My Precious Lydia,
Today, you turned 3 years old. Where do I even begin with the stories you leave me to remember and share? This past year you (and your brother) have kept me so incredibly busy and one day, I am determined to be one step ahead of you.
For starters, I want to let you know that I love you SO much. You add so much joy, adventure, and life to our days. You make us all laugh....and your laugh is completely contagious. You are strong, and you still love to climb, jump, and tumble up/off most anything. You love gymnastics, and I love that special time I get to share with you there. It's pretty much a perfect fit for you now....you love it all....and to top it off, you love to wear your leotards. On your first day, you showed off your beautiful forward roll complete with the Ta-Da stance at the beginning and the end. When you stumbled and fell out of your cartwheel, you sighed and shouted, "Got it! Got it!" making your coach laugh out loud. You are also caring ...especially when others are hurt and sick....and you're always ready with a hug. When I had a migraine, you tenderly asked me if I bumped my head and needed a bandaid. You love to help me put away laundry and sweep. Sometimes you start the washing machine (for a 2nd time or when it's empty) without my knowledge. Your bunny is still your most cherished possession, and he goes almost everywhere with you. You love to dress up....skirts, princess clothes, heels, jewelry, and hats. You also love balls. The only things you asked for for your birthday was a ball and fruit snacks. There is not one food either your Dad or I can think of that you don't eat. Not one!! You eat everything and a lot of it. You are always ready to try new things, whether it's food or an activity. That makes things a little easier for me ....for the most part. :) You love to sing, and I never get tired of hearing you...whether you're singing about what you're playing or real songs. Your favorites are "When we all get to Heaven" and "Away in a Manger" (before the 2nd verse, you say, "How 'bout the cows?). You love your brother so much. You are best friends and partners in fun and mischief. I hope you are always close. I just know God made you the way you are to do some wonderful things...even amazing things..., and I have no doubt you will bless many lives. You already do!
I could write a book about your antics over the last year alone. Some day, I may just write that book. "Life with Lydia" or "While Mommy was in the Shower." For now, here are some etched in my memory:
*You flipped up the seat on your big wheel (that exposes the storage compartment) and tried to use it as a potty seat out in the front yard. There you were, sitting with a smile and no pants. I caught you just in time to let you know that it was NOT a potty seat!
*You locked me in our storage room closet when I was organizing. I definitely panicked because you couldn't get the door open again. Big Brother saved the day! I now have to keep a phone with me when I go in.
*You and Stevie ate almost an entire bag of Hershey kisses at Christmas time (while I was in the shower)....among other goodies on what seemed like almost a daily basis. Even with chocolate covered faces you told me that somebody "taked all your trocoloate."
*You were offended that an excavator would not "scooch" over for us while we were driving in a construction area.
*You finished off my box of sour patch kids I had in my purse. With an awful look on your face, you were convinced you liked them and powered through. You still love to dig out "grump" (gum) from my purse.
*You were calling glitter "gidders" and now it's "glivvers." I love both versions.
*You asked Bunny if he'd like to go to Sky Zone...and then you started to jump on an over-turned baby gate. Only Bunny can go to that Sky Zone, Lydia.
*Your first imaginary friend was Buzz-Saw Louie (or "Loulee" as you called him)
*You tried to eat out of a yogurt container with a spatula. One of many utensils you've utilized creatively.
*Sleep is not your favorite activity...because you're not able to be active. I often find you out of your bed providing a picnic lunch for Stevie's dinosaurs or modeling inside out Thomas the Train swim trunks and shoes over your jammies in the late hours of the evening.
*You always want the biggest of anything....the biggest snacks/desserts, the biggest rides, the tallest balance beam, the highest bouncy slide, the tallest mats to jump off of. Go big or go home....that's you.
*You call Grandpa daily on the real phone and your play phones. "Well hello, Grandpa."
*You used your Christmas present ironing board as a boat since day one. You still aren't sure how to use it the right way.
*You wished people a Merry Christmas long after Christmas was over whenever we said goodbye. When guests leave our house, you're quick to say, "Fank you for coming!"
*You tell me almost daily (when you barge in) that I'm too big to use our toilet. You still have not come up with a suitable solution for me.
*Usually when my hair is wet from my shower, you run your fingers through it. Even though it messes it all up, I love your affection....even if you sometimes say you're petting me.
*Sometimes you sneak upstairs and change into a skirt instead of your pants. Sometimes, your skirt is really a short sleeve shirt you're wearing on your hips....the neck hole around your waist.
*Daddy brought home a co-worker from Germany for dinner for the first time. You happily sat next to him telling him all about how you have to keep your underwear dry. You also initiated a snowball fight with him.
*You threw a jump rope down the stairs yelling, "I pink it's a snake, Steebie!" Thankfully, it was just a jump rope, but I came running!
*You've been known to streak through the house in only your cowgirl boots...and those are often on the wrong feet.
*You tried the oven mitt on as a slipper.
*You talk and talk to me in the van (if you're not singing), and one day you were going on and on about the garbage truck in front of us, telling me the noises it makes, how it works. You ended your verbalized thoughts with, "And it'd be so fun to drive, right Mom?" Then you moved onto whatever else was on your mind.
*Some day, ask me what you meant by "Ladybugs crashed into my belly." I'll share the anatomy lesson you gave me. You love ladybugs. You're also scared of them. You wanted ladybug decorations and cupcakes for your birthday.
