchasing some because you don't want to go crazy making them, we might be able to come up with a more reasonable agreement in price.

Dear Stephen

2010-04-26T08:05:00.001-04:00

These are my favorite posts to write. I'd like to share with you what I love most about our days together.

*You are a morning boy! You jabber in your crib and call out when you wake up. As soon as I walk into your room in the morning, you're usually waiting, watching for that door to open with a big smile! I love seeing your bright face, ready to start the day every morning. We sing, "Rise and shine and give God the glory, glory" and you don't care how my voice sounds...with the morning crackilies and out of tunedness. You smile and roll around your crib, tossing your burp cloth around, very excited.

*You snuggle during your morning bottle. I keep you in your pjs till after your morning nap so you can stay warm and snuggly. We hop up into Mommy and Daddy's bed, and you sit on my lap to drink your bottle. You gently stroke your own head, or reach up for my cheek or hair. You usually run your hands through a curly strand of mine gently...but sometimes you do give a good yank. Yes, Stevie, it's still attached to my head, or at least it was!

*I like to watch you as you play. Sometimes you laugh at your wondrous abilities and new skills. It's a joy! You still love books, and now you've discovered the lift a flap (or, Uncle Jon calls them rip a flap) pages in your Jesus Walking on the Water book. You think it's the coolest! You'll flip through your books for a long time, and you still love story time. It's such a reward to rock and read to my happy boy. The crying and trying times of the day are wiped away in those rocking and snuggling moments.

*I still think it's funny to watch you lift the toys that are supposed to stay on the ground...as well as some of our furniture pieces, so you can figure them out or fix them. We might be moving in a month or so, so rest up those muscles! We could use them!

*When I change your diaper, it seems to be conversation time. You often tell me all about dadadadada. I ask about Mama. And you say, dadada....gagaga. If you wrestle me at changing time, usually all I have to do is start singing. You love music. Many songs are changed just for you. I sing "You are my Sunshine" and often sing "You are my Stephen (or Stevie)." Sometimes you get a singy voice yourself. We also sing "If You're Happy and You Know it" and use actions you can do. When you were younger, you found it funny when I'd sing "Swing low" in a deep voice.

*Sometimes when we're sitting next to each other (often if we're out to eat too), you'll reach over and pull yourself into my arm and nuzzle your head into it. Melt my heart! I love you too, Stephen!

*You're ticklish behind your neck, and the expression you make, tucking your head into your shoulders with your giggles...is so cute and makes everyone smile. If we're both on the floor, you'll lean into me with your head down, giggling, egging me on to tickle you more. It's hilarious!

*You like to get involved when I fold laundry. You take all the clothes out of the basket and sometimes shake them...maybe it's just to see how many times I will fold them. I need to get quicker at moving the folded laundry out of your reach.

*You absolutely love going outside. When I put my sneakers on, you just know...or you at least hope that I'm going outside and you're coming too. You sit and wait patiently for me to go out and get the stroller and come back for you. We walk up and down the driveway until Daddy gets home from work, and you couldn't be happier.

*You're crawling now and becoming much more bold! I have to keep the computer cords out of the way, along with my purse, the phone, my shoes (still a favorite)...pretty much everything that is not your toy. It takes you moments for the Stephen tornado to whip through a room and cause a big mess. Sometimes I feel like I'm doing the same things over and over all day...not accomplishing much, but you're worth it!

*You are a sight in the bathtub with your curly, wet head as you splash and try to figure out the water. I put bubbles in for the first time a week or so ago, and you tried to find your hands under them. What a treat to watch!

*After you finish your bedtime bottle, I pray softly in your ear, with your head and sleepy self draped over my shoulder. I try to etch those times into my memory and heart because I will not be able to rock you forever. If I take a little longer than usual, you notice, and your little head pops up. I understand that's the signal you're ready to get in your own bed now...enough of this mushy stuff.

*By the time morning comes or your nap is over (even if it's been short), I so look forward to seeing you and getting you up. Sometimes, I'll ask Daddy if he'll get you up, and I end up coming upstairs too. I just don't want to miss a moment of this!

I love you so much, Stephen! I'm so thankful for the days we've had and the normal or adventurous days we have to come!

Love always and with a kiss,
Mom

Day 1 of Cloth Diapering down

2010-04-23T10:09:00.002-04:00

Just in case people are wondering how the diapering is going...or not going. So far, I'm pleased. Yesterday was our first day of using them, and they're in the wash right now this morning.

First of all, my order came in just after a few days (and I did not pay anything extra for faster shipping, just the regular method). The prewashes were a bit painful. I opened the packages and was so ready to put them on our little boy, but I needed to do 3-5 prewashes. I admit it, I only did 3. The covers are so cute! Being inexperienced, I thought the snaps were going to be like the metal snaps (sort of onesie like), but they are plastic. I hope they last well. They seemed to take forever prewashing, just because I was excited. The prefolds got nice and soft and "bumpy" or wavy. The inserts fluffed up. Besides having to wait till the prewashes were completed, we needed to wait because our little boy was still dealing with that terrible rash. I ended up taking him to the Dr last week to get a prescription cream. All seemed to be well a few days ago.

When I got Stevie up in the morning yesterday, I put him in a Flip cover with a disposable insert a bit after 8am . (Side note: the night before we put him in a cover with a disposie insert...2 different times. No leaks, but those disposable inserts smell really bad after peed on and don't hold too much.) I wanted to change him again before we left for a garage sale at 9:40ish, so I chose a disposable. The snaps were easier than I expected. In fact, I didn't even think about it till later, wow, not bad at all! There were no leaks, no problems. I wiped down his cover and put a stay dry insert in (though the cover was still a little damp inside) before we went out. It went great...true test, going out and about. We went to a garage sale, came home, he went down for a nap (still no change), and around noon, I changed him. No leaks. Just fine. This time when I changed him, after I wiped out the cover, I put it aside to air dry a bit...the pee does get on the inside of the cover and it takes a bit to dry. So, I rotated 2 covers through the day, but reused them. I tried the Econobum cover with a flip insert this time. It worked ok, but the Econobum seems a bit smaller, and I think would work better for smaller babies. My boy is not small. (He wore a 24 month shirt yesterday and is outgrowing the 24 month Gerber onesies.) Anyway, the Econobum is a bit different in that it doesn't have little flaps in the front and back as the Flip does. He did leak a bit up the front. It could have been a newbie error in putting it on or maybe he's just too big for it...or maybe he should've been changed sooner. It had been about 3 hours. That was the only leak for the day (the Flips did fine). We put him in a disposable overnight diaper for the night. Oh, and he didn't poop till night time, so we'll see how that goes with these diapers. I've been using the reusable fleece liners in the inserts...to keep the inserts whiter and to shake it off into the toilet.

Stevie had a little bit of rash on his leg again this morning...so I went back to disposable for now. I just want to make sure it's not left over fungal before I continue using his cloth diapers. (Yes, I'm cringing that I used some already if this really isn't gone.) I do wonder if it's food related at this point. When we do use them again, I will be trying the prefolds under the covers too. The prefold from the Econobum diaper is smaller. The prefolds I ordered separately are really big (as I was warned). I thought I needed big for my big boy. I hope they will still fit fine inside the covers.

Overall, it was an easy day. Matt even changed his diaper once, and he didn't have any complaints. They're in the washer...and due to their recommendations of the 2 washes and extra rinse, it does take longer, but it's not any more "work" for me. Oh, and we don't have a pail yet. We are using a mesh laundry bag (we already had) hanging on Stevie's door. We just tossed the inserts in during changes. To make sure there isn't any "drippage" (which...the inserts are pretty hefty, so I don't think it would happen...but anyway) through the mesh, I placed a target plastic bag on the floor to protect the floor. It doesn't look cute, but it's what we have, haha. And in case you're wondering, because I wondered, there was no smell!! I thought surely the hallway would reek of urine. It did not. I only left them in there for the day yesterday and all night and washed this morning, but there was no smell in the hall or room. I even asked Matt if it smelled. Nope.

On the move!

2010-04-21T09:49:00.003-04:00

There has been a lot of moving going around for our family lately. We've been trying to run in some evenings after Stevie's nap. He loves riding in the jogging stroller, but unfortunately, we aren't super regular yet. I've been toying with the idea of getting motivated for a 5k...so that I'm motivated to run more often, but I'm not sure that will happen. We'll see.

