Tuesday, March 18, 2008

some reflections

Ok, enough about the slim jims! Obviously, I haven't had much interesting to write about recently. I have been working hard on "started" projects. I'm pretty good at starting projects, especially several at the same time, but I don't always get around to finishing them...at least in a reasonable amount of time. My patience dwindles. I had been working on a cross stitch crib cover (HUGE job). My mom gave it to me just before Matt left as a "time-filler" for me. It is super cute, but a little on the overwhelming side as far as the work needed. I told my mom this, and she said, "Well, I gave it to you in October!" She did, but it took me since October to build up the motivation to even begin that task. I think I might have it done for our grandkids...I might.

I've also been working on our California album, and I finished it!! I am a big list person, so to check that off, feels so good! I made that album/photo book on Kodak Gallery. While I was working on that one, I was working on our wedding photo book too. I did a lot of work on that same site but decided I didn't like the layouts and book types given. So, I scratched that and downloaded Booksmart from Blurb. No, I'm not trying to advertise...sometimes I just have the need to be specific or something. I liked the books better on this program, but boy, this was a full time job. It was frustrating that you...I mean, I, can't just move the layouts or add a textbox the way I'd like. I'm open to better suggestions for photo books....however, the wedding album is 99% done (there is just a part of a prayer I'd like to add). So, hearing about a wonderful program (or how to use the one I have) may throw me into a tizzy...what is a tizzy? Anyway, I really don't feel like doing one all over. So, once I put that final touch on it, I'm ordering that puppy! Horray!!

So, what I was really thinking about writing about (after all that) was how much I enjoyed our wedding day. The day before was not fun at all for me (especially since I was left at the church almost alone for half the day....everybody disappeared...and I didn't see Matt till the rehearsal started....but anyway), but the wedding day was so special. We know, and our friends tell us, it was probably the longest wedding in the history of weddings, and a lot of that was our fault! haha We knew we were only doing this once, so why not make it the way we want it? Hence, the 500 special music selections we had...ok, it was 4 different songs besides the prelude, processional (3 songs...haha) and recessional. Matt and I really liked all the songs, so that's what we had. Then both of our dads officiated the ceremony...so yes, it did get a little long.

While I was making the photo book, I originally decided to just put pictures on the pages...no text. I look back at old scrapbooks and feel really dumb about some of the stuff I wrote. So, I thought, instead of regretting it, I just won't write anything. Pictures are supposed to tell the story anyway, right? Well, I changed my mind again. I didn't write like little comments here and there....like, look at Matt, isn't he so handsome? I absolutely could've written that, but, other people really don't care to read that stuff next to a picture. Instead, I included our actual vows, lyrics to the songs we chose, and the significance of special parts in our ceremony. You may disagree, but I thought, hey, maybe it would be neat when our kids ...if our kids...look at our wedding album, they can really learn the significance of what is being done or said. We didn't choose the things we did lightly, so I just thought it would be good to include those things, especially the words. We don't have a copy of our vows sitting around anywhere (we didn't write our own), and maybe we should, at least in some form like in our wedding album. With Matt gone, I tend to think about those things maybe a little more than I would (unfortunately). They just aren't some words we say one day and forget. I think it would do be good to keep mindful of them...not just the idea of them or the "paraphrase...Becky version." I think about Proverbs 31 and that has a part in the vows and the prayers. What we said on December 16, 2006, was promised to each other, to God, and our family and friends. We entered a covenant with each other and with God. That's one of the reasons we had a "vow blanket." I believe it's technically known as a hoopa or something in the Jewish tradition. No, we are not Jews, but I think the idea is so special. They used to, maybe still do, stand under this huge blanket/covering when they said their vows. Then it was used as a quilt on their bed, and when they named their babies and dedicated them, they wrapped their babies in that same hoopa, and this is passed down from generation to generation. I just think that is awesome. It's such a family orientated thing...I can't even express it in words...it really shows strength and unity to me. So, we didn't do a large quilt, but just chose a white eyelet fabric to cover our arch, and we stood under it throughout the ceremony and during our vows. Now, we have the arch and the "vow blanket" over our bed. I just think it's really special.

So, to be honest, as I typed out the vows I said to Matthew, and other parts of the ceremony, I was convicted. I still love Matthew, I think even more than that day, but there are areas I need to grow stronger in the Lord (and yes, that means getting rid of more of "I") to be a better wife...so that I can do "him good and not harm all the days of my life." One song we had in our wedding, we asked my sister in law, Laurel to sing. It is probably one of my favorite love songs. It's by Leslie Ludy, "More of Him." I am going to copy the lyrics down below because I don't believe it's easy to search online (...after Megan's wedding...I learned that:) ). The song was sung right after I walked down the aisle and I was presented to Matthew by my dad.

I stand before you now
With a sacred vow
To love you for a lifetime
To give you all my heart

But there's One who's there
Where my love will fail
And He is all that I'm not

So now I must decrease
Usher His full glory in
May there be less of me and more of Him

When you see me
May you see reflections
Of One who's perfection won't end

When you hold me
May you feel the touch of
The One who loves much more
Than I can comprehend

When you fall more
In love with me
May you fall more in love with Him

As the years go by
May I always try
To draw you closer to your one true destiny

My love for you is great
But it's just a taste
Of what's waiting in eternity

So now I must decrease
Usher His full glory in
May there be less of me
And more of Him

There is more on this I will probably write another time.

*I love you, Matthew. I'm still with you

No comments: