The title are some phrases that are not my favorite. Hmm, maybe I could make a list of phrases or sayings that "irk" me...can we say, "home again, home again, jiggity jig!" Ahh, Mom! That's like nails on the chalkboard for me. Anyway...
I'm not going to talk about the bad things today, so here are some good things: I talked with Matt this morning, and it was soo good!!! It's been over a week since we've talked. That's the best news.
The past couple days:
Our wedding photo book arrived! It turned out nicely and so far I've only seen 1 minor typo/error (yes, that's a good thing to me...I can be somewhat of a perfectionist). I think it was a great deal. We never ordered an official wedding album, so this is sort of it for us. Now, I'd like to put a few more pictures around the apartment. We mostly have family pictures, which is fine, but we need more of us around.
Our fed tax refund also arrived, yay, but I couldn't deposit it...so, I'm not going to write about that.
I'm taking a break from the crib cover and making some toys/time occupiers (is that a word?) for Matt. I'm making him and the guys some hacky sacks. They don't take as long as I thought they would, and I have a ton of material, so I'm gonna keep sending them. It's ok if they beat them to a pulp. Duct tape is one of Matt's favorite things! Some day, it would be fun to have a sewing machine. I sew everything by hand mostly because I don't have a sewing machine and because I don't have sewing machine experience. I'm afraid to use my Mom's and break it. I'd rather break my own...does that make sense? Someday...
I went to Ollies and one of those huge Barnes and Noble stores yesterday. That was really fun. I'd never been to either (just the regular Barnes and Noble). I bought some birthday board books (umm, I bought beautiful birthday books for a bouncing baby boy...how's that Hannah? She likes that game...a lot!) for Nathanael's 1st birthday. I can't believe how big all these nieces and nephews are getting. Hannah is turning 7 this summer...whoa. Anyway, I got those books at Ollies, and that was a fun time. I am now a proud shopper of Ollies with, basically, a shopper's club card. haha. And so, I went to Barnes in Noble, the one I usually go to. I had a coupon for 40% of cds, and I wanted to get Matt one for his birthday...so I was off. I walked around the whole store like I was crazy. Where in the world did their whole cd collection go? I thought, a lot of other people must have really beaten me to it, I couldn't find one cd. Finally, I asked a store worker, and he said I had to go to Pittsford or Webster. I was completely confused. I had never been to the other stores, I know I've seen a cd section, right over there. I wasn't confusing it with another book store. What is going on? Finally, I realized, I was confusing my hometown Barnes and Noble with the one out in San Diego...how weird is that? I totally remembered that one "more," and I've been to Barnes and Noble back here at least 3 times since being out in California. WEIRD! It definitely made me laugh though. Boy, do I feel like I'm in a time and place warp. Where exactly is my home these days? Anyway...I went to a super? (like a super walmart?) Barnes and Noble. It was like a field trip. That store was huge! I had so much fun. I previewed the cd's at their listening stations and came home with 1 cd for Matt (unfortunately, their Christian selection was not very big) and 2 cd's for us at home...well, I guess probably mostly me, but Matt likes them too...I think. Yes, I thought, when else am I going to have 40% off as many cd's as I can buy (they are a bit more expensive than some other stores but the discount was still cheaper than regular prices elsewhere...elsewhere...another word that drives me nuts...haha), so I purchased the Little Women and Pride and Prejudice soundtracks! I could listen to that music all day long (Yup, I'm listening now). Hey, Matt, maybe I would learn to do some "fun" dances...but only for at home! If you know me, you know, I don't dance (to Matt's displeasure) and there are reasons for it...but that's another story. I'm not much of a classical girl, but some forms, such as these pieces, are just beautiful. I really think geniouses composed them. Maybe playing the violin from 4th grade to 12th grade has something to do with my love for "old" classical music (right Laura?)...but maybe not. We rarely played songs that I enjoyed or thought absolutely beatiful. Maybe that's why I rarely practiced. I think they go hand-in-hand. Maybe our children will be really smart from listening to this music (hmm, good study music)...or maybe they'll go stir crazy. I think we'll have a balance though because Matt likes the harder stuff, I like the country-er stuff, and we both like acoustical and inbetween stuff.
Umm, I guess that's it for now. I'm thinking of sharing some secrets in the next post. Ok, you may already know some of the "secrets", but I'll try to think of things...special tidbits...to share.
*Thank you so much for this morning Matt! I love you!
Friday, March 28, 2008
Sunday, March 23, 2008
I wish I could change things....I guess I need to start with me
Well, this morning I got my answer as to why Matt hasn't been around during our usual talk times. He had been borrowing wireless from another guy (with permission), and apparently, he didn't want Matt using it anymore, so he changed his password. Matt sent me an email explaining through his work email. Now, we are back to square one with communication. All emails, im's, and phone calls took place on Matt's laptop with the wireless. He is now limited to work email for the time being, which makes contact very few and far between. To say today, this weekend, has been a struggle, would be an understatement. One discouragement, or blow after another seem to be coming Matt's way, and ultimately, my way. When we take a step forward, it does feel like we're taking a step back. Even as I typed this post, I lost half of what I had already written....let's see if I can remember.
I still have hope...