*When we were out to dinner, you pointed out another couple asking me if I "see the Cosbys, Mom?" One of your baby dolls has been affectionately named, "Little Bill."
*We only have a shower, so we sometimes fill a large Rubbermaid bin for you to splash around in like a bathtub. We went down the storage aisle at Walmart, and you shouted, "Look at all the bathtubs, Mom!" You wanted to get a purple one.
*Whenever you don't know what something's called you ALWAYS say, "Oh, you've got ....those Mom?"
*I got you a pair of brown sandals. You asked if they were Jesus'.
*You often start and end your questions with Mom ...Mom?
*Our home phone....for months....was often out of battery because you would put your own Minnie Mouse or Princess phone on the charger instead of our real one.
*You have a sparkly, glittery baton you use as a pointer like Grandma does in Sunday School. You've named it your "Blessed are they." You've also whipped around in front of Stevie asking him if he wants to fight. We prefer you to use it as your "Blessed are they..."
*You love to rub noses with me or Daddy...but especially Daddy. Whenever he calls your name, you almost always tell him you love him.
*It's always special to find you sleeping in Stevie's bed next to him.
*Today you sang "Happy Birthday" to yourself...several times, but whenever anyone wished you a happy birthday, you wished it back to them. You asked me frequently through the day, "Mom, is it my birthday?" Yes, Lydia. Then you'd give me a knowing smile...proudly soaking it all in.
We are so thankful for you! We wish you the happiest of birthdays!
Love you always and forever,
Mom
Wednesday, April 23, 2014
Monday, March 10, 2014
Remembering
It's hard to imagine having a one year old toddling around our house today. Stevie and Lydia are keeping the house noisy and busy, playing basketball. Yes, we have the Little Tikes hoop inside. So, I try to imagine a little guy in the mix chasing after a ball with the other two.
We would've been celebrating his first birthday today.
Instead, he gets to celebrate today with Jesus.
Lydia sat next to me on the couch for a minute this morning and started singing her favorite song these days. "When We All Get to Heaven."
Have a special day, Zeph. Mommy loves you.
We would've been celebrating his first birthday today.
Instead, he gets to celebrate today with Jesus.
Lydia sat next to me on the couch for a minute this morning and started singing her favorite song these days. "When We All Get to Heaven."
Have a special day, Zeph. Mommy loves you.
Friday, October 25, 2013
Disasters at the Doctor's
Two days ago, my sweet Stevie broke his finger. We were told to follow up with his pediatrician two days later...today. I tried setting the appointment yesterday, because I had errands to run today and people to meet up with and I just wanted to know what time we'd need to work around....blah, blah. The Dr office wanted to only schedule "day of" appointments. I called back today...and waited an hour for a call back from them, saying he needed to be seen by an Orthopedic Dr. I called that Dr, and they had one opening 20 minutes from that time. I couldn't make it to that office in 20 minutes if I had my own jet pack, but what are you gonna do? So, I said I'd do my best. We took our bathroom trips and loaded up. I am frantically trying to punch the address to this new office into our gps. It won't work. Doesn't recognize the street name. Ughhh. I ran back inside to look it up online....to find that the Point in the road had an "e" at the end. That would've been helpful information. I can't print from my laptop because one child has disabled something on it...so it refuses to print. I put the new "Pointe" into my gps, and off we go. Never mind that sometimes it thinks I'm on a completely different road than I actually am and needs to readjust every couple of minutes. That makes traveling...while in a hurry with little ones...especially fun. Stressed? Psshh!
We made it there a little late, mmhmm, and rushed in (as much as a 4 and 2 1/2 year old like to "rush"...swimming in a pool of peanut butter...amen?). We checked in, and I'm handed the huge stack of paper work since we're new. The kids were being sooo good. Like, really good!! They are good kids in general, but boy, I was noticing. It went much more smoothly than our Urgent Care visit 2 nights before. ("Please stop jumping off that!" "We've had enough injuries for one night," "Take that out of your mouth," "PLEASE get out of there," "I know that looks cool, but do you know where that's been?") We got called back quickly (whoa!)...did the whole height, weight, etc. with the nurse, and his name was even Stephen. The nurse left us to wait for the Doctor. Oh, this visit is going so well, I was thinking...even if we were a little late, and I was a little stressed.
I set the kids up with some "occupiers" together on the table and tried to complete the three hundred pages of health history and the levels of pain my son's been in. Ha, I thought it was hard for myself to give a number from 0-10! Stevie said 3! Sounded good to him. While I worked, I noticed one of my children "wiggle and dance." All moms know what that means. "Do you need to go potty?" "No." The dancing gets worse. "Do you need to go potty?" A panicked "yes" comes in response this time...and then "Oh no, I'm wet!" and I scoop child up and run to the hall. Where is child number 2? Still happily sitting on the exam table. Scoop that child up, one under each arm....more than 70 lbs of children here! We tried to run (umm, ha), but I quickly realized I didn't know where to go. Newbies. The nurse saw us stumbling around in the hallway, and led the way. We get in, and I'm relieved that in fact we made it in time as I helped my child use the bathroom. We made it! (Cheers in my head)
But, I thought too soon...and that child also was relieved. The flood gates opened before we were quite ready (what did you drink this morning?), which resulted in my entire right pant leg from mid-thigh down becoming saturated, a little on child's pants (go figure), and the pacific ocean covering the floor of the entire handicap stall. As I try to calm wet child down...and get cleaned up, my other child is pointing out the big mess, and saying, "Mommy, you got all wet?" I had one in tears over wet pants and one marveling over the ginormous puddle...just itching for a boat and a swim. I'm trying to think how I can quickly clean this up before A.) the Dr. comes to our room B.) the dry child becomes wet child C.) the wet child has an even bigger melt down D.) the pacific ocean consumes neighboring dry lands E.) anyone else comes in and stumbles upon our creation! Talk about pressure! I did my best cleaning up and clothing the child who was wet, and I did my best with the pacific ocean (sorry about the trash can, but hey, that's better than the floor! and THANK YOU for having paper towels...and not just a dryer), and my happy, enamored child gave me a break and stayed clear. (Say, what?) It was time to clean myself up. What do I do with urine soaked pants? Seriously, this was not just a dab....this was water war soaked. I got out the paper towels, soap, and water, and did a little scrubbing...and then I laughed....and laughed...and wished there was a dryer after all. All I could think of was the scene in Army Wives when Roxy is trying to get the wine out of her dress in the bathroom, and she's scrubbing at the sink saying to all those around, "No need for tears, ladies. Got it at the Goodwill." (You have to know the show....and the fact that almost all my clothes are thrift store or garage sale.) No one walked in on us....phew! But, I'm sure they were wondering what in the world we were doing in the bathroom so long.
