No, the baby is not here yet. But just like that, there are now 2 cribs in our nursery. We had contemplated moving Stevie to a "big boy bed," but we decided he loves his crib, and do we really want to rock the boat if we don't have to? Nope. So, we invested in a new crib that we actually moved Stevie into because it's convertible. His previous crib was not (a wonderful hand-me-down for which I cannot complain), so that is now for the new baby. I was sort of hoping to get matching colors in the cribs since they are in the same room, but I could not turn down a good 4 in 1 crib for $88 brand new (plus I had a $10 gift card) just because of the color...I like deals!
Stevie has smoothly adjusted. I'm...getting there. I had no idea how emotional I would be (inwardly, people) as Matt set up the new crib with his little man's help. All of the sudden I felt like, "Oh no! We didn't take a picture of the way it used to be when this was just Stevie's room!" It's all changing. My boy is no longer in the only crib he's ever known. I tried to stuff it a bit and just enjoy the time for what it was. I got a few pictures of Stevie helping put the crib together (the boy has crazy fine motor skills...he was putting pieces in the screw holes ever so seriously and clapping for himself every once in awhile). It was the most precious thing to see my boys working together...and looking SO much alike (in the same positions, working on similar pieces).
But, it's hard to keep stuffing those thoughts and feelings forever. I am so ready for this new addition, so excited for the baby to be here. (And yes, even though I'm feeling relatively good for this stage of the game...almost 31 weeks... I do relish the thought of not having to make 3 pt turns in bed just to roll over!) I guess I just have a difficult time seeing my boy grow up is all. I know, I know, it's only just begun. I don't want to lose the special relationship we have...I don't want jealousy to grow in him as I have to tend to the baby. I want them to grow to become great friends. My mom has told me it was the most challenging for her going from 1 to 2 kids, but after 2, I guess the routine was well established and much easier. It will certainly be an adjustment for us all, but I'm hoping and praying it is as smooth as his transition to a different crib.
Monday, February 28, 2011
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Last night was one of those "Some days" that are difficult. Stevie was crying a lot. We go through these bouts of all day crying every once and awhile. Sometimes he's overtired, sometimes he's frustrated he cannot communicate his desires to me (he still has a very limited vocabulary), and sometimes I just have no idea. It makes me feel awful though. It literally triggers something in my gut on such days (and newborn days too when he cried and cried and we just weren't getting it). I want so badly to understand what he needs. I also want so badly to be teaching him that he doesn't always get what he wants and to deal with that appropriately. I want so badly for him to know I love him. And in those days, I can get discouraged. They are often days Matt is gone all day and isn't even able to see Stevie. I think a part of that may contribute to Stevie's unrest...he misses his Daddy. But overall, our days have gotten so much better than they were a few months ago (that left me in tears a lot of nights). He really is for the most part a happy little guy. If you've ever heard him laugh, well, you know, he laughs a lot!! So anyway, in general last night was one of "those" nights.
I was busy doing a lot of laundry. We have uneven floors (old house), and apparently I'm not the best washing machine loader because our machine likes to shake and jump at least half of the time. I try to adjust the laundry, and my attempts are often not accompanied by my desired results, so I confess, sometimes I just grin and bear the noise until it's over. Well, unbeknownst to me, during that loud ruckus of my final load, the brand new unopened bottle of detergent that sat on top of the machine fell, shattering the plastic cap into what seemed like a hundred pieces, dumping the entire bottle of detergent on our hardwood floors. We still had about 45 minutes or something until Stevie's bedtime, so I decided I was going to make some hot chocolate to enjoy and relax with. My little pal followed me to the kitchen and got distracted like usual as I was preparing my "treat." I was just about to take my cup to the couch when I noticed Stevie playing in our laundry area. He was playing in a puddle. I gasped loudly because my first thought was the washing machine leaked all over the floor. Then I realized he was a sticky, gooey mess and I saw the bottle. It was at this moment, I was ready to call it a night and just cry. (Ok, so I'm pregnant too...so maybe that contributed to my emotions.) I set my hot cocoa back on the counter and start my endeavor of cleaning up the floor. I waited on cleaning Stevie up because he would likely be back to "help." I didn't even know where to begin because there was SO much detergent. I wiped as much up as I could on my hands and knees (my belly probably wiped some up too) while Stevie rolled in my paper towel roll as he unraveled it. (I didn't want to use bath towels because who knows how much detergent that would put in the washer and cause another issue.) Then I got out an extra mop sponge and tried to rinse and ring, wipe, rinse and ring...with intermittent times of chasing Stevie around to get my sponge back. (The boy loves all things cleaning.) I cleaned it up (as much as I was going to at that point), and sat down to my cooled cocoa. I internally grieved over that wasted bottle of concentrated laundry detergent though. I used a coupon to save a dollar, but I still spent like $5 or whatever. I thought about the other ways I could've blown $5, and really there are a lot of ways since starting that Dave Ramsey class. As a pregnant lady (who am I kidding, as ME), my thoughts immediately went to, "I could've bought THIS much chocolate..." or whatever else sounded good to eat at the time...oh yeah, and you know, I could've put it towards those student loans. (I think I really should record the "funny" stories of how our good intentioned plans are being sabotaged...what seems like daily.) As a stay at home mom, it's sometimes hard on me that I'm not contributing financially when we could so use it, and when my efforts of trying to save money go down the tubes like in this instance, I get so discouraged. Stevie climbed up next to me for a few spoonfuls of the not so hot cocoa, and then it was pretty much time for bed for him. As I rocked him, I was thankful for that little boy playing in the detergent puddle because if I hadn't caught him doing that, the detergent could've sat making it so much harder to get cleaned up. I was also thankful the detergent was free and clear...so no blue stains to worry about.
