Stevie is a great teacher, at least an eye opener. I've learned so much already being a mom. Mostly, I learn more and more about God's love for us through Stevie, how God loves us as His children, and what an absolute blessing that is.
This is a long one...
Stevie is hitting that age... He is hitting that age where he'd like to be more independent and do things when he wants to and how he wants to. I could never be like that. Ahem. When his desires are interrupted or squelched altogether, he is now throwing fits. This most often occurs at the changing table (he must be a boy not to care about having a messy diaper), but it also occurs at other times. The other day, I was stopped in my tracks right in the middle of one of his fits. Stevie had been heading in some direction, on some mission, and I swooped him up before he got where he wanted to go. I don't remember what his mission appeared to be, but I honestly don't think (remember) it was something he wasn't allowed to do or a place he wasn't allowed to go. I just had other plans. So, I scooped him up, and the fit ensued. Right in that moment, as I held him tight so he would not slam himself on our hardwood floors, I realized...
I realized how Stevie is like me (and yes, probably you too). There are times that I have strong desires, but I'm halted. It's as if I'm being picked up away from them, and I don't always like it. I suppose there are even times I may throw an adult version of the "fit."
Back to Stevie. He doesn't know what I have planned for him. He doesn't know what is about to happen soon or why I picked him up. There are a variety of reasons I swoop in, sometimes because of danger and other times to meet a need (food, diaper change, etc.), and even other times, I just have something better up my sleeve for him. I know Stevie. He had a desire, but I knew that did not compare to what I had planned for him.
While he threw his fit (a short one), I began to prepare him to go outside. He still didn't know why I was preparing him, but he calmed down and surrendered to me. I put his hat and sweatshirt on. When we were ready, we went outside for a walk and some swinging time. These are some of Stevie's favorite things in the whole world. I knew that. I knew they were better than getting into one of the unpacked boxes or whatever he was planning to do.
So, what exactly was the part that hit me the most? I know my boy. I love my boy. I want what is best for him, and I know what that is...even if he doesn't know it himself. I really do care about him. I care so much that I'll even give him something better than he can think of or see right now. First, he needs to stop and be prepared. Sometimes, when I'm going through life or rough patches, I can have human blinders. I can lose sight that maybe there is something to come of this, maybe there is better. God really is watching me, caring for me, preparing me. He really does know me and what is best.
A beautiful example of this is the home we are living in. We looked at several houses. We put a couple of offers in that were declined. One house, I really, really liked. Others, just didn't seem to fit our needs. We came to one, the one right before this one (well, 2 houses before it) that we were considering. This house needed a lot of work, honestly, more work than I wanted to have to deal with. It was tiny, really tiny, and it had a couple of other issues. We looked at it a 2nd time with both sets of parents. My parents were less than thrilled about it. I was a bit discouraged. I knew they just wanted to see us in the home of our dreams, but I wanted to be realistic...and them to be realistic for us too. Afterwords, I ended up sending an email to my dad, explaining a whole myriad of considerations surrounding purchasing a house or not and the timing...and a brief overview of our capabilities. Matt and I decided to wait on moving forward with that house. In the meantime, we found 2 more houses to look at. The first one, was a definite "not for us house." It was certainly liveable, but the kitchen had a hmm, 16 inch entry way? Seriously. I said to Matt, if I'm ever pregnant again, I will not be able to get in the kitchen, and then off of the kitchen was the laundry room. It was a really odd house. Anyway, I was a bit discouraged...not overly so, just sort of, "man, is there anything we can afford that will suit our needs and be pleasant?" We had one more to see that day. I remember clearly our realtor saying, "Maybe the next one's the one."
Well, as soon as we walked in the door, we knew. We knew it was the house God had planned for us all along. And you know what I just love? There are things about this house that were "dream home" qualities for me. I knew we didn't have tons to work with financially, and I knew I would need to be content wherever we moved...to joyfully make our home wherever/whatever our house was. God dreamed bigger for me, and gave me even more than what I desired or hoped for. He gave me an old house with beautiful hardwood floors (I love hardwood floors), white trim, woodwork, and crown molding throughout (which is gorgeous), super tall ceilings that my men need and would comfortably move about with, and a remodeled kitchen. Let me pause with that...a remodeled kitchen. The other houses we looked at, I just decided that one day, we would try to fix up the kitchens. I didn't like many of them, but even though they were old and tiny, I could deal with several of them. When we walked into this house to the kitchen, it was like God was saying, "How about this?" with a twinkle in His eye. Our jaws dropped. This was the 2nd or 3rd room in the house that we saw...hadn't even gone upstairs yet or around the corner of the first floor, and we knew, we just knew this home had been set aside for us. More things beyond our hopes came to our attention. The town is working on creating a trail right next to our house. One of my frustrations was having no place to run and walk with Stevie. We would drive to a canal path...and when we did, Stevie would inevitably fall asleep, ruining his naptimes. This house is also near a park and has streets with sidewalks...so we have our pick! What a blessing this would be! Another fun piece of info: I found the house posted for the first time online just that day. We were the first ones to see it. We were the only ones to see it. Interior pictures hadn't even been posted until after our offer was accepted.
My dad had written an email back to me in response to mine to him before we were led to our house. He told me to continue to keep our eyes open and to pray. His last words to me before, "Love, Dad" were, "If you find a hidden treasure in the field of a place, bury it quickly and buy the field!" Well, here was our hidden treasure, for our eyes only. After walking through it, we went back to the office to put our offer in. After we moved in, one of our neighbors jokingly said, "We don't have any town gossip to tell you, just that we heard this house sold in like 3 hours!" And remember all those "road blocks" I wrote about vaguely in our process? So far, they seemed to have melted away.
This may be my longest post ever. I'm frustrated my writing is not flowing well lately, but I wanted to get these thoughts down anyway. So, here's my conclusion: I have heard similar analogies before about children's actions and adult actions, but experiencing it through my child hit home more personally. I really hope the next time I feel like I'm scooped up from where I think I should go, I can rest in God's arms and surrender myself and trust to Him...instead of throwing a ridiculous fit. He really does love me. He really does know me. There are times He even has bigger dreams and plans for me and our family than I may even have myself. We have so many examples to prove how He has shown us that...and our house is a wonderful gift from Him.