In weird news, there is this spider that has taken up residence in my car. I do not like spiders! I'm fine with them outdoors, but don't move into my space! This is one of those little black and gray fuzzy ones...nasty ones...but a little bit bigger than the teeny ones we had last year in our home that would jump and disappear when you tried to whack them. So, like any good mom trying to keep her child spider free, I tried to whack that sucker on my dashboard. He was in the crook, all I had was a sneaker, and well, he zoomed into the vents. Grr. That means, all I think about when in the car is that spider. We made it to our destination...oh, a garage sale for an umbrella stroller that was already sold. It poured. I had to get Stevie in and out of the car (which was ultimately for no reason) through the rain. We came home, and then later, we went out for something else. There it sat, staring at me, riding shot gun in the passenger seat. Oh no you don't! I had the little man in my arms. I quickly got him in his seat and grabbed that old running shoe from the back. Whack! Whack! The thing bounced off the seat to the floor in a ball...and then scurried away under the seat. How is it that all small insects have the built in armor we could only dream of? I mean, really! It's like in the movies. If I were beaten up over and over in real life, there's no way, I'd be able to get up without a scratch. Not fair!! So, every time I get in the car, I'm paranoid about this ugly dude. I think I saw him once more...can't remember. But yes, he's still kickin around my car. I can't stand it and that old sneaker is losing his job!

You know what else I can't stand? Well...this... I like to take Stevie out in the stroller right before Matt gets home from work. He loves being outside, and because we live on a busy road, I just take him up and down our long drive way until Matt pulls in. Stevie loves it, and we're there to greet Daddy when he comes home. Yesterday, we made it down the driveway a few times until IT happened. We were half way down the driveway when I heard the neighbors across the street laughing and partying? I don't know. Anyway, they were behind trees, couldn't see them...didn't care to see them. I wasn't interested in their business. Then I hear ladies' screams of laughter and out jumps this man. Scarred for life, I am...as this man totally unclothed jumps out to the street, RIGHT in front of our driveway. He's jumping and running around in the middle of our busy street. I won't go into more details about that, but I was disgusted. Cars are swerving and honking, and I'm trying to get away too. For real, I was so bothered. We swung right around and chugged it back to the house out of "view" while the honking and shrieks continued. Does this bother you as much as it bothers me? I'm thinking the guy was dared or something, but really...I felt violated, just trying to take my son on a little walk. Thankfully, this is the first time (and hopefully LAST) that this has happened. Our apartment has been wonderful, but I am looking forward to moving to our house on the private street (where people had better be clothed)!

On a wonderfully, positive "moving" note... Nope, not about the house... Stevie took his first real crawling steps yesterday! He has crawled several times since. It was very exciting. I clapped and cheered...while he stared with little grins. He's on the move!! He still likes to army crawl after several steps, but it's official now!

He loves his ball

2010-04-14T08:24:00.001-04:00

A break from the longer posts. Maybe you've been waiting to see more of him? Well, here he is with his favorite "real" toy (you know, a toy that is actually supposed to be a toy). With the camera out, however, he's easily distracted.

Ok, They're Ordered!

2010-04-13T11:27:00.003-04:00

Thank you for the super replies, Andrea, Nicole, and Quirky Momma. I really appreciated the time you spent and the explanations given!

Here's where I'm starting if anyone is interested. I purchased a smorgasbord of items. One thing I'm happy to know is that if this doesn't work out for us, cloth diaper items seem to have pretty decent resale value. So, I created my own "starter pack."

I placed an order for the following items:

*6 Premium Indian prefolds (I liked that I heard they're softer and only require half as many pre-washes. Only 6 to start small and see how they go. They can always be burp cloths because that's what we use our cheapy Gerber ones for. And yes, Stevie still spits up sometimes.)

*2 Snappis for the prefolds. Maybe I'll just end up folding the prefolds though, so who knows? I have the option though.

*1 Econobum cover and prefold pack (Hey, we need a white option, and it's cheap, and will give us another prefold and the cover. :) )

*bumGenius Stay dry liners pack of 6 or whatever (to try out with prefolds to help pull that moisture away)

*Bummis fleece liners pack of 5 or whatever (again to try out and compare 2 kinds...both were fairly reasonable. I decided to start with the "real stuff" rather than making my own...just till I get the hang of all this and really want to put energy in)

*bumGenius diaper detergent. I ended up going with their brand. Matt thought that'd be a good idea in case I want to return...I won't have done anything not recommended by them. Once I'm an expert, umm, yeah, then I can venture out to different kinds. For now, kisses all around...keeping it simple stupid. :) Also, we've been cutting down on the detergent use for our regular clothes...so hopefully, we won't deal with that build up. I'll forget about fabric softener sheets and look into wool balls. You know, Andrea, I think I've seen them at our Good Will (they sell new things as well as used)!

With all of this, I spent just enough to get a free package of Flip disposable inserts (so we can even throw some away while we're experimenting)! Horray!

Then I went to another site to get my Flips because I had a coupon for $10 off diapers...and then another $15 rebate. Here's how that went. Well, I went to order. They wouldn't take my coupon code. I called. They said, "it only works for diapers, formula, and wipes." "Umm, yeah. I'm ordering diapers." "Let me check on that. Well, it doesn't work for those, just disposable." "Well things need to be changed if that's the case because I'm not very happy right now. The code did not say it worked only for disposable diapers." I sent an email saying I was taking my business elsewhere. They sent me my email back with no reply. Nice. Soo...

I went back to previously ordered from website and placed my order for the Flip day pack, and I was excited! I got to choose what colors I wanted (that's a new feature)! So, I got one in the dark blue (moonbeam) and one in the light blue (twilight...I might have these reversed, I don't know). Branching out, I know (but I figured I'll keep the colors similiar for washing purposes. Do you all wash covers separately if they are totally different colors?). And I got one of those socks just to try out ...thinking of using with the prefolds and inserts to pull that moisture away. Since I got the sock, once again, I got another package of 18 disposie inserts free!! Horray! All shipping was free (because I chose the slow method) and tax was already included.

I spent a little more than I planned to (because of that annoying discount I didn't get, so about $100 if you're wondering, yikes that sounds like a lot), but I should be getting a good amount of things to get me started (3 covers, 7 prefolds, 6 inserts, 11 liners, detergent, 2 snappis, a sock, and 36 disposable inserts that were thrown in for free). We'll see how these do.

I chose the flip because the covers can theoretically be reused through the day (until they get too messy or wet goes to the outside). The insides can just be wiped down and you just throw another insert in! (I believe the same goes for the Econobum. Whereas with pocket diapers, the cover is lined with material...once wet or poopy..needs to be washed with their inserts.) Both covers are one size, so theoretically these should fit my little man till potty training and whenever we have a new little baby in the family. Inserts, prefolds, and separate covers are a whole lot less to wash and dry than All in One diapers. I'll hang dry the covers and inserts and prefolds should not take that long in the dryer. Both covers have snaps, so once again theoretically, they should last longer and Stevie will have a harder time pulling them off. (He's started yanking at his diapers)

Someday, I might get to those Cloth Diapers

2010-04-12T12:16:00.007-04:00

I know, I know. I keep saying I want to try cloth diapers. Maybe you're tired of hearing about it. I was all ready to order some when I realized I have even more questions. I am just going to dump them here and hope all you experts can help a girl out! Some of them are probably dumb...but here it goes anyway.

Background: I am planning to buy some Flips and some prefolds (because they're cheaper) and covers. (I also figured I could use some prefolds when in need of "doubling" up.) Stevie apparently has sensitive skin. He has a pretty bad rash right now from trying some disposable diaper booster pads in his overnight diapers. We're still thinking of just using overnight disposable diapers at night and cloth diapers during the day.

1. Is my son going to experience diaper rash with prefolds since they aren't fancy at pulling the moisture away?

2. What is the difference between Chinese and Indian prefolds? What do you prefer? What does premium mean...do they hold more? Doesn't any store sell them so I don't have to order online?

3. I am looking at detergents and my head spins. (I'm not up to making my own yet.) I like the sound of Rockin green, but maybe I should go with the actual Bumgenius detergent if I'm getting their brand diapers (keeping warranty in mind)? Every kind I'm reading is showing some sort of problem with some people...either with stink or stains or whatever. With the Flip, I'm planning on the stay dry inserts...so they're microfiber, which I heard becomes stinky. Do I want to spend lots of money trying out detergents? No.

4. If detergent is so important...do I need to use cloth diaper detergent with all my laundry? Will my regular detergent leave build up in my washer...transferring to my cloth diapers?

5. How many times do I really wash the diapers...as in rinses and washes? Do I only put detergent in once?

6. Do you use a bag or an open pail for your dirty diapers? Does it need to be special? Do you rinse your diapers right away to get some pee/mess out? I rinsed his clothes by hand right away to get the blowouts out.