We tried to "quickly" make it back to our room, smiling at everyone in the hall as we passed (me and child who watched, child who participated was not so happy). What a sight we must've been. Frazzled and soaked and no doubt stringing along a piece of toilet paper stuck to the bottom of each of our shoes. We can laugh or cry...and I decided to laugh, but poor child was not dealing as well as Mommy with wet pants. I had a second pair in the van...but how does one tow both kids out to the parking lot of a big office, get changed, and make it back in time for the doctor?? And...we were already late. For real, the ONE time I don't bring the whole backpacking gear with us, is the one time we need it. So, the Dr. entered, and we explained, and she said, "We have shorts! Would you like a pair?" The child did. I politely declined for myself. The shorts said "Peds" on them, but they looked like XXL men's boxer shorts....paper boxers, haha... disposable boxers. Child was happy though, and I was happy. And very wet....and a bit smelly. We made it through the visit, and Stevie was a champ for all the prodding on his finger. Then we proudly made our way out the doors, parade style as always with young children, and through the waiting room with soggy clothes and one adorable little one in some super large, breezy shorts. The child liked them so much, that instead of doing a quick change, they requested to wear them home with a blanket on their lap. No sticker or toy this visit, but one of them got a pretty cool pair of paper balloon shorts!
It's a bummer that office won't have the pleasure of us visiting again any time soon.
Monday, June 3, 2013
4 Years
My Dear Stephen,
Oh, my dear Stephen Matthew. Tomorrow you turn 4. 4 years. How is it possible that you are already 4 years old? As soon as the weather starts to really warm up late in the spring, I am reminded of being so pregnant with you and just itching to meet you. Here you are, and oh, how I love you. You are so fun, thoughtful, giving, helpful, silly, curious, intent, focused, and I could go on. I was noticing today how much you looked like a 4 year old. You no longer look like you're 3. You're just growing so fast. You're tall like your Daddy. And, your little newly buzzed head I could rub all day long! You don't sit much on my lap these days, so I soak up the time you sit in close with me.
I am SO thrilled for you ...for your birthday tomorrow. You have been asking for your birthday for months!! So many of your cousins have had birthdays in the winter, and you have just been waiting for your turn. There were many days you would ask about your birthday every day. Here it is! I hope you enjoy all of the balloons, the streamers, the gifts, the ice cream, the fun memories....but most of all, I hope you realize how special you are. You are a gift, Stephen Matthew. God created you uniquely. There's no one else like you anywhere. You are not only important to me and Dad (and Lydia too), you have such a special purpose here on this earth, and I am so thankful the Lord chose us to walk with you as you grow in your strengths and look to Him in your weaknesses for His glory. You have become such a giver, and I hope you always give to others. You have become such a helper....and that servant's heart (like your Dad has) will go so far to help others. You can be Jesus' hands for others when they need a lift or help. Wherever we are, when you see others doing well...whether they are running fast, or making a basket, or completing a puzzle, you tell them, "Great job!" and often clap. Keep that up, Buddy. Encourage others just as you already do! You tell me you're strong, and yes, you are! Use that strength for the good of others. There are some things that can only be done by you, Stevie, so don't be afraid to do those things, however the Lord leads you.
I love you so much. I longed to be a mom, and then you came. What a boy God gave me. You are such a blessing. I am so thankful to be able to be with you every day. You are learning so much, and I'm able to hear from you how much you enjoy things (or don't enjoy them). There's nowhere else I'd rather be.
Here are some of your favorite things:
-hot dogs, pancakes, pizza, and anything chocolate or ice cream.
-trains, trucks (cranes, cherry pickers, garbage trucks...all of the big ones that "do" cool things), planes, and helicopters
-you still love your cow...and tell him to snuggle, or you carry him on your shoulders, or you cover him with your blankie so he can sleep
-your big boy bike and tricycle, riding car
-playing basketball and baseball
-you love to run and run or walk on the trail by the house
-your favorite Bible story is Jesus calming the storm
-sometimes when you wash your hands, you say you're like Jesus...hmm
-you love fish (and Grandma and Grandpa are getting you a real fishing pole for your birthday! Woohoo! What fun you'll have!)
-you wake up early in the morning and come in bed with me. You don't lay down very long because you bring toys in and end up bouncing all around and asking to go downstairs for breakfast
-you love to open the door when your teachers come...but especially when Daddy gets home!
-you love when Daddy or I "stickle" you (tickle you)
-Lydia. I love how close you two are. You just love her, and she loves you too. You play together and get into mischief together...you are always up to something. I love to hear you chat before you go to sleep. You both have gotten to the arguing stage though....especially in the car. We are working on that. :)
-you love the car carts at Wegmans. You drive JUST like Daddy and put your arm across the back and turn your head around when Daddy backs the cart up.
-you also tell me where to go when I drive because it's like you can smell a railroad track in the distance...and we must see every railroad track in the county.
-when you go pee, you say "faster, faster, faster"...yes, I wrote that. Yes, you'll laugh when you're grown. Such a boy!
-probably one of MY favorite things is when you tell me, "It's a great day, Mom." And, I know you mean it...because usually, you are having a great day. Those days aren't as difficult...and we all know we have difficult days, so when those "great days" come...and then you verbalize it, what a joy! It makes me so proud, and so happy, and I just love your great days...because those are the best days for me too.
I can't wait to celebrate with you tomorrow! I hope it's a super "great day." Happy 4th Birthday, Stevie!
With love and kiss, always and forever,
Mom
Oh, my dear Stephen Matthew. Tomorrow you turn 4. 4 years. How is it possible that you are already 4 years old? As soon as the weather starts to really warm up late in the spring, I am reminded of being so pregnant with you and just itching to meet you. Here you are, and oh, how I love you. You are so fun, thoughtful, giving, helpful, silly, curious, intent, focused, and I could go on. I was noticing today how much you looked like a 4 year old. You no longer look like you're 3. You're just growing so fast. You're tall like your Daddy. And, your little newly buzzed head I could rub all day long! You don't sit much on my lap these days, so I soak up the time you sit in close with me.
I am SO thrilled for you ...for your birthday tomorrow. You have been asking for your birthday for months!! So many of your cousins have had birthdays in the winter, and you have just been waiting for your turn. There were many days you would ask about your birthday every day. Here it is! I hope you enjoy all of the balloons, the streamers, the gifts, the ice cream, the fun memories....but most of all, I hope you realize how special you are. You are a gift, Stephen Matthew. God created you uniquely. There's no one else like you anywhere. You are not only important to me and Dad (and Lydia too), you have such a special purpose here on this earth, and I am so thankful the Lord chose us to walk with you as you grow in your strengths and look to Him in your weaknesses for His glory. You have become such a giver, and I hope you always give to others. You have become such a helper....and that servant's heart (like your Dad has) will go so far to help others. You can be Jesus' hands for others when they need a lift or help. Wherever we are, when you see others doing well...whether they are running fast, or making a basket, or completing a puzzle, you tell them, "Great job!" and often clap. Keep that up, Buddy. Encourage others just as you already do! You tell me you're strong, and yes, you are! Use that strength for the good of others. There are some things that can only be done by you, Stevie, so don't be afraid to do those things, however the Lord leads you.
I love you so much. I longed to be a mom, and then you came. What a boy God gave me. You are such a blessing. I am so thankful to be able to be with you every day. You are learning so much, and I'm able to hear from you how much you enjoy things (or don't enjoy them). There's nowhere else I'd rather be.
Here are some of your favorite things:
-hot dogs, pancakes, pizza, and anything chocolate or ice cream.
-trains, trucks (cranes, cherry pickers, garbage trucks...all of the big ones that "do" cool things), planes, and helicopters
-you still love your cow...and tell him to snuggle, or you carry him on your shoulders, or you cover him with your blankie so he can sleep
-your big boy bike and tricycle, riding car
-playing basketball and baseball
-you love to run and run or walk on the trail by the house
-your favorite Bible story is Jesus calming the storm
-sometimes when you wash your hands, you say you're like Jesus...hmm
-you love fish (and Grandma and Grandpa are getting you a real fishing pole for your birthday! Woohoo! What fun you'll have!)
-you wake up early in the morning and come in bed with me. You don't lay down very long because you bring toys in and end up bouncing all around and asking to go downstairs for breakfast
-you love to open the door when your teachers come...but especially when Daddy gets home!
-you love when Daddy or I "stickle" you (tickle you)
-Lydia. I love how close you two are. You just love her, and she loves you too. You play together and get into mischief together...you are always up to something. I love to hear you chat before you go to sleep. You both have gotten to the arguing stage though....especially in the car. We are working on that. :)
-you love the car carts at Wegmans. You drive JUST like Daddy and put your arm across the back and turn your head around when Daddy backs the cart up.
-you also tell me where to go when I drive because it's like you can smell a railroad track in the distance...and we must see every railroad track in the county.
-when you go pee, you say "faster, faster, faster"...yes, I wrote that. Yes, you'll laugh when you're grown. Such a boy!
-probably one of MY favorite things is when you tell me, "It's a great day, Mom." And, I know you mean it...because usually, you are having a great day. Those days aren't as difficult...and we all know we have difficult days, so when those "great days" come...and then you verbalize it, what a joy! It makes me so proud, and so happy, and I just love your great days...because those are the best days for me too.
I can't wait to celebrate with you tomorrow! I hope it's a super "great day." Happy 4th Birthday, Stevie!
