If You Could See What I See

Remember that old Geoff Moore song? It's a favorite of mine.

If you could see what I see in my head...when attempting to take a picture...well, you wouldn't need to see my picture. A professional photographer, I am certainly not. I have ideas. I try. I hope to one day decently capture the moments I want to.


If you could see what I see Matt and Stephen, you would know how much I love you. I want to bottle up these moments for they are slipping away much too quickly. Yes, almost every time Matt reads a book to Stevie before nap, I am there watching through a crack in the door. I cherish those sights. I cherish those sounds. I cherish both of my boys.

What a Picture!

Is it too late to write a New Year's Resolution post? Oh well. I'm not really one for making New Year's Resolutions. In fact, I cannot remember ever making one. I don't think they're bad. I've just never really thought about them much. The other night, I was telling my husband, ahem, sarcastically, that "Ohh, I want that!" while watching a commercial. It was the commercial for the neckline slimmer. Ok, so I said it sarcastically. Maybe one day my flabby chin and neck will cry out for one of these babies, but for now, I laugh and wonder why I didn't think to sell those. Then, my crazy brain went into overdrive. I told my husband that I thought the best way to get back into shape after having a baby would be to try out all these things...at once!

So, I immediately said, while using the neckline slimmer, I will also use the shake weight! To give those abs a workout, I'll slap on the ab belt. If all this is done on the easy step, well, I think I'd be all set! I could probably even teach Stevie the hokie pokie or the Father Abraham song all at the same time. Can you imagine how smokin' I'd look Matt?

*Not a paid advertisement. Just in case you were wondering.

Instead of all these fun things, I run around after my little guy, do sit ups with him sitting on me, play our video games (the "My Sports Gaming System" our very generic, cheap version of the Wii...yes, called the "poor man's Wii') with him on my hip, lift him up and down in the air (he's a hefty boy), and sometimes, pull out that old dollar store workout video to jump around the living room to and make him laugh. This spring I hope to take him out in the jogging stroller. But for now, these things will be just fine. Maybe next year...

taste of heaven

My current header picture is one of my very favorite pictures of the 2 special boys in my life. Yes, it's a bit dated already, Stevie was a mere 3 months old then. I made that photo into a canvas for Matt for Christmas. Um, let me rephrase that. I had that photo made into a canvas for Matt for Christmas with an added a verse to it:


(feel free to click on it to see it larger)

Yes, Stephen was so skinny at that point. It makes me a bit sick to think about that time period, just after my surgery feeling awful and little man struggling, but all is well now, and his cheeks are good and chubby. Anyway, I'd like to share a little about that photo and some of the reasons I love it so much. First of all, Stephen is cute and Matt is handsome. Check. Mostly, I just love the look on both of their faces. Stevie is just studying his daddy. Matt is just loving on his little boy. Stevie is completely content. We were both having difficulties at that time. He was a hungry boy and he would wear himself out so when food was offered, he would fall asleep....which became a vicious cycle. Despite that, what I'll call a stressor, despite that stressor in his life, he is absolutely completely content looking into his father's face. I love his little hand gently touching Matt's face. We melted every time he started to do that with us. Well, we still do, but now a hearty grab usually follows. So Stevie is completely content, basking in the attention of daddy. He doesn't need his pacifier or that burp cloth (which was used for spit up but also a snuggle buddy). Those are tossed aside while resting and spending time with his dad in that moment. And look at his daddy's big hand next to him. Stephen is so secure. There are so many things we're already learning as Stephen's parents. Many of those things direct us to the love of our Father. The verse that came to my mind when I see this picture is that one from 1 John, which is shown above. "How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God!" Wow. The look in Matt's eyes, is just a glimmer of how lovingly our heavenly Father looks at us. How I want to be like my son, despite the stressors in my life, to be absolutely content in the presence of my Father, to toss aside the worldly pacifiers, and gaze into Him, study Him, and learn from Him. It truly is a gift and an honor to be called children of God.

He has the best

It's Monday again

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

Matt and I like the show 24. Matt happens to dream in "Jack Bauer." You ladies, with avid watching husbands, probably know what I mean by that, either because your husbands do the same or you can imagine them doing the same. Anyway, after hearing about another dream, my first question would not be, was I in it? I would not get more excited to hear the ones where I am helping him wrangle the bad guys. Sure, it's nice to be the damsel in distress at times, but being alongside my man, beating up the bad guys, well, there's no comparison there. He would have to think very highly of me for that! (*Of course, we tend to not care for many of the ladies the actual Jack Bauer chooses...but Matt says I do a better job without their drama. Grin.)

