So, We're Goofy

No super interesting updates here. Just some gag me lovey dovey stuff and some moments that might seem a little more... realistic?

This morning I was talking with Matt on the IM'er. I pause and smile. There was a lull in our conversation, and I was starting to get hungry. I told him I was going to pop an english muffin in the toaster (these are right up there with chocolate milkshakes for me. I love the things!). Of course, I got in the way of that. I am so easily distracted sometimes, it's outrageous. I was commenting to Matt right after I told him I was leaving to grab some breakfast about how I needed to shave my legs. I'm sure he was thrilled to hear about that (and happy he isn't home to see them? Nooo, he loves me, hairy legs or not, right Matt?) Because of course, sometimes my mind thinks childlike with a million thoughts a second and I was wearing pajama capris, so naturally, I noticed my o'natural legs (they weren't that bad though, really). Oh, maybe I should share about those capris. I warned you I have thoughts coming at me a mile an hour. (Edited to say: Yeah, thanks Matt for pointing out my thoughts hardly ever make sense, even in writing....a mile a something...Apparently, I was thinking slowly at the moment :) ). When Matt and I were first married, I sometimes wore his green P.T. sweatpants to bed. They were very large on me (too small for him) but sooo comfy. To make them even more comfortable, I cut them into capris. They're kind of like pirate pants on me because they're big. Matt doesn't recommend I wear them in public, especially around the military...I guess it looks disrespectful, go figure. They just need someone to design their clothes with a little pizazz right?

Ok, so where was I going with this English muffin story? Oh yes. I got distracted (ha!) and told him about my need to shave. Well, then my hunger took over and, I typed a real quick, "ok muffin!" because I needed to get that muffin. So, naturally he asked if he could call me bagel? Ha-ha, Matt. No thank you. I liked that better than his next name, "or maybe my poppyseed bun?" That sounds very flattering, Matt.

I guess if you think about our nicknames, they aren't particularly flattering. Like our Bubba names. He is Bubba to me, and I am Bubba to him sometimes. Why? I happen to have an answer, sort of. One night, early on in our marriage, I told him I didn't like or want to be called, "Baby." It's just not a favorite of mine. He never called me that, to my knowledge, but I wanted to make it clear anyway. :) So, he jokingly called me Bubba once (I guess he thought it was a good replacement). I think of a very large man without the greatest hygeine when I hear Bubba, but oh well. It actually means Brother I guess. Anyway, somehow I got used to it, and it stuck. It popped out of my mouth one time for him, and all is history (though now it's usually Bubbs or Bubb). We're goofy, hopelessly goofy!

Another goofy moment in our history. Matt and I don't argue very much or "fight," which I am very thankful about. We try to make it a point to talk respectfully and work things out whether we agree or disagree on some things. We're both kind of laid back, but we have our moments sometimes. Like this one. Matt got me a bike for Christmas. It being winter, we didn't have much time to try it out. Then summer came, and we were busy, and thinking about his recall date fast approaching, we didn't go much over the summer either. Right before he left, early in October, Matt wanted to go out for a run. I wanted to go with him, but he wanted to go faster than I could, so I decided to ride my bike. There, that solves it. Matt was a little stressed about the upcoming changes in a few days, and the weather wasn't so great, and he just wanted to go do his thing. It turned out to be a situation almost like a kid brother or sister tagging along. As soon as we start out, it begins to rain, very hard. For some reason, I can't keep up with him running and me on my BIKE. Umm, either he's a little upset and running really hard, or I'm really out of shape and something's wrong with this bike. Not even 5 minutes into the run/bike ride, one of my pedals just falls of my bike. I was laughing hysterically, unable to move, and trying to yell out to Matt a mile ahead of me. He called a frustrated, "what?" and had to back track to me. I am still laughing because I find it so random that my pedal just falls completely off my bike. Matt tries to get it back on, but it's pouring, and he can't get it on without some tools, and he just wants to run!! Poor guy. I let him run, and I walked my bike up the hill back home. In the pouring rain. Next to the college classrooms. I'm sure they were wondering why I was walking my bike in the pouring rain. I tried to make my broken pedal visible. Would that help? Oh man. I guess this is one of those times you all had to be there. My husband is wonderful. He came home in a much better mood and fixed my bike later. No permanent damage was done ;)

Wanna See Somethin' Sweet?