I spoke with a dear friend, sister in the Lord, tonight (you know who you are!!). She offered much of the encouragement I was in need of ...though I still believe it's a process. She let me talk (and sob) for a couple hours without me feeling overly sensitive or ridiculous. She truly listened, spoke words of wisdom and encouragement, shared the promises in Scripture, and asked some thought provoking questions. "Becky, where do you see God in all this?" To be honest, that is sort of tough for me to answer, or tough for me to explain. There are moments I feel super blessed ...you know, those moments you are alone and just bask in God's love. My emotions seem to come in waves though. Emotions tend to build up till they overflow. I have my time of tears, and then I become refreshed again and am able to continue on for days or weeks of relatively content Becky. Rough times, like this past weekend come around... I don't feel punished, and I know God hasn't left me/us, and I know that He cares for us and loves us. Yet, they are mostly times of hurt and heartache. In some ways, I feel hurt because God hasn't abandoned us, yet He isn't changing some of the situations for the man I love so dearly. I hurt the most seeing him seemingly getting the short end of the stick time and again. Because some of these difficulties deal with communication, it makes it even harder...because it is that much more difficult to try to encourage him. I send mail, but we all know that takes weeks, or as we know, doesn't even make it there at all. Emails aren't flawless either. So, I am being challenged to count it all joy despite the circumstances. My friend reminded me joy isn't the same is happiness and it's ok for tears to fall...because "Jesus wept" too. I think on the verse: "Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, scorning it's shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God." Hebrews 12:2....there's more...."Consider Him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart." Hebrews 12:3
Christ counted it as joy to endure the cross. Now, I don't consider this time of trial as one in the same as enduring crucifixion, but His joy during that time was not of happiness. It is still amazing to me to see that word "joy" in the same sentence, but nevertheless, I believe it is true, and something for me to learn "more" about I guess. This is a time of "faith perfecting" for me. (Boy, it sure is not perfect yet.) It is also a reminder that He is the author of our lives, but my eyes need to remain on Him, "fixed." He is able to do more than we can ask or imagine...and it's difficult for me if I don't see much happening in that regard, at least what I can see with my eyes...no lazy, wavering eyes looking around you, Becky, fix them on Jesus! So, I will work on taking these days one at a time with a joyful heart. I still ache for the wrongs in Matt's and our paths and shed some tears through the disappointments but aim to do better at fixing my eyes on Jesus. The joy of the Lord is my strength. I can be no greater encouragement and partner to my husband then when I am joyfully, faithfully, and unwaveringly walking with the Lord.
*I love you, Matt! We're enduring this together...3 strands of cord...
I still have hope...
I spoke with a dear friend, sister in the Lord, tonight (you know who you are!!). She offered much of the encouragement I was in need of ...though I still believe it's a process. She let me talk (and sob) for a couple hours without me feeling overly sensitive or ridiculous. She truly listened, spoke words of wisdom and encouragement, shared the promises in Scripture, and asked some thought provoking questions. "Becky, where do you see God in all this?" To be honest, that is sort of tough for me to answer, or tough for me to explain. There are moments I feel super blessed ...you know, those moments you are alone and just bask in God's love. My emotions seem to come in waves though. Emotions tend to build up till they overflow. I have my time of tears, and then I become refreshed again and am able to continue on for days or weeks of relatively content Becky. Rough times, like this past weekend come around... I don't feel punished, and I know God hasn't left me/us, and I know that He cares for us and loves us. Yet, they are mostly times of hurt and heartache. In some ways, I feel hurt because God hasn't abandoned us, yet He isn't changing some of the situations for the man I love so dearly. I hurt the most seeing him seemingly getting the short end of the stick time and again. Because some of these difficulties deal with communication, it makes it even harder...because it is that much more difficult to try to encourage him. I send mail, but we all know that takes weeks, or as we know, doesn't even make it there at all. Emails aren't flawless either. So, I am being challenged to count it all joy despite the circumstances. My friend reminded me joy isn't the same is happiness and it's ok for tears to fall...because "Jesus wept" too. I think on the verse: "Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, scorning it's shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God." Hebrews 12:2....there's more...."Consider Him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart." Hebrews 12:3
Christ counted it as joy to endure the cross. Now, I don't consider this time of trial as one in the same as enduring crucifixion, but His joy during that time was not of happiness. It is still amazing to me to see that word "joy" in the same sentence, but nevertheless, I believe it is true, and something for me to learn "more" about I guess. This is a time of "faith perfecting" for me. (Boy, it sure is not perfect yet.) It is also a reminder that He is the author of our lives, but my eyes need to remain on Him, "fixed." He is able to do more than we can ask or imagine...and it's difficult for me if I don't see much happening in that regard, at least what I can see with my eyes...no lazy, wavering eyes looking around you, Becky, fix them on Jesus! So, I will work on taking these days one at a time with a joyful heart. I still ache for the wrongs in Matt's and our paths and shed some tears through the disappointments but aim to do better at fixing my eyes on Jesus. The joy of the Lord is my strength. I can be no greater encouragement and partner to my husband then when I am joyfully, faithfully, and unwaveringly walking with the Lord.
*I love you, Matt! We're enduring this together...3 strands of cord...
Saturday, March 22, 2008
packages and more packages
It feels like Christmas around here...or maybe it feels like Easter! :)
Our California photo book arrived yesterday! I was so excited. I think it turned out really well, and I am super pleased. I'm still waiting on our wedding album photo book to come...nervously waiting. I hope I'm just as pleased. We're also still waiting for the shirts we ordered.
Today, I did some Walmart grocery shopping. I needed some stuff to make cupcakes for tomorrow, and I wanted to get a bunch of goodies to send Matt and his guys. I still need to go look for a new microwave (yup, ours bit the dust over a cup of hot chocolate), but that will be next time. I just finished the cupcakes and packing his box. It looks like I'll have to wait and mail it on Monday. I'm too late for today. After I made the cupcakes and packed the box, I realized I didn't get much in the line of groceries for around here, but that's ok. I had sooo much fun filling his box!! (except for the fact I got a hunk of a papercut, or cardboard box cut, from wrestling with a Rice Krispies Treats box...I'm going to need to change that bandaid soon. I just get hyper and sometimes make "hasty decisions," right Matt?) Anyway, I love making things that make my Man smile. There are a few goofy things in there, but I won't share yet because I don't want to spoil the surprise. Maybe I can get him to send pictures of it! Yes, my husband reads my blogs when he can. I just may be one in a million!