We survived the day, and really by most people's standards that would've been a piece of cake compared to what they're enduring. Perspective, Becky, perspective.
Then a day like today comes. One of those "other days." My little boy snuggled up on the couch with me while we (he) watched "Boo." He just pretty recently started sitting with me since he came down with that strep throat/scarlet fever a few weeks ago. He has never been a cuddly guy, but I'm hoping that's changing! He ended up falling asleep with me!! People, this has never happened. I can't recall him doing such a thing since he was a newborn! I felt badly, but I told him I needed to change his diaper because he would be totally exploded if I didn't. So, I laid him down and changed him...he slept through it. He has never done that even when he was newborn. What has happened to my boy?! I sooo badly wanted to cuddle up with him and just nap on the couch together, but we have plans tonight, and I still needed to shower (grr). So, I picked him up, he wrapped his little sleepy arms around me, and I carried him to his crib. As I laid him down, his eyes still closed, he gave me the most precious smile. These are the moments I want to hold onto forever...and in those moments, there is nothing else that matters. I may not have $5, and I may be out of laundry detergent, but I have it all...all that really matters!
I was busy doing a lot of laundry. We have uneven floors (old house), and apparently I'm not the best washing machine loader because our machine likes to shake and jump at least half of the time. I try to adjust the laundry, and my attempts are often not accompanied by my desired results, so I confess, sometimes I just grin and bear the noise until it's over. Well, unbeknownst to me, during that loud ruckus of my final load, the brand new unopened bottle of detergent that sat on top of the machine fell, shattering the plastic cap into what seemed like a hundred pieces, dumping the entire bottle of detergent on our hardwood floors. We still had about 45 minutes or something until Stevie's bedtime, so I decided I was going to make some hot chocolate to enjoy and relax with. My little pal followed me to the kitchen and got distracted like usual as I was preparing my "treat." I was just about to take my cup to the couch when I noticed Stevie playing in our laundry area. He was playing in a puddle. I gasped loudly because my first thought was the washing machine leaked all over the floor. Then I realized he was a sticky, gooey mess and I saw the bottle. It was at this moment, I was ready to call it a night and just cry. (Ok, so I'm pregnant too...so maybe that contributed to my emotions.) I set my hot cocoa back on the counter and start my endeavor of cleaning up the floor. I waited on cleaning Stevie up because he would likely be back to "help." I didn't even know where to begin because there was SO much detergent. I wiped as much up as I could on my hands and knees (my belly probably wiped some up too) while Stevie rolled in my paper towel roll as he unraveled it. (I didn't want to use bath towels because who knows how much detergent that would put in the washer and cause another issue.) Then I got out an extra mop sponge and tried to rinse and ring, wipe, rinse and ring...with intermittent times of chasing Stevie around to get my sponge back. (The boy loves all things cleaning.) I cleaned it up (as much as I was going to at that point), and sat down to my cooled cocoa. I internally grieved over that wasted bottle of concentrated laundry detergent though. I used a coupon to save a dollar, but I still spent like $5 or whatever. I thought about the other ways I could've blown $5, and really there are a lot of ways since starting that Dave Ramsey class. As a pregnant lady (who am I kidding, as ME), my thoughts immediately went to, "I could've bought THIS much chocolate..." or whatever else sounded good to eat at the time...oh yeah, and you know, I could've put it towards those student loans. (I think I really should record the "funny" stories of how our good intentioned plans are being sabotaged...what seems like daily.) As a stay at home mom, it's sometimes hard on me that I'm not contributing financially when we could so use it, and when my efforts of trying to save money go down the tubes like in this instance, I get so discouraged. Stevie climbed up next to me for a few spoonfuls of the not so hot cocoa, and then it was pretty much time for bed for him. As I rocked him, I was thankful for that little boy playing in the detergent puddle because if I hadn't caught him doing that, the detergent could've sat making it so much harder to get cleaned up. I was also thankful the detergent was free and clear...so no blue stains to worry about.
