Dear Stephen

I am so excited to write you this letter. I dream of the day when you can write back to me. You have grown so much in the past 2 months. We've always known a lot about you, Stevie. We've known how you like cows and trucks and trains. We've known by watching you and spending time with you. Now, it is even more exciting to get to know our boy ...because now, we are hearing from you! We are for the first time getting a glimpse of some of those thoughts going on inside you. We are learning your favorite songs in Sunday School are the "cluck" song (Days of the Week with cluck sounds) and the "J" song ...or you sort of say "A" (J.E.S.U.S. song). A couple of weeks ago was the first time you have responded to our questions with more than a "yes" or "no" or "ok." Grandma asked you about singing in Sunday School, and you told us "cluck." Then one night before bed, I asked you what you did with Daddy downstairs (while I was on the phone). You shared about "trains" how they "bump" and "bump in the house" (a little game you play with Daddy). We're so proud of you. We didn't even know you could say "house." You laughed and laughed to us on Daddy's lap because we were FINALLY undertanding you. It was a moment I hope never to forget. Our first conversation.

I can't tell you how thankful I am to the Lord to see your bright eyes and hear word after new word bubbling out of your sweet mouth. A light switch has been turned on within you the past couple of months (the day we started those probiotics). We still have our challenges and struggles, but Stevie, you are working hard and doing so well. We have a God who hears and answers our prayers.

A couple of weeks ago, you were having a difficult week and so was I. Your behavior is often affected with the struggles you have verbally and within. When days are hard for you, they are hard on me. There's just so much in you that wants to come out, and I know that. In church during the worship singing that week, I was struck that we are going to learn together how to persevere and praise God through these unique trials. Your Dad and I have had some heavy challenges in our marriage, but God has always been faithful. We have been praying for your communication and development, and sometimes I admit, I could only pray with tears because I didn't know the words to say. You know what, Stevie? God heard those tears as prayers. Jesus intercedes for us when we don't have the words or don't know how to ask God for help. So, if God hears my tears, He most certainly hears yours! He most certainly knows every thought you have and every word you want to say but can't. When we don't understand you, Stevie, God does. When you feel alone, He is always there. Oh, He's a great and loving God, Stephen. He knows everything about you, and how often I rest in that. I rest in knowing our loving Creator, the One who knit you together in my womb, is for us and not against us, and has overcome the world. Oh, how I claim those truths of Who He is, for you and for me.

As we walk through these challenges, I pray that God meets you in such an intimate way in your little heart and mind, and I can't wait to hear all about it when you've grown. May your strength, perseverance, and confidence come through Him. He's already working in you, Stevie, as a 2 year old boy. He's answering our prayers and is deeply involved and invested in your young life. I cannot wait to see what more He does in you and through you. You are a gift, my Stephen, a gift of immeasurable value. Remember, your name means crowned gift of God. James 1:12 is on your name board, "Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him." So, as we hit the bumps in the road, let's remember how far he's brought us. Let's build an altar of thankfulness for Who He is, what He's done, and what He is yet to do. And then, with His help and grace, we will keep pressing on.

Love always and forever through the sunshine and the rain,
Mom

Shopping with little ones

Shopping with little ones...maybe I could write a series.

It was a family ordeal last week when we went shopping together at Target. It is our go-to place for diapers, wipes, and formula. When Matt is graciously shopping with us, Stevie doesn't ride in the cart. When I'm on my own (which is often the case), both kiddos are in the cart.

Anyway, we got what we needed and were headed on our way to check out. Stevie is always super thrilled to be walking and exploring rather than being contained in a shopping cart. He likes to touch everything he sees. Yes, we are at that stage.

We were walking through the little (but bigger than my boy) boys section where the socks and undies are hanging on the wall. Stevie seemed to admire the Batman underwear and sock set though he has no idea who Batman is. However, something else quickly took his attention. One of the small metal loopy rods that hang articles on the walls was on the floor. "What a treasure," Stevie must've thought, as he picked it up ...and then proceeded to use it to pick his nose. Oy. "You need to put that down, and we do not pick our nose...with ...anything!"