Even though today has been a good day for the most part, I have been a little down. It's one of those days I just get hit with heart ache for missing him. It didn't help that his internet was down yesterday and today (at least that is probably the case, I haven't heard yet), so we weren't able to talk when we were supposed to. That leaves me missing him like crazy even though we did talk earlier that morning. (Please don't roll your eyes or tell me, "o stop it!" about this because it may cause me to roll up my sleeves....I mean, I am thankful when we are able to talk quite a bit because I know that is a gift in and of itself, but it really still isn't the same as having him around. Oh, to be hugged and held again again. Sometimes it's kinda tough for me to see couples together...but we're getting there. This week has been a little extra "soft" for me after having an awful dream about Matt at war. I won't go into detail, but it was scary and too real, and basically all I could do was stand there and watch.) Anyway, that morning while we talked, we played checkers, go fish, BINGO, and air hockey together online. It was so much fun and gave us something else to do "together." The highlight was definitely winning yahoo BINGO during the same game (we think we had the same board)! I even dragged my laptop to the bathroom with me during BINGO...more than you wanted to know I'm sure...don't worry, I washed my hands. It was so great, and I believe God threw in that little special win for us at the same time. Silly as it might be, I was touched by it....ok, I can be a little emotional these days.
So, this week I'm thankful for flat rate boxes, goodies I can stuff in it, webcams, online games, the opportunity to communicate and love, the love of my husband, and the love and promises of our Lord and Savior. Happy Easter!!
*I love you Bubbers! Happy Easter!
Our California photo book arrived yesterday! I was so excited. I think it turned out really well, and I am super pleased. I'm still waiting on our wedding album photo book to come...nervously waiting. I hope I'm just as pleased. We're also still waiting for the shirts we ordered.
Today, I did some Walmart grocery shopping. I needed some stuff to make cupcakes for tomorrow, and I wanted to get a bunch of goodies to send Matt and his guys. I still need to go look for a new microwave (yup, ours bit the dust over a cup of hot chocolate), but that will be next time. I just finished the cupcakes and packing his box. It looks like I'll have to wait and mail it on Monday. I'm too late for today. After I made the cupcakes and packed the box, I realized I didn't get much in the line of groceries for around here, but that's ok. I had sooo much fun filling his box!! (except for the fact I got a hunk of a papercut, or cardboard box cut, from wrestling with a Rice Krispies Treats box...I'm going to need to change that bandaid soon. I just get hyper and sometimes make "hasty decisions," right Matt?) Anyway, I love making things that make my Man smile. There are a few goofy things in there, but I won't share yet because I don't want to spoil the surprise. Maybe I can get him to send pictures of it! Yes, my husband reads my blogs when he can. I just may be one in a million!
Even though today has been a good day for the most part, I have been a little down. It's one of those days I just get hit with heart ache for missing him. It didn't help that his internet was down yesterday and today (at least that is probably the case, I haven't heard yet), so we weren't able to talk when we were supposed to. That leaves me missing him like crazy even though we did talk earlier that morning. (Please don't roll your eyes or tell me, "o stop it!" about this because it may cause me to roll up my sleeves....I mean, I am thankful when we are able to talk quite a bit because I know that is a gift in and of itself, but it really still isn't the same as having him around. Oh, to be hugged and held again again. Sometimes it's kinda tough for me to see couples together...but we're getting there. This week has been a little extra "soft" for me after having an awful dream about Matt at war. I won't go into detail, but it was scary and too real, and basically all I could do was stand there and watch.) Anyway, that morning while we talked, we played checkers, go fish, BINGO, and air hockey together online. It was so much fun and gave us something else to do "together." The highlight was definitely winning yahoo BINGO during the same game (we think we had the same board)! I even dragged my laptop to the bathroom with me during BINGO...more than you wanted to know I'm sure...don't worry, I washed my hands. It was so great, and I believe God threw in that little special win for us at the same time. Silly as it might be, I was touched by it....ok, I can be a little emotional these days.
So, this week I'm thankful for flat rate boxes, goodies I can stuff in it, webcams, online games, the opportunity to communicate and love, the love of my husband, and the love and promises of our Lord and Savior. Happy Easter!!
*I love you Bubbers! Happy Easter!
Thursday, March 20, 2008
one of those days
I had a wonderful morning talking with Matt today, actually late morning and early afternoon. We did a little online shopping together of some military wife umm, shirts and stuff to show my support and feel a closer connection. I know, some people don't understand (this has become obvious to me), but I am proud of Matt, so that's why I'd like a shirt or 2 that show my support.
Sometimes, because people don't understand, I feel like wearing this shirt. No, I didn't order it, but it begins to tell the story....
"Don't ask me if I miss him...Of course I miss him. Don't ask me is it easy? because it's not!"
Just a few minutes ago, I was told (umm, more like lectured) to be thankful he isn't in Iraq. This is a totally true statement, and trust me, I am thankful he's not there. In some ways I feel a little like a Marine wife wannabe because I'm not going through what some other wives go through, deployments over and over again to dangerous places. Nevertheless, I love my husband and am not overly excited to have him apart from me no matter where he goes. (I mean, seriously, do most wives really want to ship their husbands out somewhere for 6 months to a year or more? hmm, something's not right about that). Also, there is never any guarantee wherever he goes that he will not face danger or accidents. He is afterall, a Marine, and they will send him wherever they please in a moments' notice. Even, here at home, things can happen. Sometimes such lectures are not necessary or helpful...especially during another apartment episode where my landlord comes...unexpectedly...as I was about to take a shower, which was a close call...asking me to do more for our apartment...
So, I guess, I appreciate hearing how Matt is in other people's prayers and how we have their support. And, if you'd like to talk, please call before coming over if you are just going to ...come....when I'd like to take a shower, especially if you are a male...that just does not put me in a chatty mood.
On a positive note, I have received some words of thanks unexpectedly too. A lady from Geico told me to tell Matt thank you for his service, and she thanked me too. I was totally taken aback because I was just looking for a quote on car insurance (explaining my husband is deployed, so I'm the only driver for another 6 months...etc.). Then she told me all servicemembers and wives need to be thanked more often. She blessed my socks off, and I think mostly because it was totally unexpected, and one of the first times I've been "sincerely" thanked or included. Yes, she may have just been trying to get my business, but it was appreciated, and if anybody is going to get business, that is one way to do it. Now, I'm not looking for people to write comments, "thanking" me or Matt, but if you'd like to send Matt a note, I can pass along his email or address. I don't mind letting people thank him or anyone in the military at all.