We survived the day, and really by most people's standards that would've been a piece of cake compared to what they're enduring. Perspective, Becky, perspective.
Then a day like today comes. One of those "other days." My little boy snuggled up on the couch with me while we (he) watched "Boo." He just pretty recently started sitting with me since he came down with that strep throat/scarlet fever a few weeks ago. He has never been a cuddly guy, but I'm hoping that's changing! He ended up falling asleep with me!! People, this has never happened. I can't recall him doing such a thing since he was a newborn! I felt badly, but I told him I needed to change his diaper because he would be totally exploded if I didn't. So, I laid him down and changed him...he slept through it. He has never done that even when he was newborn. What has happened to my boy?! I sooo badly wanted to cuddle up with him and just nap on the couch together, but we have plans tonight, and I still needed to shower (grr). So, I picked him up, he wrapped his little sleepy arms around me, and I carried him to his crib. As I laid him down, his eyes still closed, he gave me the most precious smile. These are the moments I want to hold onto forever...and in those moments, there is nothing else that matters. I may not have $5, and I may be out of laundry detergent, but I have it all...all that really matters!
Days
Some days I want to pull my hair out.
Some days I want to cry because all I'm hearing is crying.
Some days I just want to crawl back in bed until it's over.
But then...
Some days I don't ever want to end.
Some days are full of laughter and smiles.
Some days are simple and yet seemingly perfect and smooth.
But...
Everyday, I'm thankful.
Everyday, I'm thankful for the opportunity to spend with my son (and soon to be here baby #2).
Everyday, I try to soak up some moment even on the hairiest of days to sit and smile and to cherish this time that is so quickly passing.
Everyday, I am blessed and humbled to be a mom.
Some days I want to cry because all I'm hearing is crying.
Some days I just want to crawl back in bed until it's over.
But then...
Some days I don't ever want to end.
Some days are full of laughter and smiles.
Some days are simple and yet seemingly perfect and smooth.
But...
Everyday, I'm thankful.
Everyday, I'm thankful for the opportunity to spend with my son (and soon to be here baby #2).
Everyday, I try to soak up some moment even on the hairiest of days to sit and smile and to cherish this time that is so quickly passing.
Everyday, I am blessed and humbled to be a mom.
Thursday, February 3, 2011
You are my Sunshine
I was a bit of an emotional mess tonight. Matt and I have been helping to answer a young couple's questions and sharing our story with them to help them on their own journey. I was listening to some marriage and relationship advice from my favorite authors on youtube, and that led to wedding songs...and that led to father/daughter songs...and that led to mother/son songs. Oh. dear.
Little Stevie was sitting with me, and I could not hold back the tears at one particular choice. I was thinking about my little boy all grown into this handsome, amazing man of God on his wedding day...and how it's already going so fast. I didn't say I wasn't going overboard! So, then I heard the song...and I lost it. "You are my Sunshine" was a song chosen (with a cute story behind it) for one grown boy and his mom. After "Jesus Loves Me," that was the first song I sang to Stevie in the hospital. It was a memory I want to hold forever. It often helped to calm him when I sang it. I still sing him the song and often replace "Sunshine" with Stevie or Stephen. Obviously, it's a well known song and people sing it all the time to their kids, but it's just a special one for us.
So, here I was, in a puddle of tears thinking I will probably lose it anyway on your wedding day, Stephen, but if you include this song somehow, well...you get the idea. Waterproof mascara will be a must. I know I will remember you fondly as this little boy I have in my arms today, and I want to hold onto you while I can. I can't wait to meet the man you'll become, but I treasure each day you are my little boy. You are my crowned and shining gift from God, and you really do bring sunshine to my every day. I love you more than you can know!
Little Stevie was sitting with me, and I could not hold back the tears at one particular choice. I was thinking about my little boy all grown into this handsome, amazing man of God on his wedding day...and how it's already going so fast. I didn't say I wasn't going overboard! So, then I heard the song...and I lost it. "You are my Sunshine" was a song chosen (with a cute story behind it) for one grown boy and his mom. After "Jesus Loves Me," that was the first song I sang to Stevie in the hospital. It was a memory I want to hold forever. It often helped to calm him when I sang it. I still sing him the song and often replace "Sunshine" with Stevie or Stephen. Obviously, it's a well known song and people sing it all the time to their kids, but it's just a special one for us.