With love and kiss, always and forever,
Mom
Tuesday, April 23, 2013
My Precious Lydia,
Happy Birthday! Wow, you are 2! It doesn't seem like it was that long ago we were running through the rain to get in the van to head to the hospital to have you. Yet, you have kept our days very full. I didn't have a clue holding onto that sweet baby how much personality and energy you would have! You are my busy and mischeivous girl. The number of things you get into quite often astounds me and leaves me chasing after the tornado remnants you've left behind. Getting things ready for company sure is a trick! Games come out with little pieces strung about, you play 52 pick up with playing cards...but forget the point of the game, movies seem to "walk" all over the house, and those wipes are always "hopping" out of the packages. You always seem to grab hand soap, hair gel, oils of any kind, our toothbrushes and other messy substances (or that dreaded plunger) to get into. I'm always two steps behind you, and ohh the messes. I find myself saying, "If I had a dollar..." a lot around here. But you know what? No amount of money could ever replace my love for you, even on our most difficult days! I end up singing that country song, "Crazy Girl."
You sure stretch your Mommy to her limits sometimes....with your fearlessness and your strong will. I suppose you're toughening me up....as you jump down the stairs or push chairs from other rooms to jump off of onto the couch. Yet, you can be so compassionate and tender. I love how you pat my back when I hold you, or you gently rub my cheeks. You give your bunny kisses and push him in your stroller or shopping cart. You even offer to "carry you" so he doesn't have to ride in it and can be in your arms....like you want me to do when we shop. That bunny goes everywhere with you. Sometimes you rub Stevie's head and hair saying, "Nice, Buddy." Or, you'll take his cheeks in your hands and ask him what's wrong. (You might have a little bossiness in there too...One day, you'll probably be a Mommy too.) I pray your courage makes you strong in the Lord, to stand for what's right, always helping and taking care of others in need.
Ever since you were tiny (once we got over that screaming period of a few months), you have had this joy in you...like there's always some song in your heart. You used to thump that little leg...and now you sing little mumbled versions of songs. I have so enjoyed your love for music...even if we need to listen to "Hush Mr. Rooster" in the van a million times on repeat, or your asking me to sing "Happy Birthday to You" 3 times before bed tonight. And, it was your birthday, so I obliged...and giggled. Would you me to sing for you...about you...again? Even Stevie sang you a line of it tonight. Very special indeed. You love "I've got the Joy, Joy, Joy, Joy down in my Heart." You call it "Joy Joy." I will sing, "I've got the joy, joy, joy, joy down in my heart" and pause...and you say, not sing, "where?" in your super deep voice. Your super deep voice, chin to your chest, eyebrows raised, cracks me up every time. And when we sing, "My God is so Big"....girl, you put your heart into it! You stick those pointer fingers in the air and yell "Bick" (for "big"). Yes, He's that big. And there's nothing He can't do...for you! Carry that with you always, and when you hit those challenges, sing it out! You still love "Holy, Holy, Holy"...and I love that you and Stevie share that special song.
You still love doggies and playing with balls. The movie "Air Bud" wraps it all up with a bow. You love to go outside or "upside" and go for walks. It's a good fit because I love to take you on walks. :) You now like to go for walks with just Mommy and you hold my hand as we walk up and down our street or the trail looking for pinecones and other neat treasures. That's one of my favorite things with you...and if I could bottle that up forever, I would. If you start without me, you put your hand behind your back doing a low wave, look behind you just with your eyes...without turning your head, and say, "Come on. Come on."
You are your brother's biggest cheerleader, and that's a wonderful thing, Lydia. I hope you both become best friends and supporters of each other! You cheer for him when he goes to the potty, and when he's running fast outside. You talk about him all the time....wondering if he needs to go potty because you like to take the trip upstairs for a change in scenery (and to get into all those bathroom things).
I've been having fun putting your hair in pig tails! It's growing! You love shoes and are always trying mine on or Daddy's or Stevie's ...or each therapist's that comes in our home. They say you have good taste in shoes. You love to color and use stickers. We're still working on coloring on paper approved by mom...instead of books, my planner, tables, your body, etc. We're also having to remove garage sale 25 cent stickers from mail envelopes ready to be sent out. I usually forget to put my purse on the hooks, and that's great fun for you to dig into too. You've been found to have answered the phone before I can get there....and of course, to call other people too.
You're still a pretty good eater, but you decided milk is a no go after we gave up morning and bedtime bottles in February. You love your yogurt and cheese though. I'm not sure what your favorite meal is...you eat most anything, but you still always ask for marshamallows or chocolate chips. Since it was your birthday, I let you choose your breakfast. You chose those little packs of breadsticks and cheese. Whatever, kid. This year, instead of gobbling down your entire cupcake in 3.4 seconds, you decided to just eat the frosting and sprinkles off the top. Pure sugar is your deal I guess. You always ask to get down from your chair after you've eaten...and go over to eat whatever Stevie's left behind. I think mostly you like his grown up silverware and sitting in a regular chair. You do sit in a regular chair sometimes to eat...you did for the whole meal at your birthday party at Grandma's.
You are soo silly but a little shy around people you don't know too well. Your giggle is absolutely contagious...and so sometimes, bedtime is a little bit later because well, if you're giggling with Stevie, it can wait for just a little bit longer...even if we do have to mop up the bathroom floor with all of the towels after a splashing, laughing bath time. You are silly but so serious other times. When we pray, you clothes your eyes so tight and clamp your hands together and just pray. Sometimes you'll say, "Pray, pray, pray, talk to Jesus, pray." Maybe as a 2 year old, you'll call your cousin "Josiah" instead of "Jesus." I know...those J names can get confusing!
