Monday, February 28, 2011

Saturday could've been better. We received unfortunate news in the mail on our way out that night...that Matt's G.I. Bill pay for going back to school will be half of what we expected due to new legislation. (Shall I say, "typical.") That was a super bummer. I don't think Matt will be taking more than half time in credits again any time soon because it just isn't worth it financially or stress-wise on the family. As we're running our errands (including a family grocery trip so I don't have to do it on my own every time as a huge pregnant lady with a cute little boy...I cannot tell you how much I love that Matt will come with us in this stage of the game), Matt discovers he doesn't have his wallet. Thankfully, it was not missing (phew!)...just in the car.

Just when I didn't even realize I needed it, while laughing through the store with my 2 favorite men...and waddling severely from a good dinner, waiting for over a half an hour in line, I paid for our groceries, and the woman behind us leans into me and softly says, "I just have to tell you this: You have the cutest baby belly I have ever seen. Congratulations! And your little boy, he's a cutie too!" I'm telling you folks, you want to make a pregnant woman's day, you tell her something positive about the way she looks. (Forget the comments about the hugeness. That doesn't really help.) That lady made my night. She was a complete stranger. She didn't have to say anything out of obligation like those close to you do (or feel like they do, haha).

We head out into the snowy night, and true to form, lost control of the car and hit a guard rail. It could've been way worse....we didn't hit it hard at all, and the damage is really minimal, and of course, most importantly we're all fine.

But oy! 2 steps back and $2 (give or take) short!

And Then There Were 2

No, the baby is not here yet. But just like that, there are now 2 cribs in our nursery. We had contemplated moving Stevie to a "big boy bed," but we decided he loves his crib, and do we really want to rock the boat if we don't have to? Nope. So, we invested in a new crib that we actually moved Stevie into because it's convertible. His previous crib was not (a wonderful hand-me-down for which I cannot complain), so that is now for the new baby. I was sort of hoping to get matching colors in the cribs since they are in the same room, but I could not turn down a good 4 in 1 crib for $88 brand new (plus I had a $10 gift card) just because of the color...I like deals!

Stevie has smoothly adjusted. I'm...getting there. I had no idea how emotional I would be (inwardly, people) as Matt set up the new crib with his little man's help. All of the sudden I felt like, "Oh no! We didn't take a picture of the way it used to be when this was just Stevie's room!" It's all changing. My boy is no longer in the only crib he's ever known. I tried to stuff it a bit and just enjoy the time for what it was. I got a few pictures of Stevie helping put the crib together (the boy has crazy fine motor skills...he was putting pieces in the screw holes ever so seriously and clapping for himself every once in awhile). It was the most precious thing to see my boys working together...and looking SO much alike (in the same positions, working on similar pieces).

But, it's hard to keep stuffing those thoughts and feelings forever. I am so ready for this new addition, so excited for the baby to be here. (And yes, even though I'm feeling relatively good for this stage of the game...almost 31 weeks... I do relish the thought of not having to make 3 pt turns in bed just to roll over!) I guess I just have a difficult time seeing my boy grow up is all. I know, I know, it's only just begun. I don't want to lose the special relationship we have...I don't want jealousy to grow in him as I have to tend to the baby. I want them to grow to become great friends. My mom has told me it was the most challenging for her going from 1 to 2 kids, but after 2, I guess the routine was well established and much easier. It will certainly be an adjustment for us all, but I'm hoping and praying it is as smooth as his transition to a different crib.

video

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Last night was one of those "Some days" that are difficult. Stevie was crying a lot. We go through these bouts of all day crying every once and awhile. Sometimes he's overtired, sometimes he's frustrated he cannot communicate his desires to me (he still has a very limited vocabulary), and sometimes I just have no idea. It makes me feel awful though. It literally triggers something in my gut on such days (and newborn days too when he cried and cried and we just weren't getting it). I want so badly to understand what he needs. I also want so badly to be teaching him that he doesn't always get what he wants and to deal with that appropriately. I want so badly for him to know I love him. And in those days, I can get discouraged. They are often days Matt is gone all day and isn't even able to see Stevie. I think a part of that may contribute to Stevie's unrest...he misses his Daddy. But overall, our days have gotten so much better than they were a few months ago (that left me in tears a lot of nights). He really is for the most part a happy little guy. If you've ever heard him laugh, well, you know, he laughs a lot!! So anyway, in general last night was one of "those" nights.

I was busy doing a lot of laundry. We have uneven floors (old house), and apparently I'm not the best washing machine loader because our machine likes to shake and jump at least half of the time. I try to adjust the laundry, and my attempts are often not accompanied by my desired results, so I confess, sometimes I just grin and bear the noise until it's over. Well, unbeknownst to me, during that loud ruckus of my final load, the brand new unopened bottle of detergent that sat on top of the machine fell, shattering the plastic cap into what seemed like a hundred pieces, dumping the entire bottle of detergent on our hardwood floors. We still had about 45 minutes or something until Stevie's bedtime, so I decided I was going to make some hot chocolate to enjoy and relax with. My little pal followed me to the kitchen and got distracted like usual as I was preparing my "treat." I was just about to take my cup to the couch when I noticed Stevie playing in our laundry area. He was playing in a puddle. I gasped loudly because my first thought was the washing machine leaked all over the floor. Then I realized he was a sticky, gooey mess and I saw the bottle. It was at this moment, I was ready to call it a night and just cry. (Ok, so I'm pregnant too...so maybe that contributed to my emotions.) I set my hot cocoa back on the counter and start my endeavor of cleaning up the floor. I waited on cleaning Stevie up because he would likely be back to "help." I didn't even know where to begin because there was SO much detergent. I wiped as much up as I could on my hands and knees (my belly probably wiped some up too) while Stevie rolled in my paper towel roll as he unraveled it. (I didn't want to use bath towels because who knows how much detergent that would put in the washer and cause another issue.) Then I got out an extra mop sponge and tried to rinse and ring, wipe, rinse and ring...with intermittent times of chasing Stevie around to get my sponge back. (The boy loves all things cleaning.) I cleaned it up (as much as I was going to at that point), and sat down to my cooled cocoa. I internally grieved over that wasted bottle of concentrated laundry detergent though. I used a coupon to save a dollar, but I still spent like $5 or whatever. I thought about the other ways I could've blown $5, and really there are a lot of ways since starting that Dave Ramsey class. As a pregnant lady (who am I kidding, as ME), my thoughts immediately went to, "I could've bought THIS much chocolate..." or whatever else sounded good to eat at the time...oh yeah, and you know, I could've put it towards those student loans. (I think I really should record the "funny" stories of how our good intentioned plans are being sabotaged...what seems like daily.) As a stay at home mom, it's sometimes hard on me that I'm not contributing financially when we could so use it, and when my efforts of trying to save money go down the tubes like in this instance, I get so discouraged. Stevie climbed up next to me for a few spoonfuls of the not so hot cocoa, and then it was pretty much time for bed for him. As I rocked him, I was thankful for that little boy playing in the detergent puddle because if I hadn't caught him doing that, the detergent could've sat making it so much harder to get cleaned up. I was also thankful the detergent was free and clear...so no blue stains to worry about.

We survived the day, and really by most people's standards that would've been a piece of cake compared to what they're enduring. Perspective, Becky, perspective.

Then a day like today comes. One of those "other days." My little boy snuggled up on the couch with me while we (he) watched "Boo." He just pretty recently started sitting with me since he came down with that strep throat/scarlet fever a few weeks ago. He has never been a cuddly guy, but I'm hoping that's changing! He ended up falling asleep with me!! People, this has never happened. I can't recall him doing such a thing since he was a newborn! I felt badly, but I told him I needed to change his diaper because he would be totally exploded if I didn't. So, I laid him down and changed him...he slept through it. He has never done that even when he was newborn. What has happened to my boy?! I sooo badly wanted to cuddle up with him and just nap on the couch together, but we have plans tonight, and I still needed to shower (grr). So, I picked him up, he wrapped his little sleepy arms around me, and I carried him to his crib. As I laid him down, his eyes still closed, he gave me the most precious smile. These are the moments I want to hold onto forever...and in those moments, there is nothing else that matters. I may not have $5, and I may be out of laundry detergent, but I have it all...all that really matters!

Days

Some days I want to pull my hair out.

Some days I want to cry because all I'm hearing is crying.

Some days I just want to crawl back in bed until it's over.

But then...

Some days I don't ever want to end.

Some days are full of laughter and smiles.

Some days are simple and yet seemingly perfect and smooth.

But...

Everyday, I'm thankful.

Everyday, I'm thankful for the opportunity to spend with my son (and soon to be here baby #2).

Everyday, I try to soak up some moment even on the hairiest of days to sit and smile and to cherish this time that is so quickly passing.

Everyday, I am blessed and humbled to be a mom.

Thursday, February 3, 2011

You are my Sunshine

I was a bit of an emotional mess tonight. Matt and I have been helping to answer a young couple's questions and sharing our story with them to help them on their own journey. I was listening to some marriage and relationship advice from my favorite authors on youtube, and that led to wedding songs...and that led to father/daughter songs...and that led to mother/son songs. Oh. dear.

Little Stevie was sitting with me, and I could not hold back the tears at one particular choice. I was thinking about my little boy all grown into this handsome, amazing man of God on his wedding day...and how it's already going so fast. I didn't say I wasn't going overboard! So, then I heard the song...and I lost it. "You are my Sunshine" was a song chosen (with a cute story behind it) for one grown boy and his mom. After "Jesus Loves Me," that was the first song I sang to Stevie in the hospital. It was a memory I want to hold forever. It often helped to calm him when I sang it. I still sing him the song and often replace "Sunshine" with Stevie or Stephen. Obviously, it's a well known song and people sing it all the time to their kids, but it's just a special one for us.

So, here I was, in a puddle of tears thinking I will probably lose it anyway on your wedding day, Stephen, but if you include this song somehow, well...you get the idea. Waterproof mascara will be a must. I know I will remember you fondly as this little boy I have in my arms today, and I want to hold onto you while I can. I can't wait to meet the man you'll become, but I treasure each day you are my little boy. You are my crowned and shining gift from God, and you really do bring sunshine to my every day. I love you more than you can know!