So, here I was, in a puddle of tears thinking I will probably lose it anyway on your wedding day, Stephen, but if you include this song somehow, well...you get the idea. Waterproof mascara will be a must. I know I will remember you fondly as this little boy I have in my arms today, and I want to hold onto you while I can. I can't wait to meet the man you'll become, but I treasure each day you are my little boy. You are my crowned and shining gift from God, and you really do bring sunshine to my every day. I love you more than you can know!
Monday, January 17, 2011
Do You Know How Much You're Loved?
So, today has not been going very smoothly for me, but for you, Stevie? You have been so content today. I am so thankful for you.
The other day, as Daddy was getting you up in the morning, he was singing this crazy song about you that he was making up as he went. It was something about you being his boy. It was silly. The thing that stuck out to me though, not even being in the room, was how much your Daddy loves you. This moment in time stood still as I stood in the next room and just listened to him and to you. Your Dad loves you so much he isn't afraid to be silly with you and sing like an opera man to make you smile. And so I wonder, do you know how much your Daddy loves you? Do you know how much your Mommy loves you? I felt in that moment, that yes, you enjoyed the song, but did you know, did you really know, as I do and Daddy does, the depth of our love for you...even in a silly song. You are just so little to understand it.
Later that day, Daddy was coming down the stairs, and we were playing in the living room. As he descended, he was singing that song again, "Oh, Stevie boy!" As soon as you heard him, a little smile curled across your lips and you walked quickly to the stairs to meet him. Do you know how special it is to be his little boy?
It's just another one of those instances where I see a little more of our God's love for us. We are so small and lack so much understanding. I bet there are times when God looks at us in love and says, "If only you could fully grasp how much I love you." We think we do, and at times, we have what seems like a pretty good idea of His great love, but oh how much more we have yet to learn and experience. And Stevie, you are helping me learn more about His love for us everyday, and we pray that through us, you are also learning more about His love for you each day.
I love you so much, Stephen! Love always, Mom
The other day, as Daddy was getting you up in the morning, he was singing this crazy song about you that he was making up as he went. It was something about you being his boy. It was silly. The thing that stuck out to me though, not even being in the room, was how much your Daddy loves you. This moment in time stood still as I stood in the next room and just listened to him and to you. Your Dad loves you so much he isn't afraid to be silly with you and sing like an opera man to make you smile. And so I wonder, do you know how much your Daddy loves you? Do you know how much your Mommy loves you? I felt in that moment, that yes, you enjoyed the song, but did you know, did you really know, as I do and Daddy does, the depth of our love for you...even in a silly song. You are just so little to understand it.
Later that day, Daddy was coming down the stairs, and we were playing in the living room. As he descended, he was singing that song again, "Oh, Stevie boy!" As soon as you heard him, a little smile curled across your lips and you walked quickly to the stairs to meet him. Do you know how special it is to be his little boy?
It's just another one of those instances where I see a little more of our God's love for us. We are so small and lack so much understanding. I bet there are times when God looks at us in love and says, "If only you could fully grasp how much I love you." We think we do, and at times, we have what seems like a pretty good idea of His great love, but oh how much more we have yet to learn and experience. And Stevie, you are helping me learn more about His love for us everyday, and we pray that through us, you are also learning more about His love for you each day.
I love you so much, Stephen! Love always, Mom
Friday, January 7, 2011
Swimming in January
We just signed up for a 3 month membership to the fitness center where I went to college. Tonight, we are planning to take our family of 3 (well, 4) swimming. I announced this on facebook, and the thoughts just started swirling. I thought I'd dump them here instead. You may laugh with me or at me...I'm giving full permission.
First of all, I have a significant baby bump for 23 weeks. My weight gain is also pretty much tied with my number of weeks. How's that for honesty? I had a Dr.'s appointment yesterday with another Dr. than my actual one, and he told me baby was not quite the size of Shamu yet...but apparently getting there. (Yes, he called my baby Shamu...he also referred to Goliath. He heard Stevie's size, I'm measuring ahead already, and well, he heard about Matt's birth weight and head size). Yup, he told me I'm bound to have bigger babies. Anyway, so of course going to the pool tonight, I'm thinking about Shamu.
I'm also thinking of Matt's mean jokes to me while pregnant with Stevie. (My brother Pete is usually right along with him, making jokes about my ever expanding size!) I had asked Matt 2 years ago if there was anything he wanted me to do to help him at the gas station, and he quickly told me I could sit on top of the car to keep it from blowing over! Thanks, Matt. So, now, I'm waiting for his jokes about me and Shamu entering the water...I'm sure ever so gracefully. Hopefully, there will still be water left in the pool after we jump in! I can hear his comments now... remember how he used to call, "Timberrr!!" when I'd get in bed at night when I was pregnant with Stevie? He's so sensitive. He'll probably be making whale calls or something. But really, he makes me laugh harder than most.