So, thank you to all those men and women who sacrifice so much for our freedom, to the men and women in uniform and the spouses left behind who also give so much I humbly offer my thanks. I don't think I could do this for life because it is so tough....and people do. There was one shirt I liked, "born an American, wife of a military member by the grace of God"...so true.
Oh, don't forget to wear red on fridays to show your support for our troops!!
Sometimes, because people don't understand, I feel like wearing this shirt. No, I didn't order it, but it begins to tell the story....
"Don't ask me if I miss him...Of course I miss him. Don't ask me is it easy? because it's not!"
Just a few minutes ago, I was told (umm, more like lectured) to be thankful he isn't in Iraq. This is a totally true statement, and trust me, I am thankful he's not there. In some ways I feel a little like a Marine wife wannabe because I'm not going through what some other wives go through, deployments over and over again to dangerous places. Nevertheless, I love my husband and am not overly excited to have him apart from me no matter where he goes. (I mean, seriously, do most wives really want to ship their husbands out somewhere for 6 months to a year or more? hmm, something's not right about that). Also, there is never any guarantee wherever he goes that he will not face danger or accidents. He is afterall, a Marine, and they will send him wherever they please in a moments' notice. Even, here at home, things can happen. Sometimes such lectures are not necessary or helpful...especially during another apartment episode where my landlord comes...unexpectedly...as I was about to take a shower, which was a close call...asking me to do more for our apartment...
So, I guess, I appreciate hearing how Matt is in other people's prayers and how we have their support. And, if you'd like to talk, please call before coming over if you are just going to ...come....when I'd like to take a shower, especially if you are a male...that just does not put me in a chatty mood.
On a positive note, I have received some words of thanks unexpectedly too. A lady from Geico told me to tell Matt thank you for his service, and she thanked me too. I was totally taken aback because I was just looking for a quote on car insurance (explaining my husband is deployed, so I'm the only driver for another 6 months...etc.). Then she told me all servicemembers and wives need to be thanked more often. She blessed my socks off, and I think mostly because it was totally unexpected, and one of the first times I've been "sincerely" thanked or included. Yes, she may have just been trying to get my business, but it was appreciated, and if anybody is going to get business, that is one way to do it. Now, I'm not looking for people to write comments, "thanking" me or Matt, but if you'd like to send Matt a note, I can pass along his email or address. I don't mind letting people thank him or anyone in the military at all.
So, thank you to all those men and women who sacrifice so much for our freedom, to the men and women in uniform and the spouses left behind who also give so much I humbly offer my thanks. I don't think I could do this for life because it is so tough....and people do. There was one shirt I liked, "born an American, wife of a military member by the grace of God"...so true.
Oh, don't forget to wear red on fridays to show your support for our troops!!
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
some reflections
Ok, enough about the slim jims! Obviously, I haven't had much interesting to write about recently. I have been working hard on "started" projects. I'm pretty good at starting projects, especially several at the same time, but I don't always get around to finishing them...at least in a reasonable amount of time. My patience dwindles. I had been working on a cross stitch crib cover (HUGE job). My mom gave it to me just before Matt left as a "time-filler" for me. It is super cute, but a little on the overwhelming side as far as the work needed. I told my mom this, and she said, "Well, I gave it to you in October!" She did, but it took me since October to build up the motivation to even begin that task. I think I might have it done for our grandkids...I might.
I've also been working on our California album, and I finished it!! I am a big list person, so to check that off, feels so good! I made that album/photo book on Kodak Gallery. While I was working on that one, I was working on our wedding photo book too. I did a lot of work on that same site but decided I didn't like the layouts and book types given. So, I scratched that and downloaded Booksmart from Blurb. No, I'm not trying to advertise...sometimes I just have the need to be specific or something. I liked the books better on this program, but boy, this was a full time job. It was frustrating that you...I mean, I, can't just move the layouts or add a textbox the way I'd like. I'm open to better suggestions for photo books....however, the wedding album is 99% done (there is just a part of a prayer I'd like to add). So, hearing about a wonderful program (or how to use the one I have) may throw me into a tizzy...what is a tizzy? Anyway, I really don't feel like doing one all over. So, once I put that final touch on it, I'm ordering that puppy! Horray!!
So, what I was really thinking about writing about (after all that) was how much I enjoyed our wedding day. The day before was not fun at all for me (especially since I was left at the church almost alone for half the day....everybody disappeared...and I didn't see Matt till the rehearsal started....but anyway), but the wedding day was so special. We know, and our friends tell us, it was probably the longest wedding in the history of weddings, and a lot of that was our fault! haha We knew we were only doing this once, so why not make it the way we want it? Hence, the 500 special music selections we had...ok, it was 4 different songs besides the prelude, processional (3 songs...haha) and recessional. Matt and I really liked all the songs, so that's what we had. Then both of our dads officiated the ceremony...so yes, it did get a little long.
While I was making the photo book, I originally decided to just put pictures on the pages...no text. I look back at old scrapbooks and feel really dumb about some of the stuff I wrote. So, I thought, instead of regretting it, I just won't write anything. Pictures are supposed to tell the story anyway, right? Well, I changed my mind again. I didn't write like little comments here and there....like, look at Matt, isn't he so handsome? I absolutely could've written that, but, other people really don't care to read that stuff next to a picture. Instead, I included our actual vows, lyrics to the songs we chose, and the significance of special parts in our ceremony. You may disagree, but I thought, hey, maybe it would be neat when our kids ...if our kids...look at our wedding album, they can really learn the significance of what is being done or said. We didn't choose the things we did lightly, so I just thought it would be good to include those things, especially the words. We don't have a copy of our vows sitting around anywhere (we didn't write our own), and maybe we should, at least in some form like in our wedding album. With Matt gone, I tend to think about those things maybe a little more than I would (unfortunately). They just aren't some words we say one day and forget. I think it would do be good to keep mindful of them...not just the idea of them or the "paraphrase...Becky version." I think about Proverbs 31 and that has a part in the vows and the prayers. What we said on December 16, 2006, was promised to each other, to God, and our family and friends. We entered a covenant with each other and with God. That's one of the reasons we had a "vow blanket." I believe it's technically known as a hoopa or something in the Jewish tradition. No, we are not Jews, but I think the idea is so special. They used to, maybe still do, stand under this huge blanket/covering when they said their vows. Then it was used as a quilt on their bed, and when they named their babies and dedicated them, they wrapped their babies in that same hoopa, and this is passed down from generation to generation. I just think that is awesome. It's such a family orientated thing...I can't even express it in words...it really shows strength and unity to me. So, we didn't do a large quilt, but just chose a white eyelet fabric to cover our arch, and we stood under it throughout the ceremony and during our vows. Now, we have the arch and the "vow blanket" over our bed. I just think it's really special.