I love you so much Lydia. Happy 2nd Birthday!
Love always and with a kiss,
Mommy
Happy Birthday! Wow, you are 2! It doesn't seem like it was that long ago we were running through the rain to get in the van to head to the hospital to have you. Yet, you have kept our days very full. I didn't have a clue holding onto that sweet baby how much personality and energy you would have! You are my busy and mischeivous girl. The number of things you get into quite often astounds me and leaves me chasing after the tornado remnants you've left behind. Getting things ready for company sure is a trick! Games come out with little pieces strung about, you play 52 pick up with playing cards...but forget the point of the game, movies seem to "walk" all over the house, and those wipes are always "hopping" out of the packages. You always seem to grab hand soap, hair gel, oils of any kind, our toothbrushes and other messy substances (or that dreaded plunger) to get into. I'm always two steps behind you, and ohh the messes. I find myself saying, "If I had a dollar..." a lot around here. But you know what? No amount of money could ever replace my love for you, even on our most difficult days! I end up singing that country song, "Crazy Girl."
You sure stretch your Mommy to her limits sometimes....with your fearlessness and your strong will. I suppose you're toughening me up....as you jump down the stairs or push chairs from other rooms to jump off of onto the couch. Yet, you can be so compassionate and tender. I love how you pat my back when I hold you, or you gently rub my cheeks. You give your bunny kisses and push him in your stroller or shopping cart. You even offer to "carry you" so he doesn't have to ride in it and can be in your arms....like you want me to do when we shop. That bunny goes everywhere with you. Sometimes you rub Stevie's head and hair saying, "Nice, Buddy." Or, you'll take his cheeks in your hands and ask him what's wrong. (You might have a little bossiness in there too...One day, you'll probably be a Mommy too.) I pray your courage makes you strong in the Lord, to stand for what's right, always helping and taking care of others in need.
Ever since you were tiny (once we got over that screaming period of a few months), you have had this joy in you...like there's always some song in your heart. You used to thump that little leg...and now you sing little mumbled versions of songs. I have so enjoyed your love for music...even if we need to listen to "Hush Mr. Rooster" in the van a million times on repeat, or your asking me to sing "Happy Birthday to You" 3 times before bed tonight. And, it was your birthday, so I obliged...and giggled. Would you me to sing for you...about you...again? Even Stevie sang you a line of it tonight. Very special indeed. You love "I've got the Joy, Joy, Joy, Joy down in my Heart." You call it "Joy Joy." I will sing, "I've got the joy, joy, joy, joy down in my heart" and pause...and you say, not sing, "where?" in your super deep voice. Your super deep voice, chin to your chest, eyebrows raised, cracks me up every time. And when we sing, "My God is so Big"....girl, you put your heart into it! You stick those pointer fingers in the air and yell "Bick" (for "big"). Yes, He's that big. And there's nothing He can't do...for you! Carry that with you always, and when you hit those challenges, sing it out! You still love "Holy, Holy, Holy"...and I love that you and Stevie share that special song.
You still love doggies and playing with balls. The movie "Air Bud" wraps it all up with a bow. You love to go outside or "upside" and go for walks. It's a good fit because I love to take you on walks. :) You now like to go for walks with just Mommy and you hold my hand as we walk up and down our street or the trail looking for pinecones and other neat treasures. That's one of my favorite things with you...and if I could bottle that up forever, I would. If you start without me, you put your hand behind your back doing a low wave, look behind you just with your eyes...without turning your head, and say, "Come on. Come on."
You are your brother's biggest cheerleader, and that's a wonderful thing, Lydia. I hope you both become best friends and supporters of each other! You cheer for him when he goes to the potty, and when he's running fast outside. You talk about him all the time....wondering if he needs to go potty because you like to take the trip upstairs for a change in scenery (and to get into all those bathroom things).
I've been having fun putting your hair in pig tails! It's growing! You love shoes and are always trying mine on or Daddy's or Stevie's ...or each therapist's that comes in our home. They say you have good taste in shoes. You love to color and use stickers. We're still working on coloring on paper approved by mom...instead of books, my planner, tables, your body, etc. We're also having to remove garage sale 25 cent stickers from mail envelopes ready to be sent out. I usually forget to put my purse on the hooks, and that's great fun for you to dig into too. You've been found to have answered the phone before I can get there....and of course, to call other people too.
You're still a pretty good eater, but you decided milk is a no go after we gave up morning and bedtime bottles in February. You love your yogurt and cheese though. I'm not sure what your favorite meal is...you eat most anything, but you still always ask for marshamallows or chocolate chips. Since it was your birthday, I let you choose your breakfast. You chose those little packs of breadsticks and cheese. Whatever, kid. This year, instead of gobbling down your entire cupcake in 3.4 seconds, you decided to just eat the frosting and sprinkles off the top. Pure sugar is your deal I guess. You always ask to get down from your chair after you've eaten...and go over to eat whatever Stevie's left behind. I think mostly you like his grown up silverware and sitting in a regular chair. You do sit in a regular chair sometimes to eat...you did for the whole meal at your birthday party at Grandma's.
You are soo silly but a little shy around people you don't know too well. Your giggle is absolutely contagious...and so sometimes, bedtime is a little bit later because well, if you're giggling with Stevie, it can wait for just a little bit longer...even if we do have to mop up the bathroom floor with all of the towels after a splashing, laughing bath time. You are silly but so serious other times. When we pray, you clothes your eyes so tight and clamp your hands together and just pray. Sometimes you'll say, "Pray, pray, pray, talk to Jesus, pray." Maybe as a 2 year old, you'll call your cousin "Josiah" instead of "Jesus." I know...those J names can get confusing!