Another thought that's crossing my mind tonight...thinking of the picture we'll be. I had to get Stevie a bigger pair of swim trunks today. Thankfully, they were a pair from last year and only $3 at Wallyworld. They are just a little silly looking. They are navy blue with an American flag in the shape of the U.S. on one pant leg. I'm patriotic, but these are a bit silly to me. They appear to be a bit big too. Hey, $3 right? So then I thought, "Hey, if they still have some old swim trunks, maybe they have some water shoes for the locker room floor?" I found one last pair that would barely fit Stevie, but would work if the price was right. $8. No way! So, I settled on these adorable Nerf flip flops that are 1 size too big, and who knows if he'll be able to keep them on his feet. We'll test them out tonight! But hey, they are nice quality, and were....$3!
So, Stevie will be sporting his new swim trunks and flip flops tonight (and swim diapers that I'm hoping still fit!), and I'll be sporting the baby bump, and Matt...he's along for the ride...and the help! No, I'm not planning on bringing the camera along for this adventure. I'll let you use your imagination.
I'm sure it will take us forever to actually get in the pool, and we'll probably only spend 10 minutes in it. Hopefully, Stevie enjoys it!
First of all, I have a significant baby bump for 23 weeks. My weight gain is also pretty much tied with my number of weeks. How's that for honesty? I had a Dr.'s appointment yesterday with another Dr. than my actual one, and he told me baby was not quite the size of Shamu yet...but apparently getting there. (Yes, he called my baby Shamu...he also referred to Goliath. He heard Stevie's size, I'm measuring ahead already, and well, he heard about Matt's birth weight and head size). Yup, he told me I'm bound to have bigger babies. Anyway, so of course going to the pool tonight, I'm thinking about Shamu.
I'm also thinking of Matt's mean jokes to me while pregnant with Stevie. (My brother Pete is usually right along with him, making jokes about my ever expanding size!) I had asked Matt 2 years ago if there was anything he wanted me to do to help him at the gas station, and he quickly told me I could sit on top of the car to keep it from blowing over! Thanks, Matt. So, now, I'm waiting for his jokes about me and Shamu entering the water...I'm sure ever so gracefully. Hopefully, there will still be water left in the pool after we jump in! I can hear his comments now... remember how he used to call, "Timberrr!!" when I'd get in bed at night when I was pregnant with Stevie? He's so sensitive. He'll probably be making whale calls or something. But really, he makes me laugh harder than most.
Another thought that's crossing my mind tonight...thinking of the picture we'll be. I had to get Stevie a bigger pair of swim trunks today. Thankfully, they were a pair from last year and only $3 at Wallyworld. They are just a little silly looking. They are navy blue with an American flag in the shape of the U.S. on one pant leg. I'm patriotic, but these are a bit silly to me. They appear to be a bit big too. Hey, $3 right? So then I thought, "Hey, if they still have some old swim trunks, maybe they have some water shoes for the locker room floor?" I found one last pair that would barely fit Stevie, but would work if the price was right. $8. No way! So, I settled on these adorable Nerf flip flops that are 1 size too big, and who knows if he'll be able to keep them on his feet. We'll test them out tonight! But hey, they are nice quality, and were....$3!
So, Stevie will be sporting his new swim trunks and flip flops tonight (and swim diapers that I'm hoping still fit!), and I'll be sporting the baby bump, and Matt...he's along for the ride...and the help! No, I'm not planning on bringing the camera along for this adventure. I'll let you use your imagination.
I'm sure it will take us forever to actually get in the pool, and we'll probably only spend 10 minutes in it. Hopefully, Stevie enjoys it!
Thursday, December 16, 2010
A Reflection of 4 Years Ago Today...and Maybe More
I know I've written about our wedding day before and how we've met, but I honestly don't remember how much I've written. I'm sorry if I'm repetitive...afterall, it has been awhile since I've consistently blogged. I blame it on the dead laptop. I'm just not on here much anymore, especially when I have to sit in a metal folding chair! Anyway...
4 years ago today, I married Matt. The ceremony began at 2 (and pretty well on time if I remember correctly)...that's only an hour from typing this. I look outside and remember how it was 50 something degrees that day and sunny. Today, it's cold with snow covering the ground. I was so disappointed to not have snow on our wedding day. Afterall, who gets married in December hoping for 50 degree weather? At least the weather was nice for those who traveled.