So, if you find yourself walking through the aisles of Target and you see one of those metal rods, you probably better not touch it. Or, if you're in search of one, ask for their special extra long metal nose picker. Maybe Stevie needs a little more time in the shopping cart.

Lydia's 1st Christmas

I thought I'd share some of our Christmas pictures while a squirmy 8 month old tries to type her own message on here:
























Yes, it was Lydia's 1st Christmas which makes things extra exciting. Our kids together are the dynamic duo (if you haven't already noticed in the pictures) and to remember this year, I decided to put some of their shared moments to song.

Lydia's 12 Days of Christmas:

On the 12th day of Christmas my Big Bro gave to me

12 goodnight kisses
11 Thomas re-runs
10 tickling fingers
9 mismatched socks
8 early wake-ups
7 bonked heads
6 swigs of apple juice
5 cups of puffs


4 pulled out hair bows

3 racecar sleepers (hand-me-downs of course)
2 candy pez
and a wrapped chocolate kiss fished-out by mom


We had a wonderful Christmas. It was probably one of my favorite ones so far as a little family. It was simple, and we all enjoyed dressing up for Church Christmas morning (Stevie and Daddy in matching shirts and almost matching ties). Lydia gave us the biggest reaction to her gifts, which surprised us, haha. Stevie sure got into the giving part a little too much...with the candy, juice, and puffs. Whenever I hear, "Here a go" (horray for another sentence!), I need to go see what's being given away. "We share our toys not our food and cups." Apparently, Stevie was more into the Pez dispenser than the candy itself, so I guess it was an "easy" giveaway. They are becoming more interactive (which is definitely a wonderful thing) and it's so much fun to see.

Stevie's Christmas Miracle

Over the past 2 weeks, we have seen some amazing changes in our boy. We don't really know what's going on in his little body that are causing some delays, but I do have my hunches. We have started him on probiotics and vitamins. We started 2 weeks ago. His changes began 2 weeks ago as well. Coincidence or not, Stevie is improving, and we are thanking the Lord.

His mood is so much happier and playful. The brightness in his eyes and face seems to have "come back." (I hadn't talked about this with anyone but Matt and my mom, but I had noticed in his pictures that they just weren't capturing my boy the way I see him. It worried me, it made my heart ache. His smile and eyes were back for our family Christmas pictures. I can't tell you how I cried with Matt over those pictures. That's my boy in there.) He's trying to talk to us. He still speaks in his own language as he used to, but he is saying so much more in "English." I have my little list of his words from before beginning Early Intervention, and now his updated list of his vocabulary. He has said more words these past 2 weeks than he has his whole life. I waited almost 2 1/2 years to hear him say, "Mom" (which has become "Mommy"). Matt waited even longer to hear "Daddy." I know some parents of children are still waiting...years and years, and that pulls on my heart deeply. Typically, he would call my name and then jabber in his language. He had some words like, train, plane, truck. Single words, expressive words (wow!), and "Mommy" were what made up his "English." He said, "Where are you?" for the first time when he was 17 months old, and he never went past that, and lost it too. He now, at 30 months, has some short phrases/sentences again. "I want help" (this helps him so much), "Where'd go?" "Here we go!" Yeah, he likes to "go." Signing...for just a few words....and his jargon are more his thing.

Two days ago, Stevie helped me bake cookies. He loves the dumping and mixing of ingredients. I think he ate his weight in chocolate chips, but he had a great time. The cookies came out of the oven, I set them on the counter to cool, and he said it. He said, "Mommy, I want ookie." I could've cried. Never before had he put my name in front of an English sentence. Never before had he desired a need or want with a full sentence. And, I think he's only said "cookie" once before then. He only wants to sign it. You better believe that boy got a cookie even though it was almost lunch time!