7. I've heard of using wipes (washing and drying them as long as they last) for liners until their used with a poopy diaper. Do those need to be washed separately from the diapers to get their "soapy-ness" out? Anyone used like Kushies disposable liners? Did they cause irritation?

8. I also want a liner option for when my little guy gets a rash...to use diaper cream. So, what do you do when your little one gets a rash?

9. Stevie's a heavy wetter. Are there really any good doublers that are worth it and cheaper than more inserts...or should I just buy more of the Flip inserts to double up?

10. How do you know how much detergent to use? How does it vary depending on front loader and top loader? Does powder or liquid detergent matter? We are hoping to move in a couple of months...and we're not sure what kind we'll have yet.

Hmm, what this probably boils down to is this: I don't want to buy all these diapers (though I'm going to start small), and mess them up or make this a big waste of time and money. Maybe I'm making a mountain out of a mole hill...help, please! :)

Thoughts so far...

2010-04-09T10:00:00.004-04:00

on Ginger Plowman's book, "Don't Make Me Count to Three!"

Matt and I started reading the book together last night. We really like going through books together. When we read a book, it results in some really great discussions. I feel like it brings us together...in another partnering way. We're a few chapters in, and I thought I'd share some of the things that stood out to me for my benefit of jotting it down and to give others a glimpse into it to decide whether they might like to read it (or not). We're borrowing it from the library so I can't make notes in the pages, which is a bummer, but if we like it when we're done, we'll get a copy of our own.

Ok...

When I rock Stevie before nap and bedtime, I am usually consciously hit with the responsibility most...the responsibility of raising a child entrusted in my care from our heavenly Father. Whoa. Ginger Plowman says on page 21, "Being a mom is more than being cook, chauffeur, maid, counselor, doctor, referee, disciplinarian, etc. (just to name a few). It's about molding character, building confidence, nurturing, training, and guiding. There is nothing like the influence a mother has on her child. A mother's influence has enormous potential to shape the person a child becomes, for good or ill."

What I have really liked or appreciated is her perspective: "we are not merely after outward actions, but inward cleansing. We are after the very hearts of our children" (pg. 26). She explains that discipline and instruction of the Lord go hand in hand, as stated in Ephesians (6:4). In my way of thinking, from what I believe and from what I have read so far, it really is about training the child in the ways of the Lord through Biblical instruction and exemplifying our own relationships with each other and our Savior. We're trying to get into the "why" we need to to the right thing...not just to do the right thing because it's right. I want Stevie to see that sharing his toys is right because God's Word says we should love our neighbor and be kind and giving to others....and because he wants to serve God in relationship with Him. God has given us all we have, has given us His very Son. We do what we do in thanks, honor, and praise to Him.

Which leads to another point. Plowman writes: "Sin is not a laughing matter. Let's face it: Sometimes it is hard not to laugh at our children when they are blatantly sinning. However, Christians should not laugh at or make light of the things that God sent His Son to die for" (pg. 30). Ok, so some of these things might seem obvious, but this point really hit home to me, not so much the laughing part, but the gravity of sin. I need this reminder. I've been to church all my life, and unfortunately and painfully honestly so, I don't always think of sin (as in the every day disobediences of children) with such gravity. Awful, I know. What I mean is, do I always think of sins as when our Savior hung on the cross for those very things? Of course I think of sins being bad and wrong and in need of forgiveness for...and when describing to young children at church, I describe sins as things that do not please God. Sin leads to death! Whoa, reality check. Sins are things that do not please God...but things so bad Jesus had to die for, so we could be free and have eternal life with Him. (Oh, grab hold of that little Stephen.) I'm having a hard time trying to put into words how this opens my eyes to disciplining our child/ren.

Huge sidenote but somewhat related: I went to school to be a teacher. I had to read books on classroom management (we were discouraged from using the "d" word...discipline, because "discipline is for dogs"). We were highly encouraged to use positive reinforcement. Don't get me wrong, positive reinforcement has it's value, but we need to be redirected when doing wrong as well. And, I like the ideas of intrinsic motivation vs extrinsic motivation (but goodies are fun sometimes). I think intrinsic motivation leads to one being disciplined (yup I'm using that word)...and where does that intrinsic, self-worth and motivation ultimately lie in my personal experience and opinion: in love, in our Lord and Savior. He has touched my heart in a profound way. Therefore, I live for Him. (I so wanted to write a thesis on this subject, but it's a difficult thing when teaching in public schools.)

It's all about God. It's all about what He's done for us and how we live our life in return. That's what I need to teach my boy. So, Scripture is to be the tool to show how we should act (and learn from others' actions in the Bible) ...direction in right and wrong, but we follow the Scriptures and His commands because we love our God. "We love because He first loved us." (1 John 4:19). I know...this sounds so simple of a concept in some ways, so... duh, almost. But, I love it! There is such purpose in discipline and in life, rather than just doing the right thing because it's right, so I don't get a punishment or so I get a cookie (or whatever...those extrinisic motivators). I do think it's sort of "easier said than done," and I know disciplining our children is going to be a challenge. (Check out Ginger Plowman's story about pride coming before the fall...hysterical! You'll have to read the book for that one!) It's just a wonderful reminder to me because I know there will be times when I'm tired (mm hmm) and I'd rather just say, "Stevie we do not hit our brother/sister," give punishment, and be done. This is going to require patience, prayer, study in the Word, and discipline with intention. I know, another "duh"...to discipline with intention for a change in the heart, not just the action....for understanding and tender hearts....not for tender bottoms or fear. So maybe this is all...uh huh for you, but sometimes I need a good dose of "duh."

So, as I said, we've just started the book. What we're excited to do for starters, is gather some verses (we already have a few in mind). Those will sort of be our family rules, posted on our walls (yup, like in a classroom, but when we move, I can use paint!) to refer to as we go about our days (as well as having our Bibles). I want my children (as well as us as parents) to have the Word of God in our hearts and on our walls. This is our life-style. We live for Him because He lived and died ...and lives again...for us!

I'll share some more nuggets that stick out to me as we continue reading.

Random thoughts

2010-04-08T10:32:00.004-04:00

Another one of the random thoughts posts...because...well, just because.

I hope I'm happy when all this house business is done. I. am. ready. for. it. to. be. done. I'm a leetle bit stressed about it.

Huggies is starting to redeem themselves. After trying 2 different Huggies when Stevie was little (their regular ones and pure and natural), I thought I'd never try them again. They were terrible. I still say it. Stevie leaked out of EVERY one. EVERY one. Pee or poop, it came out. We used Pampers while he was a newborn, and then I found the Target Up and Ups when he was a few months, and we never looked back. The price works for us...and so do the diapers! Stevie was still wearing Pampers overnights through the night though because he's a heavy. wetter. and Up and Ups during the day. Well, he was leaking through the overnights recently. He's already a size 5, and they only go up to size 6. So, we tried those diaper doubler things from Babies R Us. They worked ok, but gave him a horrible rash. They don't pull the moisture away from him...and we've all suffered because of that. I was told that Huggies really are better than Pampers at night. I did not expect them to hold diddly squat, but I tried them anyway. And, diddly they held! This morning was the 4th? morning Stevie has woken up with dry pajamas! Maybe it's just a coincidence, but maybe not...and I'll give a little credit where it's due: Thank you, Huggies.

Yes, I'm using lots of periods and capital letters for emphasis. It is so nice to write however I want.

I'm going to the library today. It's been a. long. while. since I've read a book. Hmm, that might be showing in my writing, huh? I need to get "Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs" for our Children's Church lesson on Sunday. It's just for the anticipatory set....for manna from heaven....in case you were wondering about that. I also am excited about a parenting book. It's called, "Don't Make Me Count to 3" by Ginger Plowman. I laugh every time I think of the title. It's about heart-oriented discipline...or so I'm told...I haven't read it yet! I will be sure to share my thoughts. Any other books like that you'd recommend?

Speaking of parenting. My boy yells. He yells from the depths of his belly. Sometimes he pulls his arms down and out with little fists while he does it. I roll with it. I think he just enjoys hearing himself. He also likes how his voice echos in our apartment with the tall ceilings. He might just be preparing to be a passionate preacher one day or loud singer?? He has no idea what "shh" means. I try to keep my voice soft when I talk to him and "encourage" softer voices. It doesn't bother me much at home except when I'm trying to talk with Matt. I'd like him to eventually learn "indoor voices," but he's 10 months. In the grocery store and at church, well, I'd like to keep his joyful noises less distracting (and overwhelming...or...) to others. Yes, other people "shh" him. He doesn't yell all the time or even every grocery trip or anything, but it is somewhat of a favorite activity. Suggestions?