As a little girl, I dreamed of a summer wedding, possibly outdoors, with daisies in my bouquet and beautiful yellows and blues. My "wedding dream" hadn't changed that much as I grew older but timing certainly did. I met Matt in the May of 2005. It was a quick meeting after church, you know the story how I was terrified he thought we were being set up because I thought we were (totally not my style), so I stood by my parents after church. I did not want to be cornered alone by some "cupid" waiting to introduce us. My mom went on and on about my "accomplishments," and I sort of added a little more reality to those with my own thoughts. Anyway, after that brief meeting, he left back for Hawaii. I began summer courses, and there were rumors certain letters from a certain man may be headed my way...my dad wouldn't say from who...and well, that man had no idea about such letters. Another story for another time I guess. From what I hear, Matt thought about calling me a lot but never got up the courage until September that year. Boy did he muster up some courage he thought he lacked...you see I was still living at home, and he left a message on my parents' answering machine for me. (That was one possibility he said he hadn't played out in his head...haha.) From that phone call, our mostly online relationship began (haha...some phone calling too) since he was way out in Hawaii. Sidenote: That is one of the things I admire so much about Matt. I'm not sure I can fit it into one adjective about him, but from the very beginning, he was so upfront with me and my parents and so honest. His intentions were pure and right, and he just had this respectful boldness that showed his serious intentions towards me. I even sort of challenged him on that upfrontness in my own way....and he passed with flying colors. (On our first date we ended up swinging by my parents' house for a bit. I don't know many guys who would be gung-ho about that!) Fast forward to December 14th that year, the day he came home. We started our "courtship" soon thereafter. Talk of marriage didn't take long for us...as it was discussed in early spring. He was ready to get married that summer. I was not. It just felt too soon. But, as you now know, I had likened the idea of a summer wedding, so do we wait till the next summer? That felt like light years away for a young couple in love. I know, I know...most of our generation in this world would be saying that's still pretty soon. What was a girl to do? Well, I surprised Matt, and for some reason this was over the phone, but I felt like he needed to know as soon as I did, and I told him, "I think I'll be ready earlier than next summer. What do you think about December?" I would have a break between courses (I was getting my Master's), and he also would have a break from his classes as he was going back to school as well. Plus, I love Christmas time! In May 2006, we were engaged and set the date of December 16th, 2006. Looking back now, it was perfect timing (and God coordinated the matching dates). It wasn't "too soon," and only the Lord knew then that Matt would be recalled to the military in March and leaving in October. How disappointed and even more stressed I would've been had we not been married yet when he received his orders. That also would've meant less time to spend together as husband and wife before he left.
An outdoor wedding and daisies wouldn't really fit our December day, so we began to build excitement for deep reds and of course, blues (as in Matt's dress blues). I fell in love with a dress that I thought fit well with the wintery feel and would look so nice with Matt's blues. My bouquet of red and white roses would be perfect for the "unity meaning" and go back with history as we began our courtship like the olden days with a bouquet of red roses...and also back in the day, the wedding day bouquet was to be red and white. The timing of a December wedding was blossoming into a perfect and unique idea to me.
Our rehearsal and set up day, however, was a nightmare for me. Matt was gone all day, unintentionally, and I struggled with carrying out our wedding prepartions without him by my side. Among other circumstances, poinsettias filled the church...what to do with those...I can't stand those flowers of death. I still will be forever regretful of my bridesmaid dresses (a wedding is not the best time to try to continue with frugality when it comes to what your friends will wear...do not buy online! lesson over). The flower girl dress also turned out differently than I'd hoped. I am disappointed we forgot to blow out the taper candles after lighting the unity candle (which I was afraid would happen...and if you watch the tape, you can see Matt stole my hands away before we could! haha)...does that mean we're still attached to our parents forever? haha "Leave and cleave," my friends, blow out the candles! (lesson 2 over...though I love my parents dearly) And of course we didn't know to unroll the aisle runner in practice so it would be ready to unroll smoothly the day of (because really, who wants to roll it back up after it's been unrolled?). Well, yeah, it only took 15 minutes for my oldest 2 brothers to get it down the aisle with assistance from those in the seats. (lesson 3 over) I also wasn't as careful as I should have been (a distracted bride? no, that never happens) when lifting my gown to go up the steps, and put some tears in the borrowed poofy slip underneath. I felt terrible...and still do. (lesson 4 over) The dress will enivitably be a bit tight...that's the way they seem to make those things...but maybe we should've left the straps (which I loved, "capsleeves" actually) a little looser. They were attached with snaps so if at the last minute I didn't want them, wa-la! Well, almost every time I hugged someone after the wedding, one would pop off! Seriously, hug the bride and part of her dress comes apart?! Thankfully, it was a quick and easy fix, but I had people telling me "that" was supposed to happen later...thanks, blush. (lesson 5 over) And of course there were other mishaps (like cold food, and on and on), but despite all the things that sort of went wrong (it certainly could've been a lot worse), nothing got my panties in a bunch that day. I could've cared less. I noticed most (probably not all, haha), and really smiled or laughed at them as silly memories of our day. Nothing was going to get in the way of me marrying the one I've waited all my life for.