So, to be honest, as I typed out the vows I said to Matthew, and other parts of the ceremony, I was convicted. I still love Matthew, I think even more than that day, but there are areas I need to grow stronger in the Lord (and yes, that means getting rid of more of "I") to be a better wife...so that I can do "him good and not harm all the days of my life." One song we had in our wedding, we asked my sister in law, Laurel to sing. It is probably one of my favorite love songs. It's by Leslie Ludy, "More of Him." I am going to copy the lyrics down below because I don't believe it's easy to search online (...after Megan's wedding...I learned that:) ). The song was sung right after I walked down the aisle and I was presented to Matthew by my dad.
I stand before you now
With a sacred vow
To love you for a lifetime
To give you all my heart
But there's One who's there
Where my love will fail
And He is all that I'm not
So now I must decrease
Usher His full glory in
May there be less of me and more of Him
Chorus
When you see me
May you see reflections
Of One who's perfection won't end
When you hold me
May you feel the touch of
The One who loves much more
Than I can comprehend
When you fall more
In love with me
May you fall more in love with Him
As the years go by
May I always try
To draw you closer to your one true destiny
My love for you is great
But it's just a taste
Of what's waiting in eternity
So now I must decrease
Usher His full glory in
May there be less of me
And more of Him
There is more on this I will probably write another time.
*I love you, Matthew. I'm still with you
I've also been working on our California album, and I finished it!! I am a big list person, so to check that off, feels so good! I made that album/photo book on Kodak Gallery. While I was working on that one, I was working on our wedding photo book too. I did a lot of work on that same site but decided I didn't like the layouts and book types given. So, I scratched that and downloaded Booksmart from Blurb. No, I'm not trying to advertise...sometimes I just have the need to be specific or something. I liked the books better on this program, but boy, this was a full time job. It was frustrating that you...I mean, I, can't just move the layouts or add a textbox the way I'd like. I'm open to better suggestions for photo books....however, the wedding album is 99% done (there is just a part of a prayer I'd like to add). So, hearing about a wonderful program (or how to use the one I have) may throw me into a tizzy...what is a tizzy? Anyway, I really don't feel like doing one all over. So, once I put that final touch on it, I'm ordering that puppy! Horray!!
So, what I was really thinking about writing about (after all that) was how much I enjoyed our wedding day. The day before was not fun at all for me (especially since I was left at the church almost alone for half the day....everybody disappeared...and I didn't see Matt till the rehearsal started....but anyway), but the wedding day was so special. We know, and our friends tell us, it was probably the longest wedding in the history of weddings, and a lot of that was our fault! haha We knew we were only doing this once, so why not make it the way we want it? Hence, the 500 special music selections we had...ok, it was 4 different songs besides the prelude, processional (3 songs...haha) and recessional. Matt and I really liked all the songs, so that's what we had. Then both of our dads officiated the ceremony...so yes, it did get a little long.
While I was making the photo book, I originally decided to just put pictures on the pages...no text. I look back at old scrapbooks and feel really dumb about some of the stuff I wrote. So, I thought, instead of regretting it, I just won't write anything. Pictures are supposed to tell the story anyway, right? Well, I changed my mind again. I didn't write like little comments here and there....like, look at Matt, isn't he so handsome? I absolutely could've written that, but, other people really don't care to read that stuff next to a picture. Instead, I included our actual vows, lyrics to the songs we chose, and the significance of special parts in our ceremony. You may disagree, but I thought, hey, maybe it would be neat when our kids ...if our kids...look at our wedding album, they can really learn the significance of what is being done or said. We didn't choose the things we did lightly, so I just thought it would be good to include those things, especially the words. We don't have a copy of our vows sitting around anywhere (we didn't write our own), and maybe we should, at least in some form like in our wedding album. With Matt gone, I tend to think about those things maybe a little more than I would (unfortunately). They just aren't some words we say one day and forget. I think it would do be good to keep mindful of them...not just the idea of them or the "paraphrase...Becky version." I think about Proverbs 31 and that has a part in the vows and the prayers. What we said on December 16, 2006, was promised to each other, to God, and our family and friends. We entered a covenant with each other and with God. That's one of the reasons we had a "vow blanket." I believe it's technically known as a hoopa or something in the Jewish tradition. No, we are not Jews, but I think the idea is so special. They used to, maybe still do, stand under this huge blanket/covering when they said their vows. Then it was used as a quilt on their bed, and when they named their babies and dedicated them, they wrapped their babies in that same hoopa, and this is passed down from generation to generation. I just think that is awesome. It's such a family orientated thing...I can't even express it in words...it really shows strength and unity to me. So, we didn't do a large quilt, but just chose a white eyelet fabric to cover our arch, and we stood under it throughout the ceremony and during our vows. Now, we have the arch and the "vow blanket" over our bed. I just think it's really special.
So, to be honest, as I typed out the vows I said to Matthew, and other parts of the ceremony, I was convicted. I still love Matthew, I think even more than that day, but there are areas I need to grow stronger in the Lord (and yes, that means getting rid of more of "I") to be a better wife...so that I can do "him good and not harm all the days of my life." One song we had in our wedding, we asked my sister in law, Laurel to sing. It is probably one of my favorite love songs. It's by Leslie Ludy, "More of Him." I am going to copy the lyrics down below because I don't believe it's easy to search online (...after Megan's wedding...I learned that:) ). The song was sung right after I walked down the aisle and I was presented to Matthew by my dad.