While grocery shopping, the little man spit-up. Unfortunately, it wasn't just a little bit I could let slide. It was, well, pretty much everywhere on him. I would not forget a burp cloth and dig for a suitable replacement in my purse. Stumbling fingers through receipts, a gum wrapper, chapstick and pens, I would not pull the only thing out that could possibly work, look around to make sure no one is watching, and wipe my boy up with a... pad. Did I just write that? Did I just write that after a Jack Bauer paragraph? Not me!

While changing my boy's diaper, a rather common occurence around here, go figure, I swiftly pulled the messy diaper out from under his tush, and in the process, his poop did not go flying across the room...and land on a burp cloth. (Umm, so that's where the burp cloth was...) I did not let out an "Eww" and laugh hysterically. Matt wanting to know what was so funny, I just kept laughing, saying, "poop," and pointing so he would come and you know, see what was so funny. Our boy just grinned. Anyway, this would be too gross and immature of me to do.

family traits

You know how certain traits run in a family? Well, take a look at this picture below. :)


I'm not referring to the lack of matching skills and color coordination... though that runs abundantly in our family. The little hat upon our boy's head was his father's a long time ago. My husband often comments on his head being, a bit large. If his head is large and our son does not fit into his old hat...umm, what does that mean? I think it means Stephen needed extra room for all my kisses, and it's his way of telling us he'd prefer a more mature looking hat, but he'll smile for us anyway...despite our silliness and his cold! Have no fear little man, you also got your daddy's smokin' good looks!

Dear Stephen

Dear Stephen,

You are 7 months old and won't be my baby for much longer. I've been looking back at your newborn pictures and am amazed at how quickly and how much you have changed. You only had that newborn "look" for about a week of your life on the "outside." I miss that long black hair and those squinted eyes, but I am loving the little boy you are growing to be, with lighter hair and huge, handsome, blue eyes. I look at the back of your head often, not because I am lacking tons to do, but because you sit on my lap and you love your floor time...and watching you brings me such joy. Even the back of your head has turned into a little boy head. I loved your baby head before, and I love your little boy head now.

I was talking with your dad yesterday about how much joy you've brought to my life in these short 7 months...and those long 9 1/2 months, haha. I had greatly desired to be pregnant, but not to be pregnant all my life. I wanted you...I wanted that baby, that boy, that teenager, that young adult, that adult son...I wanted you! I could never have imagined how cute you'd be and so full of personality so young. I wasn't much of a hugging or kissing person till I met your dad, and then it was only for your dad. Yeah, I know, "Gross, Mom." I wondered if I would be able to show you the affection I had for you. Right after you were born, I loved you so much. You were the first born child I waited for. All the time I spent babysitting others' children, and nieces and nephews, being a mom was so brand new. The day we left the hospital, your dad was carrying loads of our stuff and your gifts out to the car. We were spending time together. You got a little fussy, probably wanting to eat but we were leaving soon...and we were still getting to know each other. I laid you on my chest, smelled your little head, and sang. I sang Jesus Loves Me over and over and over. Oh, how I want you to know that. You snuggled right in, and I kissed your head. Of course I kissed you after you were born, but this time, I knew our adventure was starting. We were heading home, and oh, how much I wanted you to know I loved you. Now, as you play and I come over to play with you or interrupt you, I can't help but kiss those cheeks. Every time I pick you up, you get slathered. When I put you down for naps and bed time...kisses and, "I love you Stephen!" If I were a lipstick wearing woman, you would have a red face, red hair, red hands, red feet, red arms.