This afternoon, I was checking my email and Matt signed in online. Right after he asked me how I was doing today, the doorbell rang. (I was also trying to finish the last 30 seconds of a facebook Scramble I began before Matt signed on...yes, this was a Scramble, 3 things at once). I went to the door and what did my little eyes see?

THESE!


The packaging was seriously taller than my waist. I found it funny!

My man was on just before 4am his time to check on me...and the flowers. :) Yes, he also had to make his 4am bus to work, but that's beside the point! He still saved time to talk with me before he had to leave. He is the best!



Aren't they beautiful?



I know my photography skills don't do them justice, and my battery was running out (to the point where the camera kept turning off on me) so I had to take them really quickly, but you get the idea!!

So, what is the special occassion? 2 years ago today, I said, "Yes!" May 20, 2006, Matt proposed!

*Thank you so much Bubba! I meant Yes then, today, and forever more! I love you!

Goin' against the Grain

I mentioned in a previous post that Matt and I will have a lot of decisions to make when he comes home, and some before he comes home. One of those decisions involves me and teaching. I have decided not to pursue a full time teaching job next year. There were some openings available that sounded like good possibilities (to apply for and see...), but there has been a tug at my heart to remain somewhat open and flexible. I have had the concern about the combination of teaching full time next year and adjusting to life with Matt home again. When I have mentioned this concern to professors or others asking my plans for next year, sometimes I apparently appear to have two heads. "Of course you can handle it." Maybe I would be able to handle it, but I do not desire the added stress on our relationship. I love Matt so much...that's why I married him. I am sticking by my decision to substitute ...but waiting on the Lord for a different direction if He has one. So, I'm not really writing this to justify myself...but sort of explain this...since it has been a very real, growing experience for me as I'm learning how to be the kind of wife I need to be for my husband.

As a teacher, time is very important for planning, correcting, faculty meetings, mentor meetings all in addition to teaching time... As a first year teacher, I would be pretty much starting from scratch for lessons, activities, ideas, etc. It's part of teaching, and a part that I really enjoy. However, next fall, I cannot justify spending extra hours away from home or at home but not really "being" home with my husband. When he comes home, I need to be free to take care of the things at home and be a blessing, support, and partner to my Matt. We found out this week, that October is looking more likely for Matt to be home than July. If possible, I would like to be out in California as much as I can. That just would not be possible if I'm teaching. My heart would be with him...and I wouldn't be giving the children/students what they need or my husband what he needs. When he does come home in October, we will have been married 22 months...12 of those he will have been away from home. Not living with your husband for over half of your marriage, however long or short, is significant. There is going to be some adjustment and I think some more dating all over again. Don't get me wrong, I haven't lost my love for him, quite the contrary. I would just like to be wise in prioritizing and making the place and environment he comes home to a loving and welcoming one. Then maybe as the year goes on, a long term sub position will open...who knows? I need to be open to moving as well...I follow and go with my husband, and we do not know where he will be working yet. We do not want to settle down because of the location of where my job is but where his is.

Since Matt has been gone, I have come to appreciate the many aspects of home responsibilities even more. When we were first married, I was going to grad school full time and working at the Y's childcare part-time and then full time as I phased out of grad school. I was busy with school work when I wasn't working or at class. Matt helped out a lot around the apartment. Since he has been gone, it has been almost a full time job just making sure everything is taken care of. It would probably help to have a different apartment ;) , but this is where we are!

Because of my flexible schedule, for the most part, I have been able to receive Matt's calls and IM's. Those are priceless. I am realizing what I blessing I can be to my Matt by staying home. Since we do not have children yet, I don't think I need to not work at all outside the home...but I need to keep in mind I married my husband not my work. I hope I am making sense. I was encouraged by a prayer for Matt's priorities this week from "The Power of a Praying Wife Book of Prayers" by Stormie Omartian. I'm going to share the whole prayer, it's found on page 70 of the little book.