I stand before you now
With a sacred vow
To love you for a lifetime
To give you all my heart
But there's One who's there
Where my love will fail
And He is all that I'm not
So now I must decrease
Usher His full glory in
May there be less of me and more of Him
Chorus
When you see me
May you see reflections
Of One who's perfection won't end
When you hold me
May you feel the touch of
The One who loves much more
Than I can comprehend
When you fall more
In love with me
May you fall more in love with Him
As the years go by
May I always try
To draw you closer to your one true destiny
My love for you is great
But it's just a taste
Of what's waiting in eternity
So now I must decrease
Usher His full glory in
May there be less of me
And more of Him
There is more on this I will probably write another time.
*I love you, Matthew. I'm still with you
Friday, March 14, 2008
and what a refined young woman she's becoming...
This is definitely one of those "lighter" blogs...that you might want to skip over! Today, I picked up some groceries and was in the mood for a snack. I know, you shouldn't go shopping in a snacky or hungry mood. Last time, I made the mistake of getting a Reeses Whipped/Whipps...whatever they are. This time, I wanted something salty with a zing. I scanned the checkout aisle and grabbed...a slim jim!
I personally find this quite funny because I haven't had one in, I think it's safe to say, several years. As I opened the package in the car (you know how I open my treats before I leave the parking lot of the store), I also thought to myself, "I can't believe you're going to eat this. Look at the skin!" I have my opinions about certain foods that cause me to not like them. So, these slim jims would fit the category of a "do not eat" food because it has this tough nasty skin layer on the outside. I feel the same way about hotdogs because of their skin. I also don't like hotdogs because I think the ends look like....bear with me...the inside of my belly button (I suppose if it was flipped out). The wrinkled skin pulled together in the center! gross!! Anyways, I like foods with some pep, and the slim jim fit the bill in the moment. I took the first bite and chewed. I chewed and chewed and chewed. The flavor was better in my childhood years and I certainly didn't remember how you could chew and never get it small enough to swallow comfortably. So, I did what any refined woman would do. I would spit out the meatball sized chunk out the window of my car (when cars were not coming the other way of course). I felt like I was chewing...well, chewing tobacco. Over and over again, I bit off a chunk and repeated this process. I think this food has a certain redneck flare to it as it as...and here I was. Afterwards, I wished I had just gotten some pepperoni or chocolate.
I have the bad breath to prove my story, but I'll spare you all by just sharing a picture. I think I'll mail the twin to Matt! Umm, do you even like these, Matt?
*I love you Man! So, do you want that other slim jim? Are there any other takers?
I personally find this quite funny because I haven't had one in, I think it's safe to say, several years. As I opened the package in the car (you know how I open my treats before I leave the parking lot of the store), I also thought to myself, "I can't believe you're going to eat this. Look at the skin!" I have my opinions about certain foods that cause me to not like them. So, these slim jims would fit the category of a "do not eat" food because it has this tough nasty skin layer on the outside. I feel the same way about hotdogs because of their skin. I also don't like hotdogs because I think the ends look like....bear with me...the inside of my belly button (I suppose if it was flipped out). The wrinkled skin pulled together in the center! gross!! Anyways, I like foods with some pep, and the slim jim fit the bill in the moment. I took the first bite and chewed. I chewed and chewed and chewed. The flavor was better in my childhood years and I certainly didn't remember how you could chew and never get it small enough to swallow comfortably. So, I did what any refined woman would do. I would spit out the meatball sized chunk out the window of my car (when cars were not coming the other way of course). I felt like I was chewing...well, chewing tobacco. Over and over again, I bit off a chunk and repeated this process. I think this food has a certain redneck flare to it as it as...and here I was. Afterwards, I wished I had just gotten some pepperoni or chocolate.
I have the bad breath to prove my story, but I'll spare you all by just sharing a picture. I think I'll mail the twin to Matt! Umm, do you even like these, Matt?
*I love you Man! So, do you want that other slim jim? Are there any other takers?
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
i get to hear his voice again! ..and 48 things
So, Matt is back on land, and we are able to talk over the phone much more and use wecam!! We talked 3 times, actually 5 times in the last 2 days! That's the good news lately!!
48 Things You Possibly Didn't Know About Me
1. What is in the back seat of your car right now? Grocery bags, the Suburban News, junk mail, coveralls, snowscrapers, a metal pail, a pair of socks, some candy wrappers....it's time for Spring cleaning!
2. When was the last time you threw up? The spring semester of senior year...during student teaching...after one 3rd grade student announced she had "a stomach virus", I was down for the count a day later...it was awful.
3. Name 3 people who made you smile today? Matt, Chrissy, and Patrick Henry Hughes on tv this afternoon...he's inspirational...look him up.
4. What were you doing at 8 am this morning? Talking with Matt
5. What were you doing 30 minutes ago? I think talking with Chrissy.
6. What will you be doing 3 hours from now? Probably going to bed.
7. What is the last thing you said aloud? "That's kind of stupid"...a question I deleted...this is supposed to be 60 things you possibly didn't know about me
8. What is the best ice cream flavor? Cookie dough or cookies and cream
9. What was the last thing you had to drink? water
10. What are you wearing right now? jeans, t-shirt, and fleece pull-over
11. What was the last thing you ate? dinner...leftovers
12. Have you bought any new clothing items this week? no, that's a good thing, i've done enough shopping for awhile
13. When was the last time you ran? ha! actually, today....this question came at a good time, i'm working on consistency
14. What's the last sporting event you watched? probably basketball
15. Who is the last person you emailed? Aunt Maryanne
16. Ever go camping? Yes
17. Do you have a tan? Just a speckled tan that's here forever....they're called freckles.
18. Do you drink your soda from a straw? umm, who does that?
19. What did your last IM say? "yeah"
20. Are you someone's best friend? yes
21. What are you doing tomorrow? talking with Matt in the morning, and then I have no idea.
22. Where is your mom right now? at Bible Study
23. Look to your left, what do you see? a clock
24. What color is your watch? black
25. What do you think of when you think of Australia? umm, does Aussie hair products with the little kangaroo count? are they even made in australia?