And the good memories...oh the good memories. The way my groom looked at me while walking down the aisle, seriously folks, we should've been in a movie or something. This handsome, strong man in his uniform, had a tender smile and tears running down his cheeks. I believe that was about the first time I had seen him cry. That, I will never forget. The music was beautiful and just what we wanted, the ceremony was way long (sorry to families), but it included every aspect we wanted. Of course, the wedding ended with our kiss...our first kiss. Yup, it was a little awkward having our first one in front of a whole crowd, but most people didn't know it was our first (until after the fact), so that helped me feel better. I still don't regret it though. Matt has it all...every kiss, every hand-hold, every date...it was all saved for him! And that honest, patient man: he respected my wishes (as crazy as they sounded to him at first) and waited till then to kiss me too! We didn't have any dancing at the reception. That was my personal choice, not Matt's. I told him we'd dance later, and we did (he chose the song "Ok" by Chris Rice which became oh so fitting for that first year and beyond). I just always felt uncomfortable watching the bride and groom dance...like it's personal and intimate. I don't watch people make-out, why should I watch this? And I am no dancer...so I didn't want people watching me! I never said I wasn't weird. Even though we didn't have dancing, we did have music. (Most of it was not what we selected...but I'm talking about the good memories now, haha.) My dad brought out that giant project he had been working on, the rocking horse. Matt carried me to the horse for a final ride. As a little girl (possibly dreaming of summer and daisies), I would ride my spring horse with all my might while my dad played the guitar and sang. And so we did (though I rode a bit gentler on that big thing in that big dress) one more time.
Each piece, is just part of our story! The silly and the wonderful...it is all ours. It was a dream come true in so many more regards than the flowers or the setting. I married the man God led to me in His timing, the one I love with all my heart, and to us, it was the most beautiful ceremony and day we could have imagined...and a perfect start for our life together.
4 years ago today, I married Matt. The ceremony began at 2 (and pretty well on time if I remember correctly)...that's only an hour from typing this. I look outside and remember how it was 50 something degrees that day and sunny. Today, it's cold with snow covering the ground. I was so disappointed to not have snow on our wedding day. Afterall, who gets married in December hoping for 50 degree weather? At least the weather was nice for those who traveled.
As a little girl, I dreamed of a summer wedding, possibly outdoors, with daisies in my bouquet and beautiful yellows and blues. My "wedding dream" hadn't changed that much as I grew older but timing certainly did. I met Matt in the May of 2005. It was a quick meeting after church, you know the story how I was terrified he thought we were being set up because I thought we were (totally not my style), so I stood by my parents after church. I did not want to be cornered alone by some "cupid" waiting to introduce us. My mom went on and on about my "accomplishments," and I sort of added a little more reality to those with my own thoughts. Anyway, after that brief meeting, he left back for Hawaii. I began summer courses, and there were rumors certain letters from a certain man may be headed my way...my dad wouldn't say from who...and well, that man had no idea about such letters. Another story for another time I guess. From what I hear, Matt thought about calling me a lot but never got up the courage until September that year. Boy did he muster up some courage he thought he lacked...you see I was still living at home, and he left a message on my parents' answering machine for me. (That was one possibility he said he hadn't played out in his head...haha.) From that phone call, our mostly online relationship began (haha...some phone calling too) since he was way out in Hawaii. Sidenote: That is one of the things I admire so much about Matt. I'm not sure I can fit it into one adjective about him, but from the very beginning, he was so upfront with me and my parents and so honest. His intentions were pure and right, and he just had this respectful boldness that showed his serious intentions towards me. I even sort of challenged him on that upfrontness in my own way....and he passed with flying colors. (On our first date we ended up swinging by my parents' house for a bit. I don't know many guys who would be gung-ho about that!) Fast forward to December 14th that year, the day he came home. We started our "courtship" soon thereafter. Talk of marriage didn't take long for us...as it was discussed in early spring. He was ready to get married that summer. I was not. It just felt too soon. But, as you now know, I had likened the idea of a summer wedding, so do we wait till the next summer? That felt like light years away for a young couple in love. I know, I know...most of our generation in this world would be saying that's still pretty soon. What was a girl to do? Well, I surprised Matt, and for some reason this was over the phone, but I felt like he needed to know as soon as I did, and I told him, "I think I'll be ready earlier than next summer. What do you think about December?" I would have a break between courses (I was getting my Master's), and he also would have a break from his classes as he was going back to school as well. Plus, I love Christmas time! In May 2006, we were engaged and set the date of December 16th, 2006. Looking back now, it was perfect timing (and God coordinated the matching dates). It wasn't "too soon," and only the Lord knew then that Matt would be recalled to the military in March and leaving in October. How disappointed and even more stressed I would've been had we not been married yet when he received his orders. That also would've meant less time to spend together as husband and wife before he left.