How did you know?

2010-04-07T11:43:00.005-04:00

It's been a bit crazy around here lately. Hmm, but when is it really not? I just wanted to let you know, Matt, that I love you! Yes, I'm writing this on my blog. Inappropriate place or not, I'm writing that here.

I heard a discussion lately regarding how one knows when a person is "the one." Matt and I had an interesting meeting and relationship. Matt was the only guy I "dated" or "courted"...or was courted by? However that works. Anyway, not that I wanted to have more relationship experiences with other guys, but I wanted the answer to that question, is he really the one? We were definitely talking marriage quite soon into our relationship. I prayed and prayed about it. Before you start thinking I didn't really like the guy, let me clear that up: I really liked him. I really, really liked him. I was attracted to him, and he had the qualities I wanted most in a husband. (...so it wasn't as if this was an arranged type deal or anything.) I just wanted to have some sort of "sign" that Matt was the one for me. My mom asked for a sign for my dad...and she got it. So, I left mine sort of open ended. I just asked God to make it known to me in some way that would make me certain, and He did.

I had a dream. It wasn't some crazy dream of me on my wedding day with Matt as the groom. I dreamt Matt had come over one Sunday after church for lunch at my parents as he often did. This time, however, we had some sort of discussion that ended our relationship. I don't know the details, but I know I was upset. Since we were "over," what do you think Matt did? He got on my parents' phone and called up some other chick and asked her father's permission to court her! at. my. parents. house. me. standing. there. ...till I stormed out the door of course! I was livid! I was hurt! How could he do that? How could he call that girl here? How could he do that so quickly? And who is this girl? No way! He is MY man! He is supposed to marry ME! His wife will not be that girl. It will be me! We are meant to be together! Something happened in the dream shortly after I stormed out. I saw Matt talking with my parents in their car. (You know how dreams jump around.) He ended up getting out of the car and talking with me. I don't remember the words said at all. I just know that he came back to me and I came back to him and things were smoothed over. He left, grabbed a little wash tub and soap and was about to wash my feet (in the act of service sense) when I woke up.

Ignoring the oddities in the dream...I came to the conclusion I needed. I woke up certain that I didn't want to be with any other man. I was certain that I didn't want Matt with any other girl. I found my treasure. And that's when I knew.

Recently, I had another dream. We've been married for over 3 years. This one was weird. I dreamt it was my wedding day. My 2nd wedding day?? I don't know. I was confused. I married this short guy with dark hair. I didn't even know him. I didn't want to know him. I didn't like him. Matt was at the wedding. It was like we were best friends and I longed to marry him. Here I was with Mr. Short guy who didn't know anything about me...nor did I know anything about him. I was so upset. I knew I made a huge mistake. How did I marry this guy? Why am I not with Matt? Take it back! Change it! This is not right! I woke up, tear stained, but I rolled over and knew Matt was there. All was right.

Sometimes I talk about my weird dreams on here. Maybe it's annoying. I'm no dream expert. I do think some dreams are just plain crazy but some can also be great reminders. This last one was a "nudging" one for me to remember what a great husband I have. No, he's not just great because he's tall. We are the perfect match, and that won't change. I knew he was the right one back then, and I know now. Even if we have (hmm, how shall I say it) "ill feelings" towards one another at times, that doesn't change the fact that we are meant to be together. We had our choice. I'm thankful for the choice I made! I love you, Matt!!

How did you know? I'm a sucker for love stories!

10 months

2010-04-05T18:44:00.004-04:00

Dear Stephen,

You're a whopping 10 months old! Here are some of your favorite things now:

*You love playing with your ball. I bought one for you and one for Noah the week they came to visit. You saw me look over the balls at the store and were so excited about it. I handed you the Diego ball, and you beamed! You carried it in your little hands through the rest of my grocery trip, so proudly. You laughed every time I called it "ball." Nearing the end you started tossing it with joy, and I didn't mind since we were almost done (and thankfully the store wasn't crowded...This is probably one of those things "I never would have allowed" before I had kids). From the first time we played at home, you amazed me at your ability to roll it back to me. You've got a flick motion down with your right hand (always your right hand) to send it to me. You get very excited when it comes rolling back your way.

*You love other kids. You laugh hysterically at whatever they do. You had a great time with Noah a couple weeks ago and love your cousins. Grandma and Grandpa's dog is pretty funny to you too.

*You used to wave when you were tinier, but I guess you gave it up for grander things. You started waving again at yourself a couple of weeks ago, and you were thrilled. You were in the car, looking in your little mirror, grinning and making happy noises at the little boy waving at you. Those little waves also popped up as Daddy drove by a parked police car on the highway one day. It's a good thing he wasn't speeding!

*You started saying, "Hi" right at 9 months. It's sort of a southern hi. "Ha-ah!" You win a lot of ladies' smiles at the grocery store with your greeting. You also say, "Dada" but "Mama" is no where to be heard yet.

*You're starting to wind down from the 40 oz of formula you were having a day (nope, I'm not kidding or exaggerating. You eat us out of house and home.) We're still somewhere in the upper 30's though. You love your foods, but spaghetti makes you gag. We're working on the bigger noodles that are easier to chew.
*You are a big boy for your age. At 9 months, you were 24 lbs 2 oz and 30 1/2 inches. (90th and 95th percentile.) I am so eager to see how tall you'll be when you're fully grown. Beyond stature, we hope you grow in wisdom and in favor with God!

*I'm pretty sure you're working on more teeth because of the drooling and chewing. You had 8 teeth in 8 months and decided to take a vacation during your 9th month.

*I thought for sure you were going to crawl early (and your interest in the Pampers box baby), but you're taking your time, and that is just fine. You've had your own unique way of moving across the room since before Thanksgiving...by log rolling and later, army crawling. Your preferred movement is the right elbow/shoulder/toe crawl. Once you finally catch on to the real thing, I'm sure you'll wonder what all that work was for!

*You are very much mobile though the official crawling hasn't taken place. You keep me hopping all day (and it's much harder to take a picture of you now because you want the camera)...and still love to move the heavy things (ahem, furniture pieces) across the room!

*You like to smile and talk to your name board outside your door whenever we walk by. There's a nice familiar face to look at and talk to!

*You still love to watch Daddy play basketball every week. We are often still offered the nursery, but I understand where you really want to be.

*You think it's so great when you pull yourself up to a sitting position from on your belly. Big smiles. And...maybe our cheering has something to do with it too.

*Your 2nd haircut (remember, your first haircut was when you were 3 months old?) was the night before Easter. I enjoyed trimming it (the first time for me). It came out ok...much better than the first time I ever cut your dad's hair.

We're so proud of you, Stephen! My days are full with you, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

Love always,
Mom

Back on the Roller Coaster

2010-04-02T09:54:00.009-04:00

Please keep your hands and feet inside at all times and enjoy your ride.

I'm talking about that house hunt again. I know, I said I wasn't going to write about it much here, but...here's a little more anyway. I guess I try to give you a little bit of the real stuff in my life, and it's my way of getting this off my chest.

Yesterday, I wrote about crying over a swing set. Well, I wasn't meaning that I was hanging over a swing set crying. We found a house, put an offer in, and it was accepted. We both think it's amazing, honestly more than we really even hoped for. After we got the call about our acceptance, I told Matt, "We should've asked for the swing set!" He said, "Oh, I forgot to tell you. They're leaving it." And there it was, I cried. Matt laughed...as sensitively as one does when their wife is emotional in a happy way. Then I laughed because I cried about having the opportunity to have a swing set. It felt so complete. There was something special about the house/property for each member of our little family, including the swing set for Stevie (and any future children...and nieces and nephews). No, it's not this huge play ground of a swing set, but it's nice and very suitable. I was picturing our little boy swinging and going down the slide, breeze running through his hair, and him beaming with smiles and giggling with delight. It's just one of those mom things. I was day dreaming of my little family settling and growing there.

Anyway, we are in need of Divine intervention. When we put in our offer, it was based on the information we were given by the selling realtor. Now, we are being shown different information, which changes things quite a bit. To be honest, a big part of me is very upset by this. The information needs to be correct when given to serious buyers. (Sorry for the vagueness, but this being public, I am purposely being vague.) So, we're not stuck with the house by any means yet. These things just need to be worked out, whether we continue ahead or withdraw. Ugh. Why did this house just have to be so perfect? (No, it's not the drive and jump pool house earlier mentioned.) You know when things just seem to be "so right?" Matt and I both felt this is "the one" or at least the one to heavily pursue. I mean, I cried over the swing set! :)

So, we were making our way up that big hill when the roller coaster got stuck. Unnerving to me in either situation. I'm trying to keep my head on my shoulders and trust the Lord for His plan. Please pray for us that things will be fixed and continue on or we'll be able to safely get off! And, if this miraculously works out, I have a couple more silly stories to share about the experience.