I love you so much Lydia. Happy 2nd Birthday!
Love always and with a kiss,
Mommy
Sunday, March 10, 2013
March 10th
March 10th, 2013 was my due date for the sweet little one I lost. In a perfect world, I would've met my David Zephaniah on *or around* March 10th...today. I plan to write him a letter in a separate post, and I have a whole post that's been sitting in my drafts for months about going through the experience of miscarrying and the dealings afterwards. It's raw but real, and I may share it at another time. For now, this is where my heart is. (I share because I like to write, and just maybe it will strike a chord with someone else.)
I sometimes experience waves of emotion that hit me at unexpected times. Like when I'm going through the baby section at the store to get the little boy underwear we need, and I see the pacifiers hanging in the next aisle. I choke up. I ache. Tears fill my eyes. I miss my baby I never knew. Sometimes it's just sadness, sometimes it's overwhelming ache and grief, and other times it's a simply a sweet memory that causes a smile to creep across my face because I *know* about his life. Because he was here, I can miss him. We still share that special bond even though I never held him. I'm thankful for the touch he's had on my life, and how that will continue until we meet in heaven.
Through the loss of David (or Zeph), I have had a new understanding of how precious life is and what a gift it is. God's a fan of life too. His very being is life giving and life breathing. It's true, He gives and takes away, but He is the Author and Creator of abundant life, and my little guy, whatever was wrong before is renewed now, and God is working it for our good. I know that He is because otherwise I wouldn't have the hope that I do.
Life is SO precious. Yet, we can take it for granted so easily. We can even think that we are the creators of life and in charge. For me, through losing our little one and not being entirely "Fertile Mertile" (though it may appear to some that we are, having 2 in 22 months and David would've been, crazily enough, 22 months after Lydia... and maybe because we're more open to children?), I am growing more keenly aware of the Giver of Life. I am learning to trust more and learning I don't have to be in control. (Yes, I'm still learning that.) What fits into our "schedules" and perfections of timing and stages of life minimizes the preciousness, the sacredness, and the wonderful gift that life is. A child does not "fit in on Monday." A child is a life, a blessing. He or she is uniquely crafted and created by our Heavenly Father with a purpose and with wonderful gifts and talents to encourage others and to bring glory to His name ....and all of these things, "for such a time as this." (Anybody else out there a big fan of Esther?) I have a purpose, my family members each have a purpose, and you have a purpose..."for such a time as this."
Our little one's pretty incredible. He wasn't left out. I don't know why I was not able to carry him to term, to be able to see, to touch, and to kiss his sweet face on this very day. But, I do know he has left a mark on my heart for which I am eternally grateful. Even his name reminds me to store up my treasures in heaven, for my treasures are a reflection of my heart and what I place the most value in. My child has brought me closer to my Savior, a Savior Who loves me enough to have given me His Son. He loves me that much.
Even though my little one was only weeks in my belly, he will forever be in my heart. He's my treasure. He reminds me to keep looking heavenward with whatever time I have been given. I know God has more plans for us and for our little family that include loving more treasures, more little lives. We're seeking Him as He unfolds more of the story, and I'll keep sharing when I can. For now, I'm remembering my sweet little one, cherishing his big brother and big sister, and walking hand in hand with their amazing Daddy while seeking to share with the world that life is precious. And if you haven't heard it in awhile, "You are dearly loved."
I sometimes experience waves of emotion that hit me at unexpected times. Like when I'm going through the baby section at the store to get the little boy underwear we need, and I see the pacifiers hanging in the next aisle. I choke up. I ache. Tears fill my eyes. I miss my baby I never knew. Sometimes it's just sadness, sometimes it's overwhelming ache and grief, and other times it's a simply a sweet memory that causes a smile to creep across my face because I *know* about his life. Because he was here, I can miss him. We still share that special bond even though I never held him. I'm thankful for the touch he's had on my life, and how that will continue until we meet in heaven.
Through the loss of David (or Zeph), I have had a new understanding of how precious life is and what a gift it is. God's a fan of life too. His very being is life giving and life breathing. It's true, He gives and takes away, but He is the Author and Creator of abundant life, and my little guy, whatever was wrong before is renewed now, and God is working it for our good. I know that He is because otherwise I wouldn't have the hope that I do.
Life is SO precious. Yet, we can take it for granted so easily. We can even think that we are the creators of life and in charge. For me, through losing our little one and not being entirely "Fertile Mertile" (though it may appear to some that we are, having 2 in 22 months and David would've been, crazily enough, 22 months after Lydia... and maybe because we're more open to children?), I am growing more keenly aware of the Giver of Life. I am learning to trust more and learning I don't have to be in control. (Yes, I'm still learning that.) What fits into our "schedules" and perfections of timing and stages of life minimizes the preciousness, the sacredness, and the wonderful gift that life is. A child does not "fit in on Monday." A child is a life, a blessing. He or she is uniquely crafted and created by our Heavenly Father with a purpose and with wonderful gifts and talents to encourage others and to bring glory to His name ....and all of these things, "for such a time as this." (Anybody else out there a big fan of Esther?) I have a purpose, my family members each have a purpose, and you have a purpose..."for such a time as this."