"Lord, I pray for my husband's priorities to be in perfect order. Be Lord and Ruler over his heart. Help him to choose a simplicity of life that will allow him to have time alone with You, Lord, a place to be quiet in Your presence every day. Speak to him about making Your Word, prayer, and praise a priority. Enable him to place me and our children in greater prominence in his heart than career, friends, and activities.
I pray he will seek You first and submit his all to You, for when he does I know the other pieces of his life will fit together perfectly.
Help me to properly put my husband before children, work, family, friends, activities, and interests. Show me what I can do right now to demonstrate to him that he has this position in my heart."

This has been a little bit difficult and confusing. I spent 4 years in college to receive a teaching degree, then 1 year for my Master's...and in NY, I only have 5 years to get those 3 years of teaching in and a Master's to become permanently certified. This fall, I will have 3 years left (and we all know upstate NY is booming with elementary teaching positions)...actually dropping me down to 2 because of my decision for next year. Was all the time, education (and gulp, money?)a "waste"? I don't believe so, even though it doesn't make much sense to me. Will I ever use my degree beyond subbing? I do not know what will happen with all this, but I do know I need to be faithful to the Lord's leading for my life, my husband, and our family. My intentions are not to preach to others about how they need their marriage and families to be. This is where I am. Please keep us in your prayers! We appreciate it! I'll take some words of wisdom and advice too!

*I love you Matt!

Secrets?

Ok, you might already know some of these things...but then again, you might not. They're not really secrets, but they're probably not widely known. A look in the life of Becky. Now, where do I start?