26. Would you consider plastic surgery? no
27. What is your birthstone? umm, it's ugly orange, i don't even know the name
28. Do you go in at a fast food place or just hit thedrive thru? usually go in, especially in california, i saw too many people hit the curb bad at taco bell in their big SUV's ...hysterical, but it'd be us next
29.How many kids do you want? several, we'll see, i used to say 7, but i'd like at least 4 or 5
30. Do you have a dog? well, he lives with mom and dad, Caleb, the best dog ever
31. Last person you talked to on the phone? the doctor
32. Have you met anyone famous? i saw President Clinton in person, but i personally handed First Lady Laura Bush our wedding invitation...which do you think was more exciting?
33. Any plans today? everybody loves raymond
34. How many states have you lived in? umm, i guess just 1, ny, but i sort of lived in ca for a little bit, it wasn't a vacation, and i'll be going back again so i can live with my husband
35. Ever go to college? yes, and then i went again....i'm done
36. Where are you right now? at my mom and dad's, and they aren't here...a little weird. i'll be heading home soon.
37. Biggest annoyance in your life right now? well, probably our stinky water, but everything seems more annoying since Matt isn't around
38. Last song listened to? whatever Patrick Henry Hughes played on the piano
39. Are you allergic to anything? sulfa drugs...and i think propel, it makes me feel terrible when i drink it, but i like it so much
40. Favorite pair of shoes you wear all the time? in winter, boots, in summer, sandals
41. What time is it? 7:19pm
42. Do any of your friends have children? yes
43. Do you eat healthy? sometimes, we're working on that
44. What do you usually do during the day? good question
45. Do you use the word 'hello' daily? yes, but not really as a greeting
46. How old will you be turning on your next birthday? 25
47. Have you ever been to Six Flags? yes
48. How did you get one of your scars? i was about 4 years old, wearing flip flops (my mom told me to change them, but i disobeyed,) and i was tripped, or i tripped over my cousin's foot and i fell, i hit my head on his brother's metal training wheel things. Lots of blood, a good lesson in obedience.
48 Things You Possibly Didn't Know About Me
1. What is in the back seat of your car right now? Grocery bags, the Suburban News, junk mail, coveralls, snowscrapers, a metal pail, a pair of socks, some candy wrappers....it's time for Spring cleaning!
2. When was the last time you threw up? The spring semester of senior year...during student teaching...after one 3rd grade student announced she had "a stomach virus", I was down for the count a day later...it was awful.
3. Name 3 people who made you smile today? Matt, Chrissy, and Patrick Henry Hughes on tv this afternoon...he's inspirational...look him up.
4. What were you doing at 8 am this morning? Talking with Matt
5. What were you doing 30 minutes ago? I think talking with Chrissy.
6. What will you be doing 3 hours from now? Probably going to bed.
7. What is the last thing you said aloud? "That's kind of stupid"...a question I deleted...this is supposed to be 60 things you possibly didn't know about me
8. What is the best ice cream flavor? Cookie dough or cookies and cream
9. What was the last thing you had to drink? water
10. What are you wearing right now? jeans, t-shirt, and fleece pull-over
11. What was the last thing you ate? dinner...leftovers
12. Have you bought any new clothing items this week? no, that's a good thing, i've done enough shopping for awhile
13. When was the last time you ran? ha! actually, today....this question came at a good time, i'm working on consistency
14. What's the last sporting event you watched? probably basketball
15. Who is the last person you emailed? Aunt Maryanne
16. Ever go camping? Yes
17. Do you have a tan? Just a speckled tan that's here forever....they're called freckles.
18. Do you drink your soda from a straw? umm, who does that?
19. What did your last IM say? "yeah"
20. Are you someone's best friend? yes
21. What are you doing tomorrow? talking with Matt in the morning, and then I have no idea.
22. Where is your mom right now? at Bible Study
23. Look to your left, what do you see? a clock
24. What color is your watch? black
25. What do you think of when you think of Australia? umm, does Aussie hair products with the little kangaroo count? are they even made in australia?
26. Would you consider plastic surgery? no
27. What is your birthstone? umm, it's ugly orange, i don't even know the name
28. Do you go in at a fast food place or just hit thedrive thru? usually go in, especially in california, i saw too many people hit the curb bad at taco bell in their big SUV's ...hysterical, but it'd be us next
29.How many kids do you want? several, we'll see, i used to say 7, but i'd like at least 4 or 5
30. Do you have a dog? well, he lives with mom and dad, Caleb, the best dog ever
31. Last person you talked to on the phone? the doctor
32. Have you met anyone famous? i saw President Clinton in person, but i personally handed First Lady Laura Bush our wedding invitation...which do you think was more exciting?
33. Any plans today? everybody loves raymond
34. How many states have you lived in? umm, i guess just 1, ny, but i sort of lived in ca for a little bit, it wasn't a vacation, and i'll be going back again so i can live with my husband
35. Ever go to college? yes, and then i went again....i'm done
36. Where are you right now? at my mom and dad's, and they aren't here...a little weird. i'll be heading home soon.
37. Biggest annoyance in your life right now? well, probably our stinky water, but everything seems more annoying since Matt isn't around
38. Last song listened to? whatever Patrick Henry Hughes played on the piano
39. Are you allergic to anything? sulfa drugs...and i think propel, it makes me feel terrible when i drink it, but i like it so much
40. Favorite pair of shoes you wear all the time? in winter, boots, in summer, sandals
41. What time is it? 7:19pm
42. Do any of your friends have children? yes
43. Do you eat healthy? sometimes, we're working on that
44. What do you usually do during the day? good question
45. Do you use the word 'hello' daily? yes, but not really as a greeting
46. How old will you be turning on your next birthday? 25
47. Have you ever been to Six Flags? yes
48. How did you get one of your scars? i was about 4 years old, wearing flip flops (my mom told me to change them, but i disobeyed,) and i was tripped, or i tripped over my cousin's foot and i fell, i hit my head on his brother's metal training wheel things. Lots of blood, a good lesson in obedience.
Thursday, March 6, 2008
right in this moment...i'm laughing
Let me share what I'm doing at this exact moment. I just came back from mailing Matt's package...hooray! (it should've been mailed a long time ago) My neighbor handed me a package that came in the mail for me. I was so excited!! I ordered 2 dresses online and they came!!
Well, I was excited until I opened the box. Yes, they were the right dresses, but no, not what I was expecting. Well, I might as well try them on...maybe they'll look better on. I really don't have many dresses or what you would call really dressy clothes. My cousin is getting married this weekend, and I thought, hey, let's go shopping for something new. I went to practically every store in the mall and outside of the mall and found nothing! So, I decided to see what was online. I ordered a black dressy dress...go figure...and I also ordered a yellow summery dress. I am fully aware that I might be a ghost in a yellow dress, but it looked so pretty, I decided to try it. Ha....ha ha ha ha. The black dress, well, it could work...but it's like anything else I own dressy or try on. It doesn't fit right in some places. That's usually code for the chest area among other places. It doesn't help that every style is super scoopy. I did buy a new black tank to wear under it in case it was too low. Well, it is too low and baggy on the right and left, but the tank top takes care of the coverage. Now, I just sort of look like an old woman at a funeral. The material is just weird too. I've come to the conclusion that's why they are online and not in the store: so you can't see or feel them! It's almost like the crepe paper you use to decorate with for children's birthday parties. This dress really reminds me of the old orchestra days. Oh, those hideous dresses!! I guess I'll need an honest opinion from someone who isn't wearing it. Or, maybe I'll just wear it anyway and just act confident....ha! Not very likely...but I hear that's what you're supposed to do.
Ok, so the black one is a maybe. The yellow one is out of my realm of fashion. I'm not a particularly fashionable person. I prefer jeans and a comfortable shirt or sweatshirt. Hence, the fact that I needed some more dressy clothes. The first thing I thought when I opened the package was, is this a dress or my grandma's tablecloth? It's lacey...which, I'm not a lacey girl. I knew it was going to be lacey, but I thought, maybe it's ok to dress a little feminine once and awhile. So, I gave this one a try too by seeing what it looks like on. Honestly, it sort of looks like a tablecloth or maybe curtains. And, I'm not exaggerating here, it feels like one of those too. It sort of poofs at the rear area...I think there's a little too much extra material there. I wonder if it will look better without the wrinkles from the packaging. Once again, I'll need help from an outsider. I feel like a guest on "What Not to Wear." Either that, or I just really am not with the times!
Maybe for your enjoyment I should've posted pictures to go along with my description (since my description does not do them justice). My excuse is this: I don't have a clicker (remote) or timer (that I know of) on my camera so all you'd see is my face. Ok, my other excuse is, I'm way too embarrassed.
So, my order is a little disappointing, but sort of expected. I should've learned my lesson after ordering my bridesmaid dresses online. I am still so sorry about those, girls. When I opened the boxes for those, Matt had to literally come me down. That was probably my 1 bridezilla moment. And you all were so gracious saying they really weren't that bad....yeah, they really were.
So, it looks like I'm not going to be very dressy at the wedding this weekend and some other upcoming weddings and events unless there is some intervention. Oh well.
*I love you, Matt!!
Well, I was excited until I opened the box. Yes, they were the right dresses, but no, not what I was expecting. Well, I might as well try them on...maybe they'll look better on. I really don't have many dresses or what you would call really dressy clothes. My cousin is getting married this weekend, and I thought, hey, let's go shopping for something new. I went to practically every store in the mall and outside of the mall and found nothing! So, I decided to see what was online. I ordered a black dressy dress...go figure...and I also ordered a yellow summery dress. I am fully aware that I might be a ghost in a yellow dress, but it looked so pretty, I decided to try it. Ha....ha ha ha ha. The black dress, well, it could work...but it's like anything else I own dressy or try on. It doesn't fit right in some places. That's usually code for the chest area among other places. It doesn't help that every style is super scoopy. I did buy a new black tank to wear under it in case it was too low. Well, it is too low and baggy on the right and left, but the tank top takes care of the coverage. Now, I just sort of look like an old woman at a funeral. The material is just weird too. I've come to the conclusion that's why they are online and not in the store: so you can't see or feel them! It's almost like the crepe paper you use to decorate with for children's birthday parties. This dress really reminds me of the old orchestra days. Oh, those hideous dresses!! I guess I'll need an honest opinion from someone who isn't wearing it. Or, maybe I'll just wear it anyway and just act confident....ha! Not very likely...but I hear that's what you're supposed to do.
Ok, so the black one is a maybe. The yellow one is out of my realm of fashion. I'm not a particularly fashionable person. I prefer jeans and a comfortable shirt or sweatshirt. Hence, the fact that I needed some more dressy clothes. The first thing I thought when I opened the package was, is this a dress or my grandma's tablecloth? It's lacey...which, I'm not a lacey girl. I knew it was going to be lacey, but I thought, maybe it's ok to dress a little feminine once and awhile. So, I gave this one a try too by seeing what it looks like on. Honestly, it sort of looks like a tablecloth or maybe curtains. And, I'm not exaggerating here, it feels like one of those too. It sort of poofs at the rear area...I think there's a little too much extra material there. I wonder if it will look better without the wrinkles from the packaging. Once again, I'll need help from an outsider. I feel like a guest on "What Not to Wear." Either that, or I just really am not with the times!
Maybe for your enjoyment I should've posted pictures to go along with my description (since my description does not do them justice). My excuse is this: I don't have a clicker (remote) or timer (that I know of) on my camera so all you'd see is my face. Ok, my other excuse is, I'm way too embarrassed.
So, my order is a little disappointing, but sort of expected. I should've learned my lesson after ordering my bridesmaid dresses online. I am still so sorry about those, girls. When I opened the boxes for those, Matt had to literally come me down. That was probably my 1 bridezilla moment. And you all were so gracious saying they really weren't that bad....yeah, they really were.
So, it looks like I'm not going to be very dressy at the wedding this weekend and some other upcoming weddings and events unless there is some intervention. Oh well.
*I love you, Matt!!
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