Our little one's pretty incredible. He wasn't left out. I don't know why I was not able to carry him to term, to be able to see, to touch, and to kiss his sweet face on this very day. But, I do know he has left a mark on my heart for which I am eternally grateful. Even his name reminds me to store up my treasures in heaven, for my treasures are a reflection of my heart and what I place the most value in. My child has brought me closer to my Savior, a Savior Who loves me enough to have given me His Son. He loves me that much.
Even though my little one was only weeks in my belly, he will forever be in my heart. He's my treasure. He reminds me to keep looking heavenward with whatever time I have been given. I know God has more plans for us and for our little family that include loving more treasures, more little lives. We're seeking Him as He unfolds more of the story, and I'll keep sharing when I can. For now, I'm remembering my sweet little one, cherishing his big brother and big sister, and walking hand in hand with their amazing Daddy while seeking to share with the world that life is precious. And if you haven't heard it in awhile, "You are dearly loved."
Monday, March 4, 2013
I Was Not Blogging
...when this happened. If you want to know why I rarely blog, here is 1 reason.
(Picture quality, terrible I know. I had a little one following me. But, you get it right?)
Her name is spelled L.Y.D.I.A.
Do I mention this was the same day she had gotten into some cookies? (And the kicker is, we usually don't have so much "good" stuff in the house. We were potty training. Extra treats were needed all around.) And, Lydia knew. She knew. My kids love chocolate as much as their parents. How does she get into things? She epitomizes "Where there's a will, there's a way!" She tore the top right off! In case you're wondering, she "only" ate from the donuts that are pictured. The other row and a half missing was eaten by Matt and yours truly. Phew. Not all at once either. Phew.
A few days later she got her little hands into the vegetable shortening. "Where were you, Mom?" you ask? Oh, I was... 2 feet away from her in the kitchen doing dishes. My problem was...I was looking at the dishes. She was elbow deep in that gooey goodness, squishing it in her hands, saying, "Nice! Nice!" I don't even know how I responded to my happy girl, but it was urgent....skipping right over, "How did you get the lid off (and without me realizing 2 feet away)?" She can think of her ideas and act on them lightning fast. I'm taking notes but still not as efficient as she is. While I quickly tried to intervene...you know, with some urgent yelp, I envisioned smears of a creamy, slippery mess all over our house. (I'm not a neat freak Mom by any stretch, and I often let my kids play with some things that will get them messy. But, vegetable shortening? I don't even like to wash it off of spoons or out of measuring cups.) Well, she listened to her frazzled mother and pulled her Crisco clumped hands out of the container. Before I could get to the paper towels, she eyed the white blobs covering her hands. "Mommy would like me to leave that Crisco alone, and she probably wants me to clean up. I better smear what's left on my hands allll around my pink-shirted belly. That'll do the job. " And so she did.
"Give thanks in all circumstances:" At least I got to her before she could rub it in her hair!
And of course, as busy as she is, I love that smiley little girl, and I love the miracle that her Crisco-covered, happy self is.
Dear Lydia, I love your adventurous spirit, but please get into a few less things each day and take a moment to read a book or play with a toy...or sit on Mommy's lap, relaxed, and singing sweetly while I write, as we share one donut together...or please, just leave the vegetable shortening (and the plunger) alone.
Baby gate #2 for the kitchen has been installed.
(Picture quality, terrible I know. I had a little one following me. But, you get it right?)
Her name is spelled L.Y.D.I.A.
Do I mention this was the same day she had gotten into some cookies? (And the kicker is, we usually don't have so much "good" stuff in the house. We were potty training. Extra treats were needed all around.) And, Lydia knew. She knew. My kids love chocolate as much as their parents. How does she get into things? She epitomizes "Where there's a will, there's a way!" She tore the top right off! In case you're wondering, she "only" ate from the donuts that are pictured. The other row and a half missing was eaten by Matt and yours truly. Phew. Not all at once either. Phew.
A few days later she got her little hands into the vegetable shortening. "Where were you, Mom?" you ask? Oh, I was... 2 feet away from her in the kitchen doing dishes. My problem was...I was looking at the dishes. She was elbow deep in that gooey goodness, squishing it in her hands, saying, "Nice! Nice!" I don't even know how I responded to my happy girl, but it was urgent....skipping right over, "How did you get the lid off (and without me realizing 2 feet away)?" She can think of her ideas and act on them lightning fast. I'm taking notes but still not as efficient as she is. While I quickly tried to intervene...you know, with some urgent yelp, I envisioned smears of a creamy, slippery mess all over our house. (I'm not a neat freak Mom by any stretch, and I often let my kids play with some things that will get them messy. But, vegetable shortening? I don't even like to wash it off of spoons or out of measuring cups.) Well, she listened to her frazzled mother and pulled her Crisco clumped hands out of the container. Before I could get to the paper towels, she eyed the white blobs covering her hands. "Mommy would like me to leave that Crisco alone, and she probably wants me to clean up. I better smear what's left on my hands allll around my pink-shirted belly. That'll do the job. " And so she did.
"Give thanks in all circumstances:" At least I got to her before she could rub it in her hair!
And of course, as busy as she is, I love that smiley little girl, and I love the miracle that her Crisco-covered, happy self is.
Dear Lydia, I love your adventurous spirit, but please get into a few less things each day and take a moment to read a book or play with a toy...or sit on Mommy's lap, relaxed, and singing sweetly while I write, as we share one donut together...or please, just leave the vegetable shortening (and the plunger) alone.
Baby gate #2 for the kitchen has been installed.
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