I like to write, but this is about all the writing I do these days. I used to keep a journal, but I haven't done that in awhile. Maybe I should write more.
I've never had a cavity, I never had braces, I don't wear glasses/contacts, I've never broken a bone...sometimes, I felt left out as a kid...haha. Now, I am thankful.
I had never been on an airplane until my freshman year of college. We went to nationals for Cross Country in Wisconsin (well, we flew to Chicago and drove to Kenosha). Since then, I've been to more airports than I ever dreamed I would, including that short trip to Hawaii. I really think our round trip flight was longer than our stay.
My first car was a 1993 (right?) Dodge Shadow. I called her Bobbin' Robin. First, the shocks were completely shot, hence the "Bobbin'." (Kind of like the Grapes of Math car from Veggie Tales). The color was bright blue like a Robin's egg...thanks to Bethany, "Robin" was added. It was definitely a little embarrassing as far as the looks go (she kept me humble..haha), but to be honest it was sad to see her go. She frowned till the end too. (umm, after an accident, the front bumper was like an upside down v)
When I was little, I was allergic to misquitos. The allergy came back for a summer several years ago again but has disappeared since. The misquito bites would swell up bigger than bee sting swells and would often get infected really easily. I actually had to take meds when I was at Covenant Acres Camp. I also was the queen of nurse visits at camp. Not a moment went by that I didn't have a bug in my eye, mouth, ears, or nose. Right, Laura? The nurse had to flush one out of my ear...it was crazy! Another tidbit, my dad was on the committee to start Covenant Acres...kinda cool. We used to have a camper there. My older brothers would camp, and Pete and I would stay with Mom and Dad in the camper. That big rubber slide always smelled like goose poop, but it was worth it. Can I get an amen, all you Covenant Acres campers? Oh, a raccoon got into one of the tents one year, and they had to shoot it?? Apparently, a girls' clothes were all bloodied up by the incident, so she had to borrow clothes from girls. She wore a pair of my shorts. I'm sure that's incredibly interesting to you all.
My hair has always been it's natural color...though Chrissy and I tried to color the tips of our hair grey with Grandma's stuff...what was it called? Yes, Shimmering Lights, I think it was!! Oh, I guess I used that spray on hair color stuff that washes out for a cross country meet...so it was green. If I blow dry my hair, you need to stand 3 feet away from me, or you'll be caught in a big fro bush. (Matt, remember that car ride home with the window down? hahaha That's one I won't share). Oh, to have straight hair again...yes, it was pin straight and thin when I was a little girl. I must've eaten too many carrots....that's what my mom always said, carrots will make your hair curl (I tried to avoid them and "lucky" for me, it worked).
My brothers and I would always give my mom a hard time when she called us morons (spelling?). Ok, she would tell us to, "put more on." We would laugh and say, "Mom said, moron." She was always cold, so naturally, we "were" too. I think I finally inherited that gene..the cold one.
I was born on a Friday night around 8:03 in 1983...my brothers wanted to name me Daisy because of course, I was born during their favorite show The Dukes of Hazzard. Daisy ******...now there's nails on a chalkboard. Phew, missed that one. However, my favorite flowers are daisies!
I was the star in a cooking show called "Cooking Witb B", yes, "witb." If you've never seen it, you'll have to go to my parents'. My mom often runs marathon "Cooking Witb B" shows when new people come over, or when Hannah and Abby request it. That was one of the funniest times ever of my childhood, and they were mostly real bloopers.
I like surprises, good surprises, but I often figure them out beforehand...and usually not on purpose! It's a frustration of mine. FRustration, not fustration.
Our first dog, Lady, was killed by coyotes in our backyard. She had an accident in the house, so her punishment was to spend that night outside. This usually solved the problem for awhile because she liked to be with the family. My parents had no idea there were coyotes...I had a hard time warming up to the idea of another dog after that, but Caleb is the best!
I don't like dancing. I'm warming up to it...sort of, only because I'm married to Matt. He really likes to dance, but it just isn't my thing. My family didn't dance. I don't know that they're against it (my mom went to dances in high school)...it just didn't happen. So, school dances weren't a thrill for me, and I didn't go to any till my senior ball. I was convinced (by friends) that I missed a lot at my junior prom, so I caved when I was asked. It wasn't a good experience for me, so I never wanted to dance again until I met my husband...until marriage. I did have a dream though of dancing with God. Since I'm not such a girly girl in that regard it may sound a little odd or cheesey...but it was beautiful. It was like a wedding day, I was wearing white (no, I don't really know what He looked like), but I had no fear or shame or sense of ridiculousness. It was only us. It was kind of like being a child dancing with your father. I know I'm not doing a good job depicting this, but that's ok. You need to have your own dream anyway. It was very moving for me. I was able to experience a glimpse of how He sees me, how He loves me. I sometimes wonder how it's different for guys and girls...like in their love for God. I don't mean for girls it's a romantic love (this was not a worldly type of romantic love dream...let me make that clear), but I don't picture guys having a dream of dancing with God. I do think He shows special times of His love for us in different ways though. Men and women are just created so differently, yet compliment each other...I think that's so neat. So, the first time Matt and I danced together was at home after our wedding. Our first kiss was also the day of our wedding...despite a memorable, "Yeah Right!" from a member of the congregation.
When I was a kid, I was very talkative and didn't mind being the center of attention. I wasn't very shy either. This may be a shocker to most, but it's true. I had my share of needing my seat moved, both at school and Sunday School for talking. Yes, I could've even been seen at the principal's office. I laughed and loved to laugh, but sometimes, I said hurtful things to others or about others...that I sincerely regret. I had a "boyfriend" as early as 4th grade and was headed a bit down the fast lane. Thankfully, as I grew a little older, I realized I needed to be more wise with my words and actions. Sometime in middle school I quieted down and focused more on my relationship with God. I decided no more boyfriends till at least 17, but even then, it had to be someone who would possibly, ultimately, become my husband. I never told anyone this, just between me and God. 17 came and went, college came and almost went, till Matt came along. It was a tough wait at times, and sometimes I wondered if I would ever meet anybody, but I waited for God to send the one He had prepared. He was so worth it! Matt was the first "guy" I ever dated...was in a courting relationship with. I wouldn't change that for anything. He had to work a little for me, but I knew I only wanted a man who would pursue me, not me him. Matt had just the right handshake, looked me in the eye when he talked to me, stood respectfully, spoke with my parents...and he thought I had a boyfriend!...haha...because I was guarded. He told me much later that he walked away from meeting me saying under his breath, "Whoever he is (referring to my "boyfriend"), he's a lucky guy." 4 months later, long after finding out I was indeed single, he had the courage to call.
There are several things Matt owns that I am not particularly fond of, which have become a big joke in this household. First, his favorite pair of orange brown socks. I have no idea where he could've gotten them, unless they're about 40 years old. Second, these huge mink blankets. Third, a pair of white worn out puma shoes, especially when worn with white pants and a white shirt (worn his first Sunday home). I'm no fashion diva, but ohhhh boy. Fourth, "the suit." I thought he was crazy when he came home from the military (the first time) wearing this ugly, ugly shiny suit with faces all over it and a fur coat thing. He had his hair slicked back. Honestly, I was going over in my head how I was going to tell him I changed my mind about "us" after that. He looked like a pompous, rich, pimp? He really likes to see reactions out of people. He got one! Thankfully, he showed up in jeans, a t-shirt and dickies shirt for our first official date...So, another secret, sometimes I smell the Polo Sport cologne he has. I don't believe he has worn it since the day he came home in that suit, but when I smell it with him gone, it reminds me of him. My other favorite scent is his body wash...Dial Spring Rain or something...definitely a favorite of mine.
Matt and I have a special thing about acorns. I saved some from a park that backs up to his house because my family goes there every year...and I had no idea till those first few months we were "talking" that Matt lived so close to the park and liked it to. I almost sent them to him (out to Hawaii) and later learned it was a good thing I didn't because it's illegal to brings seeds from the mainland. So, I put them in a little treasure box for Matt as one of his Christmas presents that first year (he was home by then) with the verse from Isaiah 61: "They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of His splendor." I really like the verses about being strong in the Lord, being like trees by water or that bear fruit, and oaks are just so solid. As a wedding gift, I gave him "The Oak Inside the Acorn" by Max Lucado. I embroidered a pillowcase for Matt before he left and there's an acorn on it with that verse from Isaiah referenced. We hope to plant some of those acorns from the park...(we'll see if they grow) when we move into our first house.
105 days left until Matt's back in the states. Of course, that's an estimated countdown because I don't really know, but I need numbers!
Ok, that's probably more than enough for now.