(Sorry about the ridiculous metaphor.)

A funny thing....

2010-04-01T17:38:00.002-04:00

...happened the other day.

I cried over a swing set.

Maybe I'll be able to share more in the future.

Not Me! Monday

2010-03-29T09:46:00.006-04:00

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

I'm not sure if this is technically happening this week, but it is here! It's been awhile, and apparently, I'm running out of "good stuff"...that, or I just can't ever remember it.

I am not beginning to think my spelling has gone out the window. Reading over posts already published, I noticed I spelled immersed this way: emersed, haha (among some other recent misspellings). Really, a person would not spell words incorrectly, especially if she has a Literacy degree (my husband did not point out while reading...let alone a MASTER'S degree in Literacy. Alright already!). I mean, come on. Maybe I should edit my posts, but honestly, sometimes those mind blocks last awhile. (You know what it's called, "baby brain." The definition: if a woman forgets many common things she used to know or be able to say or do from the time of conception to the end of all time, she is said to have baby brain.)

I did not spill a brand new box of Cheerios on the kitchen floor this week. My little man was in his high chair looking down with his wide eyes. I did not say, "Oh no! Mommy made a big mess," and call out for our non-existent dog. Where is that dog?...just so I wouldn't have to clean it up. I also do not think that would be the only reason to have a dog at this time in our lives...to clean up the food messes. Then I would not have resigned to using my socked foot to sweep them into a pile before using a broom. It's certainly not because I think I know a better way.

I would not think sometimes I'd rather never even buy a house because of the risks and the work behind getting it. Hmm, I'm starting to sound lazy, huh? (No, just ready to drop the whole idea, wait awhile, or maybe jump in so it's over).

Speaking of the house hunt, we are not considering a house that has a make shift above ground pool inserted in the ground... at the end of the driveway. No, really, it's at the end of the driveway. I guess the idea was run and jump? Drive and jump? Bike and jump? That wouldn't give you an idea of our price range now would it? I'm too private to reveal that kind of information. Oh, it's kind of country-ish out there too. Oh, you guessed that? (In case you're wondering...we think we'd do something about that pool thing. We aren't really drive and jump type people. But maybe we'll convert it to a hot tub because we seem to be that type of people. You know the kind...rednecks with a hot tub at the end of their driveway. Ok, maybe not.)

I would not be letting my son play with my shoes (his favorite activity) so I can type this ever so interesting post.

This post would not make me motivated to get things done because I feel like I'm wasting my time and possibly yours.

Updated later:
Ok, here's another one I remembered. This morning while getting ready I would not take notice of an item in our bathroom garbage...such an item as my husband's deodorant. He didn't tell me he was almost out. I love Matt, but that man needs to wear deodorant! So, I did not groan and worry about how bad he'd smell when he got home from work because he was all out of the deo for his b.o. Fast forward. Matt came home from work, Stevie was snoozed on the floor, and we got wrapped up in conversation...until...he wafted his arm pits towards me. I would not exclaim, "Oh no you don't! No! Ew, I know you don't have deodorant on!" I turn away to see Stevie eyeing us, just awakened by my exclamations and laughing. My husband would not reply, "No, I'm wearing yours!"

So, I probably did not redeem my Not Me! posts with that addition, but there you have it anyway.

And life goes on...

2010-03-26T06:48:00.002-04:00

...but we must remember.

There are so many different worlds people live in our very own country. There are so many different stories among the different lives lived. (Ok, this is starting to sound like an essay...not my intention.) I was a military wife for such a short time, but yet, the feelings of that time will be etched in my heart forever...at least I imagine them to be, and I hope they will be. However, my life, our life, continued on after "that time." Matt is home and done. Here we are, living our civilian lives, going about our daily routines so far removed from anything military but the old camis and boots around the house.

Two different worlds though lived side by side.

I still have a few military wives blogs I love to read and some in real life friends who are military wives. I feel like I need to read those blogs. I need to be reminded that though our time "in" is over, others are still enduring. Part of me wishes to be immersed in that life again, how much I appreciated things differently. But the other part of me, selfishly wants my husband to be home all the time, not have to leave for a year at a time, or more, every couple of years. I would encourage you to really think about that if you have not...how it would change your life. It's just not really that fathomable to "us civilian folk."

I was reading Ashleigh's blog (no, I don't know her personally) and I find myself choking up. It's almost too hard, and too much to read because her pure writing floods back memories and ushers in the reality of it all (well, the reality to which I can imagine...the reality I am not forced to live anymore but that should still be on my heart).

Here I am removed from that time, and am so thankful that Matt is home, nay, was able to come home to me. Obvious to even say, but important enough to emphasize (I feel demanded of me...though we live in a free country, so it's not), not everyone comes home.

Saying goodbye to my husband deploying is an experience I can't say I want to go through again. It is such an awful, choking experience, yet brimmed with the slightest, but heaviest in my heart, glimmer of pride. She wrote about the waiting game that day she was to (and did) say goodbye...and how you just want to soak in those moments as if they will last forever, but at the same time, wishing they would say it's time already to get this ordeal moving and over with. I remember. Those moments were sickening...I shook inside, nervous, heartbroken, tear stained. I was fearful of the future, fearful for the moment we would be separated, but at the same time, I tried to stuff those fears away that kept threatening to overwhelm me just to hold onto that last moments we had together. I was just looking through some of the pictures of the day Matt left (well, one of our "goodbyes", the first one...I saw him off 3 times due to our weird situation). We had a lot of family members there...ugh...pit in stomach. Don't get me wrong, it was wonderful to have support. It really meant a lot to me, to us. At the same time, I felt jealous of my husband's time and afraid to let go of my feelings. Thinking back, I now recall the biggest blessing of that day. I was given clearance to follow Matt to his gate at the airport. We needed that so much. We needed that time for just the 2 of us, secluded from those we knew...even if surrounded by strangers. As his plane took off, he was able to see me wave goodbye, a blubbery mess. Then he saw the family members outside with flags blowing. The man next to Matt asked if they were for him. Yes, for him and for all the other men and women.

I don't know how these wives do this over and over. I don't know how they comfort their little ones missing their Daddy. Today is Friday. I don't know how many Americans still wear red on Fridays, but I will be today. It might not ever be seen or noticed, but for me, that is not the point. I know the intention of the red Friday "movement" was to have a sea of red all over the nation to show our troops we support them. It would be nice to have that outcome. At least I will be personally reminded of our troops and families today as I wear my red shirt. I am thankful for all those giving up "normalcy" and safety to protect mine, to protect my freedom and that of my family. Because they go, my husband can stay. That is a huge privilege. Please pray for the military overseas and serving at home, and please pray for the spouses and children living that daily life and for when they're left behind waiting for their beloved to come home. And, when they do, let's welcome them home!

Dear Stephen

2010-03-16T11:55:00.005-04:00

Dear Stephen,

I decided I wanted to write to you about when timing and things in life just don't make sense because undoubtedly, there will be times in your life just like that. You may experience discouragement and hardship. Don't give up. Hold on. One verse we included on your name board is a "name" verse. Your name means "crown" or "crowned one" (and Matthew, means "gift of God.") The verse is from James, one of Daddy's favorite books. "Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him." (James 1:12)

I have often been thinking lately about the twists and turns our little family life has taken, before your dad and I met, and now as a family. There certainly have been unexpected times, some welcomed, and some difficult to endure. I just want you to know there is so much more to life than the moment. Whether the moment holds pure happiness or deep sorrow, there is more to life than those feelings, those experiences. God certainly cares about our feelings, but He has a plan through it all, and you know? He's right there with us. "'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'" (Jeremiah 29:11)

There are greater things happening than what we can often see. "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." (Romans 8:28) The Bible is full of stories where God is working out good while us humans are experiencing difficult times. Check it out! Think of Christ's suffering on the cross to save us...and He considers it "joy" to endure the cross.