Yesterday, we had a rough day at Kids Gym, and I asked him if he wanted to go. "I want go." Do you want to go home? "I want go home." For us, this is huge. This is amazing. He has started telling me, "I need change." He has never cared about a messy diaper in the past, and now he's telling me with words! He's also able to say, "drink", "juice", "milk", "snack", "lunch"....and so much more. At speech last week, I was telling his therapist about the changes we were noticing. I was praying he would show her. He often shows us better than his hour with her. That week, he said more words and had no tantrums with her. No throwing himself on the floor when the challenges were too much or he was unsure of what she wanted...or being unable to communicate his wants. There were three times the expectations or challenges were a bit much for him. Instead of throwing himself down on the floor, he reached up to Sophie with arms out for a hug. I observed from the other room with tears. This is my boy.

We still have our struggles and challenges. We aren't out of the woods yet. We finally had his OT evaluation, and he will be getting those services. We have other appointments yet. But, Stevie is improving, and we pray it continues.

Probably my most cherished moment (well, maybe it's tied with the cookie sentence) has occurred twice. I enjoy a good 7th Heaven episode, haha, and Stevie cues in to the theme song. He's always liked music. Sometimes he'll bob his head to it. Well, I'm sure you've all heard the theme song. Two different times now over the past 2 days, he has sung one word. "Go." "Where will you go when the world won't treat you right? The answer is home. That's the one place that you'll find 7th heaven." He has never sung before. Matt and I stared at each other with jaws dropped. He has the sweetest voice, holding that little note. "Wow, good singing Stevie. Mommy loves to hear your voice." And, I think that song is sort of just right for him these days. And go figure, he likes the word "go." The other time he sang it was the same word "go" or it was the "home." I can't remember because they sound similar and have the same long note.

His little voice singing. His sentences telling me his wants and needs. His bright smiling face. Prayers being answered. My boy is my Christmas miracle.

Table Time

I mentioned in an earlier post I've been doing what we call, "Table Time" with Stevie most weekday mornings. It's usually during Lydia's morning nap. Here is a list of things we've been doing. I take out his little art caddy I got in those dollar bins at Target, and inside are 2 or 3 "options" (unless it's a baking project, water time, or oats and trucks...he only needs that "one" option). He can do one of them or all of them...his choice.

*Oats in a pan with construction trucks, cups, spoons, etc. He would do this one every day if I let him! (I definitely use this one on days I want to try to get something accomplished!)


*Coloring books/pages, crayons, and markers.

*Bingo Markers and paper or coloring pages for "dot" art. Stevie likes this one, but it's messy. The dot markers aren't as easy to wash off him.

*Magnetic letters and a tin.

*Tonka mini cars and trucks and a road play mat.

*Can with pipe cleaners. (He does have a tear line on his face...sometimes, he gets frustrated, but this kind of activity is really up his alley.)


*Pom-pom container with holes.
Several of these ideas came from this blog...she has SUPER ideas!

*Animal cards and oatmeal container with slit to put the cards in and take them out.

*Water tub and water toys, cups, etc.

*Play doh and accessories.

*Crafts: Crayola's website has some good ones. We often are making trucks and trains...go figure. This fall, we made a finger leaf tree (and I did this with my 1 year old Sunday School class too, so cute!): http://sbcreatively.blogspot.com/2010/10/handprint-fall-colors-tree.html Today I have a little painting project to do, so I'm giving him a wooden ornament (left over from ones we did in Children's Church last year) to paint while I paint.

*Oh, yes, he has a pocket chart! I love it. It's a very small one...from once again, the Target bins at the beginning of the school year. He has a verse on there (we hope to change up once he's able to memorize and share), pictures of his family members and names, and usually Thomas trains to move around. Now, he has a nativity scene he helped make. He mostly did the gluing because glue sticks are his thing. Of course, he decided he still needed a Thomas train up...so Percy or whoever is behind the stable.

*Baking...he helps with brownies or cookies, and then I often give him another little bowl of some flour to play in with measuring cups and spoons.

*Magnetic pen and balls (This was like a dollar from the Christmas Tree Shops...a favorite store!)


*Curlers...not to put in his hair, hehe. He can take the sponges on and off the plastic holder...eventually, he can do more of the snapping closed too.

*When there are 2 or 3 options in the bin, there is usually one of the activities listed above and then often a coloring page, a book, or some matchbox cars reserved for Table Time. This way, we don't go through the "fun" activities or "different" activities as quickly and there are several days before repeating. We also start with snack, which takes care of that, and adds a little more time.