*You make me smile and laugh Man! No, I haven't thrown away your socks! I love you!!

some reflections

Ok, enough about the slim jims! Obviously, I haven't had much interesting to write about recently. I have been working hard on "started" projects. I'm pretty good at starting projects, especially several at the same time, but I don't always get around to finishing them...at least in a reasonable amount of time. My patience dwindles. I had been working on a cross stitch crib cover (HUGE job). My mom gave it to me just before Matt left as a "time-filler" for me. It is super cute, but a little on the overwhelming side as far as the work needed. I told my mom this, and she said, "Well, I gave it to you in October!" She did, but it took me since October to build up the motivation to even begin that task. I think I might have it done for our grandkids...I might.

I've also been working on our California album, and I finished it!! I am a big list person, so to check that off, feels so good! I made that album/photo book on Kodak Gallery. While I was working on that one, I was working on our wedding photo book too. I did a lot of work on that same site but decided I didn't like the layouts and book types given. So, I scratched that and downloaded Booksmart from Blurb. No, I'm not trying to advertise...sometimes I just have the need to be specific or something. I liked the books better on this program, but boy, this was a full time job. It was frustrating that you...I mean, I, can't just move the layouts or add a textbox the way I'd like. I'm open to better suggestions for photo books....however, the wedding album is 99% done (there is just a part of a prayer I'd like to add). So, hearing about a wonderful program (or how to use the one I have) may throw me into a tizzy...what is a tizzy? Anyway, I really don't feel like doing one all over. So, once I put that final touch on it, I'm ordering that puppy! Horray!!

So, what I was really thinking about writing about (after all that) was how much I enjoyed our wedding day. The day before was not fun at all for me (especially since I was left at the church almost alone for half the day....everybody disappeared...and I didn't see Matt till the rehearsal started....but anyway), but the wedding day was so special. We know, and our friends tell us, it was probably the longest wedding in the history of weddings, and a lot of that was our fault! haha We knew we were only doing this once, so why not make it the way we want it? Hence, the 500 special music selections we had...ok, it was 4 different songs besides the prelude, processional (3 songs...haha) and recessional. Matt and I really liked all the songs, so that's what we had. Then both of our dads officiated the ceremony...so yes, it did get a little long.