I was just reflecting on the story of how we came to sponsor our boy, Iradukunda, from Compassion. Your dad and I had been hoping and praying for a child of our own. It did not happen in the timing we so desired, and then your dad was sent on deployment. I struggled through that time. I wanted a child, and I wanted your dad to stay home, not have to leave. Neither of those things were to be at that time. We decided we wanted to help a child in some way, even if, especially if we could not have a child of our own at yet. So, we sponsored Iradukunda, a child who was in need. I believe God wanted us to reach outside of our family to bless another child. Had things happened the way we wanted them to, in the time frame we wanted them to, we may not have blessed another child and we probably would not have blessed Iradukunda. There are so many times in our lives where we just don't understand why His answer is "no" or "yes" or "wait." "'For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,' declares the LORD." (Isaiah 55:8). Sometimes, we'll catch glimpses as the years go by of why...and we realize God has a far greater plan than we can see. Sometimes you may even be able to chuckle at how things have turned out. Even your old mom and dad are continuing to learn this as we come across decisions to be made and enter into different seasons for our family life. God really is weaving together an amazing patchwork. Oh, if we just live for Him to be a part of it! What an amazing opportunity to be a part of God's plan, through the rough times and good times. "For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all." (2 Corinthians 4:17) Remember that crown?

Your dad and I hope and pray that you will grow to be a strong, faithful man of God. We pray you will endure and receive the crown that lasts forever, the crown of life through Jesus Christ. We love you so much. We will share in your joys and endure with you in the hard times. You are such a gift to us. This is why I say God has great plans for you! He created you! He chose just the right time for you to live in this world and be a light to those around you. What an incredible journey He has in store for you. I'm thankful God has chosen us as your parents to be a part of it, what a blessing and responsibility. "Lord, lead and guide us, as we lead and guide Stephen. May he from an early age be certain of Your love and promises, as a Son of the King, and may he desire to pour his own love back to You. May his faith grow so strong and rooted in You, (like those oak trees) that he will not be shaken from the plans You have for his life. As he lives out Your plans, may others see Your work in him and be drawn nearer to You. In Your holy name, Amen."

Love always,
Mom

It came!

2010-03-10T19:55:00.000-05:00

The mei tai that I ordered on ebay came in the mail on Saturday. I was more than excited...ask Matt. Upon taking it out of it's package, I was pleased with the pattern I chose and also impressed with the padding and how it seems to be made well. I was supposed to get a pattern on one side and a solid on the other...but I didn't provide all that information (I guess I needed to be more specific) so I was given the pattern on both sides. Fine, whatever. Normally, you'd get 2 sides, one solid, one patterned, so it's reversible. I am so glad (at least in this point in time) that I barely spent $20 including shipping when brand name sell for $80! I will admit I was shocked at first by the length of the straps. I started searching back online to see if I was supposed to order a "size." The straps are much longer than my height...which is the only "negative" thing so far. It's only negative in that I'm not sure how to put it on outside of the home without the straps dragging on the ground. I plan to figure that out though. But because the straps are long, it provides you with options for tying, which is nice.

Why did I choose this style carrier? I did a lot of reading about different carriers. I have a sling for when Stevie was little, but it really only works for newborns. I looked at ring slings because of the option of using it with older babies, but I thought the ring would dig into my shoulder (though I have no experience). I almost got a Moby wrap. I really liked how the material was stretchy/flexible and the way it's wrapped distributes the weight of your baby. I decided it was probably better for younger babies, wasn't sure how long before the stretchiness got too stretchy, and it looked hot for the summer. I just didn't want to be mummy wrapped. I really liked the beco carrier. They have more structure, are cute, have great reviews, but are expensive (too expensive for us right now, including the Ergo and Boba). I'm not a fan of spending a lot of money on something and finding out I don't like it. However, these wraps and carriers do have good resale value. We had been loaned a Snuggli, and we used it about twice. It was confusing for me to get on, and I always needed Matt's help getting it on and Stevie in. It also has a weight limit, which Stevie has outgrown. Other makers prefer different styled carriers than it also because of the way it holds the baby and the development of their little spines. So, I found myself looking into the mei tai - No rings, no buckles, adjustable, can carry on front, back, and side, balance between structured and unstructured, reversible (2 in one...well, usually, haha), off brand price was right, not mummy wrapped (except my straps are super long), and fits a variety of sizes of babies...as big as you can carry!

Stevie was napping when I found our package in the mail. So, I waited until he got up (even though it was tempting to get him up) and practiced tying it on...with his beloved stuffed cow. The first time I tried to put it on with Stevie, he was a bit cranky (ready to eat) and had an expression like, "What are you doing, Mom?" as he tried to brush the straps away. Once I got him all bundled in though, he was a fan. He just sort of hung out, all laid back. It impressed me and reminded me of when I put him in the sling the first time (well, the first time I actually got the hang of it). So, I gave him his dinner and tried it again later...it takes (well, it takes me) some practice and getting used to. Stevie loved it! It was so nice to have hands free, and he was just so relaxed. I do think the weight distributes nicely, but I'm still trying to make the straps flatten out and not bunch (it's new/stiff material...probably should've washed it first). We zoomed around the living room airplane style, and Stevie looked up at me and giggled while I blew bubble gum bubbles. I got into conversation with Matt, and then I noticed...Stevie was falling asleep! Yes, it was getting close to bedtime, but seriously, seriously...this boy fights sleep unless he's in his crib. He very rarely just falls asleep in my arms.

I'm pleased with it. I hope it stands the test of time, but hey, I didn't spend a ton to begin with. After the first few uses, I think we give it a 4 thumbs up (ya know, for both of us).

Dates

2010-03-08T11:29:00.004-05:00

I've written several posts including dates. There are so many special "dates" in our family that have common themes. I have come across another special one.

In my last post, I shared increments of 9 months that are too interesting to me.

I like to read MckMama's blog. Right now, she's over in Kenya with Compassion. We have a Compassion boy. I decided I needed to sit down and write him a letter. I'm not sure how much I'm allowed to share on here of the boy we sponsor, so I'll keep it simple. He is a 10 year old boy. His birthday is September 20.

Let me tell you about how we came to sponsor this boy. I wanted to have a baby. I wanted to badly. I desired to be a mom. We tried. It did not happen before my husband deployed like we hoped. One of our last days together in our hotel room before he left, we looked through the Compassion website. A man my dad roomed with in college comes to our church about once a year to share what Compassion is doing and encourage others to sponsor a child. He sent us a Christmas card, and it was on my heart...we needed to sponsor a child. I knew I could be a bit of a "mommy" through sponsoring a child who so needed it. We looked through the pictures. How do you pick just one child? It was so hard to "choose." We decided to narrow it down to a boy, since I knew Matt would really like a boy...a boy to sponsor, and also a son of his own one day. I decided I wanted to find an older child... how often the little ones get chosen first. That's when we chose Iradukunda. He was an older boy, on the list waiting for a long time, in and HIV/AIDS affected area, and seeing his face...we knew he was the one.

We received his information. His interests? Soccer and running. Matt's? Soccer. Mine? Running. Grin. Like I said before, his birthday is Sept. 20. On his birthday the year we chose to sponsor was the day our family and church had a send off party for Matt. Our sponsor boy's birthday the year after? Well, that was the day we found out we were expecting our own little boy. What a blessing to have "sponsor brothers." Had we gotten pregnant before then, we may not have chosen Iradukunda. God certainly weaves lives together into a beautiful patchwork. I am often amazed by His timing and the blessing of shared days. I really believe He can and does often use the little things to make them big things, or at least important things. I think that's one of the reasons I love children so much. :)

What a difference 9 months can make!

2010-03-04T10:09:00.009-05:00

Today, is a celebration of 9's. Stevie is 9 months old. I can hardly believe it.

9 months ago, I was holding you for the first time in my arms. You were born at 9:15am and weighed 9 pounds 1 oz.

9 months before then, your daddy and I were as excited as we could be for this surprise.

9 months before that, I was visiting Daddy in San Diego, getting ready to say goodbye for his deployment. *He certainly brings beauty from ashes...

9 months before then, I was hoping for you...for whenever we'd be blessed with you. Instead, we found out Daddy was recalled to the Marine Corps, and God was making ready the perfect time for your arrival, when we could all be together.

9 months prior to that, Daddy and I were newly engaged, making our wedding day preparations!

Finally, 9 months before that, Daddy called Mommy from Hawaii...and well, the rest is history.

What a difference 9 months can make! Happy 9 Months to my growing little man! We love you so much!

Making a House a Home

2010-03-03T10:20:00.004-05:00

So, we're in the process of looking for a house. I mentioned a couple of posts ago that we have no idea when the looking will become owning. It's definitely a bit of a roller coaster...looking at houses, trying to have a creative eye (this will be what we call a "starter" home), and becoming attached enough to want but not attached enough to be bummed when an offer gets accepted before we send ours in. Easier said then done, I think.