I'm sure there are others, so I'll do a post again in the future with new things. If you have a toddler, go ahead and try some of these. They really have been wonderful in our house. We now have a cupboard in the kitchen reserved for Table Time activities. Stevie gets a little time with me or on his own that is a bit more structured, and when he's busy working on his own, I can get some dishes done.

"All of Me"

I'm not really sure how to start this post. I'm trying to tread lightly in some ways but still record my honest heart. We are going through some "new" areas with our dear Stevie. Since around the time before Lydia was born, he has shown more and more sensory "issues" I'll call them. Please forgive my vagueness for the time being. Like I said, I want to tread a bit lightly for now. So, add the sensory issues to his severe speech delay, and add that to some "low-tone" we've seen in him and are now just discovering that it has a name, we have had a lot to muddle through, think about, research, and pray about. While looking more into these things, I could not believe the connections of many of his symptoms. It was extremely eye-opening. I am not by any means quick to use terms for labeling. I don't want to jump to conclusions or diagnoses. However, I do not want to ignore things which may lead to regret later on. Stevie is a happy, expressive, lovable, caring, and fun little boy. He has the most cheerful belly laugh I've ever heard, and his eyes are full of life. He has been in Speech Therapy for a couple of months, and sort of oddly enough, his sensory issues have become more pronounced and reared their heads in other ways since beginning. Upon his original evaluation, they noted some of those issues, but I was told they were not "getting in the way," and all that he needed was Speech. As of late, we are seeing the opposite to be true.
To be completely honest, this is a road not without fears. I keep holding onto his his engaging eyes and trying to hear that laugh as often as I can...because I love them, and I confess, part of me worries that they may fade. I worry his expressiveness and interaction may fade before my very eyes and be lost in a world his own. How often I have heard the stories of having a happy "normal" baby born, and as time went on, the child regressed. I do not want the difficulties he's having to grow further in the way of his development. I am so thankful for his Speech Therapist, as she's sort of walking us through this, helping as an outside perspective, and working hard for us. He is making some progress in the speech sessions (and in our regular days), which is so thrilling...it's just little bits of slow progress, but thrilling nonetheless. I sit in the other room while he's with his Speech Teacher, and the little positive things I hear and see, literally bring me tears of thankfulness and encouragement. Sometimes, he'll catch my eye in pure delight from a moment of his own progress, and we'll smile together. You see, I love my little boy with all my heart. I want him to live a full, happy, normal (I guess whatever that means) life. I believe every loving parent desires the same, right? No one wants their child to have any more challenges in life than are already there. I think the child would certainly appreciate that as well.
So, at this time, we are seeking as many services as we can for our little guy, such as possibly OT and PT and a visit to the Developmental Pediatrician on top of Speech Therapy. All of this takes a little time as it's a process full of evaluations and set-ups. This may just be the boost he needs or the more intensive help that will mean a hopefully better life later on. We're trying to find that balance in our minds and emotions. I had never even heard this song by Matt Hammitt before last week (well, I think I may have heard it, but it wasn't until last week that I really paid attention), and boy, has it just been my heart as we love on our little boy and work with him.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ARIe3PUgu84

I have so much to be thankful for, and I am so thankful... for my healthy children and a loving husband who is home and with us. This is not meant to sound extreme and certainly not insensitive- others are going through far greater challenges and trials, just as this song is actually written about. But for me, sometimes the unknowns can be intimidating and scary for sure, but I am so thankful I am in direct connection with the loving Creator of my son, and I know He is not finished with any of us yet. I will do all I can for his and his sister's (and any other children He sees fit to give us) growth and development. Father, hold our hands and our hearts and don't let them go... and may I pour all I have into my family.

Webcam Fun

Matt was working on homework the other night on the floor of our living room. In his school bag, was his "tool box" for the lab, and there were a pair of safety glasses in it. Stevie wants to be a part of EVERYTHING Matt does. Matt gave him the tool box to investigate, and he wanted to wear the glasses.

So...we had fun with the webcam while he tried them on.





Umm, the boy is getting a cold I think.



Caught in the Act!