While I was making the photo book, I originally decided to just put pictures on the pages...no text. I look back at old scrapbooks and feel really dumb about some of the stuff I wrote. So, I thought, instead of regretting it, I just won't write anything. Pictures are supposed to tell the story anyway, right? Well, I changed my mind again. I didn't write like little comments here and there....like, look at Matt, isn't he so handsome? I absolutely could've written that, but, other people really don't care to read that stuff next to a picture. Instead, I included our actual vows, lyrics to the songs we chose, and the significance of special parts in our ceremony. You may disagree, but I thought, hey, maybe it would be neat when our kids ...if our kids...look at our wedding album, they can really learn the significance of what is being done or said. We didn't choose the things we did lightly, so I just thought it would be good to include those things, especially the words. We don't have a copy of our vows sitting around anywhere (we didn't write our own), and maybe we should, at least in some form like in our wedding album. With Matt gone, I tend to think about those things maybe a little more than I would (unfortunately). They just aren't some words we say one day and forget. I think it would do be good to keep mindful of them...not just the idea of them or the "paraphrase...Becky version." I think about Proverbs 31 and that has a part in the vows and the prayers. What we said on December 16, 2006, was promised to each other, to God, and our family and friends. We entered a covenant with each other and with God. That's one of the reasons we had a "vow blanket." I believe it's technically known as a hoopa or something in the Jewish tradition. No, we are not Jews, but I think the idea is so special. They used to, maybe still do, stand under this huge blanket/covering when they said their vows. Then it was used as a quilt on their bed, and when they named their babies and dedicated them, they wrapped their babies in that same hoopa, and this is passed down from generation to generation. I just think that is awesome. It's such a family orientated thing...I can't even express it in words...it really shows strength and unity to me. So, we didn't do a large quilt, but just chose a white eyelet fabric to cover our arch, and we stood under it throughout the ceremony and during our vows. Now, we have the arch and the "vow blanket" over our bed. I just think it's really special.

So, to be honest, as I typed out the vows I said to Matthew, and other parts of the ceremony, I was convicted. I still love Matthew, I think even more than that day, but there are areas I need to grow stronger in the Lord (and yes, that means getting rid of more of "I") to be a better wife...so that I can do "him good and not harm all the days of my life." One song we had in our wedding, we asked my sister in law, Laurel to sing. It is probably one of my favorite love songs. It's by Leslie Ludy, "More of Him." I am going to copy the lyrics down below because I don't believe it's easy to search online (...after Megan's wedding...I learned that:) ). The song was sung right after I walked down the aisle and I was presented to Matthew by my dad.

I stand before you now
With a sacred vow
To love you for a lifetime
To give you all my heart

But there's One who's there
Where my love will fail
And He is all that I'm not

So now I must decrease
Usher His full glory in
May there be less of me and more of Him

Chorus
When you see me
May you see reflections
Of One who's perfection won't end

When you hold me
May you feel the touch of
The One who loves much more
Than I can comprehend

When you fall more
In love with me
May you fall more in love with Him

As the years go by
May I always try
To draw you closer to your one true destiny

My love for you is great
But it's just a taste
Of what's waiting in eternity

So now I must decrease
Usher His full glory in
May there be less of me
And more of Him

There is more on this I will probably write another time.

*I love you, Matthew. I'm still with you

He makes me smile...

No need to post comments. This is purely for my own enjoyment...a fun post and hopefully fun/ny for you too! I'm also trying to see if this posting of pictures thing works right. I'm thinking ahead to Matt's birthday in a couple months...

I hang onto a lot of pictures of Matt since he's not here...even little Matt pictures. He's just too cute. Yes, I find myself watching the slideshow we made for our wedding over and over...and over again. Sometimes, there might be a little too much spare time on my hands. I thought I'd share a couple of my favorites. So, here is a picture of Matt when he was little, in kindergarten we believe. Yes, there are cracks in almost all of his younger photos because they are just so old! Just kidding Matt!




This next one goes back even farther. He is the littlest one on the right. This photo just makes me laugh!! I call it the "Gunther" face...(if you've ever seen Dennis the Menace...the newer movie made in the 90's...you'll know what I mean!) I'll take a few of that little face!!



I guess it worked! Yay! Now, I can post more pictures.

a little brag time about Man

Warning: This content may be boring for some or too lovey dovey (is there even a spelling for that "word"?) for others. Continue if you'd like.