We went through some difficult times getting you adjusted to naps. After weeks of crying and me praying...having no idea what to do, we realized you just needed a fuller tummy, and a little more transition time. For about a month after coming to that conclusion, you would cry a bit, I'd come back in and rub your head. It would only take a few minutes before you fell asleep. I realized then, that the other things could wait...the things I longed to do during those nap time breaks could wait. I'm rubbing my boy's head instead. I realized it was just a phase. I realized I have never heard of an 18 year old boy needing his head rubbed to go to sleep, so for now, while I can, I will rub your little head and watch those dreamy eyes close. I'm glad I did...for that only lasted a little while. Now, you drift off to sleep after some romping time on your own in the crib listening to the music your Dad and I were married to. Yeah, it's lovey-dovey, and I know, you're a boy, but I want you sure of the love your parents have for each other, sure of the love we have for you, and most emphatically sure of the love your Heavenly Father has for you too.

You have changed my life, Stephen. I am so excited for the ways you are growing and developing, but I cherish these 7 month moments. I have always wanted to be a mom. I have always wanted to stay home with my children. Since spending my days at home with you, I noticed I don't even think about being anywhere else. You are such a gift, Stephen, a gift from God. So, as we continue this journey of Mom and son, both growing and learning, remember how much I love you.

Love always and with a kiss,
Mom

A little behind...

I understand it's January 12th, and I just updated my header with another Christmas picture a few days ago. (I am really getting sick of that background though...we'll see.) I also just posted our Christmas card last Monday. We still have our tree up at home too. It didn't seem like much fun to take it down when we got all this snow after Christmas. Last year, it was up till February. I'm thinking we should try to take a family Easter picture now. :)

Where Was I Going

...with all of this??

I am going to try to get down to the nitty gritty in this post. Because I have "wires," this is difficult for me to do without taking all different directions. My husband and I frequently refer to my way of thinking as having wires and his way of thinking as having boxes. It came after hearing a comedian saying men can only think of one thing and do one thing at a time. I will try to post the link. Women multitask and multi think, running a mile a minute. I seriously do not mean this as a belittlement to men, especially my husband. He agrees he needs to put all his thought and energy into one thing at a time. Meanwhile, I'm asking him a ton of questions while running around like a chicken with their head cut off. Anyway, it's no secret men and women think differently.

I began, "The Love of My Life" series, well, planning on it just being one post. Then it became a series due to my longwindedness (have fun spell check!). I had all these thoughts about how The Love of My Life is three-fold. I have my husband. I have my son. I have my heavenly Father. So, I guess it was sort of a trick title and my intention was to get around to talking about all three and how they are all interconnected. I have now realized I could probably write a book on that topic. By the time I write the book, who knows? I could have many more loves of my life (in the form of more children...who knows?). Ok, I am not really thinking of writing a book. But if you don't mind, those topics are pretty much what my blog is anyway. I talk about our family life and my own journey. Instead of making it a 384,693,043 part series, I'll just move on...or in a sense, move in and try to think of some more clever titles as I punch down my thoughts.

Due to a request, I added a Followers link to my sidebar. I'd love to meet any new readers I might have. So if you're up to it, say hello!

What They Don't Tell You

...you'll need.

Here's a fun post, (umm, ok, you can decide whether it's fun), about the things you need after baby arrives. When I was in elementary school, we used to discuss and dream about what life would be like by the year 2000. 10 years later, and we still don't have flying cars...or many of these necessities!

-TIME...a button or timer because you need to make more time sometimes (for all those cute freeze 'em moments and those lovely few minutes to yourself)...and less time for the other things...like time spent changing outfit after outfit of your baby and yourself...and those night feedings that drag.

-a baby U Haul. Mmm hmm, that's right, a U Haul. If I go anywhere (especially my parents' house), I take our entire loot of baby stuff with me. Diaper bags, a box of diapers, a box of wipes, 15 outfit changes, some toys, play gym, swing, bouncer, bottles, food, the dirty laundry (really?), and of course, somewhere in that vehicle hides the cute little boy! I guess I would settle for a Mary Poppins bag that would keep things contained!

-a fork lift of some sort for grocery shopping. By the time I have Stevie's seat in the cart (my carseat specifically says not to use on the top of carts over the seat area), there's no room for groceries...and those big boxes of diapers. Maybe you could just park it next to your car too, instead of having to bring that and the baby over to the cart area.

-an electric chair...no wait, not that kind...the kind that goes up the stairs and is silent- for 4 reasons. 1, after giving birth, you're not supposed to walk up and down stairs for awhile 2, it's easier than walking up and down stairs 3, it's silent, so you're baby does not hear the creak of the steps and think you're coming to rescue him from naptime. It's just mom riding the chair again! 4, you don't have to hop a baby gate at the top or bottom every time you want to go up or down. Just hop in the chair instead! While we're at it, we might as well have a basket off the side for the pacifier, burp cloth, extra blanket, etc., or a sidecar and helmet for your baby.

