Last night was one of those "Some days" that are difficult. Stevie was crying a lot. We go through these bouts of all day crying every once and awhile. Sometimes he's overtired, sometimes he's frustrated he cannot communicate his desires to me (he still has a very limited vocabulary), and sometimes I just have no idea. It makes me feel awful though. It literally triggers something in my gut on such days (and newborn days too when he cried and cried and we just weren't getting it). I want so badly to understand what he needs. I also want so badly to be teaching him that he doesn't always get what he wants and to deal with that appropriately. I want so badly for him to know I love him. And in those days, I can get discouraged. They are often days Matt is gone all day and isn't even able to see Stevie. I think a part of that may contribute to Stevie's unrest...he misses his Daddy. But overall, our days have gotten so much better than they were a few months ago (that left me in tears a lot of nights). He really is for the most part a happy little guy. If you've ever heard him laugh, well, you know, he laughs a lot!! So anyway, in general last night was one of "those" nights.
I was busy doing a lot of laundry. We have uneven floors (old house), and apparently I'm not the best washing machine loader because our machine likes to shake and jump at least half of the time. I try to adjust the laundry, and my attempts are often not accompanied by my desired results, so I confess, sometimes I just grin and bear the noise until it's over. Well, unbeknownst to me, during that loud ruckus of my final load, the brand new unopened bottle of detergent that sat on top of the machine fell, shattering the plastic cap into what seemed like a hundred pieces, dumping the entire bottle of detergent on our hardwood floors. We still had about 45 minutes or something until Stevie's bedtime, so I decided I was going to make some hot chocolate to enjoy and relax with. My little pal followed me to the kitchen and got distracted like usual as I was preparing my "treat." I was just about to take my cup to the couch when I noticed Stevie playing in our laundry area. He was playing in a puddle. I gasped loudly because my first thought was the washing machine leaked all over the floor. Then I realized he was a sticky, gooey mess and I saw the bottle. It was at this moment, I was ready to call it a night and just cry. (Ok, so I'm pregnant too...so maybe that contributed to my emotions.) I set my hot cocoa back on the counter and start my endeavor of cleaning up the floor. I waited on cleaning Stevie up because he would likely be back to "help." I didn't even know where to begin because there was SO much detergent. I wiped as much up as I could on my hands and knees (my belly probably wiped some up too) while Stevie rolled in my paper towel roll as he unraveled it. (I didn't want to use bath towels because who knows how much detergent that would put in the washer and cause another issue.) Then I got out an extra mop sponge and tried to rinse and ring, wipe, rinse and ring...with intermittent times of chasing Stevie around to get my sponge back. (The boy loves all things cleaning.) I cleaned it up (as much as I was going to at that point), and sat down to my cooled cocoa. I internally grieved over that wasted bottle of concentrated laundry detergent though. I used a coupon to save a dollar, but I still spent like $5 or whatever. I thought about the other ways I could've blown $5, and really there are a lot of ways since starting that Dave Ramsey class. As a pregnant lady (who am I kidding, as ME), my thoughts immediately went to, "I could've bought THIS much chocolate..." or whatever else sounded good to eat at the time...oh yeah, and you know, I could've put it towards those student loans. (I think I really should record the "funny" stories of how our good intentioned plans are being sabotaged...what seems like daily.) As a stay at home mom, it's sometimes hard on me that I'm not contributing financially when we could so use it, and when my efforts of trying to save money go down the tubes like in this instance, I get so discouraged. Stevie climbed up next to me for a few spoonfuls of the not so hot cocoa, and then it was pretty much time for bed for him. As I rocked him, I was thankful for that little boy playing in the detergent puddle because if I hadn't caught him doing that, the detergent could've sat making it so much harder to get cleaned up. I was also thankful the detergent was free and clear...so no blue stains to worry about.
We survived the day, and really by most people's standards that would've been a piece of cake compared to what they're enduring. Perspective, Becky, perspective.
Then a day like today comes. One of those "other days." My little boy snuggled up on the couch with me while we (he) watched "Boo." He just pretty recently started sitting with me since he came down with that strep throat/scarlet fever a few weeks ago. He has never been a cuddly guy, but I'm hoping that's changing! He ended up falling asleep with me!! People, this has never happened. I can't recall him doing such a thing since he was a newborn! I felt badly, but I told him I needed to change his diaper because he would be totally exploded if I didn't. So, I laid him down and changed him...he slept through it. He has never done that even when he was newborn. What has happened to my boy?! I sooo badly wanted to cuddle up with him and just nap on the couch together, but we have plans tonight, and I still needed to shower (grr). So, I picked him up, he wrapped his little sleepy arms around me, and I carried him to his crib. As I laid him down, his eyes still closed, he gave me the most precious smile. These are the moments I want to hold onto forever...and in those moments, there is nothing else that matters. I may not have $5, and I may be out of laundry detergent, but I have it all...all that really matters!