Today is going to be a really good day. They always are when I receive a phone call from Matt. Yes, he called this morning! What a surprise!! It was the first time I heard his voice in 2 weeks. What a manly voice he has too! Of course, my favorite phrase to hear from him is, I love you! I sure love my man. In fact, when we were courting, the first nickname I gave Matt is Man. No, it's not like a slang word (like, what's up man?) but a term of endearment. I've heard it's a good thing for a woman to build up her Man...so here it goes:

He is the good definition of Man for me. He likes to roll up his sleeves and work hard. It was so fun for me to watch him while we were courting. He worked for Mr. St. James and spent quite a bit time chopping wood in our backyard. I got to smile a lot...and blush. I would try to think of things I needed to tell him, just so I could go outside...without being too obvious. He also likes to work on cars. That's a good form of entertainment for me as well! His skills are also really valuable. He is so handsome, and I believe him to be the most handsome Man in the world. Just take a look at the picture down below if you don't belive me. I should post some more. He has the biggest servant's heart. He wants to help people anyway he is able, and he is a wonderful friend. He likes to cook and clean too! He pampers me more than he knows! He loves kids! We can't wait to have children (he'd like to have 10, his little army, as he says [Notice, he didn't say, his little Marine Corps.] So, we'll see). He waited to kiss me until we were pronounced husband and wife. Most importantly, he loves the Lord and desires to keep His commands, be in line with His will, and share the Gospel with others. I really could go on and on. He sure is a Keeper (he likes me to call him My Keeper too, after a dream he had).

Keep in mind though, ladies, HE'S TAKEN!!! Ok, ok. Many of my married friends think the same things of their husbands. That's ok. That's why we married who we did. Mine still wins though, no contest!

Even though these are some difficult times, I am so blessed. My husband is a gift. Matthew means, Gift from God. He really is.

*Thank you, Matt. I love you!!

February 14, 2008...next year will be way better

Today is Valentine's Day. Valentine's Day isn't a huge holiday for me. Let's face it, it's only been the past 2 years that I've had my Special Someone. I'm not opposed to the holiday, it's just not my super favorite. I think it can be a good reminder when life gets so busy to make sure you let your loved one/s know you love them and care. It's also kind of fun. Plus, I like any day that emphasizes chocolate. So, I guess my idea of the day makes it a little easier for me, considering our circumstances.

I did receive my favorite Valentine's Day gift today though...an email from Matt! It had been a week. I was so happy to see it! He's not having the best time...to put it lightly, he's literally working like 20 hour days. I wish I could do something. I wish I could be more. I wish I could give him a good gift. I wish I could massage his neck and shoulders and give him the rest he needs. I'm sure he's exhausted. I have dreams, almost every night, that he surprises me. He comes home for a short leave. Last night, I dreamt I went to see him. Dreams are so weird. You know, everything is so real. I can feel his hugs in my dreams. I really miss those. I can't recreate them in my mind, except for me looking on him hugging "me." So anyway, my prayers are for good rest for Matt for Valentine's Day, and also for a better working environment as a whole.

So what did I do today? I subbed in a 2nd grade classroom and spent the day with super sugar-high 7 year olds. I told them my favorite kind of Valentine Candy is Hershey Kisses, and I received some by the end of the day :) It was fun, but I was ready to go home and relax by the end. I also went out to dinner with Matt's parents at Uno's. It was a special time, and we laughed a lot. I had the buffalo chicken quesadilla. I know, it's supposed to be an appetizer, but it was soo good! So there, I stretched myself by trying something new. I didn't order my same old personal pizza or the potato skin pizza (a delicious choice). It's all about those baby steps...for me and Bill Murray!!

*I love you, Bubba!! Happy Valentine's Day! We're almost down in the 7 month range. Wow, that is huge! 7 months is a lot better than 12!!

1st one

Ok, so where do I even begin? I have so many thoughts. Whoever reads these, if anybody even does, don't look for good organization, or even coherent sentences, in these posts. I'm just gonna spill it.