So, I probably won't blog about this endeavor much (I know, I said that in the other post...and here I am), but I've been thinking about the whole "making a house a home" idea. I am trying to really focus on being thankful. I really am content if we are to stay we are for awhile. I'm not sure how many kids we can squeeze into a 2 bedroom place, but I have been praying for a thankful heart and creativity and wisdom for what we have. It really is a nice place, and right now, we fit just fine. We really don't have many complaints. We just would like a place to call our own with a little more space to...grow*.

So, in this process, I've been trying to dig out the stuff not used in awhile to donate or chuck. That has been fun, but boy, I feel like we have so far to go. I look at our place and think, "I don't want to move that." A lot of our belongings come in the form of baby things (and paintball stuff, ahem...I love you, Matt), which are difficult to get rid of since we'd like to use them again someday. Then there are the clothes. My oh my. I am not a crazy shopper girl, but I feel like I have so many clothes. I still have some things from high school (umm, since I'm not a crazy shopper girl). I have my regular clothes...for the different seasons. Then I have my maternity clothes. Those clothes are a variety of sizes because well, you grow. I just got bigger and bigger... Then there are the post-baby clothes. Maybe I'm the only one who still wore some maternity stuff after and some big clothes because the shrinking process takes awhile. My maternity sweatpants were staples I tell ya! Of course, I couldn't wear jeans (maternity or not) for 4 months after that miraculous day. Next time, I'm voting for a better recovery. Anyway...all that adds up. Stuff, stuff, stuff. But, I'm an emotional saver. This has been a fun process, as I mentioned, because I'm pushing the "aww, I remember when" out of my head as I toss. I feel better. There will be things that will remain in our home forever, but most of them, I'm realizing, can hit the road.

I have my little daily schedules Stevie and I do, and cleaning has become more joyful lately. I will be the first to admit, my home will probably never fall under the "I can eat off your floor" ranks (though Stevie doesn't mind), but I'd like it to be welcoming. I'm definitely the type of gal who would rather be spending those moments with my boy than worrying about the dust settling. I'm finding my own little system for trying to be organized. Well, you know, as I can with an almost 9 month old boy who likes to leave his trail (or, tornado, of toys and household items) behind him. " ...Boys are God's way of telling you that your house is too neat" (Author Unknown). Ok, or something like that.

Anyway, what I'd like to get out, is I'm really noticing an answer to my prayer. While looking at some homes, there are sometimes rooms that I love...and other rooms that need a bit of work. Instead of me thinking, "ohhh that's not very desirable," I'm thinking, "hmm, I wonder if we could do this!" and I'm getting excited about it. It's been awhile since I've undertaken creative projects. Just ask my scrapbooking box. So, thinking of a future house...and being presented with a "work in progress home," has been somewhat thrilling for me. Others may not see how wonderful this room is, but I am starting to see how wonderful it can be! That is how I want to view our present apartment, our future home, and our family. That's not to say I am not thankful for how we currently are, but I want to continue to grow. I've been praying for thankfulness, wisdom, and creativity to use what we have been given. I am content here. I am even happy here in this place we are living, but it can be better. I'm not trying to say I'm striving for perfection. That's not it. I want our house (wherever we're living, house/apartment) to reflect a home. I want our "unit" to reflect a family, a covenant, a growth together and in Him.

So yes, the cleaning must be done, and maybe I'll learn that more cleaning must be done, haha, but there is so much more to our home than the clean or dirty floor, the walls, the furniture, the big yard, or the small yard. I have been called to be a daughter of the King, a wife to my husband and a mother to my son. Matt often says, "We don't live the high life," but I respond, "I think we do!" We have been so blessed. I often visit Dumptrucksandteacups. She has such a beautiful blog about her family life. She used this quote in a post a "long" time ago, and I just think...how beautiful.
"If our homes are filled with beauty and the shadow of God’s creativity, our children will not only hear the messages of our devotions and prayers, and school books, but they will breathe in the atmosphere of color, great tastes and smells, dancing music, great stories, loving hand rubs or back tickles and they will expand in their souls to understand that our God, the original artist and designer, is indeed worthy or our love and adoration–because they will know that He is the author of all things great and alive with His pleasure and blessing." - Sally Clarkson

I think that sums up making a house a home. I desire it. Lord, help me make, wherever we live, an apartment or a house, a joyful, thankful home filled with Your love. Amen.

We just have so much fun!

2010-02-28T07:43:00.003-05:00

I will never get tired of hearing this boy's laugh.

A Smile for Your Saturday

2010-02-27T13:13:00.002-05:00

Some thoughts

2010-02-26T10:59:00.002-05:00

I'm not very creative when it comes to blog titles, especially for the posts that have random thoughts thrown down. Hence the title, "Some Thoughts."

Anyway, some day we'll get a good family picture where Stevie is smiling. This will do for now. We all were a bit tired (and cranky...perfect time to try to take a family picture, right?), so I'm ok with the result. How 'bout the little acorn? Call me cheesy, or nutty (oh, I crack myself up), but I think it's cute.

I'm pretty excited! I won yesterday! Well, I was able to buy something from ebay. I'm a newbie at that. Is "won" the correct terminology for ebay? I guess they did send the email saying "I won." Whatever. With 19 seconds to go, I placed my bid for a Mei Tai baby carrier. Ok, so the one I won (I had to retype that a few times...the won I one, haha) isn't the name brand. It's an off-brand, but I'm excited nonetheless. Hey, it was half the price of a real one. Hopefully, it holds up. My boy is getting ridiculously heavy, and he still likes to be toted around. Stevie your 8 months, will you walk already? Ok, just kidding. I hope he doesn't wear the carrier out before baby #2 makes it's way. Just thinking about carrying my big boy around with a big belly. Yikes! I can't wait to hear how big he is though. His 9 month appointment is in 2 weeks. Matt and I both think he's going to be a decent sized boy when he's all grown.

That brings me to my next thought. This week, I could barely turn the grocery cart full with Stevie and my groceries around the corners. I must have been a sight. Swinging wide was an understatement. I was pulling with my abs and arms with feet sliding. Part of it was probably due to the fact I didn't care to organize the groceries in the cart. So, they may have placed in a way that would be easier to push. Regardless, I really need to do some serious weight lifting. Somebody send me a shake weight! I have to start small. I have also noticed I started sticking my hips out while holding Stevie...to be able to hold him. If I add a pregnant belly to the mix in the future, I'm going to have a very curved back. Anyone have specific exercises for "Mom-strengthening?" You know, for all those muscles for lifting, carrying (inside the belly and out) your kiddos? I am very serious that I need it. I'm sure something is better than nothing...so I'll keep working with my dollar store Australian man workout dvd. I think I need more for my back though.

On a completely different note, we have been house hunting. It's been an experience to say the least. We've had our share of laughs already. That's probably all I'll say about that until we get one, whether that's tomorrow or 50 years from now.

Oh, and I'm about to dip my toes into cloth diapering. That's a pretty picture. What I'm trying to say is we're thinking of giving it a try a soon. We hope to be able to try it in a few weeks. I'm treading lightly with no guarantees. I have been doing research on it since before I was pregnant with Stevie. I have finally found the one I want to try. It's the Flip system. I'm sure there will be more to come on that adventure.

Dear Stephen

2010-02-24T10:57:00.005-05:00

Dear Stephen,

A week from tomorrow, you will be 9 months old. How did that happen? These last 9 months certainly flew by much faster than the 9 months (or ya know, 10 months) you were in my belly. You are growing into such a little boy. We are so blessed to have you in our family.

Books are one of your favorite things. You will play with books for a long while on your own, and you absolutely love story time before naps. You snuggle up, look at the pages with interest, and smile at certain repetitive phrases. You are beginning to try to grab some of the objects in the pictures too. Your favorite book is "How Many Veggies?" by Phil Vischer. When Percy, the pea, shows up on the page, well your little pincers try to grasp him just like you do with real peas. When we finish reading, you fuss. You want more. I hope your love for reading continues till your an old, old man.

You continue to love bath time. Without fail, you do the "Superman" flying pose as we carry your little naked self to the bathroom. You are still using your blue infant tub over the bathroom sink and your favorite activity is leaning over the side to grab the mouthwash container. The colorful blinking frog is a good piece of entertainment too, along with the splashing while in the tub...and of course, that cute little boy in the mirror.

You're not so much a fan of getting your teeth brushed (the same goes with nail clipping time), but sometimes we need to do things we don't want or like to do.