-how about a teller upstairs and downstairs? You know, so when you've forgotten that can of formula or bottle in one place, you can stick the plastic tube in the shoot, make your order, and moments later it'll be there!

-a "tool" belt. Yes, I need a belt, or fanny pack maybe, to carry extra pacifiers, burp cloths, blankets, hats, socks...pretty much anything I might need on hand, especially in a moment's notice.

-a grabber. You know, like the ones that pick up trash or whatever? I need a grabber for after I've picked up my baby but still need to reach the pacifier and burp cloth laying on his play mat.

-an alarm clock for the baby that works both ways. One that says, "Time to go to sleep!" and he does, and one that says, "Time to wake up happy!" and he does!

-a pacifier mobile just over the baby's head in the crib. Yes, wouldn't it be handy to have pacifiers hanging all over the crib so when the baby moves and it falls out, he can easily just open his mouth to the one dangling over his nose and "catch one" or something. It's either that or the orthodontic appliance that straps around his head.

-those cold nights? We need a sleeping bag that goes over his head too. (Yes, when discussing how to keep our boy's icey hands and cold head warm, my husband recommended gloves and a hat. I'd rather he not get hairballs though when he goes to suck on his hands. So, we're still working on this one.)

-A recording of mommy singing. Naptimes are when I'm supposed to be able to get things done? Well, they are usually spent serenading the boy to sleep, and with my voice, well, it's amazing this sometimes works!

-A lifesize Grandma doll with voice recordings. No matter how bad a day he has with me, he is always happy as a clam with Grandma! Just watching and hearing her on my computer screen makes him smile.

-I'm still working on magnetic burp cloths, ones that the spit-up just gravitates to. You know what I mean! The spit-up is always enivitably all over your clothes and the furniture (or the row in front of you at church, umm, sorry Sarah!)...not anywhere near the burp cloth.

There are so many more things new parents need. Maybe one day Babies R Us will fulfill these needs.

It's Monday

How about a Not Me! Monday! post. It's been awhile...


Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

My son, who happens to be 7 months old today, tends to grunt when he plays hard or lifts toys, etc. He certainly does not get the grunting from me. I also have not responded to my son's grunts in such a way as this, "You won't know what hard work is until you become a mother!" If I did say such an impossible thing, it would of course be a silly thing mentioned in love!

On Christmas Eve, it is the appropriate thing to get all dressed up for the Christmas Eve service. I most certainly did not resign my imaginary title of Mother of the Year by letting my boy, on his first Christmas Eve, at his first Christmas Eve service, wear a white onesie covered in spit up under his dressy shirt. The spit up would not have shown through the top either! I also would not let my husband put him in the gray socks he did...that would be oh so obvious under his short pant legs. We had a wonderful Christmas Eve despite these things...I mean, if I were to do that, I might have still had a smile on my face.

On Christmas morning, I did not ask Matt to change Stevie into yet another set of pajamas for our pictures...(that would be utterly ridiculous)...the ones I would not have purchased before Stevie was born...thus, before knowing he was a boy...that I did not dream of a little boy one day walking down the stairs to the Christmas tree in. They would not be 18 month sized and fit him now...so the dream of him walking, well, the reality would have to wait.

My husband is a great diaper changer. We, being as classy as we are, of course would not decline to get a diaper genie for our lad's loaded diapers. We would not just use old Walmart bags...that would not sit outside our boy's room so he could, you know, breathe at night! My husband and I do not make sport of such a practice by shooting the diapers into our Walmart clad basket. Matt has not, umm, hit his lovely wife (a number of times) with above said messy diapers as I enter the room. If that did happen, I certainly would learn from it and look or wait until the change is over before entering the room.

I would not post our Christmas card after the new year to my bloggy friends and wish them a merry Christmas!


I have not been sitting on a post since a few short weeks after Stevie was born...and have not been too embarrassed to publish it. Instead of publishing, I have not continued to add a few thoughts here and there. It would not be about all the necessities of becoming a new parent, diaper genie, of course, not included.