I'm going to be honest here, I'm not the most happy pregnant person you'll ever meet. I feel guilty about it. How I wish I could be one of those moms who savor every moment of pregnancy. I feel super yucky. I feel totally out of control, nauseous, crazy, uncomfortable...among other things. Yesterday, I spent a good chunk of time head first in the toilet bowl.
I get so excited to see that positive on the stick. I love my babies. I want my babies. I can't wait to meet my babies. However, once the yuckiness sets in, I can't really even think about it. It happened with Stevie, and I just needed to get over the hump of this stage of pregnancy, and then the excitement will kick back in....just until the huge stage and when the due date passes...hehe.
Pregnancy is hard. But, it's true. I forgot. Well, I sort of forgot. After Stevie was born, it didn't take long for that desire to kick in again...that desire to have another baby. Then, I remembered. I joke with Matt (though half serious) that this is the last time! I said that with Stevie too..."you know, you just might be an only child!" Going through the morning sickness, the mind and speech crazies, the HUGENESS (Stevie likes the word "huge" ...go figure), waiting and waiting for labor to kick in, pushing and pushing for 2 1/2 hours, to birth that 9 lb 1 oz baby, having a terrible time in the healing department including infections and ultimately, surgery. Sounds lovely, right?
But, you know what? I look at my little boy and cannot imagine one day without him. I hardly ever even leave him with a sitter. When I'm away, I miss him. I love my boy ...I love him HUGE (right, Stevie?). The moment he was born, I heaved with the rest of my energy (I think I only had one pillow behind me....next time, when I push, I'm making sure I have a little something to prop me up! Flat on my back may not have been the most effective.) to see our boy....that big, curly headed boy. Immediate love. No matter how bad I'm feeling right now, he can still motivate me to get off the couch and play on the floor with him for a bit. I'm beyond thankful to have been given the opportunity to be Stevie's mom.
So, baby, even now, you are so worth it! We're in this thing together, and I think it's pretty special to have your big brother as a reminder and a glimpse of the treasure you are and will be on the outside in this family too! Boy or girl, curly haired or straight, big or small, we look forward to who you are and who God makes you to be. No matter how this goes until we meet, you're worth it all! I. love. you. baby. #. 2.
(P.S. Sorry about the whole "baby #2" thing...referring to you as a number. We'll work on a better nickname.)