I guess I'll start with what, "C'mon Becky...," refers to. Chris Rice wrote this song, "Me and Becky", and Matt really likes it. He wanted that to be our first dance song....but it has a bit of a fast tempo for a slow dance. (Don't worry, he found a good replacement..."Everything's Ok" also by Chris Rice. I guess he's a fan, but I like those songs). I'll share more about our first dance another time. Anyway, that song, "Me and Becky" is sort of our theme song for the year. (You'll have to look up the verses if you're not familiar with it. I'm not technilogically advanced enough to know how to insert a weblink without it being 13 lines long yet. You'll have to be patient with me!) It talks about a girl, Becky, haha, who is living a good, Christian life, and is called to more...So, this year we're holding on tight because God is stretching us, alot.

It was not our ideal situation for Matt to be recalled into the military. We got married (December 16, 2006, ahhh, a good day) and were so excited to travel the road ahead of us...together! (Even our cake topper was the Precious Moments in a car..."Roads of Happiness." Matt loves cars!!) We were bound together in covenant and love, 3 strands of cord. We did everything together. Everything! We were together every second we could be. Then bam! We were hit with his "notice" 3 months into marriage. We got more details a month later, and he relocated 6 months after that. We were thankful for the several months we were given before he left, but boy, those were some agonizing months...dread of what lay ahead and some fears of the unknown.

I am trying to be the most supportive and loving wife I can be. (hmmm, maybe a motto for the wives of military...he's not Army, but you get the idea.) But, I'm not gonna lie, this is tough...super tough! We believe God has a plan through all this, but it is sometimes hard to see. Maybe this is one of those patchwork theories at work. We won't really know why these things happen till we can see all the pieces, or times completed, all put together...or maybe it won't be till we get to heaven.

So, lately, I feel like I need more of the other 2 strands of our cord. It's really hard not being able to be near Matt, hear his voice, even receive emails regularly. It stinks! To be completely honest, it's hard on me spiritually too. I know God hasn't left me. I know that in my mind anyway. I know that to be true from Scripture. Sometimes, I think I just try to block my emotions, so I don't have to deal with them, and that eventually leaves me disconnected. I guess sometimes I trust more in my ability to block feelings than in placing my trust in God who can heal my hurts and restore my emotions. Wow, that's not right, and it's convicting. There are certainly times I cry...just to get some out (sadness and even anger), but I don't always deal with it completely. But, then there are times I remember that song, "Me and Becky" and picture Matt singing it to me anytime we were going to go somewhere. I like to hear "Everything's Ok" quite a bit too. Everything will be ok, God is in control.

Last week, I was having a difficult time, feeling especially lonely. I was reading some other people's blogs and then, I clicked on some of their friends' blogs. I'll admit it: I'm nosey. I'm curious. There is something very interesting and intriguing about being able to read other people's thoughts, real-life stuff. This one particular person (if you somehow hear about this, please don't think I'm a stalker! Your post touched me dearly, at a moment in time I needed it so much. I thought about trying to send you a note about how much I was affected, but I chickened out...again, fearful of being viewed as a stalker..maybe sometime I'll get some guts and tell you) had downloaded a quick video of Rob Bell, entitled "Rain." At first, I thought it was sort of weird (it started with weird music and flashes of different pictures). I really didn't know what to expect. I'd never heard of him before. By the end, I was sobbing. The Lord came to me in such an intimate way as I watched and listened. He met me in my lonely, discouraged place and held me. What an amazing God we have who cares enough to reach us through a computer, that had a video, on a blog, of a friend of a friend. I need to watch that clip again.

So, this is a year of learning to trust in the Lord more than I ever have. I'm moving (more often feeling shoved...haha) out of my comfort zone. Yeah, I suppose I'm moving out of the driver's seat in a lot of ways. (That is very ironic since I don't like driving much...that's another story.) "C'mon on Becky let's go for a ride. If I'm driving too fast, then I apologize, but there's a world out there that we've left behind full of souls as important as yours and mine. Looks like a reckless road and a sacrifice, and I'm crazy scared it may cost our lives. But then I remember Jesus died, so c'mon Becky. Let's go for a ride..." (Chris Rice).

*I love you Man! 115 days done, 8 months and 5 days left. Maybe I should look at it like a growing chart!! I guess I need to drink my milk...yuck!!