An outdoor wedding and daisies wouldn't really fit our December day, so we began to build excitement for deep reds and of course, blues (as in Matt's dress blues). I fell in love with a dress that I thought fit well with the wintery feel and would look so nice with Matt's blues. My bouquet of red and white roses would be perfect for the "unity meaning" and go back with history as we began our courtship like the olden days with a bouquet of red roses...and also back in the day, the wedding day bouquet was to be red and white. The timing of a December wedding was blossoming into a perfect and unique idea to me.
Our rehearsal and set up day, however, was a nightmare for me. Matt was gone all day, unintentionally, and I struggled with carrying out our wedding prepartions without him by my side. Among other circumstances, poinsettias filled the church...what to do with those...I can't stand those flowers of death. I still will be forever regretful of my bridesmaid dresses (a wedding is not the best time to try to continue with frugality when it comes to what your friends will wear...do not buy online! lesson over). The flower girl dress also turned out differently than I'd hoped. I am disappointed we forgot to blow out the taper candles after lighting the unity candle (which I was afraid would happen...and if you watch the tape, you can see Matt stole my hands away before we could! haha)...does that mean we're still attached to our parents forever? haha "Leave and cleave," my friends, blow out the candles! (lesson 2 over...though I love my parents dearly) And of course we didn't know to unroll the aisle runner in practice so it would be ready to unroll smoothly the day of (because really, who wants to roll it back up after it's been unrolled?). Well, yeah, it only took 15 minutes for my oldest 2 brothers to get it down the aisle with assistance from those in the seats. (lesson 3 over) I also wasn't as careful as I should have been (a distracted bride? no, that never happens) when lifting my gown to go up the steps, and put some tears in the borrowed poofy slip underneath. I felt terrible...and still do. (lesson 4 over) The dress will enivitably be a bit tight...that's the way they seem to make those things...but maybe we should've left the straps (which I loved, "capsleeves" actually) a little looser. They were attached with snaps so if at the last minute I didn't want them, wa-la! Well, almost every time I hugged someone after the wedding, one would pop off! Seriously, hug the bride and part of her dress comes apart?! Thankfully, it was a quick and easy fix, but I had people telling me "that" was supposed to happen later...thanks, blush. (lesson 5 over) And of course there were other mishaps (like cold food, and on and on), but despite all the things that sort of went wrong (it certainly could've been a lot worse), nothing got my panties in a bunch that day. I could've cared less. I noticed most (probably not all, haha), and really smiled or laughed at them as silly memories of our day. Nothing was going to get in the way of me marrying the one I've waited all my life for.
And the good memories...oh the good memories. The way my groom looked at me while walking down the aisle, seriously folks, we should've been in a movie or something. This handsome, strong man in his uniform, had a tender smile and tears running down his cheeks. I believe that was about the first time I had seen him cry. That, I will never forget. The music was beautiful and just what we wanted, the ceremony was way long (sorry to families), but it included every aspect we wanted. Of course, the wedding ended with our kiss...our first kiss. Yup, it was a little awkward having our first one in front of a whole crowd, but most people didn't know it was our first (until after the fact), so that helped me feel better. I still don't regret it though. Matt has it all...every kiss, every hand-hold, every date...it was all saved for him! And that honest, patient man: he respected my wishes (as crazy as they sounded to him at first) and waited till then to kiss me too! We didn't have any dancing at the reception. That was my personal choice, not Matt's. I told him we'd dance later, and we did (he chose the song "Ok" by Chris Rice which became oh so fitting for that first year and beyond). I just always felt uncomfortable watching the bride and groom dance...like it's personal and intimate. I don't watch people make-out, why should I watch this? And I am no dancer...so I didn't want people watching me! I never said I wasn't weird. Even though we didn't have dancing, we did have music. (Most of it was not what we selected...but I'm talking about the good memories now, haha.) My dad brought out that giant project he had been working on, the rocking horse. Matt carried me to the horse for a final ride. As a little girl (possibly dreaming of summer and daisies), I would ride my spring horse with all my might while my dad played the guitar and sang. And so we did (though I rode a bit gentler on that big thing in that big dress) one more time.
Each piece, is just part of our story! The silly and the wonderful...it is all ours. It was a dream come true in so many more regards than the flowers or the setting. I married the man God led to me in His timing, the one I love with all my heart, and to us, it was the most beautiful ceremony and day we could have imagined...and a perfect start for our life together.
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