You find getting your ears cleaned a unique experience. You certainly don't complain as I clean some of the gunk out around your ears with the baby cotton swab. You lay very still, facing up at the ceiling, with a closed mouth grin. I can tell it tickles. I bet you'd let me do that all day. You have such a sense of humor. When the baby lotion is being squeezed out and makes a tooting noise...well, that is a wildly funny thing to you. You still wrestle my arm as I change your diaper and enjoy scratching your bottom as it airs out, grossing me out but making me laugh too. You are so interested in our shadows on the wall next to your changing pad. You stare at me. You stare at my shadow. You turn back to me and my wave...you look back at the shadow. You don't understand it, but it sure makes you smile.

Witnessing and being a part of your joy is one of the best parts of being your mother. Whether we sing and jump around the room, or you sit on my lap as I do "Round and Round the Garden" on your belly and then tickle you under your arm, we both end up laughing. You love it when Daddy tosses you in the air every night after getting you into your pj's. I wait patiently in the rocking chair to give you your bedtime bottle, watching you giggle hysterically. My favorite part: you stare directly into my eyes the entire time you're being tossed and laughing. "Are you seeing this, Mom?" Yes, Stephen, I'm watching. I'm glowing. I'm delighting in your joy. I hope when you're grown, you fondly remember your "little one" years as being full of joy.

Eating is still amongst your favorite activities. You love shoveling those Cheerios and Puffs in. You find it entertaining when the spoon of whatever fruit or veggie flies around to different noises in front of you. You're my best pal in that high chair when jobs need to be done in the kitchen. You happily snack, play, and watch while I do the dishes, cook, bake, or clean. I end up with more dishes in the end from the ones I give you that end up on the floor, but seeing your curiosity as you twirl the measuring cups and lids in your cute hands, is worth it.

Your hands. I'm amazed at the size of your hands when gently touching mine. I often wonder what those hands will do one day. However you choose to use them, do it for the glory of God, dear Stephen. He has great things in store for you. I love you so much. Continue to be the joyful boy you are. I pray as you grow, that we inspire you to grab hold of the joy that will last forever, the joy of the Lord.

Love always,
Mom

"To the end of the road"

2010-02-18T08:56:00.011-05:00

Matt and I have spent so much time traveling in our relationship. He was in the military (and on leave) when we met. Within a couple of days, he was flying back to Hawaii where he was stationed. I heard a rumor that I might get a letter from him that summer. I was in PA as a camp counselor...waiting. I came home and started my next semester. Then I received his phone call (well, message on my parents' answering machine no less). From there, the emailing, phone calling, and instant messaging with web cam became a daily occurence. That December, he came home thinking the military life was behind him. We officially started our courtship and much of that time was spent driving around, talking, and dreaming. I felt so safe with him driving. (Even though one time we hit a guard rail, haha...a story for another time). In May, we were engaged. The next December we were married and travelled by car to our humble honeymoon location with the Just Married sign in our back window. We explored that area and just enjoyed our time together. We always did...we always do. More travelling was ahead of us, as we learned in March, Matt had been recalled to the military. Heartbreaking in so many ways for us, but we treasure the experience nonetheless. We spent the summer months, driving, talking, dreaming. In October, I saw his plane take off to California. Unable (not allowed) to go, I waved goodbye with the most hurt ever. We talked by phone, emails, and instant messenger whenever we could. I visited twice before he deployed, and the next 7 months following those visits were the longest months and days in my life. But, we were in this together though we were so far apart. When it was time for his arrival back to the states, I flew out to CA to welcome him home. That was like walking down the aisle all over again. I love that man. We drove, talked, and dreamed across California. We came home. We moved. We had our baby boy. We've been through a lot these 3 years of marriage, but life is moving ahead. We still go on dates (sometimes the 3 of us), driving, talking, dreaming. I love you, Matt, "to the end of the road..."

Dreams

2010-02-16T09:18:00.003-05:00

I had a dream last night. I just found out I was pregnant. Let me repeat, it was a dream. It was a surprise to us. The dream skipped ahead. I found myself at the hospital. A nurse felt my belly and the baby. She put my legs in these stirrups. She told me I could practice pushing. Huh? I ended up having the baby. I'm pretty sure it was a girl. Whether boy or girl, the baby was big. The baby was very big. My mom keeps telling me our next baby is going to be a petite little girl. Well, if this is any indication, only the gender guess will be right. By the time I saw her, she already had her little hospital hat on. She was 9 lbs 15 oz. I was nervous about delivering her, and she was already out. I thought Stevie was big at 9 lbs 1 oz. He looked like this baby we all heard about in the nursery, only Stevie had more hair. He was placed next to a 5 lb 7 oz baby. We laughed. Back to my dream. My baby was 9 lbs 15 oz. That just seems ever so much bigger. (Matt was 10 lbs 1 oz. I would prefer not to climb that mountain.) I woke up. I told Matt the dream. He had no comments. Maybe he was still sleeping. I'm now feeling like I'm not ready to have another baby. Ever. That's not really true, but I woke up nervous. I'll just keep telling myself, "If my body grows it, my body can push it out. If it can't, God can."

Sometimes

2010-02-15T08:52:00.011-05:00

...I see myself in him. These aren't the best pictures for similar faces...but do you notice any other similarities? Like the arm/hand thing? He had been looking up at the camera the same way at one point too.

He has several of Matt's features too. When they are both looking in the same direction, their profiles are SO similar. Pictures to come! And get this...I'm thinking Stevie is going to be more on the blonde side this summer like his dad was as a boy. Remember how dark his hair was at birth? It is so amazing how Stevie is the combination of us both. What a miracle!

My little Valentine buddy yesterday (Yes, taken in the bathroom...getting ready for his favorite nightly activity, bath time.)

SM

2010-02-12T11:38:00.001-05:00

SM. S.M. stands for SuperMan. Ok, it really stands for Stephen Matthew, but no, it really is SuperMan. (He lucked out on that one. His Dad's are M.S. ..in the military his coveralls said MS Hakes...Ms. Hakes, um, yeah, he was given a bit of a hard time.) When Stevie was little-er :), he just had this look that said, "If anyone looked like Superman as a wee one, well, it would be me!" Sometimes he even had the little "S" curl on his forehead.

The boy is strong. There is no getting around that. He's incredibly strong. Everyday, it seems, he lifts something else, a heavy something else, over his body and head. It baffles me the strength and lack of fear in the boy. His little steering wheel driver toy (heavy plastic with batteries) has klunked him in the head a lot. Sometimes it bugs him. Other times, hey, it's part of the territory when you're so strong but not incredibly skilled yet.

Yesterday, my brother Pete was watching him (or rather, being entertained by him) for a few minutes while I was switching laundry. I came back to my happy boy and started folding laundry. Pete was still sitting by him. Then he says to me, "Do you want him to have this?" and Laurel is saying something like, "Oh my goodness!" (in pure disbelief). I look over, and he has grabbed one of his uncle's old, old semi trucks. They are old and heavy, as long as he is, all metal, and not safe. Stevie was lying on his back (still his play time position of choice) holding one over his chest and head. Yikes! I wrangle it out of his arms and explain that he commonly seeks out the biggest or heaviest thing he can find in a room...will grab it...and pick it up over himself. He does this with the laundry basket, his bath tub, ...he'd try his swing if he could. He goes under and pushes the seat part up and swings it...

(He's faster than a speeding bullet.) We're still working on the "leaping tall buildings" part.

He's humble too...when the camera comes out, he's more of a Clark Kent type. "What? I didn't lift it."

He's a big boy. We weighed him a week or so ago. 22lbs 4 1/2oz. He's long too, but I'll get that measurement at 9 months. At church last week, my mom carried him around while she greeted people. A visitor walked in who has known my parents for years. He looked at Stevie, and mom introduced him to the man, and then he said, "He's cute! What is he about 18 months?" Wow, 18 months, really? Umm, he's 18 months minus 10! Here's a picture with Pete and Laurel's little girl (yes, she's petite). Rockin' cousins. Stevie 8 months, Annabeth 20 months. Looking at their sizes, they could possibly pass as twins.

Helpful tidbit?

2010-02-09T11:46:00.005-05:00

Updated:
Ok, so I'm not very technologically savvy, but in case someone might be interested (as I was), I thought I'd share. I just disabled the right click option so people can't easily copy my pictures of my precious boy! Here's the website to help you do the same if you'd like. If you are technologically savvy and would like to inform me of a better or more secure way, please do!!

Tiffany offered another blogger's helpful tips. One of the tips I appreciated was to disable being able to open the pictures enlarged on another page. She also recommends having a separate email account for your blog.